wrestling / Video Reviews
Csonka’s Free Match Reviews With Shane McMahon, Kane, Undertaker, & More
Image Credit: WWE
Loading...
Csonka’s Free Match Reviews With Shane McMahon, Kane, Undertaker, & More
OFFICIAL RESULTS
– From WWE WrestleMania 32: Undertaker defeated Shane McMahon @ 30:10 via pin [**]
– From WWE Hell in a Cell 2013: Randy Orton defeated Daniel Bryan @ 21:45 via pin [***]
– From WWE Hell in a Cell 2010: Kane defeated The Undertaker @ 23:00 via urn filled pinning shenanigans [*]
Hell in the Cell Match: Undertaker vs. Shane McMahon: Shane played hit and move, trying to make Taker move around and to tire him out, which he previously talked about. Taker seemed more annoyed than hurt, and took control of things pretty quickly. Taker hit the last ride at about 5-minutes in, and got a near fall. Taker brought in the steps, but Shane got a desperation triangle choke, which slowed Taker down for a moment. He then chokeslammed Shane on the steps, and that got a near fall. Shane managed a DDT to Taker on the steps, and that got Shane a near fall at about 10-minutes in. Shane then survived hells gate very slowly turned it into the sharp shooter. Shane beat down Taker in the corner, got a trashcan and then hit the Van Terminator for a near fall. Shane then got bolt cutters, and cut away at the cage. This of course led to Taker slamming Shane through the cage, and the panel gave way. Taker took apart announce tables and hit Shane with a monitor. There is a continent platform beside the one announce table, Shane countered the tombstone with a sleeper, so Taker broke it by jumping and putting both of them through the table. Shane then got a toolbox and nailed Taker with it twice and laid him out on one of the tables. He also hit Taker with the monitor, and then climbed the cage. He jumped and Take moved, sending Shane crashing through the table (I don’t care how padded that was, dude is a 46 year old man that did not have to do that, it may have been stupid but I respect it). Cole actually yelled, “for the love of Mankind,” which was actually a great call. I am shocked that they did not show his kid’s reaction here. Taker got to his feet, and Shane called him on for more. Taker brought him back into the ring, hit the tombstone and that was that. Undertaker defeated Shane McMahon @ 30:10 via pin [**] So at the end of the day, Shane came back to take a big bump at Mania. The angle was lazy heading into it, and while I can appreciate a stunt show match, much like Lesnar vs. Ambrose, I wanted more drama out of this other than “OMG Shane may have died.” It also feels poorly done, as Shane tells us, “hey guys, the product is not good and I will save the day,” and then he loses. I don’t know, I can appreciate things, but Shane largely going even with Taker and surviving his finishes with out a ton of help via weapons or other people just did not work for me. The worst part is that the 46-year old son of he owner got to be more of a badass hero than Dean Ambrose did. It also felt way too long.
Kane vs. Undertaker: Before the match starts Undertaker demands Paul Bearer go outside the cell. Kane takes the opportunity to attack and we’re underway. Kane has a chair, but Undertaker kicks it into his face. Undertaker slams Kane to the cell as they finally lock the door. Undertaker nails Kane in the ribs with the chair, rolls him into the ring and gets the corner splash. Another and snake eyes connects. Big boot by Undertaker, GOOZLE, but Kane escapes. He grabs the chair, hits Undertaker in the gut and then the back to retake control. Shoulder rams in the corner by Kane, rights follow. Boots by Kane, Undertaker is down in the corner and rolls to the floor. Kane follows, Undertaker with rights and slams Kane to the steps. Boot by Undertaker and one to the hand as Kane lays on the steps. Undertaker takes Kane, tries to whip him into the steps, reversed and Undertaker eats the steps. Kane now grabs the chair, and nails Undertaker in the knee two times. More chair shots follow, rolls Undertaker in, and then take shim to the corner from the floor and slams his knee into the steel post. Kane puts the leg in between the post and steps and kicks it. Kane rolls Undertaker back into the ring, works the knee again and then lays the boots to him. Back to the floor they go, rights by Kane, he charges and MISSES Undertaker and crashes into the cell. Rights by Undertaker now, he clubs away at Kane and beats him down against the cell. He lays Kane on the apron, boot to the head connects. Undertaker to the apron, and the leg drop connects. Back into the ring they go and Kane gets the basement dropkick to the knee. Kane then attacks the knee, and then cranks away at the