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I have been tasked to drink every time someone says “Forbidden Door…”

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It’s Wednesday Night, and you know what that means!!!

WARDLOW IS HERE TO START THE SHOW!!!! He’s got some cardboard cutouts under his arm, and no music is playing. The cutouts are of MJF sitting cross-legged and another of MJF holding CM Punk in a sleeper. He props these up in adjacent corners. Wardlow hands some paperwork to Justin Roberts. He introduces the Living Legend Tully Blanchard and FTR.

FTR and Tully come out with glasses of champagne. They toast. Tully and Cash toss their glasses aside. Litterbugs.

Next is the best accountabilibuddy in Shawn Spears. He’s got the bottle and a certificate of sorts.

DRINK!

MJF is introduced at length, with a hell of a lot of accolades. Several hours later, out comes MJF on a throne!!! YES!!!!

Two chicks adorn either side of the throne. Before MJF gets in the ring, he makes out heavy with one of them. Hahaha. Awesome.

MJF celebrates with his boys, except Wardlow. Confetti falls and MJF gets a mic.

He made it clear last week that he is the best wrestler on the planet. Not Omega, Page, Danielson, Cole. No. MJF is the Best in the World. No, scratch that. He just beat CM Punk twice in Chicago. He’s better than the best in the world. Last week was bittersweet, says MJF.

STFU chant.

Bittersweet because as he was lying on top of CM Punk, after beating him twice in Chicago. A lot of emotion came over him. He just beat someone he grew up watching, so he decided to lean over and whisper two heartwarming words: YOU SUCK.

If anyone deserves a thank you, it’s SHAWN SPEARS!

Ouch. Wardlow was about to step forward, too. Damn. Pain.

Spears gets a mic, says he has a gift, points to the tron to show th new shirt that says “Better Than The Best in the World and You Know It!” Nice.

He’s better than Bret in Canada, Piper in Portland, and Punk in Chicago. It’s time he becomes the new World Champ.

CM Punk is here. He says MJF’s win in Chicago is about as suspect as his spray tan. Punk got some friends today.

DARBY AND STING ARE HERE! They each have a bat.

Punk tells everyone in the ring he will either get what he wants or he will beat it out of them. He wants a rematch.

MJF says no. Punk says he aint talking to him. He’s talking to Wardlow!

He tells Wardlow that he can be on the end of the beating these guys are about to receive or he can leave these jerks.

MJF says hold on, he beat Punk all by himself in Chicago.

Crowd is pro-Wardlow.

Punk: You hear em, big guy!

Dax grabs a mic, says he don’t even look good I a damned suit. He is comfortable in his fighting attire, and he wants a rematch, too.

Punk says all he had to do is ask. They’re down.

MJF says to wait a damned minute. He is not wrestling in Atlantic City. MJF says that if Punk can beat FTR with any partner of his choosing, he’ll give Punk a match any time anywhere, but it cant be Wardlow or Sting.

OOOOOOOHHHH HE’S GONNA PICK WARDLOW!!!!

MJF tells Wardlow to suit up, because he’s in action next.

Tony is backstage with Andrade, but my screen is stuck on a sandwich. He says he has finally found some balls under Darby’s dick. Darby and Sting tell Andrade he has bigger things to worry bout than Andrade. Andrade says that Darby will work for him. They have something in common: Darby wants the TNT Title, Andrade is the next TNT Champion.

Before the bell, Blade clips the back of Wardlow’s leg!

Match 1: Wardlow vs Blade
Bell rings and Wardlow tries to slap out of the corner. Lade kicks the knee as the crowd chants Wardlow to the tune of “Goldberg!” Nice. Clothesline to Blade. Both men outside and Wardlow sends Blade backfirst into the post.

We. Are. Back! Blade chops so Wardlow shoves him into the corner and hits some shoulders and uppecuts, trading back and forth between the two. Spears watches on with a smile. Kick from Blade out of the corner. It’s more of a knee to the head. Another. He tries to kick into the corner, but Wardlow catches him and hits a powerbomb! Crowd is LOVIN IT! ONE MORE TIME says the crowd as Spears tells him to cover.

