From The Back Of My Closet: Turnbuckle Memories Volume One

Hola friends and neighbors. For those who don’t know me I write the Ask 411 Movies column in the film section of the site. A new edition should be up as you read this, so check it out. With the recent shakeup in the site, I’m taking on some new duties. Most prominently I’ll be plying my trade in the wrestling section as well now. I’ll be doing RAW reviews, WWE ppv previews every month and semi-regular reviews of older shows and DVD’s. Pretty much I’m just going to grab whatever I have laying around and give it a watch.

We start with Turnbuckle Memories Volume One from what appears to be the now defunct Takedown Masters. While it promises to be a walk down memory lane with great matches from wrestling’s golden era, it’s simply random episodes of Championship Wrestling from Florida from the mid-eighties. Doesn’t sound that interesting, but I’m old school Wrestlecrap like that.

Turnbuckle Memories Volume One

Hosts: Gordon Solie and Buddy Colt
Date: Approximately the week of February 21st, 1986

The disc opens with Dusty Rhodes giving an introduction to the series. Luckily for all of you I speak fluent Dusty-ese. He basically says that the DVD’s will take a look at legends of the past and the superstars of today. He fails to mention that this comes from a small stash of footage that Vince McMahon hasn’t bought up yet. Maybe there’s a reason for that.

The show opens with the finish of Lex Luger vs. Jesse Barr for the Southern Heavyweight Title from Battle of the Belts II. A card significant for having the top three matches end in double count out. Was Dusty Rhodes booking the promotion at this time? I think he was. Luger pins Barr, but he puts his foot on the ropes. Lex pulls it off before the referee notices and gets the title.

Gordon Solie previews the program with Buddy Colt and then tosses it to Ron Slinker to explain to the fans what a ‘ninja’ is to prepare for the opening bout. I think someone needs to explain to Slinker what a ninja is first and then explain to him that marijuana is an illegal narcotic. His opening sentence is, “I’ve been traveling throughout, where I don’t know, wrestling.” He doesn’t know where he’s been? He explains what a ninja is by explaining what an athlete is and then saying that a ninja isn’t an athlete but a machine trained high in the mountains of Japan and then tosses “jitsu” on the end of a bunch of words. Solie asks Slinker about his challenge to Ric Flair. To which Slinker says, “they say it’s mind over matter and if you’ve got no mind it don’t matter. Right now my mind is somewhere else.” Slinker is such a douchetard that he completely throws the Dean of Wrestling, Gordon Solie off his game. He doesn’t know if they’re supposed to go to the ring first or to a commercial. Ron Slinker is the real cerebral assassin; befuddle them with bullshit.

THE NINJA VS. PRINCE IUKEA

Combatants: The Ninja is Keji Mutoh, aka The Great Muta in what I believe is his United States debut. Prior to this he was wrestling for the WWC in Puerto Rico. His stay in Florida would be short. He would go to World Class Championship Wrestling and then to the NWA where he would have a high profile feud with Sting. Muta would wrestle on and off for the NWA over the years while spending the bulk of his time in Japan. Prince Iukea is not the pretty boy who wrestled for WCW in the late nineties until their demise. I believe he’s that guy’s father and he in turn is the son of King Curtis Iukea who we’ll get more into later. I could be wrong on that family history, so be gentle with me when you rip me apart on it.

The Match: They lockup to start and then back off. Iukea telegraphs a kick like Adam Vinateri setting up for a field goal and Muta grabs the leg and puts him down with a back heel trip. To establish parity, Iukea grabs Muta’s leg on a kick, but he hits a crescent kick to the side of the face to free himself. Crisscross sequence ends with Muta taking a knee to the gut. The Prince puts him down with a swinging neckbreaker and they trade some mat wrestling. The Ninja goes to work on the arm. Iukea nails Muta in the gut as he’s pulled up and grabs a wristlock. Muta flips out of it and lands a seated dropkick that sends the Prince to the floor. The expert analysis of Ron Slinker: “ninjas are fast.” He also helpfully points out that Muta is a “big ninja” as opposed to midget ninjas. Iukea climbs back in and they work a wristlock into a hammerlock. Muta reverses and Iukea shows that he’s paying attention by breaking with his own back heel trip. Iukea pounds Muta down and smashes him into the turnbuckle. Body slam leads to a leg drop for a two count. Iukea works an armbar between the legs. Muta powers up, but is sent back down with the old “full armdrag and twist.” That gets two. Suplex by the Prince, but he whiffs on a diving headbutt and Muta takes over. Cross corner whip leads to the springing back elbow to pop the crowd. Iukea bails to the floor and Muta planchas out onto him. Iukea barely beats the count back in. Backbreaker by Muta and he goes up top for a crisp moonsualt for the victory. ѕ*

This should have been a total squash for the Ninja in allowing him to showcase his wares. Instead he wrestles a pretty standard North American styled match giving Iukea a lot of offense. Proceedings don’t pick up until Muta busts out the high flying maneuvers and then it’s over just like that.

