Quantcast

 

wrestling / Columns

Ask 411 Wrestling 01.08.09: Miss Elizabeth’s Boobs, INDEED and Unibrows!

January 8, 2009 | Posted by Mathew Sforcina

As a bunch of wise smart funny hot women have said, be careful what you wish for ‘cause you just might get it. Although admittedly some of you didn’t want me, or seemed to be under the impression that I was doing this full time last week. I wasn’t then.

I am now. For a cornucopia of reasons, Chris Lansdell has stepped down from Ask411, and I’ve taken what you can argue is a poisoned chalice. After all, more than any other column on 411, Ask411 tends to burn writers out. 22 months is the max anyone has lasted, and it’s gone through a bunch of people, Craig Letawsky, Scott Keith, Brian Cole, Gavin Napier, Chris Clarke, Steve Cook, Chris Lansdell and now yours truly. But I have a secret weapon. I’ve already killed something off, and thus should be fine.

For, you see, I can’t see myself being able to maintain both this and the Evolution Schematics, and I just don’t have enough unique opinions to do a NAES every week. Not a good one anyway. So, this is the official End Of Phase 2 for the Evolution Schematic. I’m honestly not sure what the future holds for that column. It’ll certainly be around for special occasions, Wrestlemania and so on, and if anyone big retires who I’ve already done I can update and post, but as for maybe making it a monthly deal… Not sure yet, that’s still under discussion with the bosses. They were fine with dropping it to pick this up though, and that’s an attitude I agree with, since Ask411 is a cornerstone of the site, like Dunn, like the troll commentators, like Dancing Brock, and like writers with bizarre fixations on wrestlers, be it understandable (Cook/Traci, myself/Goddess and Larry/Half A Dozen Women. Oh, and Christi) and the not so understandable (Randle/Morrison, and of course, Small/Dutt).

Expect to see a lot of him from now on.

But yeah, Ask411 > ES, so I’m feeling slightly nervous to be given this responsibility, but I’m sure everything will work out fine.

Regardless, before we get to business, I guess I should just re-introduce myself so you understand why I feel I can speak with some authority. I’ve been watching wrestling for 12 or so years now, started in late 96. I’ve been an actual wrestler for 3 years, and I currently hold half of Australia’s premier tag belts. I’m also somewhat intelligent, have a head for useless information and am obsessed with logic in wrestling. Ergo I tend to remember things, like that Bossman lifted the briefcase, and tend to have theories to explain logic holes (Chavo wanted to screw over CM Punk, so he probably went to Vickie and got her to bend the rules to let the ECW Champ into the Rumble…). After all, that was the point of the Evolution Schematics.


Banner compliments of Benjamin Colon. See more of his work at soulexodus.com. “Improved” and Re-Improved by a friend of a friend and then a normal friend at Stablewars.com, so check the site out, seriously.

Yeah, I’ll need a new banner. But that’ll do for now.

Now, the new procedure for submitting questions will be to send it to the new Ask 411 Wrestling email, [email protected].com That’s the email to use, and should be the one now listed in the email me link at the end of this column. I’ll accept questions to my normal mail for a bit, but that’s where to send them from now on.

Anything else? No, I think that’s all…

Backtalking

My Promos: Since I got nowhere else to talk about them now, I’ll be quick here. I’m glad some people liked them, and almost as glad that some didn’t, since any reaction is a good reaction. I’d like to think I have a good mind for wrestling, albeit a writer’s mind AND pretty much just a heel one. I can do a heel turn in my sleep, a face turn… Not so much.

