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Acero’s WWE RAW Review 5.3.21

May 3, 2021 | Posted by Tony Acero
WWE Raw 5-3-21
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Acero’s WWE RAW Review 5.3.21  


BE SURE TO CHECK OUT WEEK ONE OF THE Rs! They’re Back, Bay-Bee!!!!

The 3 Rs!

Coming soon….

It’s Monday…you know what that means.


Ok, I got my second dose of the vaccine about two hours ago (Pfizer Gang), so if you see my typing slowly turn into nonsensical words, please call my mom. Vanessa won’t care.

After a recap of last week, we head to…Earlier Today, where Adam Pearce flips a coin with MVP to decide who Lashley is going to face tonight. In comes Drew to tell MVP that he should be concerned because Drew is taking his title back. In comes Braun, saying Drew is so wrong. He will beat Lashley like he beat Drew last week. The big guys shout as MVP rubs his hands together. Pearce wants to flip, Braun calls tails, tails it is.

WE start RAW proper with AJ and Omos coming out to remind us that the tag team titles exist.

AJ gives Omos props for it being his first match ever. He wonders if we’ve missed them. IF we were wondering where they were. AJ says they went to celebrate. They had better things to do than throw tomatoes like The New Day. Just ridiculous. AJ doesn’t want to make New Day jealous; but they are here for one reason only.

New Day interrupts, and AJ compliments their outfits. Woods says they made a hell of an Impact. Kofi wasn’t even sure if they still worked here. Congrats on the time off. Great work ethic. Kofi says there is a reason why they are 11 time champions; every time they get knocked down, they pick theirselves back up and win their titles back. Every time. Like clockwork.

Omos has had enough. It seems he didn’t knock enough sense into them at Mania, so come in and let’s get this work.


Match 1: WWE Tag Team Championship Match
The New Day vs AJ Styles and Omos

AJ isn’t down to start, so he tags in Omos instead. It’s him and Woods to start. Woods looks for an in, kicking the thigh to no avail. Again. Another. Omos grabs Woods by the head and tosses Woods across the ring. Woods rties to stand, but Omos drops a fist to the back. Omos grabs the head and sends Woods into the corner hard. Omos calls for Kofi. Kofi gets a tag and enters the ring on the far side. He circles the ring, tries for a kick to the leg, which is odd considering that definitely didn’t work with Woods. Kofi tries another kick, Omos grabs the kick and spins Kofi, then shoves him down hard. Kofi ducks a clothesline, blind tag from Woods. Kick from Kofi. Double dropkick. Omos with a double clothesline drops both Kofi and Woods. Tag to AJ. Woods with a surprise rollup! 1..2..NO!!! Tag to Kofi. Kofi looks to hit the ropes, but Omos is there, so Kofi runs up the corner and flies off of it with a coffin drop to AJ on the outside!

We are back and Woods gets a cover on AJ for a 1..2..NO!!! Woods sends AJ into the corner, AJ drops to seated, and Woods with some stomps. Tag to Kofi. Stomps. Dropkick. Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Woods works the arm of AJ from behind, locking it up until AJ stands and turns into it. Woods stands, high knee to the face of AJ! SICK! 1…2…NO!!! Kofi grabs AJ. Pele kick! Tag from Woods. Runs in to stop the tag. He goes for a back suplex, but Aj lands on his butt and scoots back for the pin. Omos grabs Woods by the head, drops the running in Kofi, then claw slams Woods. Backbreaker to Kofi, then he tosses him aside. One for Woods this time.

Woods eats a kick in the chest from Omos. Tag from AJ. Aj gets on the shoulders of Omos and flies off with a Phenomenal Forearm. Pin for 1..2…3!!!!

Winners: AJ Styles and Omos
Well, it wasn’t pretty, but they’re serious about the team, because Omos just squashed Kofi and Woods. Whether that’s the right decision, I can’t say quite yet.
Total Rating: *
Match Time: 11:43

Backstage, Charlotte is with Sonya. In comes Pearce to get things straight; she is overstepping her bounds lately.

