Csonka’s ROH Unauthorized 2019 Review

Csonka’s ROH Unauthorized 2019 Review

OFFICIAL RESULTS
– Ultimo Guerrero defeated Jonathan Gresham @ 12:05 via pin [***¼]
– Loser Must Unmask: El Villainisto & Jefe Cobbo defeated Delirious & Mini Delirious @ 13:35 via pin [**]
– Burger Flip Gordon, Dalton White Castle, and Kenny Burger King defeated Cheeseburger, Double Cheeseburger, & Triple Cheeseburger @ 17:10 via pin [**]
– No DQ Match: The Allure defeated Sumie Sakai & Jenny Rose @ 5:55 via pin [**]
– Mark Briscoe defeated Josh Woods @ 8:20 via pin [DUD]
– Rush & Dragon Lee defeated Lifeblood @ 15:55 via pin [****]
– Colt Cabana, Gator The Cameraman, Ian Riccabonni, Todd Sinclair, & Gary Juster defeated Shane Taylor, Moses, Khan, Brian Johnson, & Ron Hunt @ 4:00 via pin [NR]
– No DQ Match: PCO defeated Dan Maff @ 17:50 via pin [***½]

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– Colt Cabana is our host/booker for tonight’s show, and promises a weird night. Joe Hendry arrives to do commentary. Hendry then sings a song and promises singing commentary.

Ultimo Guerrero vs. Jonathan Gresham: They lock up and Guerrero grounds the action. Gresham counters out but Guerrero takes him down and locks on the rolling Romero special, but Gresham counters out and into an ankle lock but Guerrero escapes. They lock up and Gresham follows with arm drags and they end in a standoff. Guerrero grounds the action, tying up the legs until Gresham counters into a cradle for 2. He follows with chops, Guerrero fires back and they trade. Guerrero knocks him down and Gresham bag tags him and starts attacking the arm. The cradle follows for 2. Gresham shoots him to the buckles shoulder first, Guerrero fires back and dropkicks Gresham to the floor. Guerrero shoots him to the barricade, and back in, Gresham follows with clotheslines but Guerrero just absorbs them and follows with a back breaker for 2. Gresham goes back to the arm, hits the springboard moonsault and the cradle follows for 2. Guerrero fires back, they trade and Guerrero follows with a big boot, dropkicks the arm and they work up top. Guerrero hits the Guerrero especial for 2. Guerrero then counters the RANA into trading cradles for near falls. Gresham follows with the tornado DDT for 2. Gresham up top, Guerrero cuts him off and the Guerrero especial follows for the win. Ultimo Guerrero defeated Jonathan Gresham @ 12:05 via pin [***¼] this was a good opener and Hendry was fun on commentary.

El Villainisto & Jefe Cobbo vs. Delirious & Mini Delirious: Villainisto is wearing a Matt Classic mask. Team Delirious runs around and does Delirious things, Mini Delirious gets blown up Villainisto and Delirious begin. They lock up and work into counters and Villainisto does the lucha dance. They trade shoulder tackles, Villainisto wants Mini Delirious. He tags in and hits a shoulder tackle takedown. Cobbo tags in and they trade shoulder tackles. They trade sweeps and into a standoff. Villainisto attacks Mini Delirious, tags in and follows with chops. The ropewalk follows and follows with an arm drag. The apron superkick misses and Mini Delirious takes control, tags in Delirious and follows with elbows. The leg lariat follows. Villainisto fires back and superkicks Mini Delirious. Cobbo in and the Deliriouses hide under the ring and sneak back in. Villainisto & Cobbo return with Delirious masks on. Delirious is confused, as Villainisto snaps the fingers of both. Cobbo checks on them and the Deliriouses bite them, and they double team Villainisto. Villanisto battles back, and Mini Delirious hits a German on Villainisto & Cobbo. They all trade superkicks and Villainisto covers for 2. Cobbo accidentally hits Villainisto, Delirious tags in and runs wild. Cobbo cuts off Delirious and the standing moonsault finishes Mini Delirious. El Villainisto & Jefe Cobbo defeated Delirious & Mini Delirious @ 13:35 via pin [**] It was ok and fun at times, but went too long.

– Mini Delirious unmasks as Swoggle.

