Csonka: 5 Things In Wrestling That Need To Go

– Welcome back to column time with Larry. If you’re clicking on this column, you’re just like me, a wrestling fan. But while I love wrestling, I do feel that there are some things in wrestling that need to go. Today I’d like to share my list of things that need to go in wrestling; I hope that you enjoy, and feel free to share the things that you feel need to go in wrestling. The only rules are “have a take, be respectful of other’s opinions and don’t be a dick.” We all have opinions, we’re going to disagree, just be cool about it.

5. The Authority Figure: I have been saying it for years, but if there is one thing I am sick and tired of, it is the Authority Figure. The Authority Figure feels completely dated, and for the most part is filled with completely unlikable people (Stephanie, Prichard, Karen Jarrett) that take up valuable TV time, torture on screen characters and rarely get their proper comeuppance. When it comes to WWE or Impact TV, if an authority figure enters on TV, I tend to want to turn it off. Angle has been ok so far. Bryan can be fun but overall I am burnt out on the concept, with the exception of one man, and that is El Jefe, Lucha Underground’s Dario Cueto. Cueto is everything I want in a non-wrestling character, he has a great on screen presence, a dynamic personality and thanks to the writing of the character, and you never know what El Jefe will do or say. I feel that Dario Cueto is the top non-wrestling performer in the business today but he’s one of my favorite overall performers on TV. What I love about “El Jefe” is that he’s not the cookie cutter evil owner. He is a man that opened a temple to watch people fight to entertain himself. He loves money, he’s not above paying people off, and he’s not above changing his own plans if it ends up pleasing himself or causing pain to the performers he’s not a fan of. But he’s more than a simple authority figure; he’s used as a storyteller, and is a driving force in advancing the stories on the air through the great cinematics the promotions utilize. And he properly gets his ass kicked when needed. Cueto can stay, but I can do without the others.

4. The Automatic Rematch Clause: The “Automatic Rematch Clause” is one of the laziest booking crutches in all of wrestling, it’s become an overused trope and continues to allow the writers and storytellers in wrestling to be extremely lazy. It’s to the point now that every feud has to go to at least three big show matches; the first meeting, the automatic rematch showdown, and then the third where the face begs for one chance or the heel has decided that he hasn’t had enough of torturing the face. I for one would love to see wrestling as a whole move away from the concept, real life sucks and when you lose, you don’t always get a second chance. One of the most refreshing things about Kazuchika Okada’s title run has been that he gets a new challenge, they have a great match, Okada is taken to the limit but then he beats them and after that, it’s fuck off loser, we’re moving along. I want the storytellers to get more creative; I want wins and losses to matter. Wrestler A loses his shot at the world title, bust him down and tell the story of the champion that thrived and the loser that has to fight his way back. Maybe he has to win a secondary title, maybe he as to in a tournament or just maybe he has to go on a several month long, transformative journey to reinvent himself, to earn another shot and to make the audience care. Just keeping a program going “because the company has decided that they want three to four matches” out of a feud without taking care to craft a story that makes people care. I don’t want to see a wrestler continually lose, but still get shots because of a lazy storytelling tool. Tell a well-crafted story, make me care and take me on an emotional journey with the competitor; make me feel the exhilaration of the highest high and the despair of the lowest lows and failure. Don’t just do shit “because that’s how we do it.”