Wardlow grabs Blade, another powerbomb! Wardlow pulls Blade up! Crowd loves it! Third powerbomb! Flips him up, another! Cover with the boot! 1..2….3!!!!

Winner: Wardlow
Man….the crowd is just begging for it!
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 6:12

Wardlow celebrates in the corner and Shawn smacks Blade one time across the back.

We get a video package for Penta! Penta says Black spit into his soul! Penta has a shovel, drags it across a road. He’s at a cemetery. He digs up a red and black mask.

Dude, the idea that the black mist just turns people evil or more dastardly is so cool.

Here comes The Inner Circle!

Hager and Sammy come out with Jericho. Santana and Ortiz are not here. Jericho questions this, says they haven’t seen the two all day.

But here they come, on their own, proud and powerful.

Santana tells Jericho to stop with this cheesy shit. It’s time to call a spade a spade. Jericho only cares about Jericho. Anything they’ve done in the past has only been for the betterment of Jericho. Is he wrong? It’s funny that they’re out there because they’ve come out to tell Jericho that the days of them paying second fiddle are over and done with. He ain’t finished, Chris. At the end of the day, it was always Jericho that stood in their way, that made sure they didn’t have a spotlight, but it was the crowd that kept us going. He’ll tell all three of them, and us, look at Ortiz and thank him with everything he’s got, because if it wasn’t for Ortiz, he would have dropped Jericho’s ass a long time ago. Now you may speak.

Jericho says Santana reminds him a lot of Eddie Guerrero. He gets super hyped up an wants to blame everyone, even his closest friends. Kingston planted this in his head, what has he done? What kind of stroke does he have here in AEW? Jericho is the influencer, and since 10/2/19, they’ve main evented PPV, Dynamite, more money than they’ve ever done before, yet they still want to bring their shortcomings on Jericho? They had a chance to be the champions, 2/17/21, almost a year ago. They lost to The Young Bucks. This had nothing to do with Jericho. Jericho brought them into the Inner Circle, and he can kick them the hell out.

In fact, when he thinks about how he put this faction together, maybe he invited the wrong two members of LAX to join. He wonders if Jake has Homicide’s and Hernandez’

Santana goes to attack, Sammy holds them back, tells both men they are a family. Jericho yells for Sammy to shut up. He contains himself, realizes his errors. “Listen,” says Jericho, but Sammy puts his hand in his face, says he doesn’t know whats going on. They are his family, he loves them. Inner Circle is forever, but Sammy must be honest – one of his goals is to be one of the greatest and all of this bickering back and forth will not help it.

Sammy takes off his vest, says she’s quit this group before, and unless they can figure shit out, he’ll quit again. Figure it out

Sammy leaves the ring with both his belts.

Ortiz with the mic. What did you expect? Throwin around threats? First Sammy then what? What’s next? Jericho has his facts all fucked up. Like The Inner Circle, Kingston is a brother in arms. This shit talk wont settle anything. He has a history lesson for Jericho. Where they come from, they don’t talk, they fight. Next week, Santana and Ortiz vs Jericho and Hager. Settle this shit once and for all.

Jericho says if they want a fight, they’ll get one, and maybe after, they’ll have an Attitude Adjustment, because if they don’t, we’ll have to make some changes. Next week. Attendance is mandatory.

Roppongi Vice are backstage. The Bucks come up to the mand want a fight now. Nick totally misses a kick, but Cole is there to attack from behind. BTE Trigger to Rocky. They pick up Trent and Cole stops them. In comes….

JAY WHITE!

He grabs Trent and sends him head first into the truck.

Match 2: Isaiah Kassidy vs KIETH FUCKING LEE!!!!!
It’s a fucking BEARCAT!!! And he takes his vest off sayin FUCK A SINGLET!

