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Csonka’s Impact Wrestling Review 4.06.17
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Csonka’s Impact Review 4.06.17
OFFICIAL RESULTS
– Eli Drake defeated Caleb Konley @ 4:10 via pin [**¾]
– #1 Contender Knockouts Gauntlet Match: ODB won @ 9:21 via pin [*]
– Andrew Everett defeated Marshe Rockett and Suicide @ 6:30 via pin [**¾]
– Last Man Standing Match: Davey Richards defeated Eddie Edwards @ 23:00 [****]
– Alberto el Patron defeated Johnny Mohawk @ 1:20 via pin [NR]
Eli Drake vs. Caleb Konley: We started immediately, as the bell rang right after the open and wrestling is nice to start things off. Drake faked an ankle injury, allowing Tryus to get involved and attack Konley on the floor. Drake worked a short heat, Konley fired up and they battled back and forth. Drake covered for a near fall, but then missed a knee drop, allowing Konley to hit the suicide dive after a series of counters; back in he hit the high cross for 2. Konley kept rolling, hit the backfist and aide slam for 2. Tyrus distracted Konley as he went up top, allowing drake to hit the suplex and then an air raid crash for the win Eli Drake defeated Caleb Konley @ 4:10 via pin [**¾] Pretty good match, Konley got a lot but I could have done with out the Tyrus interference. I greatly appreciate that they started with a match, it’s nice to mix things up and to be different in a simple way.
– Borash and Mathews argue, and Mathews stupidly mentions again that the fane get in for free. Uncle Bruce Prichard then came to the ring and demanded that Borash and Mathews get in the ring. Bruce said that “thy are sick of this.” Prichard proposes that Borash and Mathews pick teams of wrestlers, and next week the teams face off, they continued to argue and then shook hands.
#1 Contender Knockouts Gauntlet Match: Ava Storie (formerly KC Quinn) and Madison Rayne (with her killer queen music back). Rayne was a condescending bitch to begin, but Storie quickly fought back and #3 was Rebel. Fucking Christ I want Mathews and Borash to die right now. Rayne and Rebel argue instead of tossing Storie, and #4 was Amanda Rodriguez (ACR). They slowly brawled around as time stood still. #5 was NJ Jenkins, hitting a missile dropkick right away, and #6 was Diamante. She brought good fire to the ring, laying the boots to ACR. Rebel eliminated ACR, while #8 was ODB. ODB stacked them all in the corner and hit them with the running boobs attack. Storie then got eliminated, and #9 was Brand Rhodes. She ran wild, which consists of walking very awkwardly and throwing bad strikes. Rayne hid on the apron as Rebel and Diamante were tossed. ODB and Brandi eliminated Jenkins, and Rayne then tossed Brandi. ODB and Rayne battled it out; ODB ran wild and hit the TKO, covering for the win. ODB won @ 9:21 via pin [*] This was not good, felt completely rushed and contained no ebb and flow, no story, just random ladies out there doing stuff until they reached the end. The company used to do a really good job of booking gantlet matches, but unfortunately haven’t produced a good one in years,
The DCC Have a Meeting to Talk About Their Feelings: Storm said it’s great to be the cowboy once again, to have a cold one in his hand and to be in front of these fans. He’s proud of bring the cowboy, and says the night he won the title was the show’s highest rated episode ever and will bust his ass to become the champion again. He wants to get back into the ass whooping business, because business is good. Bram and Kingston arrive, and they run down Storm for being a liar. Kingston thought they would take over Impact, so he wore the stupid mask and jacket, and got nothing. He also says he doesn’t care about Storm’s bastard son. Storm says he got him in the door, he bought the suits and they had an agreement. Storm says that they were supposed to win the tag titles while he won the world title. Kingston says that this was all about Storm, who is a selfish little bitch. Storm wanted men for this group and would have gone to tinder if he wanted a bitch. Kingston spits at Storm, but then eats a superkick. Bram teases hitting Storm with a chairs Storm hit a superkick, sending the chair into his face. “Sorry about your damn luck!” I love that the Cowboy is back, as the DCC was a failure. Bram and Kingston were expendable here, and Storm needed to stand tall. I enjoyed the back and forth with Storm and Kingston, some nice attitude and fire there; it’s about time Kingston got to cut a promo. Good segment.
– Andrew Everett is interviewed backstage. He says he had Lee beat, and Helms is the problem in this whole situation. Helms arrived and called him stupid, and said if he won tonight’s triple threat he’d be close to a title shot.
