Hall’s ECW Massacre On 34th Street Review

Massacre on 34th Street
Date: December 3, 2000
Location: Hammerstein Ballroom, New York City, New York
Attendance: 2,600
Commentators: Joey Styles, Joel Gertner

Oh well why not. We’re twenty five years removed from this and ECW was on its last legs anyway. The company had already lost its national television show and its syndicated show would be done at the end of the year. That doesn’t make for the best situation coming into this show, but hopefully they can make something good out of what they have. Let’s get to it.

Please note that I was not the biggest ECW fan and only saw a small handful of it when it originally aired. I apologize for missing any major plot or character points.

World Champion Steve Corino, with Jack Victory, is excited about entering a pay per view with the title. He’s been thinking about all of the great champions who have defended the title here, from Bruno Sammartino (he was awful), Pedro Morales (can’t get a green card) and Bob Backlund (they have nothing bad to say about him because he’s nuts).

Some World Champions never got to work here, like Ric Flair (which makes Corino cough) and tonight, he’s ready to do whatever it takes to keep the title from Justin Credible and Jerry Lynn. Corino says he’s the toughest man in the locker room but makes sure that Victory doesn’t want the title. They banter a bit and Victory leaves, with Corino saying he could beat him. Of note: you could hear the ring announcer introducing the commentators during the promo and the director saying “ok” after it’s done.

Joey Styles and Joel Gertner are in the ring, with Gertner doing his usual rhyming about various things involving your mother before offering a demonstration.

Opening sequence, which is the same as ECW On TNN. It also features a bunch of people not wrestling on the show, such as Rob Van Dam, Sandman and New Jack.

Bad Street Boys vs. Simon And Swinger

The Boys are Christian York and Joey Matthews (better known as Joey Mercury). Simon does his usual SIMON HAS A PROBLEM deal and promises to take out York and Matthews (a young athletic team). We’re ready to go but here is Dawn Marie to interrupt. She knows that everyone is happy to see her but she needs a man. Actually, just one man isn’t enough because she needs two men (Styles: “Kinky.” Gertner: “Joey….we’ve been friends for a little while now.”).

After some more innuendo, she offers a managerial contract to the winners (Gertner: “Come on Joey. Tag with me. Be the Missing Link or something.”) and Matthews/York take turns looking up her skirt as she leaves. The bell rings (almost fifteen minutes into the show) and York is sent to the floor to start, leaving Matthews to get double faceplanted. Back in and a double powerbomb drops Swinger and a double suplex does the same to Simon.

We settle down to York getting double teamed as commentary argues over who gets to make the inappropriate jokes about Dawn Marie. A double back heel trip gets two on York and the Simon Series (a bunch of suplexes) keeps him down. Swinger grabs a chair but Dawn Marie takes it away, meaning the top rope clothesline hits Simon by mistake.

A faceplant allows the tag off to Matthews to clean house. Everything breaks down and York goes up but Swinger pushes the referee into the ropes for a crotching. The Simonizer (reverse DDT) puts Matthews down but he’s back up to cut off a double superplex. A sunset bomb drops Simon and it’s a super hurricanrana into a top rope…knee or elbow to pin Swinger at 5:38.

Rating: B-. That’s probably the extent of the standard wrestling that you’re going to see here and it makes sense to have a nice wrestling match to open the show. They didn’t do much with cheating or weapons and it was just a basic tag match with some guys who could be the future. That’s always a nice way to start and it worked well here.

Post match Darn Marie…rakes Matthews’ eyes and kisses Simon. Well that was stupid. Joel Gertner goes to help Matthews and York.

Danny Doring and Roadkill are mad at the FBI and want their Tag Team Titles. If they lose, they’re done as a team.

EZ Money vs. Balls Mahoney

Money has Hot Commodity (Elektra, Chris Hamrick and Julio Dinero) with him. As Elektra puts money in Money’s g-string (yep), Cyrus (better known as Don Callis) takes Gertner’s place on commentary. Mahoney hiptosses and armdrags him to start before hammering away, much to the fans’ delight. A spinning kick misses though and Mahoney falls to the floor, with Money hitting a big dive.

Back in and Mahoney grabs a nasty belly to back suplex for two, which sends Money outside. This time it’s Mahoney hitting a big dive to take all of the villains out. Back in and the New Jersey Jam (top rope legdrop) misses for Mahoney but he catches Money on top. The superplex gives Mahoney two but Money is back with a kneeling belly to back piledriver. Money’s Swanton misses though and Mahoney hits a superkick for two. Elektra offers a distraction though and Hamrick knocks Mahoney down, setting up a moonsault to give Money the pin at 7:51.