Ah fuck….

An Eva Marie vignette with her laying on a car and saying nothing important, asking me if she has my attention. She doesn’t. The Eva-Lution is coming soon.

MVP and Lashley are with Kayla. MVP says it doesn’t matter if it’s Drew or Braun because they don’t compare. Both of them are ferocious, forces of nature, BUT – says Lashley – he is more ferocious, a freak of nature, and this title, they will have to pry it out of his hands, and he doesn’t like their odds because he can lose without being pinned, and he wont let that happen.

MVP rights that shitty promo by saying the Strowman Express will be derailed.

Backstage, trainers are checking on Kofi and Woods. Elias is nearby with a basket of tomatoes. He notices the trainers leaving and starts tossing, but stops abruptly because…..a random Randy Orton walks by and he is creamed with the tomato. Riddle scoots on by as Randy seethes at Elias.

Here comes Charlotte Flair.


Match 2: Charlotte Flair vs Dana Brooke

Lockup. Charlotte breaks it and shoves Dana in the face, yelling that she is still her bitch. Dana hasn’t gone anywhere. Dana fires back with some rights. Ducks a clothesline, springboards, Charlotte catches her legs, so Dana hits a head scissors. Dropkick to Charlotte. Misses a right. Charlotte sends her into the 2nd rope. Charlotte covers for 1..2..NO!!! Charlotte with a running boot on the apron to the hanging Dana. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Charlotte sends Dana out of the ring, still talking shit. Dana tries to roll into the ring, but Charlotte drives a knee into her. Dana hangs Charlotte up. Dana back in, turns Charlottee, step-up enziguri. Charlotte with a clothesline. Kick out of the corner from Dana. Back elbow. Dana locks the head with her legs, Charlotte sends her over the head, Dana tries for a sunset flip, but Charlotte stomps Dana instead. Charlotte misses a kick in the corner so Dana attacks the back. Springboard elbow into the corner. Dana whips, goes for another handspring, hits the elbow, sends Charlotte to the mat. Dana to the top rope. Swanton Bomb! Cover for 1..2…NO!!!!

Dana tries for another springboard, but Charlotte clips the leg. Figure Four. Into the Figure Eight. Dana taps.

Winner: Charlotte Flair
Oh Dana, bless her heart. Her efforts are apparent but her skill just doesn’t match. Not even in the slightest.
Total Rating: *
Match Time: 4:11

Flair won’t release the hold, so Mandy runs in and attacks Flair. She hits a running knee to Flair’s head.

Out comes Deville. She says that she is equal to that of Adam Pearce. She is giving Charlotte time to make a proposal.

Charlotte says she was left out of a title opportunity, again. Must she remind Sonya that she beat Asuka’s streak, that she put Ripley on the map, that Rhea stole her opportunity this year when she took Charlotte’s spot at Mania. Charlotte is happy to be back but she deserves to be in the title match. She is an influencer. Charlotte gave her an opportunity to use her authority, and she made the best decision. Love her or hate her, she is the best. Add her. Sonya says that since the men have a triple threat match, she is going to add Charlotte to the Women’s.

Out comes Rhea. She expresses that this is all a part of Charlotte’s plan.

Asuka is out next. Asuka says she can beat Charlotte, she can beat Rhea, because she wants the title.

Charlotte says this is why no one compares to her. Rhea is walking into the match with the title, but Charlotte will be walking out the champion.

Rhea is pissed. She gets in the face of Sonya, so Flair attacks her from behind. Asuka attacks HER from behind. Asuka stands tall.

Kayla is backstage, Humberto is with her. We go over the past two weeks.

Backstage, Sonya is walking and Adam is pissed. He says this is an abuse of power. Adam says they share an office. Sonya says they should be making decisions together. Adam says yes.

Back to the ring where Miz and Morrison stand. They have mics. Oh joy.


Match 3: John Morrison vs Damien Priest

Lockup and John has a side headlock, but Damian hits an inverted atomic drop. Leg lariat. Morrison turns into a hold with some rights, goes for a move, Priest with a clothesline to the outside.