Kassidy ain’t havin it. He pushes up on him, flexes hard, then gets shoved into the corner and tossed ACROSS THE FUCKIN RING!!!! Leap frog! Crossbody to Kassidy!!!! He is feelin it! Lee grabs Kassidy, sends him into the ring, flies over the top rope with a crossbody!!!! Lee looks for a powerbomb, Kassidy escapes, hits a dropkick, hits the ropes, soft tackle, then a POUNCE!!!!

Matt Hardy is shown leaving, upset, not unlike his brother…

Lee grabs Kassidy on the outside and hops on the apron. Quen grabs his leg. Lee kicks him away. Kassidy with a cutter. He flies over the top rope with a spin onto Lee! Kassidy rolls into the ring. Ref starts the count. Lee back up at 5. He enters the ring, but Kassidy stops him with some rights. Lee stops him, enters, hits a right.

Kick from Kassidy, one to the face, a spinning lariat, but Lee clubs the leg as it spins towards him. Lee grabs the back of the neck like my momma when I ask for something in the store. Fireman’s into a powerslam! Cover for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: Kieth Lee
Fuck. Yes.
Total Rating: **1/2
Match Time: 4:22

Quen comes in! They double dropkick Lee out of the ring. Kassidy flies! Lee catches him! Quen flies! Lee catches him!!! Powerbomb ONTO KASSIDY! Another powerbomb onto the apron!!!!

Thunder Rosa and Mercedes video package along with Britt.

Match 3: FTR vs CM Punk and Jon Moxley
Dax and Punk to start. Side headlock takedown. Another lockup into a side headlock from Dax. Punk shoots him off, and Dax hits a ashoulder tackle. Punk locks the arm, but Dax reverses, arm drag Punk with a side headlock takedown, head scissors, Punk escapes, Dax is pissed. I’d say you won that one, Dax, but I feel ya. Kick to Punk, work of the arm, tag to Cash, and he drops a right, spins it, works the wrist control into a hammer lock from behind. Side headlock from Cash. Cash hits the ropes, arm draf from Punk. Punk works the left arm, Cash breaks the hold, heads to the corner. Tag to Dax. Tag to Jon!

Moxley pauses, waiting or it. Lockup!!! Side headlock. Takedown to Dax, leg scissors from Cash, both up, takedown to Jon. Jon to his knees. Jon escapes, hits the ropes, kick to the chest. Another. Hits the ropes and a third running kick. Elbow drop and a cover for 1. NO! Jon drops the arm on his shoulder, gets a tag form Punk. Punk with a kick to the back of the leg. Kick in the corner, Cash distracts, and Dax clips the back of the leg! Dax drops the leg hard. Tag to Cash. Cash drops his hips on the leg and steps on the inside of the knee as Dax pulls back on his face. Dax wraps the leg up and falls back. Tag to Dax, hits the orpes, shoves Cash down hard to work the leg of Punk. Dax sends Punk into the corner. Chop to Punk. Punk shoves. Dax shoves back. Right to Dax, he tries for a splash, Punk moves and Dax eats buckle. Tag to Jon. Tag to Cash. Back body drop to Cash, suplex flip! He hooks the head of Da, float over, Waist lock, reverse, GERMAN FORM JON!!! GERMAN TO CASH!!! Kick to Dax, He locks the head, calls for Cash, kick, DOUBLE DDT TO FTR!!! Moxley hits the ropes, Dax pulls the leg. CM Punk with a springboard lariat. He flies over the top rope, FTT catches him, but Moxley hits the ropes for a suicide dive!

