411’s WWE Smackdown Report 10.10.02

WWE Smackdown for October 10, 2002, from Phoenix, Arizona
Report by Brendan Johnston exclusively for www.411wrestling.com

Raw… my god, Raw… as Michelle so eloquently put it, “It’s like what people say when they parody wrestling.”

So Kane’s a murderer now? So the casual viewer wants soap opera storylines? All right, fine.

EXCLUSIVE RAW SPOILERS!!!

Next week on Raw…

 Triple H and Ric Flair further explain Kane’s past, complete with fuzzy flashback footage. A distraught Terri will beg the stoic Kane to refute the accusations. The Hurricane will vow to find the real killer as Kane is taken away by the authorities..
 Doctor Booker T and Doctor Goldust will struggle to save the life of Jeff Hardy by performing the first ever brain transplant. They will be assisted by Doctor Drake Ramore.
 Batista debuts, though no one is aware of the fact that he is none other than a heavily plastic-surgeried Ultimate Warrior, returned to destroy those who have wronged him.
 Spike Dudley informs Bubba Ray that, in a shocking development, they’re not really brothers.
 Rob Van Dam is (wrongfully) arrested for drug trafficking and escapes with Kane while they’re handcuffed together, leading the authorities on a merry chase for the next several weeks. They take refuge in a mountain cabin which is coincidentally owned by Kane’s long lost evil twin, who really killed Katie Fick all those years ago. (No, not the Undertaker. Some other brother.)
 Eric Bischoff plots to take over the McMahon oil fortune.
 Tommy Dreamer and D’lo Brown turn heel and Lance Storm and Chris Nowinski turn face. The explanations: severe blows to the head resulting in amnesia and new personalities..
 No wrestling whatsoever.
 And of course… someone shoots Jim Ross… all next week on “As the Raw Turns.”

Bubba Ray Dudley suffered a concussion on Raw during the TLC match. When he came to, he looked and Spike and said, “Wow, man… it was so weird… I had this dream that Kane beat six guys single-handedly to keep the tag titles, then Hunter and Flair came out to announce that he was a murderer. Wild, huh?” Spike simply looked around uncomfortably.

It’s stupid. The whole Kane’s a murderer angle is stupid. I haven’t even seen what they’re doing with it next week and I’m saying it’s stupid.

All right, joking aside:

For the last several months, Ron Gamble and I have been “competing” in an on-again/off-again kind of feud thing that was purely a joke. Ron and I bear no animosity toward each other in reality. It looks as if Ron’s going through some rough stuff lately, and I just want him to know that my prayers are with him. Ron’s one of the best and longest-standing writers here at good ol’ 411, and I think I can safely speak for everyone when I say that we’re all pulling for him.

And now, on with the report….

There’s a recap of the goings-on with Lesnar breaking Undertaker’s hand last week. I ue the time to search for my stopwatch. They show the F5 onto the popcorn bags as if Lesnar just shot Tkaer in the face.

Taker waits in the parking lot for Lesnar. The cast on his hand says “No pain.”

Matt Hardy “Version One” comes down and gets on the mic. He talks about how things are going great, with his two victories over the Undertaker. He says it wasn’t a Twist of Fate that put down the Undertaker, no no… it was a defining moment of Mattitude. He calls for the replay, for those of us unfortunate enough to have missed it. He has the footage so all of us can live for the moment. They show the shot from last week of the pin following the F5. Matt says that the Undertaker is hiding in the parking lot from another dose of Mattitude, but on the Titan Tron, Undertaker is walking to the ring. Matt sees this and freaks out as only he can, saying he doesn’t want to beat on a crippled man. Taker gets in the ring and gets clubbed with the mic, then Matt posts the “broken” hand. Taker comes back with punches from the un-injured soupbone then clotheslines him with the cast. The Deadman tosses him and beats him up with the cast. Matt tries to make a comeback but gets kneed in the mush a few times. Back in, Undertaker nails Matt with the cast again and Hardy blades, but hits a low blow. He stomps a mudhole but the refs pull him off. Taker attacks again and introdcues Mr. Hardy to Mr. Steps, then Mr. Hardy’s buddy Mr. Chair shows up, but Mr. Cast comes back into the mix. Taker puts Hardy against the post and hits some back elbows but Hardy ducks a punch and Undertaker nails the post with the broken hand and Matt retreats.

