wrestling / Video Reviews
Jack Likes WrestleMania & Ultimate Challenge: WrestleMania VI
Loading...WRESTLEMANIA VI
It’s worth reiterating the statistic that got circulated around the time of The Ultimate Warrior’s death last year- one third of the competitors at this Wrestlemania are now dead, none of them passing away older than 63. It’s a depressing show this, mostly for that reason, but also because this marks the conclusion of the WWF’s thrilling eighties boom, much in the same way that Wrestlemania 17 heralded the end of the Monday Night War. There would be some pretty difficult years ahead.
On the plus side, not only are we far away from the depressing confines of Trump Plaza and in the vast, electric confines of the Toronto Skydome, but the miniaturised ring carts from Wrestlemania III return! I’m surprised these haven’t resurfaced what with the modern obsession for nostalgia in wrestling. Robert Goulet croons the Canadian National Anthem and he’s a step up from Rockin’ Robin, I’ll tell you that much.
MATCH 1- KOKO B. WARE VS. RICK MARTEL
Early in the match, Koko comes close to a swift victory with a springboard crossbody off the second rope. He has a big advantage with his hard head, as Martel finds out when he attempts to bounce it off the turnbuckles. Later on, he aims to hit the springboard crossbody again and go back to the well, only to find it barren! By which I mean, Martel dodges it and slaps on the Boston Crab for the win. ** ¼. A cheerful, energetic opener.
MATCH 2- WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS- THE COLOSSAL CONNECTION VS. DEMOLITION
In a pre match interview with them, Gene Okerlund brands the champs ‘The Colostomy Connection,’ which is really quite rude.
Andre is depressingly immobile in his final Wrestlemania appearance; the absolute best he can do is just stumble in the general direction of his opponents. The underrated Haku wrestles the match on his own and does an OK job of it. His vaguely Tongan flavoured Martial Arts still look pretty cool. There’s a moment where Haku has Ax pinned, but the referee can’t count as he’s distracted by Smash, and Gorilla Monsoon inexplicably tries to claim it’s all Bobby Heenan’s doing Sometimes, Monsoon was more of a rogue than Ventura was. There’s miscommunication in the Colossal Connection as Haku misses Smash with a Thrust Kick and hits Andre instead, tangling him in the ropes! Demolition have Haku all to themselves, and take advantage with a Demolition Decapitation to regain the tag team championships! The crowd go completely bananas, which is so refreshing after the stifling indifference of Atlantic City! ** ¼. Better than it had any right to be, considering the body of one of the competitors was just revolting against him at this point. The pace wasn’t too bad and there were some nicely executed moves. Post match, Heenan and Haku try to pin the defeat on Andre, which is either fair or unfair depending on which way you look at it. Andre views it as the latter, and he throws his former associates around to the joy of the crowd, allowing him to leave the stage with his head held high! Which is a darn lovely thing. I think among the many reasons why Andre’s decline is so particularly moving is that he’s intrinsically linked with the nostalgic, ‘golden age’ of WWF, and his ‘last hurrah’ as an active wrestler here would also turn out to be the ‘last hurrah’ for that era of wrestling, with Hulk Hogan surrendering his WWF Championship in the main event and never being quite the same again. When we look at Andre in that ring, barely even capable of delivering a forearm shot, we also see reflected an end of the WWF’s innocent, colourful childhood- steroid scandals and creative and financial decay would immediately follow this card, and long term, as mentioned earlier, a third of the wrestlers would end up dead before their mid sixties, including Andre himself. Of course, the painful death of a human being always surpasses a temporary slump in fortunes for a wrestling promotion, but I think there is a connection.
MATCH 3- HERCULES VS. EARTHQUAKE
Delightfully, Earthquake’s pre match promo entirely consists of Earthquake metaphors.
Earthquake bests Hercules in an early test of strength, which provides a fascinating insight into who is stronger out of a mythological human and a destructive natural phenomenon. Herc’s shoulderblocks and clotheslines have little effect, and his attempt at a Torture Rack just leads to him getting squashed. Earthquake crushes Hercules with an elbow drop, and finishes him off with the Earthquake splash! ¾ *. Just a squash for Earthquake, who had a pretty fiery feud with Hulk Hogan to prepare for.