Rating: C-. They seemed to be going with the brawler vs. high flier deal here and that worked well enough, but the interference was getting annoying and Hot Commodity couldn’t feel more low rent if they tried. It’s not terrible, but it’s also a match that felt like it belonged on a random TV show rather than a pay per view.

Post match the beating is on and here’s Nova for the save. And a match.

Nova vs. Julio Dinero

Nova hammers away to start but gets taken down with a neckbreaker. A top rope standing moonsault press gets two on Nova, followed by a knee drop for the same. Nova backbreakers his way out of trouble and they slug it out until Money gets in a chair shot from the floor. A quick Spin Doctor drops Dinero again but Elektra comes in, earning herself a Kryptonite Krunch (White Noise). Nova’s top rope legdrop hits Dinero so Hot Commodity comes in with a Spin Cycle to Nova. Balls Mahoney is back in with some hard chair shots, leaving Nova to hit a Swanton for the pin at 5:58.

Rating: C+. Some of the spots were nice, but this rapid fire impromptu style match is only so good. It’s the kind of a match that doesn’t really add much to the show other than filling in time. Nova could do some cool stuff and I do like that they tied it into the previous match, but we’re almost 45 minutes into the show and this was the second straight match that doesn’t feel important.

TV Champion Rhino knows New York is full of cowards, just like Dudleyville. Spike Dudley has been interfering in his matches and tonight it’s time to destroy him.

Tag Team Titles: FBI vs. Danny Doring/Roadkill

The FBI, with Big Sal, is defending and if Doring/Roadkill lose, they split up. Guido and Doring trade rollups to start before an exchange of kicks give us a standoff. It’s off to Mamaluke for an armdrag to the far bigger Roadkill, who crushes him in the corner for his efforts. A Boss Man Slam drops Mamaluke and the Lancaster Lariat Of Lust (Hart Attack) puts Doring down.

Roadkill goes outside to brawl with Sal and Mamaluke is up with a big diving tornado DDT. Back in and a double superbomb sends Mamaluke into a chair for two. Guido’s side Russian legsweep gets the same and we’re back into a standard tag. The Sicilian Slice gives Guido two but Doring fights up it’s back to Roadkill to clean house. A sitout powerbomb hits Mamaluke and Roadkill (who weighs over 300lbs) goes up top and dives onto Sal.

Back in and Doring’s super gutbuster gets two on Mamaluke, followed by a belt shot for the same on Doring. Roadkill comes back inside and gets caught in a double Fujiwara armbar. Mamaluke lets go to jump Doring, who superkicks him off the apron and out into the crowd. Rather than saving Roadkill, Doring yells at Mamaluke until Guido knocks him off the ropes. Roadkill makes another save and the Buggyback (wheelbarrow faceplant/top rope Fameasser combination) finishes Guido for the titles at 9:03.

Rating: B-. Other than Doring looking like an idiot right before the ending, it was a pretty nice match with everyone working hard and the title change at the end feeling like a big moment. Doring and Roadkill worked well together and it’s nice to see them get the titles. If nothing else, it was nice to have a match that felt a lot more important so far into the show.

Spike Dudley makes fun or Rhino before saying “F*** YOU!”. He’s beaten a bunch of giants so he might as well do it again here.

We see a guy wiping down the ropes, which the fans seem to like.

CW Anderson vs. Tommy Dreamer

They don’t like each other, with Anderson promising to use Dreamer as a stepping stone to….I guess a higher status. Dreamer’s introduction is cut off by Anderson, who wants to fight and spits in his face. Dreamer hammers him to start and grabs an early neckbreaker, followed by something like a Black Widow on the mat. That’s broken up with some right hands to the face but Dreamer drops him on his head with an armdrag.

A DDT on the arm sends Anderson to the floor, where Dreamer sends the arm into the post. Back in and Anderson gives Dreamer’s arm a Stunner, followed by a superkick to the face. They head outside again where Anderson crotches him on the barricade and hits a heck of a left hand. The bleeding Dreamer’s arm is crushed against the post with a couple of chair shots but Dreamer is back with a chair shot of his own.

Shockingly enough the fight heads into the crowd where Anderson gets in a suplex. It’s already back to ringside, where Anderson snaps the arm over the rope. The chair is loaded up in the corner and of course Dreamer sends him face first into it to get a breather. An elbow onto Anderson onto the open chair gets two and Dreamer grabs the towel boy’s towel to drag Anderson around the ropes. Anderson goes after said boy but gets caught in a tornado DDT for two more.

