wrestling / Video Reviews
Hall’s WWE St. Valentine’s Day Massacre Review
Image Credit: WWE
Loading...In Your House #27: St. Valentine’s Day Massacre
Date: February 14, 1999
Location: Memphis Pyramid, Memphis, Tennessee
Attendance: 19,028
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
It’s time for another In Your House and in this case we’re having a big time main event with Steve Austin vs. Mr. McMahon in a cage. If that’s not enough, we have Mankind defending the WWF Title against the Rock in a Last Man Standing match. That’s quite the double header on top so let’s get to it.
The opening video looks like an old film reel, with a rather upbeat song talking about how Steve Austin is driving Vince McMahon crazy. That’s one way to put it and we’re not even to the big stuff yet. Rock vs. Mankind gets some attention as well, with the lower level matches getting some quick looks. The song is a weird choice, as the lyrics makes sense, but doesn’t exactly fit the vibe.
Commentary welcomes us to the show, which is of course special for Lawler.
Goldust vs. Bluedust
That would be the Blue Meanie, as he is mocking Goldust, because 1999. This included Meanie in blue paint on a couch, naked with only a flower covering him. Goldust jumps him to start fast and hammers away, with Goldust even using Bluedust’s rope to rub Bluedust’s face. The drop down uppercut has Bluedust ready to leave so Goldust pulls him back in.
Bluedust works on the knee as there are a lot of empty seats opposite the hard camera. Some gyrating wakes Goldust up and he pulls Bluedust’s shorts up for a spanking (because that’s always a good idea). Shattered Dreams is cut off but Bluedust misses a moonsault that wouldn’t have hit even if Goldust stayed still. The Curtain Call finishes Bluedust at 3:07.
Rating: D. There was no need for this to be on pay per view as it was just a comedy angle that wasn’t funny or even original. Was there really any point in having Blue Meanie around in this role other than for some lame jokes? That’s as good as they got here, as the match would have been bad even on Raw.
Post match Goldust hits Shattered Dreams.
Earlier tonight on Sunday Night Heat, Steve Austin threatened to hurt Vince McMahon. I have no idea why we needed such groundbreaking developments on the pre-show but Vince Russo sure did.
Hardcore Title: Al Snow vs. Bob Holly
For the vacant title. Believe it or not, they brawl out into the crowd rather quickly, with Holly hitting him in the ribs with a chair but Snow fights back. Cole says that if Holly wins, it can go a long way towards erasing the memory of Sparky Plugg. Who in the world had thought of Sparky Plugg in years at this point? Holly sprays him with a fire extinguisher and smashes a jar over his head, only for Snow to come back with a fire extinguisher shot of his own.
They fight into the back and Holly hits him with floor tiles and a beer cooler. The fight heads outside, where Snow breaks some mops over Holly’s back. Holly sends him into a concrete wall and hits him with a fire lane sign, which has Snow laughing, even as Holly covers him for two in a road. Snow fights back and sends him into a concrete wall as well and they go towards the parking lot.
Snow wraps some barbed wire around Holly’s face but Holly gets in a stop sign to the back. Holly is put into and taken out of a wheelbarrow and now it’s time to go to the Mississippi River. Holly hits him in the head with a rock and they go into the water, with Holly ramming him into a tire. Cole: “They look like drowned rats!” As I wonder how much time Cole has spent around drowned rats, Holly breaks a branch over Snow’s back for two. That’s not enough so Holly wraps him up in a chain link fence for the pin and the title at 9:59.
Rating: C. This was fun enough, but the biggest thing here was the match being so insane that it was hard to not just laugh a bit. At the end of the day, they were in the Mississippi River and Snow was tied up in a cage. That’s a bit much to taken, especially when it’s being treated as a serious fight.
Post match Holly goes back inside to celebrate as Snow screams to get him out of the fence.
Earlier today, the Undertaker and the Ministry of Darkness stood around a fire and promised pain.
