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WEEELLLLLLLL It’s The Big S—nevermind.

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RAW starts hot with Brock Lesnar and Heyman! Heyman seems upset, for some reason. He says he is sorry, he can’t do it. It’s their job to hype us on Mania, and although he will gie credit where it’s due; this is the most stacked Mania lineup in decades, but the main event is a sham. He calls us Pavlovian dogs, and my salivary glands prove him right; although, I think it’s more for food than it is for Drew McIntyre.

Heyman calls Drew a fraud. He’d like to examine why we cheer for Drew. He brings up the Rumble, and Brock’s demolishment of 15 other dudes. He brings up Drew punching the nuts of Brock and wininng the Rumble. Heyman offers no excuses that the Claymore kick eliminated Brock, but how in the hell does that tell us that Drew can pin Lesnar. The next time lesnar lays his hands on Drew, it’s over in a snap. Why? Because Drew McIntyre is nothing more than a stupid big bitch that’s going to get squashed

Here comes Drew…

Heyman leaves the ring as Drew enters. Brock smirks, tells Drew he’s going to wait. But it’s a lie, and he runs towards Drew. Drew hits him with a Claymore! Brock is laid out!

Drew leaves the ring with a smile as Brock stirs in the ring with Heyman hovering over him like a Palovian dog…

YOU DESERVE IT chant for Brock from Brooklyn as he and Heyman leave the ring, tails tucked.

Brock cowers up the ramp with Heyman as the crowd sings good bye to him.

DREW IS BACK!!! ANOTHER CLAYMORE!!! CROWD IS HYPED AF!!! DREW HOLDS THE TITLE UP AS THE CROWD ASKS FOR ANOTHER ONE!

DREW GIVES IT TO THEM!!!!

The Street Profits are here, and in an effort to get them over, people have been given red cups in the crowd. Ford claims that he and Dawkins have been working on this opportunity for years. Apparently, this is their last chance at the titles? Ford want the smoke, and here. We. Go.

It is announced that this is their final opportunity, just to confirm.

Before the match can start, Seth and Buddy attack, only for Street Profits to send them to the outside. Ford flips over the top rope, but Seth and Murphy catch him and send him into the barricade hard.

Match 1: WWE RAW Tag Team Championship Match
The Street Profits vs Seth Rollins and Buddy Murphy
The match officially starts with Dawkins and Murphy. Dawkins eats a kick out of the corner then ducks a hit, but Seth gets a blind tag, only to eat an eelbowe. Dawkins to the top rope. Seth kicks him in the face. He folds Dawkins into the buckle and Murphy kicks his face into the corner. Seth covers for 1.2….NO!!! Seth to te apron. He springboards, hits a knee to the side of the head. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Seth grabs the chin and slaps Dawkins around a bit. Murphy with a tag. Kick is caught, so seth comes in and hits a kick of his own, then Murphy, then they double team with Superkicks! Cover for 1.2…NO!!! Kick to the back of the head from Murphy. Cravat from behind. Murphy then sends Dawkins to the outside. Seth hops down but Dawkins hits a surprise flapjack. Murphy launches from the apron to get T-Bone suplexed into the barricade. Ford is on the apron. Dawkins into the ring. Tag to Ford. Ford hits the ropes, goes for the dive again, and this time he hits it! He rolls Seth into the ring. Murphy follows, sends Ford to the apron, Ford with a springboard crossbody. Runinng clothesline and Seth flips, Ford lands on his feet, DDT to Seth! Standing moonsault! Ford to the top rope! Ford flies off the corner, Seth with a slingblade. Rollins goes for the stomp, Ford side steps, Tag to Murphy, Seth buckle bombs Ford and Murphy kicks him in the back at the same time! Dawkins in. He punches Seth, Firemans, but Murphy hops off, and sends Dawkins into the corner. Seth to the corner. Tag to Murphy. Both men in. Murphy lifts Ford onto the shoulders of Seth. Seth looks for the buckle bomb again, but Seth head scissors Seth into a kick from Murphy!!

