Hall’s Wrestlemania II Review

Wrestlemania II
Date: April 7, 1986
Location #1: Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum, New York City, New York
Location #2: Rosemont Horizon, Rosemont, Illinois
Location #3: Los Angeles Memorial Sports Arena, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 16,585 (New York), 9,000 (Chicago), 14,500 (Los Angeles), 40,085 (Total)
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Susan Saint James (New York), Gene Okerlund, Gorilla Monsoon, Cathy Lee Crosby (Chicago), Lord Alfred Hayes, Jesse Ventura, Elvira (Los Angeles)

This is a show that I’ve seen far too many times over the years as it’s not exactly a great watch. After last year’s original Wrestlemania, the WWF had to come up with something for the second edition so we’re doing it at three different locations. That doesn’t do much for the fans watching as they only got to see see a third of the matches in person each, but that’s part of the, uh, charm. Let’s get to it.

The show being dubbed “What The World Has Come To” was a nice touch.

Vince McMahon welcomes us to the New York portion of the show, welcoming Susan Saint James, an actress who knew nothing about wrestling but was married to NBC executive Dick Ebersol so there you go.

McMahon introduces Ray Charles for an outstanding version of America The Beautiful. Easily one of the best renditions ever, though having Hulk Hogan as one of the American images was a bit eye roll inducing (even if it made sense at the time).

Gene Okerlund is in Chicago (Rosemont but close enough) and hypes up the battle royal.

Legendary boxing trainer Lou Duva (clearly reading off a cue card) praises Roddy Piper, who is going to “do the job tonight”. Piper goes on one of his traditional rants about how he can’t believe Mr. T. got Joe Frazier to train him (Piper: “Are you ribbing me?”). If T. can knock him out, he’ll quit tiddlywinks and dating girls, but never Bob Orton. Also, he’ll never “Shave his hair like an Indian and paint myself black. Too hoo.”

Paul Orndorff vs. Magnificent Muraco

Mr. Fuji is here with Muraco and this is another part of the fallout from last year’s Wrestlemania main event, with Orndorff moving on from Piper to Muraco. We get some interviews from Muraco (who is ready to make Orndorff the embarrassment of Wrestlemania II) and Orndorff (who has been going to the gym a lot) but the videos never come up so we just get some kind of weird voiceovers.

They trade slams to start and Muraco bails to the floor to start, only to charge into a backdrop back inside. This gives us St. James’ first comments of the match: “ALL RIGHT!”. She also thinks Orndorff is currently winning because he has an armbar. I can’t blame her because she’s in a spot where she doesn’t know anything about what she’s watching but…dang it’s a rough listen.

The wristlock goes on and Orndorff cranks away on the mat, with Muraco being very sweaty despite being less than three minutes in. Muraco finally fights out (Fuji approves) and they lock up to crash over the top (with Orndorff’s feet getting caught in the ropes). They slug it out and it’s a double countout at 4:23.

Rating: D+. Oh we are not off to a good start here, and that’s not even including Orndorff’s racist gesture (involving pulling his eyes back) to Fuji, which thankfully has been edited out here. This felt like a way to set up rematches, but it helps when the match is good in the first place. Orndorff and Muraco are more than good enough to have a solid match together, but this certainly wasn’t it.

Post match Orndorff throws a chair into the ring and we get a LOUD “BULLS***” chant from the fans. For some reason the official decision isn’t immediately announced.

Mr. T., with Joe Frazier and the (now bald, thanks to Piper and Orton) Haiti Kid doesn’t like to talk before a fight and then talks about how he’s going to do various things to Piper. You can hear the double countout from the previous match being announced during T.’s promo. It never ceases to amaze me that they couldn’t time this kind of thing better, or at least fix the audio.