MATCH 4- BRUTUS BEEFCAKE VS. MR. PERFECT
Beefcake has the better of the early stages, sending Perfect collapsing to the floor multiple times. Things unravel for him when he locks in his signature Sleeper though, as Perfect’s manager The Genius jumps on him and sneaks a scroll to Perfect. This isn’t one of your flimsy paper scrolls, oh no- it’s a hard, dangerous weapon, as Brutus finds out when Hennig bashes him with it. Perfect controls most of the match from there and has Beefcake floored off a clothesline. However, he spends too long standing over him delivering trash talk, and that allows Beefcake to slingshot Perfect hard into the ring post, and pins him as he falls back to pick up the three count and end Perfect’s undefeated run! **. This was pretty OK; pedestrian in places, and with a finish that didn’t really work, but these guys were at or near the peak of their powers at this point, so they could put a few good moments together.
MATCH 5- RODDY PIPER VS. BAD NEWS BROWN
Oh dear. This is the infamous match in which Roddy Piper decided to paint himself half black, which was apparently meant as a Michael Jackson joke but came off as a hugely unpleasant jibe at opponent Bad News Brown. The two strongest takeaways from the early Wrestlemanias are that Randy Savage is really ace at the wrestling and Roddy Piper is not trusting of black people
This is predictably scrappy, starting with a couple of pull apart brawls, and largely consisting of punches and kicks from there. Bad News suffers some misfortune with the turnbuckles- first, he rams Roddy’s head into them twice, only for there to be no effect. Then, he takes the aggression levels up a notch and removes the turnbuckle pad, but Roddy reverses his Irish whip, sending him crashing into the steel! Piper takes a Michael Jackson style glove out and wears it on his hand as he punches Bad News around. Eventually Brown tumbles to the floor, drags Piper with him, and they brawl out their until the referee throws the match out. ¾ *. I guess this felt kind of intense, but it wasn’t very creative or interesting, and Piper’s antics leave a bad taste in the mouth.
The WWE Network version of this show retains Vince McMahon’s grandiose announcement that Wrestlemania VII would take place in the 100,000 capacity LA Memorial Coliseum. “My name is Vince McMahon,” he cries! “Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!” Nothing beside remains: round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare, the lone and level sands stretch far away.
MATCH 6- THE HART FOUNDATION VS. THE BOLSHEVIKS
Steve Allen helps The Bolsheviks rehearse their national anthem in the bathroom. Maybe it’s just me, but I thought this was a pretty funny vignette. There was another good one with Allen and Rhythm & Blues later in the night as well.
The Harts grow bored of Volkoff singing his song, and so send him to the floor. They drop Zhukov with the Hart Attack, and win in 30 seconds! N/R.
MATCH 7- TITO SANTANA VS. THE BARBARIAN
Tito needs to use his speed to win this one, and it looks like he’s done exactly that when he drops his opponent with the flying forearm! Heenan has to put Barbarian’s foot on the bottom rope to save the match. After that, Barbarian utterly demolishes Santana with a clothesline from the second rope for a three count. Santana’s body just folds up backwards, it’s quite the sight! * ¾. Not bad for a four minute match, with a completely wicked ending.
MATCH 8- DUSTY RHODES & SAPPHIRE VS. RANDY SAVAGE & QUEEN SHERRI
Ugh. The Dusty Rhodes/Sapphire tandem is just horrible to watch. Of all the unpleasant, dickhead things Vince McMahon has done, naming a black manager after a racial slur and then pairing him with a genuine wrestling icon with the sole intention of humiliating them both ranks among the lowest of the low. I don’t feel so bad for Dusty, since everyone remembers him as a proper hero and he actually made the ‘Common Man’ character work on some level, but it’s hard not to feel awful for Sapphire, watching her dance and stumble around the ring with this big goofy grin on her face, knowing that she was so devoted to Dusty Rhodes in real life, and that her time with him and her whole career on the big state was just a big, cruel joke about her weight and ethnicity.
Before the match, Dusty introduces the “crown jewel” that he and Sapphire had been boasting about; Miss Elizabeth! Savage and Sherri are displeased. If there’s one positive this angle possesses it’s that it gave the tremendous Sensational Sherri one of the biggest platforms of her career. She was so good. I always thought it was great the way she would punch and kick anyone she’s taken a dislike with such venom, but if anyone even glared at her she’d react like it was the most terrible injustice. Unfortunately, the match is just a messy procession of vaguely comedic spots. Sapphire, depressingly, is not a good wrestler, shambling through an airplane spin and a suplex to Sherri. She does get to crack Macho with a slap though! The bout is too chaotic for rules to be enforced very well, and Savage takes full advantage with a sceptre shot. Sherri almost pins him with a top rope splash! Dusty makes a comeback and everything breaks down, not for the first time. Sherri goes after Liz on the floor, but the notoriously demure manager stands up for herself and dumps the Queen back in the ring! Sherri then trips over Sapphire, who gets the roll up for three. *. A lot of stuff sure happened! Not much of it was good.