Murphy to the top rope, Ford moves, ducks, sends Murphy to the outside. Seth with a rollup for 1..2..N!O!!! Ford with a high kick to the back of the head. Ford to the top rope. Seth up, sends Ford to the outside! Seth distracts the ref and calls for the AOP to come down the ramp. They stop at the lain out body of Ford, but the ref sends AOP to the backstage area!!! Seth sends Ford into the ring. AOP and Murphy on the ropes. Kevin Owens enters the ring!!! STUNNER!!!

Murphy sends AOP to chase after Kevin. Dawkins sends Murphy into the timekeeper’s are! Ford with a frogsplash onto Seth! 1….2…..3!!!

Winners and NEW WWE RAW Tag Team Champions: The Street Profits
There was ZERO reason to say this was their last opportunity…
Match Quality: **1/2
Personal Enjoyment: ***
Total Rating: **3/4

Backstage, Charley talks to an angry Seth Rollins. He says most stars have got to ask, but he’s not most. He demands. At Elimination Chamber are taking on The Street Profits and taking back the titles. As for Kevin Owens, he can name the time and place and stipulation, because when Seth gets his hands on Kevin Owens, he will be crucified.

Ricochet is here, but he lost against Brock, so who cares about him?

The answer is the fact that this match is for the 24/7 Championship…

Match 2: Riddick Moss vs Ricochet
Chops from Ricochet in the corner. Whip is reversed. Ricochet hops over, hits the ropes, stops, ducks, eats a clothesline, and is turned inside out. Moss sends Riohet into the corner and hits a shoulder tackle. Right to the back. Kick to the face. Moss grabs the head and chops the chest, then the crowd chants WHO ARE YOU? Haha. Ricochet shoves Riddick, sends an elbow into his chest, hits the roeps, springboards, Moss catches him. Fallaway Slam to Ricochet, sending him to the outside!

We are back from the break, and Moss sends Ricochet into the ropes. Kick from Ricochet, another kick is missed, but a back kick sends him down. Ricochet blocks a right, hits one of his own, ducks, kidney shot, whip is reversed, and he hits a right to the face. Ricochet rushes the corner, crossbody, head to the corner, kick to the buckle, springboard, and Moss moves. Ricochet rolls through, eats a hard elbow from Moss. Moss to the top rope. High kick from Ricochet. Jumping head scissors sends Moss to the mat. Standing shooting star. Cover for 1..2..NO!!!! Ricochet tries a fireman’s, but can’t quite get it. Uppercut to Moss. Ricochet goes for it again. Deep squats it, but an elbow drops Ricochet to the mat. Another elbow.

Ricochet steps up Enziguri. Kick but Moss catches him and clubs him down hard. Moss with forward neckbreaker. Pin for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: Riddick Moss
Welp
Match Quality: **1/2
Personal Enjoyment: **1/2
Total Rating: **1/2

AJ Styles is here after the break. He is not in a good mood. He should be out here with a beautiful trophy. Someone deprived him of that honor. The Undertaker. Have we heard Hollywood? There’s a video by Mark Wahlberg trying to give AJ Styles advice. AJ shows us said video…

This totally has nothing to do with Wahlberg releasing a movie called Spenser Confidential soon. Marky Mark tells AJ to walk away.

AJ will not take Mark’s stupid advice, because it seems to him he is on a collision course with Taker. He’s got a match with Aleister Black tonight, and after what he does to Black, e wants Taker to consider it a warning. Taker is a legend, and he’s just trying to hold onto the spotlight that isn’t his anymore. It’s AJs.

Apparently, there’s a contract that Black signed claiming that in order to get to AJ, he’ll have to face Karl Anderson.

Match 3: Aleister Black vs Karl Anderson
Black is upset with AJ, but sends Anderson to the outside instead as we go to commercial.