Intercontinental Title: Randy Savage vs. George Steele

Savage, with Elizabeth, is defending and has only been champion for a few months. St. James declares this to be “her match”, which almost sounds like a threat. We get an insert promo from Savage promising to zero in on Steele. Savage bails to the floor to start (maybe he has a thing about chest hair) but then comes back in while Steele just looks at him.

Steele does his weird flailing arms deal and Savage bails again, this time swinging a chair at the ropes in….well it’s kind of hard to gauge Savage’s emotions. We’ll go with intense. Savage bails again and Steele gives chase a few times, even managing to bite Savage’s boot (St. James: “EAT HIS LEG!”). Back in and Steele misses a charge into the ropes, getting tied up in the process.

Savage hammers away and hits a high crossbody for two, with the kickout sending him outside for the fourth time in a little over three minutes. Back in again and we’ll make it five times, with Savage bailing underneath the ring this time. That lets him come out the other side for a running knee to Steele, who bites the arm to block a clothesline. Steele picks up some flowers that someone tried to give to Elizabeth and uses them to abuse Savage’s face.

Hold on though as Steele needs to eat a turnbuckle, allowing Savage to…well get stuffing shoved into his face actually. Savage bails to the floor AGAIN but Steele is distracted by Elizabeth, allowing Savage to knee him in the back. The top rope elbow connects…for two. That’s not something you see very often and Steele grabs him by the face for a ram into the corner. The referee breaks it up and Savage grabs a rollup with feet on the ropes to retain at 5:11.

Rating: C-. It was slightly better than the opener but we aren’t in the best of territories thus far. Steele kicking out of the elbow is a fairly big deal and commentary made it sound important, but at the same time, the match was more catered to Steele’s silliness and that’s not the best for someone like Savage. What we got was passable enough, but it needed to be a lot better than this. Throw in Saint James having nothing important to say and it makes for a tedious watch.

Post match, Steele eats another turnbuckle.

Back in Chicago, NFL star Bill Fralic is ready to fight Big John Studd, whom he names the Dud and happens to be standing right there. Studd yells about how Fralic is just a football player and breaks a football. Fralic talks trash of his own and seems like he would have fit in well in wrestling.

Vince and Susan discuss snakes. I think you know where this is going.

Jake Roberts vs. George Wells

Wells starts fast and knocks him down, followed by a flying shoulder. A headbutt drops Roberts again and a whip into the corner has him all shaken up. Wells hammers away again and gets two off a powerslam. Roberts gets smart by going to the eyes and hits a knee lift, followed by the DDT (not yet named) for the win at 3:10.

Rating: D+. Anytime someone wants to have a good match, feel free to take a shot. It’s still a very different time for Wrestlemania, but this wasn’t good even under 1986 methods. Wells beat him up with just about every generic bit of offense imaginable and then got caught by two moves. Roberts needed a win because he was still brand new, but this is the third weak match in a row. Do better.

Post match Wells gets the snake treatment and foams at the mouth, which scared the heck out of me as a kid.

We recap Mr. T. vs. Roddy Piper in a boxing match and this show is somehow only going to get worse. Piper had been promoting Bob Orton as a boxer so he issued an open challenge for a boxing match, with Mr. T. signing up in a hilarious segment which for some reason isn’t included here. T. then beat Orton and was jumped by Piper and Orton after the match, setting this up.

In Los Angeles, Hulk Hogan talks about how he’s going to defend the WWF Title against King Kong Bundy, broken ribs or not. And Mr. T. is going to beat Roddy Piper. This was a very stereotypical promo, which again makes Hogan vs. Bundy feel out of place as the main event.

Roddy Piper vs. Mr. T.

Boxing match, with Joan Rivers as ring announcer and NBA star Darryl Dawkins, singer Cab Calloway (Curtis from the Blues Brothers) and G. Gordon Liddy (of Watergate fame because…I have no idea) as the guest judges. Herb, a character who promoted Burger King, is guest timekeeper. And yes, this was supposed to be interesting. For some reason, Rivers introduces Orton as a “funnyman”, which sounds like it has to be a rib. They nearly get into it before the bell and have to be held back.

