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411’s WWE Smackdown Report 2.5.19
DOOOOOODS, last night’s report got a lot of heat! People tellin me it’s a horrible review and they want to go elsewhere, like damn! THIS IS NOT A REVIEW!! Ya make one long penis joke and the world goes mad! I tell ya, the LIVE crowd is a hell of a lot different than the one that reads the reports later! Anywhoo….they’re stuck with me, just like you guys are! Let’s goooo!
Smackdown starts with Charlotte and her purple lips. She claims that it’s a sad day to see Becky’s pride let her do her thing last night’s and get suspended. She says that she knows someone who is 100%, and she points at the WM sign. Out comes The Man from the crowd! They love her. Charlotte goads her on to come to the ring. Becky makes her way to it and tells Charlotte to stop boring the people to death. Charlotte says she went to clown school. Man….intense insults. They go back and forth for a bit until…
Triple H’s music hits, and out he comes. Charlotte is making fun of Becky’s injury like a five year old. Triple H tells Becky that she isn’t supposed to be here. Go home. If she wants the suspension gone, go home. He then tells Charlotte this doesn’t concern her and to get out of the ring. I shoul note that there are about five refs in the ring with an agent or two as well. Triple H tells them all to back up. He wants to talk to just Becky. He tells her go home. if she wants to get cleared for Mania, talk to the doctor.
Becky says she doesn’t trust Triple H. He says she doesn’t have to trust it, it is what it is. See the doctor. Get medically cleared, go to Mania, face Rousey. That’s all. Until then, go home.
Becky asks how’s Steph, and did Triple H make sure she was medically cleared after she punched her in the face. Triple H is flabbergasted.
Trips says he didn’t see it till now .He bought into this whole I’m The Man crap just like we did, but it’s not true. It’s a lie. Becky is just a self-destructor afraid of failure. That’s all this is. She can stand there smug, but he sees it in her eyes, she is just looking to be a martyr, a way out of this whole thing. This is why when she scratched and clawed her way to the top of her career, and got the Survivor Series with Ronda, she recklessly came to RAW the next night looking for a way out, and she got it. It was a suicide mission, and she did it anyways. She got her claws back in time for Mania. He then tells us to shut our mouths, this doesn’t concern us. Here we are, says he, with the convenient excuse – looking for a way out. The truth is, Becky is just afraid. Scared. Afraid to go to the doctor, scared of what the doctor might say, and right now, he doesn’t even think she’s injured. Is she even hurt, or is she just trying to find a way out. She is afraid that if she does go to Mania, Rousey will expose her for the fraud that she is. Afraid that she will prove to everyone that Becky Lynch fears Ronda Rousey.
Becky is tired of the shit talkin. She smacks the shit out of Triple H. He gets in her face. She doesn’t back down an inch. It’s very attractive. Triple H is close enough to lick her nose. The crowd chants ONE MORE TIME and Becky smirks. She drops the mic and backs out of the ring. Security escorts her back through the crowd to the lethal concessions stand.
Match 1: Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson vs Shinsuke Nakamura and Rusev
Shinsuke and Festus to start. Quick tag to Karl after a knee. Shinsuke with some knees of his own. He looks the head and Rusev tags himself in. Shinsuke seems upset about it and tells Rusev as much. Karl rolls him up fo 1….2…NO!!! Luke in and sends Shinsuke to the outside. Karl sends Rusev to the outside. Karl with a flip over the top rope onto both Rusev and Shinsuke! Karl sends Rusev into the ring and hits a kick. He goes for a right to the face, then stomps Rusev in the corner. Whip to the corner doesn’t work, as Rusev gets one of his own. Karl kicks out of th ecorner, hits the ropes, and Rusev catches him then swings him down hard. Cover for 1..2.NO!!! Rusev chokes Karl up on the 2nd rope. He stares at Shinsuke, grabs the head of Karl, then allows Shinsuke to tag himself in. He walks in, kicks Karl in the stomach, then sends him headfirst into the corner. Shinsuke with a boot in the corner, choking him down and using the 4 count. He gets a firemans and sets Karl up on the ropes, laying horizontal and prone. Shinsuke with aknee. He covers for 1..2.NO! Shinsuke notices Rusev wants a tag. He kicks Karl in the head then tags in Rusev. Rusev with a whip. He bends over and gets kicked for his trouble. Rusevknocks Luke off the apron then drops a knee onto Karl’s face. Rusev covers for 1..2…NO! Shinsuke drives a knee to the side of the face a few times then locks the head of Karl. Karl hits a right hand. Shinsuke gets chopped. Another one to the chest. Shinsuke with a hard elbow. He misses a kick, and Anderson hits an uppercut. Whip to Shinsuke, who reverses, goes for a splash, Karl side steps and goes for a kick, but Shinsuke moves and hits a reverse Exploder! Shinsuke runs for the knee, but Anderson hits a spinebuster!