We are back, and Andesron has a cravat on Black. Black tries to turn into it. He is able to get onto his knees and turn into it. Uppercut from Anderson. Elbow from Black. Anderson grabs the hair, Black gets shoved, hits a right hand, back elbow.

He hits a right, a kick, leg sweep, hits the ropes, running knee. Springboard Moonsault to Anderson! Black Mass! Pin for 1…2…3!!

Winner: Aleister Black
boring…
Match Quality: NR
Personal Enjoyment: NR
Total Rating: NR

It appears Black gets the match against AJ now.

But of course, AJ has the mic, and says that there is a contract stipulation where he must go through Gallows as well. Of course.

Gallows attacks Black in the corner then runs him into the barricade before tossing him into the ring and following.

Match 4: Aleister Black vs Luke Gallows
The ref waits, gets both guys up, and rings the bell. Gallows runs into. Kick. Another kick to the face. Again. A fourth. Gallows with a kick of his own. Running back elbow from Gallows. Cover for 1.2…NO!!! Black takes some elbows to the shoulders and chest.

There’s a commercial, so I go to the restroom, and come back to realize it’s a fucking picture in picture type. I hate these. Anyways, Gallows wathes as Black struggles on the outside. Balck rolls into the ring and eats a stomp. Gallows sends Black to the outside again. AJ cheap shots him. Cover for 1..2…3!!!! Gallows with a rest hold from behind. Black turns into the hold and is able to kick the shit out of Gallows until Gallows hits an elbow. He hits some rights in the back.

Hard right in the corner. Again and again. Ref holds him back. Gallows attacks again, and the ref calls for the end.

Winner: ALeister Black
-eyeroll-
Match Quality: NR
Personal Enjoyment: NR
Total Rating: NR

The OC hit Black with a Magic Killer as AJ stands proud in between them. AJ sends The OC out of the ring and says he’s ready.

Match 5: Aleister Black vs AJ Styles
Bell rings and Black goes for a right. AJ dodges and kicks the gut. He kicks the back. Another kick. Hard clothesline in the corner. AJ with a hard right hand. Black up with a ight han, but AJ blocks. High kick to AJ’s face. AJ goes fo ra kick, but Black kicks his hammy, another. STO into a backbreaker from AJ. AJ grabs the head and hits a sick ass brainbuster!

Black is up. AJ on the apron. Phenomenal Forearm! AJ with The Undertaker pin! 1…2…3!!!

Winner: AJ Styles
The lack of creativity is baffling…
Match Quality: *
Personal Enjoyment: NR
Total Rating: ½*

Match 6: Liv Morgan vs Ruby Riott
Ruby shoves Liv into the buckle but Liv reverses and hops off the corner with a dropkick to the chest. Ack bump into the orner, and Sarah Logan is the referee. Ok….

Cover from Liv for 1..2… NO!!! Liv grabs Ruby’s hair, and Sarah is suddenly very cautious of the rules. Liv works the arm of Ruby, but Ruby crawls towards the ropes for a break. Ruby on the apron. Liv tries to shoulder her, but Ruby shoves her into the barricade then kicks her in the face. Another kick from Ruby. A stomp to Liv. Ruby works the head, shoving Liv towards Sarah, asking her to ask her for the submission. Liv tries to elbow herself out, but a knee sends her back down. Stomps in the corner, then some rights, and Logan. Pushes Ruby back at the count of four. Ruby rushes the ring, Liv rolls her up for 1..2..NO!!! Ruby misses a right hand, but Liv doesn’t. Another, again, and again, Ruby with a Flatliner! Pin for 1.2….NO!!!! Ruby accidentally runs into Logan off the kickout. Ruby attacks from behind with a clothesline to the neck. Cover for 1.2…NO!!!