As for the EWR comment, I do love the game, but I’m not good at it since I’m a writer, not a booker, and there’s a difference. That said, I used up tested a lot of my ideas in the EWR on 411 feature in Leonard Hayhurst’s 10th Day News Report. If you liked my promos, you should go look through those, I’m all over them. Highlights include some promos, Bischoff’s Retirement and Rock V Foley as well as such memorable characters and storylines like Rob ‘Fucking’ Conway, Kamel ‘All In’ Gamble, The Lita Wide Open Invitational, Smackdown Slots, the Christian/Edge/Trish triangle (of all the things WWE stole, it was THAT…), Rey Mysterio: Heel World Champion (with ‘good friend’ Rhyno), Victoria’s Playboy spread (What a shock…), Chris Sabin & Gail Kim & Their Big Book Of Rules, The Legend Killer Summer ’05 Tour, Molly Holly: Chyna 2.0, Katie Vick’s Return, and a couple of finisher moves that are probably physically impossible (springboard powerslam, snapmare tombstone). Good times, good times.

Mickie: They probably are her nudie pics, I’m just pointing out that ‘officially’, they aren’t.

Buff’s Mom: She apparently called JR to call in sick, or rather injured, for Buff. JR then responded by telling her not to call him again outside of his birthday or Christmas, since Buff was a big boy and he could call up himself. I don’t have a time frame, but I can only assume it was the end of Buff’s cup of coffee with the WWF.

Sid and Softball: I didn’t say he did leave for Softball, I was merely responding to people stating that.

Flair ‘Carrying’ the NWA: Absolutely NWA had a much higher level of Talent than WWF. It also had incredibly bad marketing, as opposed to the WWF Machine which works to this day. You can disagree with me, but I maintain that for Flair to draw what he did DESPITE what the NWA/WCW did is more impressive than what Hogan did WITH the WWF behind him. But that’s opinion and thus it’s arguable. Although given that your comments are internet chatter, should I really be listening to you?

Your Turn, Smart Guy…

All hail Jeff Frank for being the only man brave/smart/silly/foolish/whatever to sit down and work out the puzzle. And he didn’t take the easy way out, no he went through and worked out all the answers:

  • 1. All of the currently active Raw belts (i.e. belts that are nominally Raw, not SD or ECW) have changed hands in a match in which the champion was entered but was not involved in the decision. True. Rey pinned Orton to win Angle’s World Title, Santino won the IC belt off of Kofi when Beth pinned Mickie, Trish pinned Lita to win Victoria’s Women’s Title, and Hurricane and Rosey pinned La Rez to win Regal and Tajiri’s tag belts.
  • 2. Hulk Hogan and Stevie Richards have never been involved in the same match, not even a Royal Rumble or World War 3. True.
  • 3. At least one of the XPW invaders at ECW Heat Wave 2000 has appeared on WSX and WWE programming. True, Kaos was one of the invaders, and he appeared on WSX and jobbed to Snitsky on Raw.
  • 4. Trish Stratus was foiled from a 5 year run of PWI Woman of the Year thanks to My Goddess. True, Trish won 2002-03 and 2005-2006, Victoria won in 2004.
  • 5. The British Bulldogs once had a mascot, a Bulldog named Mildred. False, it was Matilda.
  • 6. The US title has been vacated more times since becoming a WWF owned belt than it had prior as an NWA/WCW one. False, not even close. The NWA/WCW belt was vacated at least a dozen times.
  • 7. Of the 4 female WWE Hardcore Champions, only 2 won and lost the belt to different people. True. Molly won it off Hurricane, lost to Christian while Trish won it off Crash and lost it to Stevie. The Ho won and lost it to Crash, while Terri won and lost it to Stevie.
  • 8. Stephanie McMahon has pinned both The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin, in different matches of course. False. She’s pinned The Rock, but never pinned Stone Cold
  • 9. Just under half (13 out of 27) of all WWE European Champions have at some point held a World Title. True. HHH, Eddie, Matt Hardy, Christian, HBK, Kurt Angle, DDP, Mark Henry, Jeff Hardy, Bradshaw, Jeff Jarrett, Chris Jericho and RVD.
  • 10. Kaz Hayashi was a founding member of Kaientai in Japan, albeit masked at the time. True
  • 11. Shane McMahon is the longest reigning WWE European Champion in history. False. Even if you accept that he was champ when the belt was retired, his reign was 43 days. British Bulldog’s reign last over 200 days.
  • 12. Arn Anderson has pinned Hulk Hogan on free TV in a single’s match. True, on Nitro
  • 13. Both Hebners have screwed over a WWF Champion, Dave in 88 screwing Hogan, Earl in 97 screwing Bret. False, it was Earl both times
  • 14. There have been 5 Euro-Continental Champions, if you count RVD’s unification as one. False, if you include Rob it’s only 4, D’Lo, Jeff, Kurt and RVD.
  • 15. There were no title changes on the highest rated Raw ever (so far). False, on that Raw Sable lost the Women’s Title to Debra.
  • So, using these 15 answers, he encoded them. And the only international code using two different components, one long, one short is Morse Code. And after a bit of fooling around, he got the name I wanted, SANTINO. Here is your award.