3. The Three (and more man) Booth: When done properly, wrestling commentary can be a wonderful thing that expands on the in ring story and makes a match even better. On the flip side, when done poorly, wrestling commentary can completely take away from a tremendous in ring effort and even destroy it. The three-man booth isn’t a new concept, but it’s something that has become more commonplace and it is not something that has enhanced the wrestling business in any way. Impact is at a horrible extreme with the commentators being in a main feud leading to a PPV match, but taking that out of the equation, Borash, Pope and Mathews on the call at the same time is a complete train wreck. Borash generally comes off like he’s trying hard to put the product over, and that is due to his long time connection to the company and relationships with the talent. Pope comes off like a poor man’s Dusty Rhodes and relies on tired clichés too often. Mathews is too locked into being a “WWE style announcer, shilling topics that aren’t actually trending since it’s a taped show. I can’t recall one great match call he’s had since he’s been with TNA/Impact. Look at WWE, Byron Saxton and David Otunga add absolutely nothing but random talking points and more noise to the situation, they are not good at their job and add absolutely nothing to the broadcasts. And then you look at the times when WWE commentary has been strong or even really great: Cole & Saxton at Beast in the East, Ranallo & Bryan during the CWC, Graves & Phillips on 205 Live, Cole & McGuinness during the UK tournament, and Ross & McGuinness on the UK special & Takeover. These were all two man booths that were also not completely over produced and were not only allowed to focus on putting over the in ring product and talent, but also still told great stories. But for some reason, WWE can’t see what’s right in front of their faces, can’t see that a solid but not over-produced two man team simply works better to do the job and also for the fan that has to listen to the commentators. In all honesty, I feel that the only reason WWE is so set on having a three-man booth is to show off their diversity. “Look at us, we have two young, in shape failed wrestlers that just happen to be African American (Otunga & Saxton) on TV every week, we love everyone!” While that’s a nice sentiment, it’s not justification to give someone an on screen job.

2. The Seemingly Set in Stone Show Opening Promo: Even more than the authority figure, I think the thing I absolutely loathe the most in wrestling, and specifically WWE, is the seemingly set in stone show opening promo. Raw is the biggest culprit of this, as in the last 2-years they have opened Raw with a match maybe 4-times. I get why they do it, they feel it is an effective way to pick up from the last week, feature the main players, and set up a big match or just matches for the evening. But the issues are that the show opening promo feels extremely repetitive and lazy. On top of that, they rarely are any good; I find them to be average most of the time. Someone comes to the ring, and then it’s story time to play catch up, something that a well produced and narrated video package (which WWE does extremely well) could easily accomplish. Following story time, it’s low level banter and match set up after 15 to 20-minutes. It’s become filler for the over three-hour time slot. I’d kill for the show to start with a match, someone on their way to the ring for a match, a backstage brawl setting up a match or the well produced and narrated video package to set up the match or matches. I just want some variety in my wrestling, something to break up the monotony and sterile feel of the show. Smackdown does better than Raw at this, and were doing some creative opens in early 2017 and also starting with the occasional match, but they still fall into the trap way too much for my liking because lets not dare to be different. Impact falls into the trap as well, but have been better at it this year, and the episodes of Impact that start with a match have a better flow and energy to them because of it. You don’t have to put wrestling in a box and do one thing “the right way,” but WWE especially limits themselves by constantly starting their main shows with the show opening promo so often.

1. Shoot Head Butts/Top Rope Head Butts: This is one I have been thinking a lot about as of late, and yes it comes off of Katsuyori Shibata throwing a shoot head butt against Kazuchika Okada and suffering a subdural hematoma. The injury was so severe that parts of his skull were removed to repair the issue and then replaced in multiple surgeries; his career is now in jeopardy. Over the last year, the in the heat of the moment, momentum changing shoot head butt from Shibata had become a signature part of his matches created am amazing spectacle, the sick sound, the trickle of blood and then Shibata firing up all played well into the style of match he works, and I won’t lie, during those matches I marked out and loved it. But it’s just not worth risking your career and long-term health for a cool spot, not when guts like Drew McIntyre & Jack Gallagher throw tremendously effective worked head butts that get great reactions from the crowd. And then there is the top rope head butt. Harley Race has said several times that he wishes he had never started doing the spot, and attributes his deteriorating physical condition in part to the spot. The Dynamite Kid wrecked his body doing all kinds of insane shit, lots of chemicals and the flying head butt was a regular part of his arsenal. And then there is Daniel Bryan, who can no longer wrestle due to concussion issues; the flying head butt was a regular spot for him. When we look at all of this, it just doesn’t seem worth it for a quick pop or memorable moment. At the end of the day it just isn’t worth it and as a fan I don’t need it. It is up to the choice of the performers and I don’t expect a ban on the moves, but I think it’s something that can be eliminated from wrestling and not be missed.

– End scene.

– Thanks for reading.

“Byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye Felicia!”