Cheeseburger, Double Cheeseburger, & Triple Cheeseburger vs. Burger Flip Gordon, Dalton White Castle, and Kenny Burger King: Flip and Bruiser begin. Flip goes for a takedown, Bruiser cuts him off and follows with a shoulder tackle. He lays in chops, jabs and bites Flip and then King and then Castle. King wants Cheeseburger, so he tags in. They work into a test of strength and King follows with arm drags. Cheeseburger counters back, but King hits a shoulder tackle. Cheeseburger trips him up and then runs into a powerslam for 2. Milonas tags in and King tags out to Castle. Castle tries for a slam, fails and Milonas slams him. He follows with strikes, but Castle hits a dropkick and tags in Flip who knocks him onto castle. Flip & King try to save Castle, Cheeseburger and Bruiser then help out. They all argue and the burgers clear them out and isolate Flip with double teams. Bruiser tags in and double teams follow, Bruiser takes out King and then Castle. Milonas follows with the splash and Flip fights back, castle dumps Bruiser and they work over Cheeseburger and lay the boots to him and Castle covers for 2. They lay the boots to him again, argue with the ref and Cheeseburger tags in Milonas. He follows with corner splashes, Bruiser cuts off Flip but Flip hits an enziguri and Milonas cuts him off. Bruiser follows with the second rope splash for 2. They dump King, Cheeseburger tags in and he hits the destroyer for 2. Flip fires back, tags in King and Amy Rose distracts Bruiser allowing King to attack and Castle joins in as does Milonas. The Bouncers follow with suplexes, and Cheeseburger tags in and King hits an Arabian press to the floor. They brawl on the floor, Flip hits superkicks, and walks out. Bruiser hits a high cross off of the stage. Back in and bruiser accidentally takes out Milonas and King cradles Cheeseburger for the win. Burger Flip Gordon, Dalton White Castle, and Kenny Burger King defeated Cheeseburger, Double Cheeseburger, & Triple Cheeseburger @ 17:10 via pin [**] Again, as a match this was solid and even fun at times, but the joke went on for too long. Also, the heels overcoming the 3 on 2 advantage to win felt off.

No DQ Match: Sumie Sakai & Jenny Rose vs. The Allure: Rose and Sakai attack during the Alure’s entrance and they all brawl on the floor. They run the Allure together and in the ring, isolate Leon. Double teams follow and Love slides in with a chair and cuts off the faces. The Allure take control as Leon covers for 2. She chokes out Rose with a chain, and dumps her. They set Sakai in chair and follow with dropkicks. Sakai brigs out orange Daryl and attacks the Allure with him. The brainbuster on a chair follows for 2. Rose suplexes Leon on the stage, Sakai misses a moonsault and lands on the chair. Rose spears Leon on the stage, Love and Sakai fight over the chair, Sakai attacks, but Love hits the botox injection for the win. The Allure defeated Sumie Sakai & Jenny Rose @ 5:55 via pin [**] This was better than usual from the ROH women unfortunately for them, the stuffed cat was the most over person in the match.

– Post match, Maria Manic arrives and says Love is dead at Final Battle.

Josh Woods vs. Mark Briscoe: Silas Young & Jay Briscoe are on commentary, and will take a shot for every near fall by their partner. Jay & Silas are doing commentary on the house mic. Woods grounds the action and picks up a near fall. They trade strikes, Woods follows with knee strikes but Briscoe gets a sunset flip for 2. They trade rapid-fire counters and pin attempts, so several shots are taken. They are focusing on the drinking more than the match. Briscoe dumps Woods and follows with the spicy dropkick and chops. Woods them slams him to the barricade and back in, covers for 2. Briscoe then gets a cradle for 2. Woods follows with a dropkick, and cradle for 2. They trade chops, Briscoe follows with iconoclasm and froggy bow misses and Woods follows with chaos theory for 2. Jay & Silas argue and then sloppily brawl because, “they are too drunk.” Mark finally finishes it with the froggy bow. Mark Briscoe defeated Josh Woods @ 8:20 via pin [DUD] They killed the joke, the match didn’t matter and the entire package was just terrible.

Rush & Dragon Lee vs. Lifeblood (Haskins & Williams): This is lucha tag rules. Haskins & Lee begin. They lock up and work into counters as Haskins looks for an arm bar but Lee makes the ropes. They work into counters again, and Lee picks up the pace, hits a RANA, and into a series of counters as they end in a standoff. Rush & Williams tag in, They work into passes and Rush follows with the dropkick. Haskins cuts him off Lee attacks Haskins and Williams cuts off Lee as Lifeblood follows with double teams. They follow with knee strikes, a double slam and kicks for 2. Haskins attacks the arm, grounding Lee. The crossface follows, but Lee makes the ropes. Williams takes out Rush and follows with a suplex an d knee drop, covering Lee for 2. Haskins follows with a corner dropkick and follows with strikes. Lee fires back, but Haskins cuts him off. Lee fights off Lifeblood, runs wild and tags in Rush. The snap German and running knee strike follow, they dump Williams and they traquilo. They kick the shit out of Lifeblood in the floor, and back in, Lee works a camel clutch on Williams. Double teams follow until Haskins makes the save, but they double team him and hit the dream sequence. They double team Williams ad Haskins makes the save. They dump him and continue to work over Williams but Williams dumps Rush and follows with strikes on Lee. They work up top and Haskins joins in and dumps Lee. Haskins follows with the suicide dive as Williams follows with the high cross to the floor. Back in and they double team Rush, and Lee makes the save with a superkick, and the Shibata dropkick follows. Lee follows with chops on Lifeblood, but they cut him off with double teams and the double team soldier shoulder roll follows for 2. Rush makes the save, but Williams hits the DDT to the buckles and a lariat Lee flies in to make the save. Lee follows with the snap German, and a brainbuster for 2. Haskins cuts him off, but Lee follows with the RANA to the floor. The bull’s horns finishes Williams. Rush & Dragon Lee defeated Lifeblood @ 15:55 via pin [****] For all that is going wrong with ROH, you get matches like this and it reminds you that there is a lot of talent here. This was a great sprint with everyone working hard and delivering.