    Congrats.

    As for this week’s, since I’m still getting into the groove of this, I’ll do an easy one.

    Which person/people have held the largest number of different WWE Titles? i.e. Who has the most varied title list? All titles have to be active and WWE in both name and ownership at the time. I actually don’t know the answer to this off hand, but I have a fair idea.

    Questions, Questions, Who’s Got The Questions?

    Given the changeover, there is a somewhat notable lack of questions, but there’s still a few to get us through. RAF provides a lot of them.

    First I have read several places that after becoming the head of the WWF Vince McMahon acquired several regional U.S. promotions but I have only been able to find 5 of them and 3 are Canadian Stampede, Maple Leaf, and Lutte Internationale. The two American ones are Georgia Championship Wrestling and the Gulf Athletic Club which ran Houston Wrestling. Which other promotions did the WWF acquire?

    Well, from the tone of the question I assume you don’t want to include the later purchases like WCW and ECW, nor do you consider buying the tape libraries and such as relevant. You’re after those companies bought out when Vince first spread out and killed… severely injured the territorial system. And in honesty there don’t appear to be that many. Vince, at the time, tended to more just sign away whatever talent he wanted, then negotiate away whatever TV the companies had, as opposed to buying out the company outright. Your list appears to be complete, and while it seems minor now, at the time that was an insane level of expansion and mergers.

    Second question is besides the WWF and JCP which other promotions acquired other wrestling companies? Like the WCWA buying TASW which had previously bought SCW

    Well, while I’m sure that there’s been a bunch of tiny companies buying out each other over the years, there hasn’t really been any major companies that were bought out by another company that didn’t involve one of those two. If a wrestling promotion is big enough to warrant inclusion here, it ended up owned by Vince directly, owned by Vince via WCW, or is in the hands of some obscure holding company that bought the rights for a song when it shut down. Promotions buying other promotions is rare.

    The next question is which regional promotion where big enough to run more than one televised show a week? The WCWA having both Friday and Saturday shows and the MACW had two syndicated shows but I am looking for other promotions

    I’m getting a work out here, and I’m still coming up empty handed. I know sadly very little about this era of Wrestling, and I can’t find a good, reliable source out there on this. Great way to start off a new era in Ask411 huh?

    Another question, which regional promotions were syndicated in other markets under different names? Like Portland Wrestling being promoted as Big Time Wrestling outside of its home town.

    This one I have to let through to the net, I can’t even begin to tell you. All I can point out is that companies Vince did buy out, he tended to continue in their airtime and use the same name for the show, just inserting his own product.

    And now to go back a long way, In the 40’s and 50’s ABC NBC and Dumont each had shows that were promoted as “Wrestling From (insert venue)” which promotions ran these shows?

    Now THAT I can answer, partly. Dumont’s wrestling (Pro Wrestling From Chicago) was provided by the Capitol Wrestling Corporation, a.k.a the company that would one day become WWF, although sadly I believe little tape remains of those shows given Dumont’s archives went byebye in the 70’s. As for NBC, and CBS, I couldn’t find out who did those shows, just that they had them at the time.

