Csonka Reviews This Week’s Impact Free Matches

Csonka Reviews This Week’s Impact Free Matches

OFFICIAL RESULTS
– ODB defeated Laurel Van Ness @ 6:08 via pin [DUD]
– Angelina Love vs. Diamante @ 7:00 via pin [½*]
– ODB & MJ Jenkins vs. Angelina Love & Laurel Van Ness @ 5:20 via pin [*]

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– These Impact matches are the company’s US XPLOSION exclusive matches.

ODB vs. Laurel Van Ness: Van Ness is still a hot mess. Mathews & Pope are on the call. Van Ness acts crazy, allowing ODB to take control right away. ODB bails to the floor, yells a lot and stalls as she threatens to leave. ODB chases her down and carries her back to the ring. Van Ness begs off, but eventually rakes the eyes and beats down ODB on the mat. Van Ness misses a corner charge, and ODB rolls her up for 2. Van Ness then works her over in the corner and lays the boots to her. Van ness then misses a running corner kick, ODB drinks from her flask, and fires up. She hits shoulder blocks, a corner splash and broncobuster. ODB then covers for 2. ODB then hits the sack of shit slam. She again drinks from the flask, climbs the ropes but misses… something badly. ODB then mists Van ness and hits what was supposed to be a TKO (but looked more like a sloppy Samoan drop) and won. ODB defeated Laurel Van Ness @ 6:08 via pin [DUD] WOOF was this bad. You have ODB working the same past its expiration gimmick she’s worked forever, facing Van Ness, who is also working a gimmick that has long run its course, delivering what you could technically call a wrestling match in the least exciting and poorly executed way as possible. This was simply horrible.

Angelina Love vs. Diamante: Mathews & Borash are on the call, Richards is out with Love. They make out as the bell rings, so Diamante rolls Love up for 2. Diamante then followed with arm drags and a dropkick. The Russian leg sweep followed, and the cover gets 2 as Richards puts Love’s foot on the ropes and then distracts Diamante; Love sends her to the floor. Love and Richards make out some more on the floor, and Love rolls Diamante back in and covers for 2. Love repeatedly slams her to the mat, but Diamante fires up with rights, but runs into a clothesline and Love covers for 2. Love then works her over in the corner, but Diamante hits a northern lights suplex, covering for 2. Love then bites Diamante in the face, and then rakes at the eyes. Love then works a camel clutch, rakes the eyes again and then looks for a suplex, but opts to make out with Richards. Love misses a charge, and Diamante hits a clothesline and follows with kicks and a stunner. The corner dropkick follows, and Diamante covers for 2. Diamante was shocked she didn’t get the pin, covers again and gets 2. Diamante to the ropes, Richards distracts her, allowing Love to hit a running forearm for the win. Angelina Love vs. Diamante @ 7:00 via pin [½*] Not good at all, like most 2017 Angelina Love matches, she is so focused on the gimmick that she doesn’t even focus on the basics of the match, and continually appears to be regressing as an in ring performer. Diamante came off much better here, the cleaner and superior in ring performer who worked with purpose, even though the match was weighed down by Love and Richards’ shenanigans. She deserves better.

ODB & MJ Jenkins vs. Angelina Love & Laurel Van Ness: Mathews & Pope are on the call, Richards is out with Love & LVN. Love attacked right away, looking to work over Jenkins. Jenkins fought back, but Love laid the boots to her in the corner. Jenkins then hit a springboard missile dropkick, LVN in and she tried to lock up with Love, so Jenkins rolled her up for 2. Love tagged back in, but got rolled up for 2. Love slammed Jenkins into LVN, and followed with a clothesline. She then makes out with Davey as LVN tags back in, she does some bad comedy offense as this gimmick is still a thing. Love tags in, and she and Jenkins do a double down. ODB gets the hot tag, and runs wild on LVN. The sack of shit slam follows, ODB cuts of Love and then sidesteps LVN who runs into Love. ODB then hits the broncobuster on both. Love bails to the floor, slaps LVN and leaves. ODB hits a bad looking TKO for the win. ODB & MJ Jenkins vs. Angelina Love & Laurel Van Ness @ 5:20 via pin [*] Even though this was also not good, it was the best of the three matches. Jenkins had a good outing, much better than her ONO appearance where she had some bitching issues. She’s athletic, has good charisma, but just needs refining. The combination of Love, OB and LVN is not a good one in any way.

– End scene.

– Thanks for reading.

“Byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye Felicia!”

1.0

The final score: review Extremely Horrendous

The 411

This was, unfortunately, an extremely bad collection of matches, so bad that I’d rather watch a One Night Only show. If you read through these, I thank you. If you watched these, I am so, so sorry.