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Csonka’s Impact Wrestling Review 3.15.18
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Csonka’s Impact Wrestling Review 3.15.18
OFFICIAL RESULTS
– Sami Callihan defeated Fallah Bahh @ 6:02 via pin [**½]
– Taya vs. Rosemary went to a double countout @ 7:25 [***]
– Feast or Fired: Moose, EC3, Petey, and Drake win cases @ 17:50 [**½]
– Follow all of my reviews at this link.
– My latest XPLOSION review is here and my Last Chancery review is here. My review of last week’s show is here.
– We get an open hyping Feast or Fired, likely the final Jeremy Borash appearance. That transitions into highlights from last week.
Sami Callihan vs. Fallah Bahh: Starting off with a match again, which I very much approve of. Jake & Dave are out with Sami. Sami looks to attack, but Bahh scares him away. Sami again looks to attack, but Bahh belly bumps him down. Bahh uses his size and power advantage to control early, with Sami running away from him. Back in and Bahh hits a running cross body for 2. Sami bites Bahh’s foot and then lays in mounted rights. The bicycle kick follows for 2. Sami grounds the action, but Bahh powers out. Sami cuts him off, and lays the boots to him. Sami lays in chops, Bahh gets pissed and tarts firing back. The corner splash follows by Sami hits a kick. Bahh hits a belly to belly for 2. Sami fights off the Samoan drop, follows with clotheslines but Bahh hits the Samoan drop to cut him off. Sami cuts of the banzai drop and hits what was supposed to be a DVD and picks up the win. Sami Callihan defeated Fallah Bahh @ 6:02 via pin [**½] This was a perfectly solid opener, giving Sami a win to give him some momentum.
– oVe looks to do the bat spot on Bahh, but Eddie rushes out to make the save.
– Josh & Sonjay talk about all of the press that the Callihan bat spot got.
– Lashley & Cage had a confrontation earlier today, which we’ll see later tonight.
– We get highlights of past Feast or Fired matches.
Impact Champion Austin Aries Speaks: Time for our sit-down interview with Austin Aries. Aries is happy to be back and winning the world title. They talk about his vegan book, and Patron interrupts. Patron says they need to talk. He takes over the interview and shakes Aries’ hand and welcomes Aries to Impact. Patron is happy he’s here, but says this is his show. He praises Aries and says he respects him. Patron says he’s still the uncrowned champion and brings Aries wine and a steak. Aries looks disgusted. Aries refuses to eat it because he’s vegan and has a banana. Patron is offended. Aries slaps the steak away and Patron says he’s trying to be friendly. Patron says he’ll buy Aries’ book, but Aries gives him one for free because he doesn’t need his money now that he’s champion. Aries takes the wine and drinks it, Well that was awkward.
This is a deeply unsettling, uncomfortable exchange between @AustinAries and @PrideOfMexico. The tension between them is palpable. #IMPACTonPop pic.twitter.com/ftUEl1CLQr
— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) March 16, 2018
– Allie meets with Keira Hogan backstage. They want to be best friends, and Sutter arrives. He wants to talk with Allie, but she wants to be alone and leaves.
Jimmy Jacobs & Kongo Kong’s Final Ultimatum to Abyss: Jacobs says he likes to hear himself talk. But he’ll take action when needed. Park will not produce Abyss, and until he does, you ain’t seen nothing yet. He will release Kong on a rampage. He calls out Abyss, asking where he’s at. Father James Mitchell arrives with the classic theme music. Mitchell introduces himself like a gentleman, and Jacobs says he knows who he is. Jacobs says Mitchell walked into his ring, but Mitchell says he’s admired Jacobs from afar. Mitchell puts him over, and appreciates him. Mitchell praises Kong as a monster, and says he’d try to steal him if he didn’t have a monster of his own. Mitchell says he knows what it’s like to be Jacobs, but, when Mitchell did it, he sold his soul and was able to make his son, Abyss, the world champion. They left a trail of broken bodies everywhere. But you eventually have to pay the price and his actions caused Abyss to split his personality to cope. Mitchell lost what was lost what was most important to him, his monster, and his son. Jacobs has to pay the piper, Mitchell turned a blind eye to Jacobs’ actions. Mitchell says he poked the wrong bear. Jacobs tells him to save the lecture. Mitchell says he’s here to thank him, because his actions have given him something he couldn’t get on his own. You have given me back my monster of mass destruction. CLICK, DOOMS DAY! Abyss arrives and brawls with Kong. Abyss stakes him to the floor and Jacobs hold him back. Mitchell says as thanks, he will give them a gift next week, two tickets to MONSTERS BALL! Hot fucking damn, Jim Mitchell is still amazing, that was easily the best promo on Impact in forever. The man is in another league, and took a feud I didn’t care at all about and made me interested.
You are cordially invited to the ball…THE MONSTER'S BALL.
NEXT WEEK @JimmyJacobsX finally gets his wish. His monster faces The Monster.