    And now a question about wrestling tv in other countries, what shows do the major companies in other countries like NJPW and AAA run, Do they only have one network show do they also have syndicated ones, and are AJPW shows still aired since they lost their contract with NTV to NOAH?

    AJPW appears to still be running on TV, GAORA TV and Samurai! TV specifically. As for other promotions, since I can’t speak Spanish or Japanese, I can’t tell.

    Could you please help me find the answers to these questions?

    Apparently not.

    Josh gets simpler.

    I have a question about WWE ring entrances. A lot of wrestlers seem to have special ring entrances. HBK, HHH, MVP, Batista, Rey to name a few. Do WWE wrestlers get to do whatever they want when they come out to the ring, or do they have to get special permission to do a special ring entrance. A lot of the ring entrances and linked to their fireworks, but if someone low on the card, lets say DH Smith, wanted to come out to a certain pose or use a certain hand signal could he just do it or would he have to run it by someone?

    It’s a mixture of both. If DH Smith wanted to come to the ring and hold up a hand gesture that was new and unique, WWE would be fine with that and probably even push him to do it, give him a hook. However, if he wanted to come out and do the Randy Orton pose, or come out and give a Nazi salute, that they’d have problems with. It’s basically a matter of talent have to check first, to make sure they aren’t coping someone else’s stuff nor doing anything that can get people in trouble but they have a fair amount of leeway within that. If it’s not clearly at odds with standards, established people or the law, it’ll be allowed, no matter how silly. How else can you explain Victoria’s stripping phase?

    MB has a bunch of questions, these ones far, far easier for me to answer.

    Did Miss Elizabeth get implants right before or during her WCW stint?

    Before, she came in and was larger right off the bat, as opposed to having to a period of a few weeks when she was away. It may not have been a last minute thing, she may have gotten them at any point in the 3 years between the WWF and WCW, but yeah, she came in and was notably ‘fuller’.

    Was the Million Dollar Man’s Mystery partner at the 1989 Survivor Series originally supposed to be Dustin Rhodes? All the events leading up to the PPV pointed in that direction and then we had the unveiling of the Undertaker.

    No, the plan was always to bring in Taker. Dustin was a swerve, or as near enough as you got back then.

    I was watching a Ron Simmons shoot interview and didn’t answer the question. Therefore, I present it to you: Do you know why Bradshaw gave Bagwell the business when Bagwell came over from WCW?

    Because Bagwell’s a dick.

    Seriously though, that is kinda the reason, in that Bagwell had/has a reputation of being a whiny prima donna who hides behind his momma. Thus, since he came in, Bradshaw saw that it was his duty to rib the hell out of him as pre-emptive punishment and to see if he was legit. See, if you have a reputation as a troublemaker/whiner, you get punished to straighten you out and set you straight. Although, the flip side, if you have a reputation of being a quiet, nice guy, you get punished to test you out and lighten you out, although personally those tend to be much less severe. If you’re a nice guy, you get water dumped on you and phone calls at 3am. If you’re whiny/a girl, you get human waste in your bags and sexually harassed.

    Ain’t Wrestling Great?

    When Snuka left the WWF in 1985, he was one of the top faces. Why was it that when he returned four years later in 1989 he was a glorified jobber? I know he was 46 years old but nobody could tell that as he was in great shape and was still one of the best high-flyers in the business. He did jobs to Mr. Perfect and the Undertaker, which was key as they helped build them up as top heels, but I feel like he could have had a better run.

    Maybe, but at the time he was a name that was somewhat broken down (compared to his heyday) and a new generation was on the rise. That’s what older stars are supposed to do, they come in, work with the new guys and put them over. Vince didn’t seem to hold any grudges on his leaving or anything, it’s just a case that the business was moving on and Snuka had enough respect not to expect much. It’s rare that older stars got pushed in any meaningful way at that point, for every Money Inc. there is a dozen Snukas.