Andrew Everett vs. Marshe Rockett vs. Suicide: Borash and Mathews argued and Pope is actually the one to try and focus on the match. Nice face paced beginning, with Rockett being sent to the floor. Everett worked over Suicide, Everett then sent Rockett back to the floor. Suicide dumped Everett and hit the Nestea plunge onto both. Back in and Rockett took control, hitting a lariat to Everett. The knee drop followed, but Everett cut off the charge and went for a springboard, but was caught with a powerslam. Suicide returned, and took over, hitting a tornado DDT for a near fall. Rockett cut him off with a spinebuster, but Everett sent him and Suicide to the floor. Everett followed with a twisting dove to wipe them both out. Back in and Suicide hits the Suicide solution as Rockett made the save. Suicide then worked the octopus hold and then scored a near fall. Rockett covers for 2. Suicide hits the kick, but Everett sends him to the floor, and Everett then hits the shooting star press for the win. Andrew Everett defeated Marshe Rockett and Suicide @ 6:30 via pin [**¾] Pretty good match overall, but it came across as very disjointed and like it never got locked in. Fun in parts for sure, but it could have been better.
Last Man Standing Match: Eddie Edwards vs. Davey Richards w/Angelina Love: Edwards attacked Richards during his entrance to get some revenge. They brawled on the floor, and then Edwards hit the suicide dive and took control. They then brawled into the crowd, and into the bleachers. Edwards crotched Richards on the fencing, and Richards teased a suplex out of the bleachers; Edwards countered and went for a plancha, but landed on the big trashcan. They then fought back to the ring, with Richards getting a chair. Richards set up chairs, made out with Love and that allowed Edwards to fight back and powerbomb Richards into the chairs. Edwards then gets more chairs, lays in shots to the back on Richards. Edwards stacked up a pile of chairs, went up top but Richards tossed a chair into his face. Richards up top, lays in head butts and hits a superplex into a pile of chairs. Richards then stopped the ref’s count as Edwards’s wife is at ringside. Love tossed Richards a chain as we head to a break. Post break, Richards was still in control, laying out Edwards with a chain shot and then another. Edwards tried to fire up but Richards raked his eyes and choked him out with the chain. The ref started his count, Edwards fought to get up and Richards was pissed and laid in a series of kicks. Edwards cut him off, laid in the Kojima like chops in the corner and then followed with a belly-to-belly throw in the corner. Edwards then hit a series of running chair shots, put Richards in the tree of WHOA and hit the chairs assisted dropkick. Edwards trapped the head of Richards in the chair and went up top. THE DOUBLE STOMP KILLS RICHARDS! Edwards then stops the ref from counting, and Love is in to stop Edwards. Alisha is also in and they brawl. Alisha takes off her belt and whips Love. Love fights back and slams her to the barricade, back in and Richards and Edwards hit each other with the chair at the same time for a double down. Love in the ring and holds Edwards as Richards wraps his foot with the chain. Richards hesitates, but Love demands he finish Edwards. She makes out with him to motivate him and he kills Edwards with the kick. That was enough to finish Edwards. Davey Richards defeated Eddie Edwards @ 23:00 [****] This was easily the best thing on the show, and a great match with both guys working with a great aggression and sense of urgency. They did an excellent job of making you feel as if they hated each other, and I love the fact that they are hitting it hard that Angelina Love is pulling the strings of Davey Richards. It really felt as if this should have main evented the show.
– The Veterans of War (Gunner & Crimson I believe) are coming.
– We get clips of the LAX tag title victory celebration. They get their drink on.
– We see James Storm hanging out with Bucky Covington; they are updating his theme music.
Alberto el Patron vs. Johnny Mohawk: Patron’s opponent didn’t get an introduction, so we’ll call him Johnny Mohawk. Patron controlled early, Mohawk got a hope spot, but then ate the corner double stomp and that was that. Alberto el Patron defeated Johnny Mohawk @ 1:20 via pin [NR] Squash.
– Patron called out Lashley, but he never came out, because he had better things to do; like not being in the ring with Alberto el Patron.
– Braxton & Allie are interviewed backstage, Sienna and KM arrive and they argue. Karen arrives and books a mixed tag for next week.
– Fury arrives next week; I think Braxton & Allie may die.
https://youtu.be/ny1SQl4iHxo
Borash & Mathews Pick Their Teams: Borash welcomes Bruce Prichard to the ring as the fans chant “Fire Josh.” Prichard feels like a dad separating kids on a long summer vacation, “I’ll turn this god damn car around if you don’t behave!” We get to the picks for next week’s 4 on 4 match; Josh had GOAT shirts for his team…
* Team Borash: Alberto el Patron, Chris Adonis (formerly Chris Masters), Matt Morgan, and Magnus.
* Team Mathews: Lashley, Bram, Eli Drake, and Tyrus.
We got the big brawl, with Mathews’ team having a man advantage. But Borash’s next pick is Matt Morgan. Morgan cleans house and then goes face to face with Lashley. We see Borash’s final pick arrive, but don’t get to see who he is… They set this as the man event segment, because they see the Borash & Mathews feud and some sketchy returns as way more important than Richards vs. Edwards, which is sad. It was a solid closing segment, with the positive being that they set up a big main event for next week.
– We get a digital exclusive, showing Magnus’ return for Team Borash.
– End scene.
– Thanks for reading.
“Byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye Felicia!”