Ruby and Logan get into an argument over counting to three, and Ruby shoves Logan. Liv with a roll up, Sarah with the quick count. 1..2…3!!!

Winner: Liv Morgan
Who is writing tonight…??
Match Quality: *
Personal Enjoyment: *
Total Rating: *

Logan, not one to pick sides, runs with a knee to the face of Liv.

We are reminded of the Orton/Edge saga before being reminded that Beth will be here to inform us.

The long-awaited mystery of what’s in the box of Rowan is finally solved.

No Way Jose come up to his cage to ask what’s in it, and Rowan says all he wanted was someone to ask nicely. He pulls out a huge spider.

Match 7: Kairi Sane vs Shayna Baszler
Shayna misses a kick and Sane goes behind. Rousey chant from the crowd. Shayna works the left hand, twisting the wrist, then sweeping the leg of Sane. Sane with a slap to the face of Baszler. Whip, dodge, Sane locks the head and sends her across the ring, then sweeps the leg as well. Sane with the sick revenge. Sane hits the ropes, and slides right into a submission, but Sane rolls Shayna up for 1…NO!! Shayna lifts Sane, go behind from Sane, shove from Shayna, ropes, and Shayna with a spinebuster! Kick from Shayna. She steps on the boot of Kairi and pulls the leg back, then drops onto her back. Sane can’t stand. She fights with rights but Shayna works the arm again, then sends her into the corner hard. Baszler with a kick to the back of the leg. Sane sends Shayna onto the apron, slides through the ropes, and gets kicked. Cover from Shayna for 1..2..NO!! Shayna bends back Kairi’s leg like it’s puddy. She then steps on the back of Sane’s leg and stomps the foot. Sane with a surprise rollup for 1..2..NO!! Kick to the face from Shayna. Cover for 1..2..NO!!!

Becky Lynch heads out midmatch to watch Shayna send Kairi out of the ring. Becky is looking all kinds of annoying right now, shouting that she’ll be watching from the announce table.

We are back and Shayna is blocking some offense. She goes for a suplex, but Sane rolls it through and hits a DDT kind of move. Becky is wearing King’s crown. Becky is acting quite cocky. Shayna on one knee eats an elbow She’s up and hits an uppercut to Sane. Sane with a right. Kick from Shanya. Another kick. Sane swings Shayna, neckbreaker, and Sane rushes the corner. Elbow to the chest. Shayna climbs the corner and locks the head of Sane. Gutwrench, and a suplex drops Sane to the mat hard! Cover for 1..2..NO!!!! Shayna lifts Sane and kicks her in the chest a few times. She hits the ropes. SPEAR from Sane! Sane to the top rope.

Sane goes for the elbow, but feet are up! Shayna with a clutch from behind, and Sane taps immediately.

Winner: Shayna Baszler
What the hell are they doin with the Becky character…?
Match Quality: *1/2
Personal Enjoyment: *1/2
Total Rating: *1/2

Shayna grabs Sane to lock the clutch in yet again as Becky shouts out her winning ways.

Rey and Humberto are backstage. Rey says that Humberto keeps getting back up, despite having to fight against his own blood. For Humberto, family is important, but not his cousin. Rey says this will end when and how they want it to end.

K, Rey.

Match 8: Rey Mysyterio and Humberto Carrillo vs Angel Garza and Andrade
I come to the match with Angel chopping Humberto in the corner. He locks Humberto up sideways then drives knees into him in the corner. Garza tags Andrade. Kick to Hubmerto and Andrade stomps Humberto down. Elbows to the face by Andrade! Humberto with an arm drag to Garza. Springboard right hand to Andrade. 1..2..NO!!! Kick to the back of Andrade. Whip to Andrade is reversed, and he hits a hard chop to the chest. Whip reversed and Andrade holds onto the ropes to show off. Humberto looks t oattack, but Angel rolls in and smiles, then removes his pants. Humberto does it for him, actually, and lifts Humberto, who dropkicks Andrade. Mysterio on the top rope. Hubmerto hits the ropes. Mysterio flies. Humberto is next!