Big Boss Man vs. Mideon
Corporation vs. the Ministry. Boss Man hammers away in the corner to start and they’re quickly on the floor. Mideon avoids a chair shot and sends Boss Man’s hand into the steps. Boss Man shrugs that off and they go back inside, where Mideon has to fight out of a reverse chinlock. The running crotch attack to the back in the rope (that needs a simpler name) connects as we get a VERY loud BORING chant. Mideon reverses a full nelson into a German suplex for two and a backdrop puts Boss Man down again. Back up and the Boss Man Slam finishes Mideon out of nowhere at 6:23.
Rating: F. This was another match that had no business being on pay per view and they didn’t act like it was anything more than a lame filler match. Corporation vs. Ministry is a weird enough deal as it’s all villains, but they could at least have some better matches. Really bad here and the fans weren’t impressed whatsoever.
Post match the Ministry surrounds the ring and here is Undertaker, allowing the team to jump Boss Man. They carry Boss Man out of the arena, with Undertaker looking on in approval. This would set up the terrible Cell match between Undertaker and Boss Man at Wrestlemania.
Ad for Wrestlemania.
D’Lo Brown and Mark Henry are glad to have Ivory to counteract Debra. The removal of clothing is threatened.
Tag Team Titles: D’Lo Brown/Mark Henry vs. Jeff Jarrett/Owen Hart
Jarrett and Hart, with Debra, are defending and Ivory is here with Brown and Henry. Before the match, Henry gives Ivory some flowers and chocolate for Valentine’s Day in a nice moment. Henry powers Hart into the corner to start and it’s off to Brown, who gets taken down with a bulldog. A powerslam gives Brown two and everything breaks down, with Henry hitting a double clothesline.
Debra gets on the apron for a distraction though and Jarrett takes Brown down by the arm. Brown fights back but Hart crotches him on the ropes to cut him off again. The chinlock doesn’t last long but Hart is back up with a spinwheel kick to cut Brown off again. The Sky High gives Brown the needed chance for the tag off to Henry and everything breaks down. Brown goes up so Debra offers a distraction, only for Ivory to cut her off and….yell a lot. The distraction lets Hart hit Henry in the knee with a guitar, setting up the Figure Four to retain the titles at 9:34.
Rating: C-. The big appeal here was Ivory vs. Debra, which left the men to have a dull match. That was the issue with a lot of the tag matches around this point, as the titles felt rather lifeless. Hart and Jarrett were a good team in the ring and fit well together, but they needed some better teams to come after the titles.
Post match Ivory tries to rip off Debra’s jacket to limited success.
Mankind is damaged after Rock attacked his knee earlier tonight. He’s taking the title match tonight very seriously and he has a game plan involving making himself a very ugly person, if you can imagine that.
We recap Val Venis vs. Ken Shamrock. Venus hooked up with Shamrock’s sister Ryan, which didn’t work well for Ken. Therefore, they’re fighting for the Intercontinental Title, with Billy Gunn as guest referee because having a straight match is too much. Oh and ignore Ken dating the woman playing his sister in real life because 1999 is that screwy.
Intercontinental Title: Val Venis vs. Ken Shamrock
Ken is defending, Ryan is in Venis’ corner and Billy Gunn is guest referee (having been added last night). As a bonus on Heat, someone offered Gunn money to cheat while Ryan Shamrock offered, well, you can guess. They go straight to the brawling, with Ken getting the better of things and throwing Venis into and out of the corner. Some shots on the apron keep Venis in trouble until Gunn calls Ken off (and looks at Ryan).
Back in and Shamrock drops a knee but Venis reverses a suplex into one of his own. Venis slows things down and drops an elbow before bending Ken’s back over his knee. With that broken up, Venis sends him outside for some postings, followed by a camel clutch back inside. Since that’s not working, a German suplex gives Venis two and we hit the chinlock. Venis: “ASK HIM!” Gunn: “ASK HIM WHAT???”
A knee to the ribs gives Venis a VERY delayed two and Ken fights back with a DDT, for another deliberate near fall…with Gunn just stopping before the three. Back up and Venis grabs a sleeper, which is broken up so Ken snaps off a powerslam for another slow two. Venis gets a nice fisherman’s suplex and again Gunn counts slowly, with Lawler not getting why he’s so bad at this.