LEX LUGER VS. HECTOR GUERRERO

Combatants: Guerrero is the brother of Eddie, Mando and Chavo, Sr., making him the uncle of Chavo, Jr. He looks like Eddie if he ran a car dealership in Tuscon. Luger hadn’t been in the business a year yet, but was getting a major push thanks to his look, which at the time was Lyle Alzado if he slept in his car the night before. He wasn’t quite the Total Package yet, but working on it.

The Match: This match is part of the tournament to crown a new Florida T.V. champion. Luger’s Southern Heavyweight belt is not on the line. They lockup and Luger pushes Guerrero off and flexes. Lex powers out of a rear waistlock and leg trips Hector from behind. Luger works a headlock and Hector throws his weight back to send them to the mat for the break. Hector armdrags him down and works and armbar on the canvas. Luger counters with a head scissors. They roll into the ropes for the break. Luger hits the armdrag and now he works the arm. In a real impressive show of strength, he picks Guerrero up by the arm and slams him all around the ring. He tries to do it again and Guerrero rolls with the flow and takes Luger down. They make their feet with Hector scoring a hammerlock. Lex goes to the ropes. Back to the mat, Guerrrero works a crossface. Luger goes to the ropes again to break. Solie notes that Lugers uses the ropes like a tag team partner. Back to the their feet Luger beats Guerrero down and drops him throat first over the top rope. Way to go partner. Choke lift by Luger and he tosses him down for more choking with a side of choking. Clothesline gets two for Luger. He goes to the chinlock. Guerrero makes it to his feet and Luger hits a one arm powered slam. Lex gets massive air on an elbow drop, but misses. Hector slugs away and whips him across the ring. Snapmare lets Hector get a corkscrew body press off the ropes for two. Back up, Luger reverses a whip. Hector catches himself and jumps to the second turnbuckle. He comes off with a body press, but Lex catches him and rolls through the momentum to score the pinfall. He makes sure to grab the trunks for good measure. Can’t have the heel go over clean you know. *

Pretty standard T.V. match for the time. It’s a glorified squash for Luger as he was being poised to be the top heel in the promotion. He would go on to win the T.V. Title tournament. From ’87 until he went to the WWF in ‘93 Luger was actually a very good worker and he shows good heel psychology and decent pacing for a short match here.

“The Chairman of the Board” King Curtis Iukea cuts a promo on videotape. He’s recently returned to the promotion as the man behind Kevin Sullivan. He’s sitting on a locker room floor with a beach blanket in front of him. King Curtis appears to be suffering from that voice modulation disease Will Ferrell had in that old “SNL” skit. Curtis makes up a bunch of Arabian sounding words and relates the story of how he came back to Florida Championship Wrestling. He was taking a bath and a lackey told him to take ‘the future down’ from Singapore to Kevin Sullivan. Some people read tealeaves, but Curtis is a fat man so he reads chicken bones. The bones in the blanket say that Lex Luger will be the next disciple of Sullivan.

TONY D’AMATO, JIM BACKLUND AND MIKE ALLEN VS. MAHA SINGH, KEVIN SULLIVAN AND THE PURPLE HAZE

Combatants: The heels have King Curtis and Luna Vachon with them. Sullivan was the psycho terror of Florida before going to the NWA and forming the Varsity Club to become the psycho terror there. The Purple Haze is “Maniac” Mark Lewin. Maha Singh is Bob Roop. The concept for the character was that it was a split personality for Roop. He thought it had great potential, but Sullivan never really let him do much. So around three months after this point, Roop was made the head booker of the CWF and fired Sullivan. Fate is a cruel mistress. The faces are a jobber hall of fame for Florida. Jim Backlund would go onto wrestle as “Gigolo” Jimmy Del Ray and briefly as Jimmy Graffiti in the WCW.

The Match: Allen starts off with Singh, who Solie calls Bob Roop the whole time. Nice way to get the gimmick over. He tosses Allen to the floor and Purple Haze goes to work with back rakes. Singh tosses D’Amato to the floor and then drags in Backlund only to be tossed out as a play toy for Haze. Allen crawls back in and eats a high knee coming off the ropes. Haze press slams Backlund into the ring and Sullivan goes to work on him. Singh comes in from beating Allen on the floor and resumes his place as the legal man. He tags out to Haze who cold cocks Backlund with a big elbow then throws him out and follows. The referee orders a sandwich in lieu of policing the action. Backlund is rolled back in and Singh beats him down. He falls into his corner and tags D’Amato. More beatings and Sullivan tags in. More beating. Tag back to Singh. D’Amato falls into his corner and tags Backlund, but Singh feels like pounding on Allen instead. Backlund finally enters and does a .8 on the Marty Jannetty clothesline sell meter. That’s enough for the win and Haze celebrates with the ‘look at me I’m an airplane’ dance. DUD.

Just a clusterfuck to get Sullivan’s cult over as wild crazies who have no regard for the rules and will steamroll anyone in their path.

Post match they go over to the commentator’s table and cut a promo. Sullivan reveals that only three people knew who the Chairman of the Board was before his recent debut. Himself, the Purple Haze and…Gordon Solie! OMGWTFWWJD! Solie admits to it! GORDON SOLIE IS THE HIGHER POWER! Sadly, I don’t think that plotline went anywhere and Solie and Colt blow it off after Sullivan and his gang leave. I think Kev was just messing with him.