We are back and Priest with a flapjack! He hits a leg lariat. Back elbow. Morrison shoves, Priest hits another lariat. Cover for 1..2..NO!!!

Miz distracts so we get a Spanish Fly from Morrison! Cover for 1..2..NO!!!

Winner: Damian Priest
A bulk of this was commercial, but what we did get was a fun little squash.
Total Rating: **1/2
Match Time: 8:52


Match 4: Lucha House Party vs Cedric Alexander and Shelton Benjamin

Lince with the kicks, misses a moonsault, Shelton hits a clothesline, cover for 1..2..NO!!! Shelton with a right hand in the corner. Kicks in the corner. Right hand to the head. Whip to the ropes, back body drop attempt, but Lince hops up, Shelton catches him, looks for a powerbomb, Lince locks the head, Shelton shoves him off. Kick to the head. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Whip to Lince. Sidewalk slam attempt, but Lince turns it into a DDT. Tag to Cedric and he gets sent over the top rope. Lince springboard and flies!!1

Grand Metalik gets the tag, flies of the top with a pin for 1.2….3!!

Winners: Lucha House Party

Total Rating: NR
Match Time: NR

After the match, Cedric grabs a mic and goes in on Shelton hard. He wonders how long Shelton has been here and squandered opportunities? How many? Cedric refuses to waste another second on Shelton.

AFTER THE BREAK, Kayla talks to Shelton. He says he has survived for so long because he can take the hit. He has seen so many bright, young dudes like Cedric. The only reason Cedric was in THB is because Shelton saw something that no one else did, so if he don’t wanna take the hit with Shelton, fine. He can do whatever the hell he wants, but he will respect him. Shelton LET him say his piece tonight, but if he wants to keep going down this road, he will be just another bright young star fizzling out, and Shelton will continue to survive.


Match 5: Drew Gulak vs Angel Garza

Garza rips his pants off, tosses them at Drew, then attacks with a dropkick. He beats Gulak down hard, double underhooks then drops Drew’s back onto his knee. Drew with a chop to the neck. He attacks the mid, cravat from behind into a bulldog choke on the mat. Another toss down. Garza escapes, hits a clothesline, right hands to the dome. Punch to the face.

Garza hits the ropes and gets a running boot. Wing Clipper. Cover for 1…….2…3!!!

Winner: Angel Garza
The best 2 minutes you can get from Gulak
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 2:13

I was just about to scream the praises of Gulak for giving Angel that little push in the loss, then Garza takes the rose he had with him, shoves it down the trunks of Gulak, then hits a running punt kick right up the ass…

Yes. Up the ass.

BACKSTAGE, Riddle walks up to Viking Raiders and asks which team are they fans of? Vikings or Raiders? Erik is a Browns fan. They explain their name. Riddle scoots up to Orton, who is pacing. Riddle calls Orton bro, Orton says he is not his bro. Riddle says they know they gotta get serious, but Riddle considers it an honor to team with him, and they are still undefeated. Orton says they have won one match. Orton stops, turns to Riddle, says let’s go win another one.

Riddle brings up the snakeskin speedos, but Orton zips his lip shut and takes away the metaphorical key.


Match 5: Matt Riddle and Randy Orton vs Elias

Orton and Elias to start. Orton is pissed He attacks in the corner, hits an uppercut, a headbutt, and Elias reels into the corner. Covid Vaccine hits me hard, and I enter into a fugue state for what seems like about two minutes. I come back to Elias hitting a running knee to Riddle. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Elias with right hands in the center of th erring. Chop to Riddle. Rights again, to Riddle’s abs. Whip to the ropes and a back elbow from Elias Cover for 1..2..NO!!!

Riddle tags Orton! Elias runs into the ring! Orton with a clothesline! Kick to Elias! He sends Elias to the apron. Elias hangs Orton up! Pulls the leg and Orton to the outside, but Orton blocks and gets the back suplex onto the table. Orton faces a minor distraction then enters the ring to hit a neckbreaker. Orton grabs Elias on the apron. Locks the head. Tag to Riddle. DDT to Elias!