Round one begins as McMahon is trying to call it like a boxing match, which goes as well as you might expect. Feeling out process to start and they tie up a few times, with Piper getting in cheap shots. T. bobs and weaves a bit and hammers away but they tie up again and go into the corner. The referee keeps having to break it up and the round ends. All of the seconds have to hold them apart and Piper gets in a low of yelling, as you might have expected.

Round two begins with T. accusing Piper of having salve on his face, which has to be cleaned off. T. throws more punches and is pulled off for getting tied up on the ropes and then they just stare at each other. Piper unloads in the corner, with T. looking totally gassed already. Some big right hands drop T. and Piper gets in a quick kick before finally letting the referee count to eight. T. gets up and the fans are LOUDLY chanting for Piper now. The round ends with T. falling down as this is turning into even more of a joke. Orton throws a bucket of water on T. during the break to give the fans another reason to see T. as a joke.

Round three begins with Piper throwing in the Ali Shuffle so T. goes into the corner and very sluggishly pounds him down. That’s nowhere near enough for a knockout and Piper is back up, where a huge left hand knocks him out of the ring. T. is again totally gassed, with Piper staying on the floor a bit to give him a chance to breathe. They grapple against the ropes again and the round ends, with T. needing to be helped to the corner. This time T. gets up and yells at Piper as we have a round card girl for the first time.

Piper throws a stool at T., with the fans approving. Round four begins with the two of them standing there to slug it out. Piper lands a loud right hand to knock T.’s mouthpiece out so T. hits a left to knock out Piper’s as well. Then Piper shoves the referee and slams T. for the DQ at 13:27.

Rating: F. When your (at worst) second top heel is being loudly cheered over your celebrity good guy less than a year after these two had one of the biggest matches ever, you’re doing something very, very wrong. This was horrible even by wrestling boxing standards, as T. was totally blown up and Piper just hammered him. It’s easy to see why Piper doesn’t like T., as this was an all time disaster.

Everyone comes in and they’re held apart, which lasts all of a few seconds before Piper jumps on him again.

And now to Chicago, thankfully with Saint James off commentary (again, she wasn’t in her element but it was tough to listen to her).

Commentary introduces us to the show and….actress Cathy Lee Crosby will be doing commentary here. Egads they have a theme.

Women’s Title: Fabulous Moolah vs. Velvet McIntyre

Moolah is defending and jumps her to start with some running forearms. McIntyre is up with her one footed dropkicks (a thing for her) but misses a splash. Moolah gets the pin to retain at 1:00 (McIntyre having to fix her broken top might have something to do with it).

Corporal Kirchner vs. Nikolai Volkoff

Flag match, which means a regular match where the winner gets to take both flags (which is a weird way to go). Kirchner interrupts the Soviet National Anthem, much to Freddie Blassie’s (here with Volkoff) annoyance. Volkoff hits him with a spinning kick of all things to start and they go outside, with Volkoff sending him into the post.

A bite to the head has Kirchner in more trouble but he slugs away back inside. The referee is shoved down so Blassie throws in the cane, which Kirchner intercepts and uses to knock Volkoff out at 1:45. I have no idea where Blassie was throwing because it went right to Kirchner. I’ve liked the little I’ve seen from Kirchner, but when you’re replacing someone of a higher rank (Sgt. Slaughter), you don’t seem as important.

Battle Royal

Jimbo Covert, Pedro Morales, Tony Atlas, Ted Arcidi, Harvey Martin, Dan Spivey, Hillbilly Jim, King Tonga, Iron Sheik, Ernie Holmes, B. Brian Blair, Jim Brunzell, Big John Studd, Bill Fralic, Bret Hart, Jim Neidhart, Russ Francis, Bruno Sammartino, William Perry, Andre The Giant

This is NFL vs. WWF. Clara Peller (Wendy’s advertiser) is guest timekeeper and NFL legends Dick Butkus and Harvey Martin are guest referees. Everyone gets their own entrance and you can see them standing in line in the back, which is quite the marked difference. We get going with a bunch of people going after Perry (the big crowd favorite) but can’t get him anywhere.