Ken gets two more off a rollup but Venis drops him again for some hip swiveling. The Money Shot is broken up as Shamrock slams him down and a belly to belly has Venis in more trouble. The ankle lock goes on but Ryan helps Venis make the rope. Ken goes outside and gets slapped by Ryan before getting into it with Gunn. A right hand staggers Ken and Venis grabs a rollup for a fast count and the title at 15:55.
Rating: C-. This was pure soap opera stuff here, with Gunn being more of a nuisance than anything else. They already had a story going on with Ken vs. Venis over Ryan but then it needed to do a big curve into the stuff with Gunn. That made for a messy match and it went a good deal longer than it needed to. It should be noted that Ken was rather sick for the week leading up to the match and that might be why Gunn was involved, but do a better job with the storyline or just don’t have it go almost sixteen minutes.
Post match Gunn and Ken brawl some more before Gunn takes out Venis as well.
We recap DX vs. the Corporation. Chyna quit DX and joined the Corporation, which didn’t sit well with DX, so fights ensued. Now it’s a wacky tag match.
Chyna/Kane vs. X-Pac/HHH
HHH does the intro before calling Chyna a “big jacked up b****.” Shane McMahon joins commentary as HHH (in rare red tights) slugs away at Kane to start. Kane knocks him back down but misses an elbow, allowing the tag off to X-Pac. Some rapid fire right hands have X-Pac in trouble as well and it’s off to Chyna, who is sent straight into the corner. The Bronco Buster misses though, allowing Chyna to demand Kane come in again.
Kane does just that and gets kicked into the corner, allowing HHH to come in with a forearm off the top. Chyna gets in a cheap shot from behind though and Kane takes over, including a top rope clothesline. It’s back to Chyna, who slams HHH but misses an elbow of her own. Kane comes back in and gets double suplexed as Shane has managed to not shut up yet on commentary. A double suplex drops Kane again but he’s fine enough to slug away at X-Pac on the floor.
X-Pac is back up and goes after Shane, allowing Kane to jump him again. Back in and Kane catches a spinwheel kick and plants X-Pac down, followed by Chyna’s powerslam. Chyna even decks HHH off the apron and crotches X-Pac on the top, where Kane knocks him down again. The sleeper gets two arm drops until X-Pac suplexes Chyna away for the break. HHH is back in to hammer away on both of them, with a right hand to Chyna getting quite the reaction.
Kane is sent outside and HHH hits the jumping knee, only for Kane to low bridge him to the floor. Back in and X-Pac gives Chyna the Bronco Buster but Shane comes in to deck X-Pac from behind. X-Pac chases Shane to the back, leaving Kane to break up the Pedigree on Chyna and hit a chokeslam to give Chyna the pin at 14:46.
Rating: C. That’s one of the better matches of the night, which should tell you a lot about this show. It’s another match where they got so complicated with the story that they set up that it made for a big mess of a match. The whole point here was for X-Pac to get his hands on Chyna, which didn’t even last long outside of the Bronco Buster. In other words, it’s another match that could have been on TV but instead it eats up a bunch of pay per view time instead.
We recap Mankind defending the WWF Title against the Rock. They’ve been trading the title since November and now it’s a Last Man Standing match.
WWF Title: Mankind vs. The Rock
Mankind is defending in a Last Man Standing match but has a bad knee coming in. The bell rings and Mankind turns his back so Rock can jump him to start. That’s fine with Rock, but Mankind is back with a belt shot for an eight count. They fight up the aisle with Mankind beating on him in various ways until Rock gets a whip into the set. Mankind DDTs him through a table and they fight into some unused seats behind the set. Rock is right back with a belly to back suplex onto the floor (geez) for about a seven.
They go back to ringside where Mankind sends him into the steps…and loads up his own People’s Elbow. That takes way too long (or Mankind isn’t that bright) and Rock moves, setting up more suplexes on the floor. This allows Rock to jump onto commentary in one of those bits that he could make work despite only having random insults for Mankind. That’s enough for Mankind to dive (work with me here) over the table and go after him, setting up the running elbow to knock Rock off the table.
Back in and Rock grabs the steps to smash him in the head, followed by three chair shots to the bad knee. Another chair shot misses though and bonuses off the rope to hit Rock in the head. Mankind knocks him outside again and they go to the announcers’ table, where Rock backdrops him into…well a lot of things really for another knockdown. That’s not enough for Rock, who grabs the steps and throws them over the top and onto Mankind again.