Cue Anderson’s former manager Lou E. Dangerously to break a cell phone over Dreamer’s head and Anderson hits a DDT. Cue Paul Heyman to break another phone over Lou’s head before Dreamer hits the Death Valley Driver on Anderson for a delayed two. Dreamer’s DDT is countered into an exploder suplex for another two but Anderson misses a charge in the corner. A piledriver plants Anderson and it’s time for a table.

Dreamer gives him a side slam onto the unset table and goes up, allowing Anderson to pelt a chair at his head. That means it’s a superplex onto the table for two and Anderson grabs another table. This one is actually set up in the corner but Dreamer gets in the Tommyhawk (reverse Razor’s Edge dropped into a cutter, which always looked cool). Another Tommyhawk is loaded up but Anderson reverses into a spinebuster through the table in the corner (whose legs were facing towards Dreamer) for the pin at 16:46.

Rating: C+. Yeah this was too long and it hurt things, as did the double interferences which felt like a joke rather than something worthwhile. Other than that though, this was more of the violence and carnage that you expect from ECW. The arm work was fine and done in more of the ECW style, though I could have gone with about five minutes being cut off, as is the case with both of them most of the time.

The Sinister Minister has escaped being kidnapped by…someone and tells the Unholy Alliance (Mikey Whipwreck/Tajiri) not to pay the ransom. They laugh a lot.

TV Title: Rhino vs. Little Spike Dudley

Rhino is defending and this is destruction on paper as Spike goes for revenge after Rhino broke Spike’s leg earlier this year. Spike tries the Acid Drop (his one big move) but gets shoved off. Instead Spike hits his own Gore and goes after the leg to hammer away on the mat. Rhino gets taken down by the leg again but he kicks Spike outside for a whip into the barricade.

Spike gets dropped face first onto the edge of a table in a nasty landing, followed by a chair to the head. Another chair shot hits the now bleeding Spike and Rhino goes after the knee brace. Spike fights back with some chair shots of his own, including one from the apron to the floor. The fight heads into the crowd where Spike gets in a beer to the head.

It’s time to go back inside where the Acid Drop is loaded up…but Rhino just walks him around the ring and drops him over the top through a table for a great looking crash. Somehow that’s only good for two and the Gore connects, with Spike rolling outside. Spike pops up with some chair shots, including one to the leg. More chair shots to the let have Rhino in trouble…but he grabs a choke to knock Spike out and retain at 9:53.

Rating: C. The idea here was that Spike had one big move and he never even hit it. That left Spike to go after the leg for a long time, which kind of tied into the ending. Spike was definitely trying and he could take a beating like few others, but it only worked so well. At least it didn’t go long though, as Rhino needed to look like a monster here, which was mostly the case.

Post match Spike vomits in the ring and Rhino just unloads on him with chair shots. A table is set up and Rhino puts a referee through it for trying to intervene.

Francine interrupts Steve Corino and Jack Victory and offers Corino a warmup before the main event. Corino lets Victory go with her instead. Corino goes to join them and gets jumped by Justin Credible. Francine seems to do something painful to Victory.

Unholy Alliance vs. Super Crazy/???

This is the result of a six man tag going badly for the Alliance and Crazy. The latter has a mystery partner in the form of…Kid Kash, who waits for Crazy to get double teamed before running in for the save. Whipwreck jumps Kash from behind to start and they trade missed clotheslines. A springboard spinning sunset flip gives Kash two but Whipwreck gives him a hard Russian legsweep.

Kash is back up with a hurricanrana and they stare at each other for a bit. It’s off to Crazy to tilt-a-whirl backbreaker Tajiri, who pops right back up for some reason. They lock hands for a monkey flip and hurricanrana, followed by an exchange of armdrags. The two of them nip up for a standoff and the fans certainly approve. Everything breaks down and Kash and Crazy have their heads put between three chairs for a double dropkick (ouch). Again the fans approve because they’re kind of bloodthirsty.

Crazy is back up with a big Lionsault to the floor, followed by Kash using the referee as a launchpad to dive onto the Alliance as well. Back in and Kash hits a Whisper In The Wind to take them down again, followed by stereo ten (diez in Crazy’s case) punches in the corner. The Alliance break that up and load up some chair, only for Kash to Falcon Arrow Whipwreck.

Kash goes up and gets Whippersnappered (middle rope Stunner) through the chairs to leave him down again. Another Whippersnapper sends Kash through a table at ringside, leaving Crazy to put Tajiri down for the three straight moonsaults. Crazy goes up and gets shoved down by Tajiri, only to come back in with a super faceplant.

A sunset flip is broken up with a chair to the head and the Tarantula goes on. Tajiri mists Crazy and it’s time to load up the tables. Kash’s super hurricanrana brings Whipwreck off the top and through the table at ringside for a big crash. Tajiri kicks away at Crazy and puts a chair on top of him. Uh make that two chairs. Three chairs. And a table over them. For a top rope double stomp. And the pin. At 18:24.