    Why did the Berserker and Big Bully Busick have very short runs with the WWF? They appeared on TV every week squashing jobbers, and then one day they were getting squashed. Did they do something to tick of management?

    Berserker, John Nord, actually lasted a couple of years. He came in in 91, left in 93. Busick lasted a few months in 91. As for what happened, it’s just that they didn’t catch on. This highlights a difference with the old WWF and the new WWE. Then, you got several weeks worth of jobber matches, and if the fans didn’t respond to you after that, you went on job duty then left the company. Nowadays, if you don’t get a reaction from your very first appearance, or maybe even from your first video, you’re gone. The business has changed, and, supposedly, nowadays we don’t have time to build people up any more. Shame, really.

    When Adam Bomb debuted, I thought he was going to get a huge push as a main event heel. The next thing I know, he loses to an over-the-hill Earthquake at Wrestlemania in like 15 seconds and then gets turned face. Earthquake had no business winning that match. Why was Adam Bomb punished?

    No idea really. I mean, he wasn’t a great wrestler, but that hasn’t stopped Vince before. He was certainly punished after the BOD/Kronik… I don’t even want to call it a match, but Adam Bomb… Just didn’t work out I guess. A lot of guys just don’t click for whatever reason.

    In your opinion, what wrestlers had the most talent that never got a push because of mismanagement? I’m not talking about someone like Rick Rude, because he made a name for himself, even though he never won the title. I’m looking for someone who never got a fair chance at all, like a Jim Powers.

    See a problem with this question is that does getting something resembling a push at some point DQ them? My default answer here would be Brad Armstrong, who is perhaps one of the most talented lower-mid card guys ever. But then, does Buzzkill count as a push? Regardless, Brad’s probably the closest to an answer I can give you of someone ultra-talented who never got a ‘push’.

    Didn’t the Titan-tron use to read “INDEED” with a deep voice also saying it at some point around the year 2000 for some sort of reason. I vaguely remembering this happening once a week for a while but I can’t remember why.

    Kaientai! Taka Michinoku and Shoichi Funaki, sorry, Kung Fu Naki, were the last members of Kaientai left in the WWF in 1999. The duo then became a team, with their gimmick being that TAKA would give badly dubbed overly dramatic heel promos, before Funaki would respond with a deep “Indeed!”, in a parody of the Evil Japanese speech patterns from World War 2 era media. That, or Russo found it funny. Regardless, that’s where the INDEED came from, for a while that was all Funaki would ‘say’.

    WWF used to come out with an annual magazine entitled “Superstars” and it would just give a picture and a bio of all the top stars at that time. Usually the stars were listed in order of popularity like Hogan, Warrior, Savage, etc. In 1987 or 1988, after his prison release, Ken Patera was the #2 guy behind Hogan. Also, on Wikipedia I read “Some wrestling publications speculated that Patera would reunite with Heenan to face Hulk Hogan in the main event of Wrestlemania IV.” Was he supposed to get some sort of mega-push? I know he ended up tagging with Bill Jack Haynes and jobbing to Demolition. What happened?

    Vince snapped to his senses.

    Such speculation was based on the initial steps of Smarkdom working. At that point, the Hogan Formula of Storyline was established fairly well. Hogan makes a friend. Hogan and friend fight together as a team. Friend realises Hogan’s a dick. Friend turns on Hogan. Hogan and friend fight across the country for a few months. Friend gets an ally, Hogan gets a new friend. Repeat.

    And that happened for WM5. But there was never a serious idea that Hogan/Patera would be a go ahead for WM4, maybe as an idea for an opening round match. But the plan, supposedly, was always for the tournament, albeit originally for Ted to win it.

    Is Santino’s uni-brow real?

    As real as his accent hometown intelligence love interest

    Yes, yes it is.

    And on that, good day to you all, see you next week.

    NULL

    article topics

    Mathew Sforcina
    Loading...

    Comments are closed.