The Ultimate Warrior tells Sean Mooney that he “doesn’t deserve” to breathe the same air as he and Hogan. I’m pretty sure that constitutes a death threat? Did Warrior just threaten to kill Sean Mooney?
MATCH 9- THE ROCKERS VS. THE ORIENT EXPRESS
This iteration of the Orient Express are Sato and Tanaka. Later on, they’d replace a letter and a human by swapping Sato for Paul Diamond as Kato, and as a result The Express and the Rockers would have one of the greatest matches of all time at the 1991 Royal Rumble.
This match is not among the greatest of all time, but it’s OK, if quite pedestrian for the Rockers. They do hit some impressive tandem topes out onto the Express on the floor though! Michaels plays face in peril for a little while, and Jannetty is a house of fire off the hot tag! Fuji trips him up as he hits the ropes, and when Jannetty goes after him, Sato ambushes him with salt in the eyes! I love the way Marty sells this, desperately wiping his face on the ring apron and then blindly flopping over the barricade into the laps of some fans in the front row. It makes the salt feel like a lethal poison. The referee counts poor old Marty out, handing victory to the Express! * ½. This never approached the highest gear.
MATCH 10- JIM DUGGAN VS. DINO BRAVO
Duggan still proudly waves the American flag in Toronto, which I think is quite sweet. Bravo is able to briefly control him, with help from his pal Earthquake, but soon falls victim to a trio of clotheslines. Duggan primes Dino for the three point stance, but Earthquake stops him. While Jim pursues him, Jimmy Hart slips the 2×4 in the ring, but Duggan gets free of ‘Quake and reaches it first, allowing him to clock Bravo with it, unbeknownst to the distracted referee, and get the pin. ¾ *. Barely anything to this one.
MATCH 11- MILLION DOLLAR CHAMPIONSHIP- TED DIBIASE VS. JAKE ROBERTS
It’s always cool to see how rabid every single fan was to see a DDT at every available opportunity. You get the sense you could DDT their own grandmothers and they’d just react with utter joy and excitement. Roberts has the chance to land a couple in the bout, but DiBiase tenaciously dodges them. The bout starts hot and heavy with the two men exchanging strikes, but soon becomes a more cautious affair. The crowd begin a Mexican wave as Ted controls with some low impact offense. He steps things up a notch by driving Jake into the post, and back in the ring cinches in the Million Dollar Dream! Roberts collapses just as he’s about to make the ropes, but is able to drape a foot across to force the break. The Snake retakes the advantage when DiBiase misses a double axe handle from the second rope. Jake runs through him with some clotheslines and an inverted atomic drop and a back drop! The match spills to the floor again when Virgil drags Roberts from the ring as he attempts to DDT DiBiase. Jake gets revenge for that by slamming him down! But the distraction gives Ted time to recover, and he locks in the Million Dollar Dream on the floor. Roberts fights it and propels his foe into the post, but Virgil quickly rolls the fallen DiBiase into the ring to beat the count-out. Jake doesn’t, and Ted retains his vanity championship! **. Rather boring in places, but it heated up a little bit towards the conclusion. Roberts gets a measure of revenge post match by giving Toronto the DDT it so craves to DiBiase, and then doling out some of his money to the crowd!
MATCH 12- THE BIG BOSS MAN VS. AKEEM
Ted DiBiase is still ringside from the last match and so decides to attack The Big Boss Man, whose refusal to accept a buyout from the Million Dollar Man led to the split in the Twin Towers. It doesn’t do much good for Akeem though, as Boss Man weathers a few of his splashes and roars back with the Boss Man slam for a win in two minutes. N/R.
Rhythm & Blues hit the ring to belt out their newest song, “Hunka Hunka Hunka Honky Love.” It doesn’t even come close to the startlingly good “With my Baby Tonight” from a few years later, but Greg Valentine dressed as Elvis Presley makes for an amusing, baffling sight.
MATCH 13- JIMMY SNUKA VS. RICK RUDE
It’s a battle of Superfly’s aerial abilities and Rude’s raw power, this one. Rude takes a pretty spectacular tumble over the top rope off a Snuka dropkick. Snuka misses a headbutt off the top, and Rude capitalises with his Rude Awakening for the victory to win a match that existed solely to aid his transition to the main event. A spirited squash match. * ½.