Tag to Gallows! Tag to Rusev! Uppercut o Rusev. Kick to the head of Rusev! He hits a splash in the corner. Rusev runs right into a kick! Shinsuke in. Powerbomb! He turns. Rusev runs. Each man with a clothesline! Both men down! On the outside of the ring, Lana grabs Shinsuke and tells him to get up! Tag to Anderson. He goes for The Magic Killer, but Shinsuke is in to knock Luke out with a hard kick, sending him to the outside of the ring.
Anderson with a kick of his own to Shinsuke. Rusev with a Matchka kick! Pin for 1..2….3!!!
Winners: Rusev and Shinsuke Nakamura
Match Quality: **
Personal Enjoyment: **
Total Rating: **
Backstage, Ali pontificates on expectations. He wonders what happens if The Viper goes to strike and misses, wonders what would happen if he wins at Elimination Chamber, wonders if the Earth really is flat, and where the edge is. What if….
Paige is here to show us a Clip of her new movie. No, not that one….the other one.
Backstage, The Usos are prepping to yell at us.
They bring up The Best Tag Team in the World. But, on one hand, they got a cat trying to make his daddy proud, and on the other, they got someone living their dream. Sounds like they tryin to be The Usos. This tag team is different, though. They’ve struggled, starve, can be hot and cool at the same time. They don’t know, y’all. Shane and The Miz, welcome to The Uso Penitentary.
Man, they so cool.
Orton cuts a promo to say that he doesn’t know names.
Match 2: Randy Orton vs Mustafa Ali
Orton backs Mustafa in the corner. He shoves Orton back. Kick to Orton, but Orton hits a clothesline. He stomps Mustafa, lifts him, then drops him on the ropes. Mustafa bounces to the outside. Orton follows and drops Mustafa onto the announce table. It doesn’t break. Orton sends him back in the ring. Cover for 1..2..NO!! Orton whips, Mustafa flips over him, hits the ropes, POWERSLAM by Orton! I don’t know why I capitalized that entire word. Cover for 1…..2…NO!!! Orton sits Mustafa on the top rope. He hits a right. Mustafa with a headbutt. He stands on the top rope. Orton trips him up and crotches him. Orton heads to the 2nd rope. He’s looking for a superplex. He gets to the top rope. He hits it! Superplex off the top! Pin for 1..2..NO!!!
Back from a break, and what we missed was Orton choking him up on the bottom rope with a catapult. Cover from Orton who gets 1..2..NO!!! Orton with a cravat from behind. Mustafa escapes and hits a dropkick, but Orton rolls to the outside. Ali follows. Orton kicks, he slams Ali’s head into the annouce table then sets up for another suplex, only for Ali to land on his feet and hit a dropkick to Orton! Ali runs and crossbodies onto Orton OVER the announce table! Ali runs into the ring. The ref gets to 8. Orton ets into the ring. Kick from Ali. Another right to the head. Orton falls to his knees. Ali in the corner. He runs. Orton sends him to the apron. Kick from Orton. DDT—-NO!!! Ali with a kick from the outside! Ali dives through the ropes, grabs Orton’s head. X-Factor! Pin for 1..2..NO!!! Orton is up. Elbow in the corner. Ali is bout to jump off, Orton calls for the RKO, but Ali holds onto the corner, tricking Orton! He flips over Orton for a tornado DDT. Ali covers! 1..2…NO!!!!