Who is the real Monster of IMPACT Wrestling? #IMPACTonPop pic.twitter.com/6GAhg1tsW3
— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) March 16, 2018
– We get a Taya vs. Rosemary video package.
Taya vs. Rosemary: Rosemary spears Taya at the bell and lays in strikes. Taya powders and Rosemary hits an apron cannonball. Back in and the high cross follows. Rosemary misses a charge, allowing Taya to fight back with arm drags and strikes. Taya misses corner knees and Rosemary hits a German. Rosemary bites Taya, but Taya hits a double stomp and cuts her off. Taya follows with kicks, but Rosemary fires back, only to be taken down. Taya lays in strikes, Rosemary answers but Taya sets her up top. Taya follows with rights, fights of the tarantula and slam Rosemary down. Taya works an STF variation, but Rosemary fights to the ropes. Rosemary fires up with strikes, Taya cuts her off and hits a curb stomp. Taya heads up top and misses the moonsault. Rosemary hits a running knee strike, and hits the Cactus clothesline and both spill to the floor. We get a double countout. Taya vs. Rosemary went to a double countout @ 7:25 [***] This was a good back and forth match, with a great sense of urgency and aggression. It was also smartly played to kick off their new feud without giving away a winner.
– They brawl up the ramp and Taya hits road to Valhalla on the stage.
ROAD TO VALHALLA ON THE STAGE! @TheTayaValkyrie has gotten the better of @WeAreRosemary once again. #IMPACTonPop pic.twitter.com/FX0nL4U9Fu
— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) March 16, 2018
– Eli Drake is on the phone, but no one is answering him. He finally gets a hold of Adonis. Adonis is not coming to work feast or fired. Drake says Adonis is fired. This is how they are writing off Adonis.
– EC3 is interviewed about feast or fired. EC3 says he has seen his destiny and he knows what case he must grab to get to his future; riches, fame, power, glory, and to return where he belongs.
– Aries will defend against Patron at the April 22nd PPV.
– We see Lashley meeting with Cage. Lashley says he intended to welcome him to Impact, but instead, Cage is bragging about saving him. Lashley doesn’t need his help, and if he wants a match, that’s fine. Cage eats and then walks away.
– LAX is in their clubhouse. Homicide arrives and delivers some money from “their businesses.” Konnan says the case of cash is too light, and Homicide is offended. Santana wins the game of dominoes and takes the case of cash.
Matt Sydal’s Spiritual Advisor Revealed: Impact Grand & X-Division champion Matt Sydal makes his way to the ring. Sydal thanks the fans but say she’s here because of his spiritual advisor. He thanks his guide, Josh Mathews. Dutt acts completely surprised. Mathews gets fire Josh chants. He claims he’s tried to enlighten the masses, and Sydal is the north star of enlightenment. He praises Sydal’s success as Dutt calls them double douche bags. Mathews tells the crowd to center their chi. Mathews has a gift for Sydal, a wacky spirit animal mask. Sydal thanks him, and says if he’s a champion, so is Mathews, and gives him the grand championship. Mathews says he cherishes Sydal. If this gets Mathews out of the booth, I am all for it, because I have long believed that he’d be a much better heel manager. It was an ok segment.
Feast or Fired: Dutt is now alone on commentary. The participants are Moose, Trevor Lee, Rohit Raju, Eli Drake, Petey Williams, KM, Tyrus, EC3, Ishimori, and Caleb Konley. Every one brawls at the bell, EC3 starts tossing bodies and KM climbs but Moose cuts him off. Tyrus takes out EC3, and we get brawling on the floor. Lots of random brawling, Petey starts running wild a bit. Ishimori cuts him off. Lee cuts him off and Petey hits a RANA to the floor. Raju hits a suicide dive and Ishimori hits the golden triangle to the floor. Petey hits a destroyer on Lee and gets a case. Post break, and Moose is running wild. EC3 cuts him off, and teases a dive by running around like a fool, he doesn’t give a fuck Moose takes him out and grabs a case, two left. Mathews is back on commentary. Ishimori takes out Konley, Lee cuts him off and Konley hits a Saito suplex. Raju battles with the Cult of Lee, but gets cut of with double teams. Tyrus is back, he fights them off and tosses them around. He then tosses Drake around. EC3 low blows Tyrus and he gets a case. He attacks Tyrus with it, and the rest battle. Drake cuts off Ishimori, gravy train. KM attacks, but heats a gravy train. One for Raju, he tosses Konley and then hits a German superplex on Lee and gets the final case. Moose, EC3, Petey, and Drake win cases @ 17:50 [**½] This was a very typical and solid battle royal, with a fun closing stretch involving Drake.
– Next week…
* The feast or fired cases are opened
* Sienna vs. Allie
* Monster’s Ball: Abyss vs. Kongo Kong
We know the four men that have cases but next week we'll answer the burning question – which case did @iPeteyWilliams, @TheMooseNation, @therealec3 and @TheEliDrake get? #IMPACTonPop pic.twitter.com/SZpCOvBHcm
— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) March 16, 2018
– End scene.
– Thanks for reading.
“Byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye Felicia!”