Covert and Tonga (Meng/Haku) are out early as Crosby says there is no strategy here. Monsoon kind of proves her wrong without being mean as Holmes is out. Brunzell is tossed as Andre shrugs off a bunch of people trying to throw him out. Perry dumps Atlas on his own before going after Studd in the corner. Martin and Morales go out at the same time as the fans are very happy with Andre going after Studd and Perry. Martin goes nuts on the floor for some reason (with commentary not acknowledging it) before Jim, Blair, Arcidi and Spivey go out in a row.

Fralic gets tossed and Sammartino gets rid of the Sheik. Sammartino hammers on Studd but can’t get him out, allowing Studd to poke him in the eye. Studd tosses Sammartino and Perry hits a heck of a double tackle to the Harts and the place goes NUTS. Perry charges at Studd to knock him into the corner but Studd cuts off another charge and tosses him out. Perry reaches up for a handshake and pulls Studd out to another huge reaction.

We’re down to the Harts, Andre and Francis, with Andre having nothing of this getting double teamed nonsense. A double dropkick ties Andre up in the ropes and the Harts get Francis down. Francis is out and we’re down to three. The Harts grab a leg apiece, which works for all of half a second. Andre cuts off Hart’s charge with a raised boot and grabs Neidhart by the beard for a double noggin knocker. Neidhart is kicked out and Hart is tossed onto him to give Andre the win at 9:13.

Rating: C. And that’s the match of the night by a mile thus far. It’s not even a particularly good battle royal but I’m a sucker for Andre going into monster mode and wrecking mere mortals. It was nice to see Bruno getting a match at Wrestlemania before he retired and the football players were a fine gimmick. This was all about Perry and then Andre though, which is certainly an upgrade from Mr. T.

Back in New York, Vince and Saint James accuse Roddy Piper of cheating but he says he wasn’t there for a picnic. He claims T. caused it and knows that hitting Mr. T. in the head isn’t going to do much damage. You can tell Piper could talk about beating up Mr. T. for days.

Jimbo Covert says he got cheated in the battle royal because Bill Fralic jumped him from behind.

The Iron Sheik says we just showed that wrestlers are better than football players and poses as he is known to do.

Tag Team Titles: Dream Team vs. British Bulldogs

The Bulldogs, with Captain Lou Albano and Ozzy Osborne, are challenging. Smith shoves Valentine around to start and avoids a forearm so it’s off to Dynamite. A hard running shoulder drops Valentine into the corner and there’s the snap suplex. Valentine blocks Bulldog’s suplex though and hits a headbutt to the ribs, allowing the tag off to Beefcake.

The arm cranking doesn’t last long so Smith grabs a fisherman’s suplex for two. It’s already back to Valentine, who gets double shouldered down for two. A sunset flip gives Smith two more and he hands it back to Dynamite, who gets caught in a kneeling piledriver for another near fall. Everything breaks down for a bit with Valentine having to roll away before the gorilla press splash can connect.

Valentine comes back in but gets caught with the runing powerslam for two (it’s always strange to see what would become a famous finisher being something so simple here). It’s back to Beefcake for a rather nasty stomp to the head, followed by Valentine hitting a shoulder breaker. Valentine pulls him up at two though, allowing Dynamite to get up top. Smith rams Valentine into Dynamite’s head for an insane crash out to the floor before getting the pin and the titles at 13:04.