Somehow Mankind survives and gets back inside, with Rock grabbing a microphone (to sing Smackdown Hotel, which is edited out of Peacock). The referee gets knocked out so Mankind using the Mandible Claw only gets him so far. Mankind grabs the referee and counts for him but Rock is up at eight with a low blow.
They trade DDTs, with Mankind’s sending Rock into a chair for another near count. Back up and Mankind gets Mr. Socko but the Claw is broken up with a Rock Bottom. They get up again and smash each other wish simultaneous chairs (or steps as Cole calls it) for the double knockout and draw at 21:13. The fans are NOT happy to put it mildly.
Rating: B-. They had the violence going here, but the ending really didn’t do this any favors. It felt like they were just doing this to extend a feud that had already been going on for months and that’s not a good sign. They had awesome chemistry together as always, but come on with the draw when you’re a month and a half away from Wrestlemania. Do the big finish on pay per view, when the fans had to pay (hence the name) to see it.
Post match they’re taken away in ambulances. They would wind up being fine, as Rock would win the title in a ladder match the next night on Raw.
We recap Steve Austin vs. Vince McMahon. I’m thinking that one speaks for itself.
Steve Austin vs. Vince McMahon
In a cage and Austin has to win to go to Wrestlemania. McMahon won’t get in to start but eventually gets chased, allowing McMahon to get inside and keep Austin out. Austin tries to go up but gets knocked down and twists his knee. For some reason McMahon falls for this before falling down off a hard clothesline from a perfectly fine Austin. The beating is on with Austin sending him into various things (the crowd, the steps) but McMahon manages a whip of his own.
That just annoys Austin, who chases him into the crowd (they haven’t been in the cage together yet and this is all before the bell). McMahon tries to leave ala the Royal Rumble but Austin is smart enough to take him back to ringside for more rammings (barricade, cage). They go around ringside a bit and McMahon climbs the cage but Austin kicks him down, sending McMahon crashing through the announcers’ table (with his head hitting a monitor for a scary bit).
A stretcher comes out for McMahon and Austin gets in the cage, where he will NOT accept the win that way. He says he came here to beat McMahon up and asks if McMahon (“the son of a b****”) is still breathing. The medics try to take McMahon (in his neck brace) away but Austin steals the stretcher and dumps McMahon over again. This time McMahon gets in the cage and Austin follows as we FINALLY get the bell after about fifteen minutes of chasing and brawling.
Austin easily beats him down and drops the middle rope elbow, which works so well that he does it again. That’s already enough for Austin to leave but McMahon flips him off, drawing Austin back in to keep up the beating. McMahon gets in a low blow and tries to leave but gets pulled right back in. Austin sends him into the cage to draw the blood and tries going up but McMahon flips him off again to draw him back inside.
Austin hits the Stunner….but Paul Wight (better known as the Big Show) debuts and throws Austin into the cage a few times (explaining why McMahon was willing to let Austin come back so many times). Wight throws him again…and the cage breaks, allowing Austin to drop out and win at 7:55. Even Austin looks surprised that he won like that.
Rating: C. The match was barely a match as this was really just a big angle, with the monster debuting as McMahon’s insurance policy. That works fine on paper, but it doesn’t really matter if said monster is out there for about a minute before Austin wins almost by accident anyway. It’s a case where it’s hard to have both of them at the same time, because Wight doesn’t so much look like a force but rather a monster who screwed up.
McMahon is livid to end the show while Wight, uh, glares a lot.
Results
Goldust b. Bluedust – Shattered Dreams
Bob Holly b. Al Snow – Pin in a chain link fence
Big Boss Man b. Mideon – Boss Man Slam’
Owen Hart/Jeff Jarrett b. D’Lo Brown/Mark Henry – Figure Four to Henry
Val Venis b. Ken Shamrock – Rollup
Chyna/Kane b. HHH/X-Pac – Chokeslam to HHH
The Rock vs. Mankind went to a double knockout
Steve Austin b. Vince McMahon – Austin escaped the cage