Ali to the top rope again! He wants the 054. Orton is up! He pushes Ali up! RKO!!!! Pin for 1…2….3!!
Winner: Randy Orton
Good shit
Match Quality: ***
Personal Enjoyment: ***
Total Rating: ***
From out of nowhere, Samoa Joe comes into the ring and locks in The Clutch onto Norton!!! He then kicks Ali right in the head, sending him out of the ring. Joe heads up the ramp just as Bryan’s music hits, and he and Rowan come down to stare Joe down.
Samoa Joe cuts a promo backstage that is every bit as good as everything else he does. That man…he’s a treasure.
In t he ring, Bryan and Rowan and his glorious belt are all smiling. Yes, the belt is smiling.
The crowd is pretty hyped, so Daniel rides that shit by saying that finally he gets to talk to people who understand what he’s trying to do here! He says that the people of the great state of Washington are an intelligent people. They are smart, and realize that we need change. Unfortunately, as the WWE Champion, he speaks to a global audience, and the people he speak to don’t understand that their crass, selfish behaviors do nothing but destroy their minds, fatten their bodies, and kill the planet we all live on. They fill their emptiness by stuffing their faces with deep-fried animal meat. They’re just trying to get by. The great people of Washington see that he is fighting an uphill battle. This is why he created the title. A symbol for people to rally behind. This title is a symbol of excellence and FOR change! Bryan says that there are people who are threatened by change.
Rowan gets on the mic and compares himself to Galileo. They are considered dangerous because of their ideas. People fear them, especially Bryan. He holds the title. Bryan takes offense to the WHAT chance for Rowan. Bryan says that they tried to silence him but he serves a greater power than corporate greed, money, or fame. He is the Planet’s Champion. Bryan knows what it takes to win an Elimination Chamber. This situation is dangerous and painful, and he has a video to prove it.
Bryan brings up everyone he is facing, and how they want to take steps backwards and bring back the leather strap, but he won’t have it. We need him as WWE Champion. Most importantly, the planet needs the new Daniel Bryan as Champion.
Backstage, we speak to Jeff. He calls Bryan a madman. He’s going to make him shut up. In 2 weeks, he’ll finish—-
AJ Styles comes in to interrupt. He says Jeff has been here for a long time. No disrespect, ut is Jeff really the guy to represent the legacy of the title? Jeff says that AJ can’t beat Bryan. AJ brings up Rowan. Jeff gets it; but he didn’t get the job done. When he’s done shutting Bryan up tonight, they’ll finish their little convo inside the chamber.
Here comes the weirdest feeling of adulation and repulsiveness at the same time! Carmella is here to give me the most confused boner ever. Her partner is the Glowing Girl Naomi. We get a promo explaining their teaming.
Match 3: IIconics vs Naomi and Carmella vs Mandy Rose and Sonya Deville
Sonya and Carmella to start. Apparently, it will only be two girls in the ring. Quick tag to Mandy who comes in and works the ring until Carmella tags in Naomi. In comes Kay just as we go to break. Oh, it’s a picture in picture one. Such fun. Carmella gets tagged in and they double DDT Royce. Cover for 1..2….NO Carmella grabs the hair but gets backed into the corner and The Iiconics double team Carmella for a bit. Tag to Royce who hits a spinning heelkick then Kay covers off of a tag. 1..2..NO!!! She gras the hair and drags her to the corner of Mandy and Sonya. Blind tag from Mandy who drops Carmella, then tags in Sonya. Sonya with acover for 1..2..NO!!! Lock of the head. Sonya backs Carmella into th corner. Tag to Mandy. Stomps,. Carmella shoves Mandy into the corner and Kay gets the tag. She comes in with a cravat. Armella turns into it. But Kay gets a tag. Royce with a bulldog ONTO the knee of her partner! Damn that looked harsh. Tag to Royce who comes in with a kick. Kicks in the corner. Carmella kicks out of the corner then gets a crucifix pin for 1..2..NO!! Kick to the face! Tag to Kay. She grabs the foot of Carmella. Kick to the corner. Mandy gets a tag. She comes in with the ax to stop the tag. Carmella finally gets a tag to Naomi. Mandy tags herself out. Naomi chases her around the ring. Sonya is in the ring. Naoie goes in, kick. Off the ropes with another. She hits a jawbreaker to the now legal Royce. Kay is on the apron. Naomi kicks her and sends her off. She sends Royce into Mandy, who gets a tag. Naomi mounts her and starts beatin dat ass.