– Colt Cabana talks with Bobby Cruise and Shane Taylor arrives. this is his home state and he wasn’t informed that his match was changed. He came to fight and challenges Cabana to a match. Colt agrees but wants a 4 on 4 match and feels he can win with anyone on his team… Colt picks his team but Brian Johnson arrives and complains about the show. He wants his shot and puts himself over as the guy who should have headlined this show. What in the fuck is even happening?

Shane Taylor, Moses, Khan, Brian Johnson, & Ron Hunt vs. Colt Cabana, Gator The Cameraman, Ian Riccabonni, Todd Sinclair, & Gary Juster: Johnson and Cabana begin. They lock up and Cabana follows with a shoulder tackle. Taylor and the rest walk off and Todd tags in. They lock up and Johnson takes control, but Todd takes him to the ropes. Todd hits a leapfrog, chops and Colt attacks Johnson and Todd covers for 2. Colt tags in and Gary follows with chops. Colt follows with jabs, elbows and tags in Ian. He heads up top and hits an elbow drop and Colt covers for the win. Colt Cabana, Gator The Cameraman, Ian Riccabonni, Todd Sinclair, & Gary Juster defeated Shane Taylor, Moses, Khan, Brian Johnson, & Ron Hunt @ 4:00 via pin [NR] It wasn’t much of anything but the faces had fun and the crowd actually liked it.

@IanRiccaboni from the top!!😱😱 What is happening??!?!?!! THIS IS FN AWESOME!!!! #ROHUnauthorized pic.twitter.com/DJbw99sAuy

— Javier DraVen🏴‍☠️ (@WrestlingCovers) November 4, 2019

PCO vs. Dan Maff: This is a no DQ match. They start colliding and brawling at the bell, PCO knocks him to the floor and Maff counter back in and follows with a suicide dive. PCO is back in and kicks Maff back to the floor and follows with the suicide cannonball. They take turns slamming each other to the barricades and PCO grabs a cinder block, so Maff gets another. They keep pulling out cinder blocks, and we have eight of them in the ring. Maff slams PCO to the barricade as they continue to brawl on the floor. They slam their own heads into the barricade, PCO rakes the eyes and climbs but Maff hits a burning hammer on the floor. Back in and Maff breaks out a table, sets it up in the corner, and PCO spears him through it and covers for 2. PCO gets another table, sets one in the corner and then another as Maff spears him though a table. and then DVDs him through another for 2. Maff slides in chairs, piles them up and PCO fires back and hits a destroyer onto the chairs for 2. To the apron they go and PCO hits a leg drop and heads up top. The swanton MISSES as PCO bounces off of the apron and to the floor. Maff sets up the cinder blocks, PCO is back in and Maff now brings in tacks and spills them out. They brawl, and PCO chokeslams Maff into the tacks. Maff fires up and backdrops PCO into the tacks and shoves some in his mouth and follows with a superkick. He lays PCO on the cinder blocks, heads up top and PCO cuts him off, Maff bites him but PCO gets a groin claw and slams him on the cinder blocks and covers for 2. PCO heads up top for the PCO-sault, but Maff pops up and crotches him and hits the burning hammer onto the cinder blocks for 2. Maff gets a chair and follows with chair shots, but PCO absorbs them and hits Maff with a cinder block, and the chokeslam and PCO-sault finishes it. PCO defeated Dan Maff @ 17:50 via pin [***½] First of all, if I am ROH I do not book crazy as s50 year old PCO in a match like this one month out of Final Battle, you’re playing with fire by doing so. Thankfully, PCO seems to be fine after this. Your mileage may vary here, but I thought that they delivered a really good plunder brawl and that Maff impressed to the point I wouldn’t mind seeing him brought back.

– Marty Scurll arrives and puts over PCO post match, and says PCO has sacrificed for this business, and at Final Battle he gets his shot at the world title. Marty says he deserves it, and proclaims him as the next world champion.

The 411 on Wrestling Podcast returns to the 411 Podcasting Network for episode 64. On the show, 411’s Larry Csonka & Jeremy Lambert review WWE Crown Jewel, MLW Superfight, & NJPW Power Struggle and then discuss how much of a dumpster fire ROH has become. The show is approximately 106-minutes long.

* Intro
* WWE Crown Jewel Review/Post Show Drama: 2:00
* MLW Superfight Review: 42:10
* NJPW Power Struggle Review: 58:50
* Is ROH Now a “Dumpster Fire?”: 1:24:55

* iTunes
* Spotify
* Stitcher
* Google Play

– End Scene.

– Thanks for reading.

5.5

The final score: review Not So Good

The 411

ROH Unauthorized 2019 was an attempt at a unique and different show, and I can appreciate that. The idea is a sound in theory, but I feel too much of the comedy & wackiness overstayed its welcome, going too long, or didn’t really land with me. If you’re cherry picking, catch Gresham vs. Guerrero, Lee & Rush vs. Lifeblood, and PCO vs. Maff.