Rating: B. Now we’re getting somewhere, as this is a pretty awesome match with all four putting in the effort. For as much grief as Beefcake’s in-ring work has gotten, his time with Valentine was rather good and they were in there with an all time team. That being said, the finish comes right the heck out of nowhere, but what would become the classic tag team formula was still being figured out elsewhere. Still though, absolute breath of fresh air after everything else.

Post match Albano and Osborne celebrate the title win, with Osborne saying “BRITISH BULLDOGS FOREVER!”. Smith is glad to win the titles and says they told everyone, so they’re here in the US for good. Dynamite is so out of it that he can’t even get on camera. I’d call that a bad sign.

Vince and Susan don’t have much to say about Chicago.

Off to Los Angeles.

Ricky Steamboat vs. Hercules Hernandez

Hernandez jumps him to start fast but gets armdragged down for his efforts. Back up and Steamboat flips out of…something, before superkicking Hernandez right back into the armbar. Another armdrag into another armbar has Hernandez frustrated so he blasts Steamboat with a clothesline for the break.

A hot shot rocks Steamboat again and some elbows to the face and chest make it worse. Hernandez gets two off a cover so arrogant that Chris Jericho would find it to be a bit much, only to drop Steamboat with another shot to the face. A gorilla press has Steamboat down again (and looking near death, as he could do so well) but a top rope splash hits raised knees. The high crossbody gives Steamboat the pin at 7:33.

Rating: C+. Steamboat is one of those “can do no wrong” guys and he knew exactly how to work with someone like Hernandez. It’s a completely acceptable match with Steamboat hanging in there until he could steal the win, which is one of the things he did so well. More good stuff here, though the rumored Steamboat vs. Bret Hart match could have been a good bit better.

Uncle Elmer vs. Adrian Adonis

This would be your culture clash match of the show and Jimmy Hart is here with Adonis. Elmer punches him down to start and knocks Adonis to the floor where the dress is mostly torn up. Back in and Adonis is knocked into the ropes with his arms getting tied. The splash crushes Adonis in the corner but Elmer misses the legdrop. Adonis drops his top rope headbutt for the pin at 3:01.

Rating: D-. And we’re right back down, with this match only getting a higher rating than the boxing disaster because it was so much shorter. Adonis was a skilled star in the ring, but there was only so much he can do in what was a glorified comedy match. Elmer was the definition of a gimmick and once that wears off, his charm goes with it. Unfortunately, that charm wasn’t on display here whatsoever.

Post match Adonis puts a rose on Elmer’s back before leaving.

Hulk Hogan isn’t worried about being banged up because this is about the WWF Title. He’ll crawl to the cage if he has to and wouldn’t want to be King Kong Bundy. Then he wants to beat up Bobby Heenan for a bonus.

Funk Brothers vs. Tito Santana/Junkyard Dog

Jimmy Hart is here with the Funks. Hoss (Dory Jr.) jumps the Dog to start but gets slammed down, as does Terry. Santana helps clear the ring and it’s already time for a breather on the floor. Back in and Santana hits a running clothesline to send Terry outside and a dropkick does the same to Hoss. Dog and Terry get in a boxing match, which has Elvira rather confused.

Terry is sent into the buckle over and over, meaning we need another breather on the outside. Back in again and Santana hits the running forearm on Hoss to send him outside as the Funks can’t get anything going. They run the ropes for a criss cross and Terry knees Santana in the back to finally put him down. Santana gets sent to the floor for some kicks from Hart, followed by Terry getting in a suplex.

Terry drops a leg but misses the second, allowing Santana to get over for the tag to Dog. The headbutt sets up a backdrop to send Terry over the top for a crazy (shocking I know) bump to the floor. That’s not enough as Terry is sent onto a table, leaving him badly favoring his knee or hamstring. Santana grabs the Figure Four on Hoss but it gets broken up, leaving Terry to hit Dog with the megaphone for the pin at 11:45.