Commercial break. I find my stopwatch. All is right with the world.

And we’re back.

We get a “Moments Ago” segment. Then we get a Rikishi match.

Rikishi vs. Eddie Guerrero (w/Chavo Guerrero): As Rikishi comes down to the ring, we see the Undertaker in the back and a trainer telling him he needs to get the hand x-rayed again. Footage of the submission win over Mark Henry last week is shown, and Tazz says the Cloverleaf/Boston crab-esque leg submission is called the El Paso Lasso.

Lockup, Eddie grabs a side headlock but gets shoulder blocked. Eddie goes on the offensive but gets whipped and clotheslined, then gets whipped into a bearhug. Eddie rakes the eyes to get out and goes for the sunset flip, but dodges the ass-drop. Eddie hits a dropkick to the face. Eddie stomps by the ropes and Chavo gets some cheap shots in. Slugfest and Rikishi reverses a whip, hits a back body drop. Samoan spinebuster and Rikishi Backs That Ass Up but Eddie moves. He hits the slingshot swanton, but misses the froggy splash. Rikishi hits a Samoan drop and signals for the Stink Face, but Chavo intercedes, takes Double Chin Music and Backs That Ass Up on Los Guerreros. Both go down in the corner and we get a double Stink Face. Meanwhile, Mexico declares war on Samoa. Eddie gets a chair while Rikishi’s busy with Chavo, but turns around to nail Eddie in the chops, then takes the chair while the ref gets rid of Chavo. Eddie gets the chair, blasts Rikishi’s legs with it and grabs the El Paso Lasso. Rikishi taps.

Winner: Eddie Guerrero by submission (4:28)

Backstage, Torrie looks through a pile of lingerie but gets surprised by her “dad” for the second time in as many weeks. Nothing like getting surprised by your old man while going through a pile of lingerie. Take it from me… wait a second…

Commercial break

And we’re back.

Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit stare down in Steph’s office with Steph pacing in the background. She implores them to listen and get along in the ring tonight to legitimize the new tag division. If the two of them don’t get along and decide to go at it, then she’ll suspend them without pay. Angle protests but Steph reiterates the suspension threat. Angle says he’s thrilled to be part of the tournament, even if his partner is missing a few teeth and brain cells. They get into a game of one-upmaship which results in neither of them leaving the office.

Backstage, Funaki interviews Rey Mysterio about tagging with Edge tonight against Jamie Noble and Tajiri. Nidia shows up and they have an exchange in Spanish which seems to result in Mysterio shooting Nidia down. She storms off and runs into Noble. She says they’ve been punking him out and hes not doing anything. They start shouting at each other and security comes by to throw them out. Well… that was contrived.

Outside of Steph’s office, Los Guerreros Locos talk about how great they are, then Benoit comes out. Eddie asks if he saw what he and Chaviro did to Rikishi. Benoit’s not saying anything and Eddie makes fun of him for getting in trouble with the principal. Benoit says there’s no way he’s spending another year at home because of Angle. Eddie and Chavo tell Benoit about the rumor that Angle’s taking a year off to train for the Olympics. They warn him that Angle might try to take Benoit down with him. Angle comes out and ties to be all hip and urban but Eddie and Chavo walk off. Angle thinks they were talking about him and Benoit says nothing. Angle says that if he doesn’t say what they were talking about, he’ll beat it out of him. Benoit smirks and walks off.

Commercial break… The Stacker 2 WWE Burn of the Night: Benoit interfering in the Angle/Edge match last week.