Riddle to the top rope! RKO FROM ORTON TO JOHN CENA!!! Floating Bro! Cover for 1..2..3!!!

Winners: Randy Orton and Matt Riddle
That was fun
Total Rating: **1/2
Match Time: 5:18

Riddle wants to pose with Orton, but Orton still ain’t having it.

BACKSTAGE, Kayla welcomes Drew. Drew doesn’t care who wins tonight, as long as they both beat each others’ asses.

Drew has more questions than answers regarding T-Bar and Mace. Some fair questions. Drew says what is meant to be will be. What’s meant to be is Drew caving in Lashley and Strowman’s head, and regaining the title.

Here’s Braunnnyyyy.

Braun says he heard MVP’s strategy. He earned his opportunity last week, and there’s nothing they can do about it. At Backlash, he’s walking out the champion.

Earlier tonight, Mansoor signed his one page WWE Contract for RAW. Lol. He’s facing Sheamus, next.


Match 6: Sheamus vs Mansoor

Sheamus side headlock takedown. Again. Mansoor tries one, Shelton hits him with a shoulder tackle off the ropes. Mansoor jumps up for a leap frog, but Sheamus catches him. Mansoor falls of him into the corner, slaps Sheamus away. Sheamus slaps him in the face. Hard right to Sheamus, rollup for 1…..NO!!!! Dropkick to Sheamus. Hits the ropes. Another dropkick. Rollup for 1..2..NO!!! Mansoor works the arm. Knee to Mansoor. Sheamsus sits him on the top rope and punches him off em. Ref starts the count. Mansoor makes it to 5 and rolls into the ring. Shemaus kicks him hard then stomps. Sheamus fish hooks Mansoor and pulls him back for a smile. Sheamus grabs the head, sends him to the apron, hits the beatdown of the chest, clothesline sends Mansoor off the apron. Sheamus presses Mansoor up and drops him onto the barricade. Ref starts the count. Mansoor rolls into the ring at 8. Elbows to Sheamus over and over. Sheamus with a back suplex but Mansoor lands on his feet. Dropkick to the knee from Sheamus. Enziguri! Tornado DDT to Sheamus!!! Cover for 1..2…NO!!!! Right hand to the back of the head. Mansoor to the top. Sheamus clips the leg and Mansoor crumbles down.

Irish Curse! Sheamus is showing some blood. Nice. Sheamsu calls for the Brogue.

HUMBERTO ENTERS THE RING AND HITS A DROPKICK TO SHEAMUS!!!!

Winner: Sheamus via DQ
I harp a lot on the shitty storytelling the WWE tends to do, and although this particular “story” was blatantly obvious, at least they tried. Mansoor took a beating, but was able to give a little back, and when color shows up, it just adds so much.
Total Rating: ***
Match Time: 4:30

Humberto kicks Sheamus to the outside. Humberto hits the ropes. SUICIDE DIVE TO SHEAMUS!!! He beats him down. Sheamus enters the ring. Humberto follows. BROGUE KICK TO HUMBERTO! Mansoor is up. BROGUE KICK TO MANSOOR!!

BACK FROM THE BREAK, and Lilly had so much fun tonight. She’s a big fan. She loves to play hide and seek, but Alexa always seems to fid her in peculiar positions. She’s gotten her hands dirty a few times. Her favorite color is red. Wherever she goes, trouble seems to follow. What was that? Really?

Well, apparently, a certain someone may have caught her beady little eyes. Can’t say who, though. Its their dirty little secret. But don’t blame Alexa for what happens next. Alexa sings a little song.

Lana and Naomi are here…yay.