MATCH 14- WWF CHAMPIONSHIP- HULK HOGAN VS. THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR
Hulk Hogan has the better of the early stages. He wins the opening shoving match, and having initially been brought to his knees by a Warrior initiated test of strength, he eventually rallies to overpower the challenger. The first sign that Warrior is more than a match for the champion comes when Hogan bodyslams him, and he gets right back up to his feet! He then gets a slam of his own, and Hulk can’t shrug it off like Warrior could. Warrior follows this up by clotheslining Hogan out to the floor, and it briefly seems as if Hulkster tweaked his knee on the way down. While the injury doesn’t visibly bother him for the rest of the match, it does lead to a rise in tensions, as the usually sporting fan favourites start to just rake the heck out of each other’s eyes! Hogan strings some offence together, most notably a backbreaker, but he won’t put Warrior away with them. Simultaneous clotheslines connects to send both men down. Warrior recovers by Warrior-ing up, and Hogan looks properly concerned as his punches have no effect! He falls victim to clotheslines and nearly gets the life sapped out of him with a throttling bearhug. Hulk weathers the storm though, and the upstart’s momentum eventually fades. The referee falls victim to the unstoppable force of the match, as Warrior accidentally mows him down with a flying shoulder block! Hogan dodges another shoulder block and tries to capitalise by making the pin- Warrior is down for more than three seconds, but the referee is still out of it and can’t make the count. The challenger comes back with a back suplex, and this time, the referee has stirred enough to make a slow, groggy count. One… two… kick-out! Hulk seizes Warrior and rolls him up! One… two… kick-out! Warrior drops Hogan with the Gorilla Press Slam, a properly impressive feat, and follows it up with the big splash! One, two, KICK-OUT! And Hogan Hulks up! This time it’s Warrior’s turn to panic! The three punches connect! The big boot connects! THE LEG DROP DOESN’T, there’s no one home! Warrior’s moved out the way! He hits the ropes, and crushes Hulk with the big splash! One, two, three! Hogan kicks out but it’s a split second too late! We’ve a new champion! **** ¼. A stunning effort. This was such a focused match, with two competitors who knew exactly what the crowd wanted and how to give it to them. They wanted a titanic struggle of two unstoppable forces, and that’s exactly what this felt like. There was just no way of splitting these two, both men had moments when they looked the favourite, both men had moments when justice should have crowned them the winner, and both men had moments where they looked just completely unable to put the other way. I can’t imagine how fucking exciting it must have been watching this live, preferably as an enraptured child, screaming your favourite on. Considering neither man was known for their great stamina or athletic ability, it was damn impressive how the match didn’t flag at all across 22 minutes- there were a few rest holds dotted across the match, but they were sporadic enough to not be intrusive and the manic excitement of the crowd would have carried the match through them anyway. It was a bit disappointing how, if you had to pick one man who came out of the match the better, it was Hogan- he won the early tests of power, he had the match wrapped up first when the official was knocked down (although if he’d been available to make the count I don’t think Warrior would have let himself fall to a missed shoulder block), and he came mere milliseconds from surviving Warrior’s splash right at the end. It’s especially frustrating now we know that Warrior’s title reign never lived up to expectation. According to Hulk Hogan, he wanted to turn heel in the run-up to this match and beat Warrior in the main event, claiming that he was in it for the money, not saying prayers and taking vitamins. It sounds like a musing from Hogan’s egomaniacal side, but it would be fascinating to see how that would have gone down. It would surely have been superior to the actual aftermath of this match, as Warrior struggled to establish himself and escape the intimidating shadow of the Hulkster, eventually conceding the championship back to Hogan via Sgt. Slaughter and never getting a sustained run in the limelight again. Of course, by the time Hogan had recaptured the gold his act was getting stale as well, and his dreadful feud with the nation state of Iraq would be the clearest sign that the golden age was coming to an end. In the aftermath of this match, Jesse Ventura notes that he finally believes Hulkamania will live forever, but ironically this match would go some way to putting it in a coma for over a decade. Could a Hulk Hogan heel turn, six years before doing so as leader of WCW’s New World Order, have prolonged interest in him at main event level and also made it easier for Warrior to avoid comparisons with him in the long term? Pending the successful invention of a time machine, we’ll never know. *gazes out of window* But of course, the match is superb anyway, one of the best feats of storytelling the WWF has ever showcased.
More Trending Stories
- Backstage Update on WWE’s Plans for WrestleMania 41, Possible Move to March or May
- Tony Khan Addresses CM Punk’s Claims That He Paid for His Medical Care for Torn Triceps Injury
- Eric Bischoff Wouldn’t Put Money On Chances Of Vince McMahon Starting A New Wrestling Company
- Oklahoma Athletic Commission Gives AEW ‘Warning’ Over Nyla Rose Match, Rose Responds