We back, and Cash is in the ring waiting while Jon and Dax are outside. The ref is at 8, but Jon flies in, and it looks like he’s the legal man with cash. Cash stuffs him with a boot. Tagto Dax. They put boots to his face. Dax with an uppercut. Tag to Cash. They each grab a leg and catapult him into the bottom buckle. Jon has some blood on his head. Cover from Cash. 1..NO!!! Tag to Dax. Leg lock from Cash. Dax with a dropkick to the face! Leg drop from Dax. Elbow drop. Headbutt! Cover for 1..2..NO!!!! Suplex out of nowhere! He reaches for a tag, but Dax attacks Punk!! They fight away from the corner!!! Punk runs, Cash stops him!!! Running knee to Moxley! Tag to Dax. He comes of with a leg drop! Cover for 1…2..NO!!! Dax to the top rope! He flies with an elbow, but Jon rolls into the ropes! Jon to the corner. Tag to Cash, Jon shoots up with a clothesline! Tag to Punk! Tag to Dax! Right! Another! Whip , leg lariat! Punk wobbles, waits, running high knee in the corner! Whip into a short clothesline! Cover for 1..2..NO!!!! FTR sits Moxley on the corner, but Punk stops Cash! Jon pulls Dax onto his shoulders. Punk to the top rope!!! DOOMSDAY DEVICE TO DAX!!!! Jon flies over the top rope onto Cash outside! Cover for 1..2….NO!!!!!

DDT TO JON FROM CASH ON THE OUTSIDE!!!

In the ring, CM Punk rolls Dax up for 1..2..NO!!!! Cash has the ring bell!!! He clocks the head of Punk! Brainbuster from Dax!!! Cover for 1..2……NO!!!! HUGE CM PUNK CHANT!!!

Dax waits for Punk to stand, uppercut to Punk. Punk drops. Dax tries for another uppercut, Punk tries for a backslide, tag to Cash, Punk kicks Cash off the apron, rolls backwards, get Dax on the shoylders, tries for a G2S, but it’s intercepted! BIG RIG TO CM PUNK!!!! Cover for 1..2….N!O!! Jon there to stop the pin!!!! All four men up, Punk and CM Punk back to back. Dax and Cash on either side. Punches back and forth from all four. Punk corners Cash, Dax corners Dax. Whip, reverses, Punk tries for a neckbfreaker on Dax, escapes, Jon double underhooks, Punk with a fireman’s! Double finisher attempt, but FTR escapes!!! Moxley with a choke to Dac! Crossbody from Cash!!! Punk rolls through! ANACONDA VICE!!!!! Cash taps, but Aubrey is distracted!!!

TULLY ENTERS THE RING! He smacks Punk with aj akcet! Again! Punk lifts him!!!!! He tries for a G2S!

Go2Sleep on Tully!!! Rollup from Cash! 1…2……NO!!!!! Fireman’s to Cash!!!! Dax comes in. PARADIGM SHIFT! Go2Sleep!!!!!! Cover! 1…2….3!!!!

Winners: CM Punk and Jon Moxley
Son of a bitch…..it’s been a while since I used the term “indyriffic,” and although I wont say they got quite to the level of The Bucks, there was some flirting with it. The ringbell, the double finisher, Tully eating a G2S…truly the saving grace was that there was still so much good fucking wrestling! FTR is a Godsend, and I’m just so damned happy we aren’t seeing them “shave” backstage.
Total Rating: ****
Match Time: 18:46

Match 4: A.Q.A vs Jade Cargill

A murder happens here.

Winner: Jade Cargill
I had a few issues with the xfinity app at this point, but they gave the girls a fair enough time to let A.Q.A. be seen as just a notch above a squash, so good for them.
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 7:31

The Bucks are backstage with Cole. They challenge Roppongi Vice for Friday, then take umbrage to Jay White just showing up. Cole says to trust them, he’s Bullet Club for life. Cole has something to say, though, and leaves.

Deeb is here to talk about beating Sky Blue. No one in. the back is on her level. In fact, there isn’t one girl that could go five minutes with her, which is why tonight, she is issuing The Professor’s Five Minute Rookie Challenge. This rookie in the ring should be honored and privileged to be in the ring with Deeb tonight.

Match 5: Serena Deeb vs Katie Arquette

Lockup and Deeb corners Arquette. She mushes her a bit, hits an uppercut, then backs up to burn some time. She turns her back, waist lock, reversed by Deeb, turns the girl, swinging neckbreaker. Deeb grabs the wrist, locks the arm up with her leg, looks at her time, takes her time, pulls back on the leg and Arquette taps.