Rating: B. This went on for a good while and it had quite a few rather insane spots. The Alliance was one of the high spots of the end of ECW and they were fun to watch here, if nothing else for the sake of all the violence they were inflicting. Crazy and Tajiri knew how to do the awesome athletic stuff and they were showcasing it here, with the finish being quite violent. Nice match here, though trimming a few minutes off would have helped.

Da Baldies promise a massacre on 34th Street. I have never gotten the appeal of these guys.

Blue Boy (Blue Meanie) picks up a hooker, better known as adult film star Jasmin St. Clair. This is edited out of the Peacock version.

ECW World Title: Jerry Lynn vs. Justin Credible vs. Steve Corino

Corino, with Jack Victory, is defending, Credible has Francine (who is denying Credible various relations until he wins the title back) with him as well, and this is elimination rules. Lynn takes them both down with the kendo stick shots to start but Credible knocks him into the corner. Credible stomps on Lynn but gets jumped by Corino. They fight to the floor (of course) and Corino is sent over the barricade.

Lynn joins him to hammer away but Credible is there as well with some right hands of his own. Corino and Lynn go back to ringside, where Lynn sends him over the barricade again for a crash through some chairs. Credible whips Lynn hard into the barricade, followed by some shouting into the mic as he stomps on both of them back inside. Lynn gets tired of listening to Credible (shocking) and sunset flips him for two.

That’s Incredible is countered into a Tombstone to give Lynn two and Lynn dropkicks a chair into Corino’s face. A cradle piledriver puts Corino onto a chair but Francine comes in to molest Lynn. The distraction doesn’t work as Lynn kicks Credible low, leaving Credible to punch Francine by mistake. Not that it seems to matter as That’s Incredible gets rid of Lynn at 11:43. Cyrus, who is associated with Lynn, storms off commentary as we’re down to Corino vs. Credible.

The fans want Sandman but settle for the two of them slugging it out instead. Credible is knocked outside and into the barricade (that think has taken a beating tonight) but comes back with a loud superkick. Corino gets sent into a ladder (because there’s a ladder) and they go back inside, where Corino hits a Raven drop toehold into an open chair. Credible is busted open as he suplexes Corino against the ladder for two and it’s time to go back into the crowd (as this is feeling badly like filler).

One heck of a kendo stick shot to the head knocks Corino silly and some more shots knock him off the balcony. Well in theory at least, as we don’t actually see him fall because camerawork isn’t ECW’s strong suit. We can’t actually see the fight in the crowd, but Corino (bleeding, as usual) is in control as they get back to the ring. They chop it out until Credible loads up the ladder and hits That’s Incredible (ladder not involved) for two. Corino whips him into the ladder though and hits the Old School Expulsion (reverse Twist Of Fate) to retain at 22:51.

Rating: C-. I really wasn’t feeling this as it dragged on forever and didn’t really feel like it had much of a flow. Instead it was more Credible and Corino doing moves to each other until Corino won. Lynn being involved didn’t feel like it added anything and they would have been better off doing a regular triple threat, though that wasn’t ECW’s style. Not much to see here.

Post match Sandman comes in and beats on Corino with a chair before stealing the title. Joey Styles asks if anyone can make sense of this, which isn’t something you want to hear.

Jerry Lynn is annoyed when Cyrus comes up to him and they’re now together. This is also edited off of Peacock for some reason.

A montage of the show wraps us up (also missing from Peacock, likely due to music).

 

Results
Bad Street Boys b. Simon And Swinger – Top rope elbow to Swinger
EZ Money b. Balls Mahoney – Moonsault
Nova b. Julio Dinero – Swanton
Danny Doring/Roadkill b. FBI – Buggyback to Guido
CW Anderson b. Tommy Dreamer – Spinebuster through a table
Rhino b. Little Spike Dudley – Choke
Unholy Alliance b. Super Crazy/Kid Kash – Top rope double stomp to Crazy
Steve Corino b. Justin Credible and Jerry Lynn – Old School Expulsion to Credible

 

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7.0

The final score: review Good

The 411

This was actually a pleasant surprise as I was expecting it to be terrible or dull and it wound up being decent enough. There was definitely enough good action to carry it and aside from the first few matches, it never dragged. The problem is that very little felt like it was some kind of a big story. You can definitely tell that ECW is just going through the motions at this point and it didn’t have much in the way of major stories. It’s a decent show, though hardly representative of what really made ECW famous. That’s a weird combination, but I’ll take what I can get here.