Tag Team Tournament: John Cena & Billy Kidman vs. Kurt Angle & Chris Benoit: Angle and Benoit argue outside to start. It’s decided that Benoit’ll go first, opposite Kidman. Benoit pounds away to start and gets headscissored and arm dragged. Kidman grabs an armbar. Tag to Cena, double back elbows get two. Boot to the gut by Benoit and tag to Angle. Cena gets a flying forearm.and front headlock, tag to Kidman and Angle gets dropkicked. Angle reverses a whip but telegraphs. Kidman charges and gets belly-to-bellied over the top. Benoit works him over and rolls him in. Backdrop by Angle and he jaws at Benoit, who wants a tag. Angle goes for another backdrop but Kidman floats out and gets belly-to-bellied again. He celebrates and Benoit blind tags in They stare down as Benoit gets in. Chest first whip to the corner by Benoit and he hits two German suplexes and a backbreaker. Benoit hits a scoop slam and grabs a half-crab. Kidman reverses to a small package for two and Angle blind tags in. Rib breaker by Angle gets two. Angle slugs away in the corner. Cross corner whip and Cena tags but no one saw it. Angle semi-spinebusters Kidman. Tag to Benoit. Angle and Benoit try a double team move but Kidman dodges and Angle gets tossed. Benoit takes an enzuigiri from Kidman. Tag to Cena who explodes out with clothelsines and a back body drop, then a spinebuster to Angle. Fisherman’s neckbreaker gets two, broken by Angle, sort of. Benoit whips Cena but gets clotheslined. Tag to Kidman, who’s in with the Shooting Star Press for two before Angle pulls Kidman out of the ring. Cena charages Benoit with a clothesline but gtes backdropped out. Powerbomb attempt to Kidman by Benoit but Kidman X-Factors out for two. Angle in and Kidman goes for the top rope bulldog, reversed to the Angle Slam. The straps come down and Angle goes for the ankle lock. Benoit comes in, tosses him and Cena and grabs the Crossface on Kidman for the win.

Winners, and advancing to the next round of the tag team tournament: Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle by submission (8:11)

Benoit and Angle get all up in each other’s shit after the match.

WWE Champion Brock Lesnar walks with Paul Heyman and some chick. (KATIE FICK?!?!?!?!!! BROCK LESNAR HAS SAVED KANE!!!…. Sorry.)

Commercial break

There’s an in-character “Mattitude” montage set to “Live For the Moment.”… I’m sorry, it may result in him jobbing to the Undertaker every week but I love the Matt Hardy “Version One” character.

Brock, Heyman and the woman make their way to the ring. Heyman on the stick. They came there tonight to talk about the Undertaker, who’s in the back right now nursing a broken hand. A hand the was broken by WWE Champion Brock Lesnar. But Undertaker is still screaming about Hell in a Cell. What kind of man wants to step in the Hell in a Cell with the WWE Champion? The Undertaker. A man who has shortened careers and endangered lives inside that Cell. What kind of man is the Undertaker? Paul Heyman isn’t qualified to answer that question. But Tracey is very qualified. (Who? Oh. The girl.) Tracey on the mic, but then “DEAD MAN WALKING…”

Brock and Heyman bail. Tracey gets on the mic and says that she slept with the Undertaker for three months and didn’t know he was married with a pregnant wife. (Called him Mark, too.) She calls him a bastard. She says he never even cared that he was the Undertaker. She never even watched wrestling. She even promised to never take the relationship public. Now she sees why. Because his brother’s a murderer!!!! I mean… okay, she didn’t say that.

Tracey (Fick) addresses Sara and says she’s sorry and that Taker’s a liar. She wonders how many other women Mark sleeps with. Taker grabs the mic and says he has no idea who she is.Tracey walks off and “Mark” watches Tracey, Heyman and Lesnar go, confused.

Commercial Break… The Slam of the Week is brought to us by The Ring: The DEVASTATING F5 onto the FLAMING DEATH BAGS OF POPCORN from last week, followed by the porpane tank to the Taker’s hand.

And we’re back.

Brock, Heyman and Tracey try to leave but Steph comes up to tell them he has a match tonight. Jamie Noble hasn’t returned, so Tajiri needs a partner against Edge and Mysterio, so it’ll be Brock. Heyman: “Brock LESNAR?!” Heyman goes on a funny rant about how Brock’s in danger from the Undertaker. Steph bans Taker from ringside and says if he interferes, Hell in a Cell is off.

Billy Gunn (w/Chuck Palumbo) vs. D-Von (w/Ron Simmons): That’s right, new names abound here, folks. Billy and Chuck are back to their full names and have generic rock music which I believe is called, “Hey Look At Us We’re Heterosexual.” Faarooq is now (former WCW World Champion) Ron Simmons again and D-Von’s not a Reverend any more.