Peyton in and eats some boot. Booty pump form Naomi. Mandy runs in and gets a double underhook face slam. Pin for 1..2….3!!
Winners: Mandy Rose and Sonya Deville
A whole lot of nothing in that match, as far as wrestling goes.
Match Quality: *
Personal Enjoyment: *
Total Rating: *
Backstage, Andrade cuts us a little Promo De Espanol. Zelina comes in to say that Mysterio is a fable, a myth. What Andrade did last week was stamp out a legend. Ntot because he wanted to, but because he needed to. Rey could try and stop, but you can’t fight fate. The legend of Andrade begins with Rey’s end.
Match Jeff Hardy vs Daniel Bryan:
We start with Bryan doing some arm work on the Enigma that is Charismatic. Bryan is able to get Jeff in the corner and hit some running dropkicks, then grabs Jeff and bends his back over the knees in a Bow and Arro submission. Jeff flips out of it into a pin for 1….NO! Whip to Jeff. Jeff is able to send Bryan to the outside. He kicks through the ropes. Jeff on the outside. He waits, runs, uses the steps to launch off but Rowan is there in front of him to stop the jump! Bryan sends Jeff into the steps.
Back from a break, and I’m listening to The State of the Union while watching. Bryan with a stomp. He pulls on the nose of Jeff Hardy then drops a knee on the side of his head. Elbow drop. Cover for 1..2…NO! Bryan drags Bryan upward then hips him. REversed. Bryan walks up the corner and flips, hits the ropes, Jeff catches. Inverted Atomic Drop. Leg drop onto the crotch! Pin for 1…2..NO!!! Bryan with an uppercut. Jeff with a right. Uppercut. Right. Uppercut. Again. Again. Backslide is thwarted. Bryan pushes, hits the ropes, Jeff sends him over the top rope! Jeff on the apron. He flies with a clothesline off the apron! Jeff is up first. He takes off his shirt and grabs Daniel. Sends him into the ring. Jeff to the apron. He heads up top. He wants the Swanton. Bryan rolls away fro mthe corner. Jeff jumps down Step toe hold sends him into the middle turnbuckle. Bryan kicks the ropes into Jeff’s face. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Bryan stands and gets in some Yes kicks! Jeff is up! Twist of Fate! Jeff heads to the top rope! Swanton Bomb to Bryan! Pin for 1..2…NO!!! Rowan is there to pull Jeff out and send him into the ring steps for the DQ!
Winner:
Not bad by any means, just kinda average.
Match Quality: **
Personal Enjoyment: **
Total Rating: **
Rowan sends Jeff into the ring and Bryan locks on The LaBell Lock!
Samoa Joe is here! He sends Rowan into the steps! He rolls into the ring and locks in The Clutch! Orton is here! He attacks Joe! They go at it. ALi is on the top rope. He flies off and kicks both Orton and Joe! Ali with a suicide dive to Joe! He runs back in the ring and hits another suicid—no he doesn’t, Rowan catches him and slams him down onto the announce table!
AJ Style’s music hits! He comes out, takes his time, then walks down the ramp a bit before running. He slides into the ring and attacks Orton first. Orton goes for the RKO, but AJ hits him with a kick and AJ falls to the outside. Sliding kick to Joe. Phenomenal Forearm to Jeff Hardy in the ring! Daniel Bryan is at the top of the ramp and stares down AJ, shaking his head.
Backstage, Bryan is pissed. He is the best, he is the brightest, this is why he is the champion. He hangs with Rowan because they are intellectual peers. All those guys just interferred in his match. They aren’t going to get any of this. Not at EC, not ever .The new Daniel Bryan will be the champion forever. No one understands. No one. Except Rowan.
And Washington.
End Show