KENDALL WINDHAM VS. MARK BENEDICT

Combatants: Windham is the brother of Barry Windham and son of Blackjack Mulligan. He had a run in WCW toward their end tagging with his brother in the West Texas Rednecks stable. Kendall looks like an anorexic Olson Twin here. Benedict looks like an alternate universe, biker gang Screech.

The Match: Lockup into the standard armdrag takedown. He works the arm on the mat. He fights up and makes the ropes to break. Lockup into a fireman’s carry takedown and Windham goes back to working the arm on the mat. Benedict powers up and Kendall keeps on the arm. Mark reverses into a hammerlock and Windham reverses that. They fight over a top wristlock and Benedict takes the advantage by grabbing the hair. Back to the arm for Windham. Benedict reverses and he backs things into the ropes. Windham ducks a clothesline off of a whip and hits a body press from the other side for a sloppy pin and the win. DUD.

Seems like simple filler. All the arm work went absolutely nowhere and was just filler in the filler.

Buddy Colt was supposed to interview Sullivan and his crew, but they had to run down to the KFC to get supplies for King Curtis so he could predict the basketball games that night. Instead he has Blackjack Mulligan. They cut to a taped Sullivan interview.

Kevin Sullivan sets up that Superstar Billy Graham is the only person to ever leave his evil clutches and that’s why King Curtis has come. I thought it was to read chicken bones. Luna hangs out in a locker while the Purple Haze does the Undertaker ‘eyes in the back of the head’ bit and looks off his rocker. King Curtis didn’t eat, sleep or drink on his way over to purify his soul of all goodness and light. They then feasted on the beetle nut and rejoiced. He promises that Billy Graham will return to him. And then they will feast on his innards. Beetle nuts and Billy Graham guts, I think they eat that in Temple of Doom.

We get the Dusty-ese rebuttal from Blackjack Mulligan. Sullivan is completely backwards and warping the minds of small children everywhere. Iukea might be the devil incarnate, but he’s not going to talk about that. Way to dangle a plotline.

Cut to a picture of Billy Graham staked out in the desert. I’m serious, folks. He explains in voiceover that he did this to cleanse himself of all darkness and reclaim his soul. So not eating and sleeping makes you evil, but getting lost in the desert makes you good. I see. He does some Dr. Seuss rhyming and promises Armageddon. The movie, wrestling ppv or actual return of Jesus to earth is unclear.

Mulligan promises a surprise for Sullivan in the coming weeks. It’s probably Dusty Rhodes, it’s always Dusty Rhodes.

Solie mourns the passing of referee Bubba Douglas, the unofficial mayor of Lakeland. I hope that’s on his tombstone.

We get the end of the match from Battle of the Belts II between Barry Windham and Ric Flair. Flair puts his foot on the ropes to break a pin attempt. Windham drags him up and gets a suplex for another two. He misses an elbow drop and Flair takes over. Chops in the corner. They slug it out. Flair flip on a whip. He runs the apron and tries to come off with a double axehandle, but Barry plows him in the gut with a big right hand. Ric ducks a clothesline off the ropes and nails a crossbody coming from the other side. They topple over the top rope to the floor and that’s all she wrote. Flair keeps the World title on a double count out.

BLACKJACK MULLIGAN VS. LA AMENAZA ROJA AND THE MARAUDER

Combatants: Blackjack Mulligan is the father of Barry and Kendall Windham. He was one half of the Blackjacks for years with Blackjack Lanza. Imagine Dusty Rhodes with a black hair and a Rollie Fingers mustache. The Marauder is Jesse Barr in a mask, best known as Jimmy Jack Funk. How sad is that? La Amenzaza Roja is Spanish for “masked Mexican jobber.”

The Match: This is a handicap bout. The heels attack Mulligan at the bell in the corner. They give him a double whip to the opposite corner and charge. He greets them with big punches and fights them off. He tosses the Marauder out and makes Roja eat a big boot off the ropes. Hip toss and he pulls Marauder back in for another hip toss. Roja charges and is thrown out. Big boot for Marauder. He whips him to the other corner and punches Roja as he stumbles back in. He whips Marauder into Roja to send him back out and a big jumping back elbow takes out the Marauder to finish. DUD.

About the most shameless squash I’ve ever seen to put a washed up grappler over.

Solie and Colt recap the show to burn time and it’s so long from the Sunshine state.

Dusty Rhodes does the outro. He shills the series some more and then takes off to find out if there is any meat left on those chicken bones.

Kind of interesting as a time capsule. The DVD starts out promising with some good early work by Keji Mutoh and Lex Luger and then dissolves into the silly Sullivan cult angle. Certainly not for modern fans. Hell, I wouldn’t even say it’s decent for old school fans.

Coming up in Turnbuckle Memories Volume 2 we get to thrill to such legends as Mike Rotundo, The Sheepherders, Bugsy McGraw, Johnny Valentine, Paul Jones and…wait for it…wait for it…THE MULKEY BROTHERS! If that doesn’t bring you back, nothing will. Don’t die.