Lockup to start and D-Von slugs away. Billy grabs a headlock and hits a shoulder block and a hiptoss off a whip. Billy goes for the One and Only but D-Von gets out and slugs aay. D-Von ducks a clothesline but gets hiptossed again for two. D-Von bails and lures Billy into a clotehsline by Faa… Ron Simmons. Back in, D-Von chokes Billy on the mat, hits the cyclone elbow and goes back to the choking, the goes to the chinlock. Billy gets out but gets pancaked for two. Scoop slam gets two. Billy hits the One and Only for a double KO. Back up, Billy slugs away and hits a dropkick..Splash in the corner, boot to the gut and he signals for the FameAsser but Simmons trips him up outside. Palumbo Jungle Kicks Simmons. D-Von goes for the Saving Grace (reverse DDT drop; about time. I was just thinking last week that it needs a name) but Billy floats out and hits a FameAsser for the win.

Winner: Billy gunn by pinfall (5:17)

Backstage, Undertaker talks on the phone to Sara who’s angry about Tracey. But the show’s not live, how did she find out? QUIET, LOGIC SECTION OF BRAIN!

Commercial break.

Backstage, Chavo is screaming for Benoit to help him. He finds Benoit and says that Angle jumped him and Eddie from behind, and leads Benoit back to a door and opens it for Benoit, who charges in. There’s the sounds of a scuffle as Chavo holds the door shut. Eddie comes out with a dented chair. (Gasp!) Chavo asks if Eddie got the job done. Eddie laughs and says that Kurt Angle got the job done.

Wow… the Guerreros doing something evil? I don’t believe it.

Torrie asks her dad to not watch the lingerie match with Dawn Marie. Dawn Marie comes up, flashes him and kisses him on the cheek.

I have Benoit/Angle/Guerrero goings on to worry about; I care not for Torrie going over not-that-hot Dawn Marie again.

Commercial break… The JVC Tower of Power Extreme Blast of the Night: Torrie winning the bikini contest last week.

And we’re back.

Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie: Torrie wins and wears white because she’s good. Dawn Marie wears black because she’s bad. Tazz is hilarious. Dawn asks for a handshake but Torrie denies her. The end.

Commercial Break

Outside the women’s locker room, Danw shows Torrie’s dad the WWE Divas Undressed magazine and give s him the key card to her hotel room.

Brock and Heyman walk and Heyman talks strategy. Brock asks for Paul’s phone and calls Sara Undertaker to apologize for what she must be going through. (Wow… what a dick.)

We get an “Earlier Tonight” segment with the whole MistressTaker thing.

Commercial break

And we’re back.

Tag Team Tournament: WWE Champion Brock Lesnar (w/Paul Heyman) and Tajiri vs. Rey Mysterio and Edge: Brock and Edge to start. Why do I get the feeling that we’re going to see these two in the ring opposite each other a lot in the near future?

Lockup, Brock shoves Edge down and taunts. They do it again. Lockup, Edge grabs a side headlock and gets shoulder blocked but dodges an elbow drop and hits a drop toehold. He taunts, Brock charges and gets dumped. Brock paces outside and kicks the steps. Back in, Edge ducks a clothesline but gets kneed in the gut and face a few times. Clubs to the back. Rey blind tags in as Brock catches Edge on the cross body. Rey slingshots in and covers for one. Brock backs Rey into the corner and Rey tries to slide through his legs but gets dragged up and slammed. Press slam and Tajiri tags himself in, hits a kick to Mysterio’s jaw for two.Snapmare by Tajiri and a sleeper hold.Rey gets out but Tajiri slugs away. Cross corner whip and Tarantula. Stiff Kick misses, front dropkick doesn’t. Rey rolls out then comes in with a slingshot ‘rana and tries to tag Edge. Tajiri’s all “Uh-uh, you’re going on the turnbuckle and I’m gonna slap you around.” Only in Japanese. Mysterio fights back and somersaults down to tag Edge, who’s in with clotheslines. Flapjack and faceplant then Edge knocks Lesnar off the apron. Edge-O-Matic gets two, broken by Brock. Cross corner whip but Brock spears post. Edge’s clotheslines don’t work but the Canadian forearm does. Edge ducks the Stiff Kick and Brock takes it. Slingshot dropkick by Rey, double dropkick to Brock, 619 and spear to Tajiri.

Winners, and advancing to the next round of the tournament: Edge and Rey Mysterio by pinfall (7:00)

After the match, Brock belly to belly suplexes Edge and F5s the cruiserweights, but here’s the Undertaker to nail him with the cast. Brock retreats.

Thanks for reading. See you next week.

(Thanks to Cari for help with the soap opera stuff.)