Rating: B-. It’s not a classic but this was a good tag match with some great talent involved. When 1986 Tito Santana is a distant third for best in-ring worker, you’re having a heck of a tag match. The Funks were just that good though, with Terry knowing how to take a match over like few others in history. Another good match here, which at least helps the show somewhat.

The cage is put up for the main event.

Hulk Hogan is lifting weights despite his bad ribs.

We recap Hogan vs. King Kong Bundy. Hogan had been facing the Magnificent Muraco when Bundy attacked him. A string of Avalanches resulted in Hogan having broken ribs. Therefore, it’s time for a cage match.

Hogan, with his bad ribs, lifts more weights despite broken ribs. He even wraps a weight around his neck and does chinups. Like him or not, he’s quite the gym freak.

Bobby Heenan and King Kong Bundy are ready to take the title from Hogan.

WWF Title: Hulk Hogan vs. King Kong Bundy

Hogan is defending in a cage, Los Angeles Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda is ring announcer, actor Ricky Schroder is timekeeper and actor Robert Conrad is guest referee. Hogan strikes away to start as Elvira is rather pleased with getting to see this much flesh. Some chops and right hands have Bundy in trouble but the ribs give out, allowing Bundy to stomp him down.

It’s too early for Bundy to get out though as Hogan dives over for a save. That means it’s time to rip the tape from the ribs and choke away, leaving Hogan to go to the eyes to cut Bundy off again. Hogan rams him into the cage and we’ve got some blood. Naturally Hogan hammers away on the cut before sending Bundy into the cage a few more times. Bundy gets choked on the ropes and Hogan slugs away, even hurting his own hand in the process.

The slam goes badly though with Bundy crashing onto him, meaning it’s time for the Avalanche. Back up and Bundy tries it again but Hogan just stares at him. Bundy charges into a powerslam and Hogan drops the leg. After dispatching Heenan, Hogan is able to go over the top and retain at 11:05.

Rating: C. It’s…fine. That’s the only thing I can think of to say about the match and that’s not a great way to go. Bundy is a perfectly acceptable monster for Hogan to slay and the bad ribs were a good choice for the match’s story. The problem is they didn’t really do anything special here, leaving you with little more than a big house show main event. It’s not bad, but there’s a reason this is considered among the weakest main events in Wrestlemania history.

Post match Heenan has to run from Hogan but gets caught in the cage. Heenan gets pummeled and sent into the cage, followed by an atomic drop to send him through the door. Hogan poses a lot as commentary praises the match.

Vince and Susan give us a very quick sendoff.

 

Results
Magnificent Muraco vs. Paul Orndorff went to a double countout
Randy Savage b. George Steele – Rollup with feet on the ropes
Jake Roberts b. George Wells – DDT
Mr. T. b. Roddy Piper via DQ
Fabulous Moolah b. Velvet McIntyre – Pin after a missed splash
Corporal Kirchner b. Nikolai Volkoff – Cane to the head
Andre The Giant won a battle royal last eliminating Bret Hart
British Bulldogs b. Dream Team – Headbutt to Valentine
Ricky Steamboat b. Hercules Hernandez – High crossbody
Adrian Adonis b. Uncle Elmer – Top rope headbutt
The Funks b. Junkyard Dog/Tito Santana – Megaphone to Dog
Hulk Hogan b. King Kong Bundy – Hogan escaped the cage

 

 

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5.5

The final score: review Not So Good

The 411

This is kind of a confusing show, in that I can absolutely get the idea of giving it a break due to it being the followup to one of the most famous events ever, but at the same time….my goodness it is hard to watch. A good number of the matches range from “why am I watching this” to flat out bad, with the boxing match being a total miss. It’s not completely without value and some of the stuff on here is fine to good, but this really did not work, with the bad parts being almost comically awful. The celebrities made it even worse, with the three guest commentators being horrible (again, not entirely their fault) and the others just being weird choices. It’s fair to say that this is Wrestlemania in name only as they didn’t know what they were doing yet, but they knew how to do better than this.