knee. Kane is bleeding a bit from the back of the head. 10-minutes in now as Kane continues to work the knee, and then drops his knee onto the knee of Undertaker. Back to cranking away at the knee, Undertaker tries to fight out, but can’t. hammer fists by Undertaker finally break the hold. Rights by Undertaker from his knees, to their feet and rights from both men. BOO, YAY from the fans as they trade, Kane in control, off the ropes and Undertaker counters with the lariat. Undertaker looks to go old school, climbs the ropes, but Kane crotches him. Kane up top with Undertaker, Undertaker knocks Kane off, who then lands an uppercut. Kane up top again, and the superplex connects, and Kane then goes back up top. Flying clothesline connects! Kane looks to cover, but Undertaker locks in hells gate. Kane works his way to the floor, and escapes the hold. Kane rolls back in, and they big boot each other. They both sit up and start punching each other from the ground. To the feet, uppercut by Kane, off the ropes and a DDT by Undertaker! He covers for 2. Goozle by Undertaker, and the chokeslam gets 2! Undertaker to his feet, goes for the last ride, countered, Goozle by Kane and the chokeslam connects for 2.Both men work to their feet, Undertaker calls Kane on, corner clotheslines by Kane connect. Rights by Kane, corner mount and punches follow. Undertaker snatches him up, but the last ride only gets 2! They get to their feet again; tombstone try by Undertaker, countered and Kane gets the tombstone! Crosses the arms, 1…2…NO. 20-minutes in now, Kane is pissed and lays out the referee! The ringside ref calls for help and unlocks the cage. Trainers take out the ref, and Mike Chioda takes over as Paul Bearer makes his way into the cell, which they lock. Kane goes after him, stalks him around the ring, and Paul makes his way into the ring now, very slowly. Paul begs off, and Kane says he should not have come back. Undertaker sits up and chokeslams Kane. Undertaker stares at Paul, then at Kane and rolls his eyes back. He gives the cutthroat signal and we get special lights and lightning. Paul basically puts a flashlight into the urn, shines it at Taker, and this blinds him and makes him powerless. He gives the urn to Kane, and he LEVELS Undertaker with it. Chokeslam by Kane, and that is all. Kane defeated The Undertaker @ 23:00 via urn filled pinning shenanigans [*] Have you ever heard of the dish “shit on a shingle?” This was shit in a cell, and it has nothing to do with the wacky superpowers bullshit, Kane and Taker always did that. It’s shit because it was slow, uneventful, bland, and no drama and the finish sucked not because of the superpowers stuff, but because the fans barely reacted because they couldn’t see. Taker was blinded for like 2-seconds and then stood there like an idiot, everyone in the ring appeared confused as commentary tried to make it seem like it was one big plan all along. The actual build to the final moments was very not good as well.
Randy Orton vs. Daniel Bryan: Bryan was running wild early, and started to hit a series of suicide dives, but missed the last one and speared himself into the cage. After Orton was in control for a while, Bryan made the comeback and then beat down Orton with repeated chair shots. He then tossed about 10 chairs into the ring. Orton used an eye poke and chair shots to take back control. Orton then piled the chairs center ring and hit a superplex on Bryan for a near fall. Hunter then made his way back out to the ring and was not a happy panda. Asshole chants from the crowd, as he bitched at Shawn about counting slow. Orton had a cover as they argued, and then Orton, Hunter and Shawn argued. Shawn then told Hunter to let him do his job and the action continued. Hunter distracted Shawn and we got a ref bump when Bryan shoved Orton into Shawn, which led to Hunter having the cage opened for the trainer to check on Shawn. Bryan hit the big knee and KOd Orton, but there was no ref. Hunter entered, tossed Bryan aside, and checked on Shawn. Bryan then KOd Hunter, leading to Shawn superkicking him. Orton covered and Shawn reluctantly counted the pin. Randy Orton defeated Daniel Bryan @ 21:45 via pin [***] This was good, but the overbooking of cell matches over the years has taken a toll on me as a fan, and makes it extremely hard to care. Bryan took most of the match, giving the tease that he could win, but this was another in a long line of unnecessarily over-booked PPV main event finishes during this time period. The best thing about the match is at the end, where Shawn’s friendship with Hunter won out over his sense of pride in former student Bryan.
– End scene.
– Thanks for reading.
“Byyyyyyyyyyyyyye Felicia.”