Match 7: Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler vs Naomi and Lana

Naomi and Nia to start, Naomi almost dies. Tag to Shayna. Tag to Lana. Lana with a crossbody. Cover for 1..2.NO!!! Lana grabs the head, Shayna shoves her, Lana with a hurricane, no. Side Russian Leg Sweep and cover for 1….2..NO!!! Spinning kick to Shayna in the cover. Running knees to the back. Tag to Naomi. Cutter, kick from Lana, rollup for Naomi gets 1..2..NO!!!! Tag to Lana. Lana in and eats an elbow. Kick rom Lana and Naomi. Double Facebuster, but Nia is there to grab Naomi and send her into the announce desk. Lana dropkicks her into the table. Lana covers Shayna. Reggie distracts the ref. 1..2..NO!!!

Shayna with The Clutch! Lana escapes! Lana jumps right back into it. Taps.

Winners: Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler
-sigh-
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 2:01


Match 8: Braun Strowman vs Lashley

Monster lockup. They work it into the corner. Braun hits some back elbows. Lashley fights him away. Lashley goes for a shoulder tackle. Braun no sells, so Lashley hits him with a neckbreaker. Cover but doesn’t even get a 1. Lashley up, runs and gets shoved straight down to the mat hard. Braun lifts Lashley up on his shoulders, Lashley floats off, Braun clotheslines him over the top rope! Lashley with a boot out of the corner when he gets back in th ring Lashley drops Braun, covers for 1…2..NO!!! Lashley pulls on the chin then goes for a wrist lock. Lashley turns Braun, Braun with a right, looks to club in the chest, but Drew’s music hits. Braun drops Lashley down across the chest as Drew makes his way out. Braun exits the ring and stares Drew down, so Lashley flies off the apron with a clothesline to the back of the head. He knuckles up for Drew, but Drew ain’t havin it.

We are back, and Drew is on commentary. Lashley pushes Braun against the ropes and hits some crossfaces, then sends Braun into the post hard. Lashley with a suplex. Cover for 1..2..NO!!!! Ashley drops an elbow to the side of Braun, then drives some knees into the ribs. Lashley cinches Braun’s head with the knee to the side. Lashley with a right hand in the corner. Lashley hits the ropes and gets a running shoulder into the corner! Lashley with a HUGE punch to the side of the face of Braun. POW! Right in the kisser! Lashley to the corner. He mounts, hits a punch, another, another to the top of the dome. Lashley poses. But Braun gets Lashley on his shoulders! ELECTRIC CHAIR DROP!!!! Cover for 1..2…NO!!!!!! Splash in the corner. Suplex toss to Lashley! Holy shit. Lashley is up. He tries for The Hurt Lock! Braun ain’t havin it! He hits a sidewalk slam! Lashley rolls to the outside. Braun exits the ring. Thankfully, there is no choo choo. New guy yells, “CLEAR THE TRACKS!” lol. Anyway, Braun runs into Drew as ref hits the count of 8. Braun shoves Drew. Braun turns. SPEAR TO BRAUN! Cover for 1…..2…..3.!!!!!

Winner: Bobby Lashley
A really good affair between the two big guys. I question Drew’s attacks after the match, as it seems somewhat out of character, but the match before it was great, and Braun really really sold for Lashley – a rarity.
Total Rating: ***
Match Time: 13:17

CLAYMORE TO LASHLEY!!!!!

He waits for Braun to stand, does the countdown and someone forgets to press the button. CLAYMORE TO BRAUN!!!

End Show

6.0
The final score: review Average
The 411
Around the end of the first hour, I found myself going through the motions of the show, feeling like they were doing the exact same thing. This happens often, with the card basically already set, and the WWE either creating stories with no real drama or anything on the line (Charlotte's suspension), dragging on a storyline because they can (Braun v Drew v Bobby), or just allowing a plodding progression of story to continue when no one is the least bit interested in it simply because they don't have or need to really do anything about it (Nia/Shayna). What this does is make a RAW not all that discernible from other RAWs, just like tonight. What I enjoyed was the continued quest of Riddle to be cool, while Orton simply ain't having it. Riddle's character is annoying, but when it has a sounding board that is Orton, it allows for the ridiculous to be stunted in a way that works. Orton, in a lot of ways, represents the fans like us, who really just want Riddle to shut up. Anyway, the show had some bright spots, but it just really gets lost in three hours of moments that don't shine enough consistently.
legend

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