Winner: Serena Deeb
Cute little way to get Deeb on TV every week, and I typically hate squash matches.
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: :58

We come back to Archer’s music hitting, but that’s short lived because Archer is already fighting Page in the backstage area. He and Page fight through the tunnel and the bell rings.

Match 6: AEW World Championship Match
Texas Deathmatch
Hangman Adam Page vs Lance Archer
We START the match with Page getting a belt shot to the forehead! He thn tosses Archer into a plate of glass!!!! He tosses Archer into the ring then hops on the apron! Archer is bleeding from the forehead. BUCKSHOT LARIAT!!!! Archer rolls to the outside and lands on his back. The ref starts the count. He’s up at 9!!! Page flies with a crossbody to Archer. Archer falls under the ring. Page gets back in the ring. Hits the ropes, dives but Archer has a trashcan lid and slacks the COWBOY SHIT OUTTA PAGE’S HEAD!!! He attacks with the lid over and over.

Lambert is on the apron, and he’s got the tool to take off the turnbuckle.

Archer sends Page into a chair, and Jake Roberts is here to give some direction. Archer sends Page into the crowd. He then sends him into another barrier. He locks Page up, Page lands on his feet, MOONSAULT TO ARCHER!!! Page rolls Archer into the ring and realizes his Buckshot is taken out of his arsenal. Archer grabs the buckle, hits a clothesline to Page in the back. Archer unhook another buckle and tosses it aside. Archer packages Page up for a hard slam as we go to PIP.

We come back to both men bleeding, and both on the apron, with two tables set nearby. Page looks for a Dead Eye, but Archer with a GOOZLE!!! Page elbows out, enters the ring, runs with a big boot, Archer holds on, Page hits another boot! Archer hangs over the table! Page goes fo a third, Archer stops him! He sends page into the corner hard! Archer pulls the pad off the mat on the outside, showing the cement! Jake Roberts grabs Page! OMG!!! SHORT ARM CLOTHESLINE!!!! Jake is about to hit a DDT!!!!!! Archer stops him! Damn! Page with a DDT!!!!

In the ring, Page has a kendo stick. He smacks Archer across the back a few times, then BAM right in the fucking forehead!!! Hangman swings again! Archer catches it, breaks it over his knee, then chokeslams Page onto a trashcan!!! ARCHER HAS A FORK!!!! He stabs Page over and over in the forehead!!!!

Archer LICKS THE FUCKIN FORK!!! YOU SICK FUCK!

Page rolls to the outside!

Archer on the apron for a cannonball!!! He holds the title up in the air! Archer looks under the ring, grabs a chair and tosses it into the ring. Another chair. He finds a chair with barbed wire on it! He tosses that into the ring. Huge boot to Page! HOLY SHIT!!!! ARCHER WITH A BLACK OUT ONTO STEPS TURNED ON THEIR SIDE!!!! Page is alive!!! He wraps his hand in barbed wire! He punches Archer! GERMAN!!!! Page unwraps his hand. Archer is slow to stand! Turner picks up the barbed wire!

HANGMAN ADAM PAGE WITH A FUCKING BUCKSHOT OFF OF THE BACK OF THE REFEREE!!!!! ARCHER GOES THROUGH A TABLE!!! Page stands at 8!!! Archer is still down! Ref hits 10! Page wins!!!!!

Winner: Hangman Adam Page
Holy shit. I didn’t know how Page was going to get the win, but I did NOT expect Buckshot off the ref. Aside from that cool spot, I get the impression that Page is really trying to silence the critics, and although Archer might not have been the guy to do it, why the fuck not? A solid notch in the belt of Page.
Total Rating: ***1/2
Match Time: 15:33

Adam Cole is here!!!! He walks down the ramp, into the ring, and grabs the title from the ref. He holds it up as Page hangs on the ropes. He slow turns to see Cole, who puts the title on his shoulder.

End Show