We return to Garza sending Humberto face first into the apron after tripping on the ring skirt. Andrade grabs the hair and sends him into the barricade back first. Tag to Garza. Andrade sends Humberto to the ring, seated on the apron, and Garza hits a running knee. Garza covers for 1..2..NO!!! Garza works the arm from behind. Humbero creates separation, tries to tag, gets grabbed, enziguri, and Humberto flies to tag in Rey! Tag to Andrade! Springboard seated senton to Andrade. Rey hits the ropes. Comes back, spinning tornado DDT. Cover for 1..2.NO!!! Rey locks up Andrade from behind, eats an elbow and backs up. Andrade is bleeding on the side of the head. Rey with a kick to the face. Springboard seated on top, spin, hurricanrana, and Humberto is in! Dropkick sends him outside. Humberto to the top rope. He dives and misses, eating the barricade chin first!!!!

Back from another break and Rey sends Garza into the ropes, getting ready for the 619. Rey hits the ropes, Garza grabs Rey, drags him into the corner laying down, and drives a knee into the ribs. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Garza clubs the back. Garza sits Rey ont the top, turnbuckle, Rey kicks, flies, Canadian Destroyer! Pin for 1..2..NO!!! Andrade is there to stop the pin. Andrade drags Angel int othe corner and gets the tag. Andrade runs in with an elbow to the face of Rey. Andrade mocks Eddie then grabs Rey and locks the head. Andrade with a suplex, hits it, he’s going for the three amigos. Tag to Humberto. Dropkick off the top. Moonsault and a pin for 1..2..NO!!! Humberto the top rope. Hubmerto seated in the corner. Andrade hits the corner with the double knees! Pin for 1..2…NO!!! Rey is there to stop it. Garza grabs him and flips him up, but Rey sends him into the eropes. 61…no, Andrade in the way, so Rey sends him onto th roeps as well! 619 to both men! Rey with a hurricanrana off the apron!

In the ring, Humberto heads to the top rope! Moonsault to Andrade! Pin for 1..2..3!!q

Winners: Rey Mysterio and Hubmerto Carrillo
Fun!
Match Quality: ***
Personal Enjoyment: ***
Total Rating: ***

Beth Pheonix is here to give us an update on her hubby, Edge. Before she can, Orton’s music hits. He’s out to offer Beth a handshake…or a hug It’s unsure. Beth isn’t down either way, though. Orton sits in the corner, allowing Beth to speak.

She says this is great; because if anyone here needs to hear this, it’s Orton. She is there as a wife, because she needs her husband. She is there as a mother because her kids deserve their father. Maybe there are possibilities that—

Orton hops off the corner and gets close to Beth, circling, then asks for a mic.

Orton knows what she’s going to say. There are no possibilities. It is certain that Edge will never wrestle again. Orton owes her an explanation. He will give her one. But first, he’s got a story. In 1999, in October, WWE had a live event in St. Louis. His father took his 19 year old son to meet a couple of agents. They were backstage. Randy was sa fan. He grew up in this business, but at this point, at 19, he was just a fan, and to be backstage and to see HBK, Austin, Foley, but the one man that came up to his father to show respect…was Edge. He shook Orton Sr.’s hand and Randy was beaming with pride. Edge told him he was one of the best bad guys in the history of this business. Edge told his father Orton Sr was one of the reasons he came into the business. Orton’s father introduced him to Edge, and Edge shook his hand, thanked him, said good luck, that maybe, just maybe ,one day, they could work together in this ring. That motivated him, and he went from insecure to confident.

Years later, Edge and he were battling all over the world for the IC Title and stealing the show every night. Years later ,they started Rated RKO and became tag team champions, and just when things couldn’t get any better, Orton flew too close to the sun, hit a rough patch, and made some very poor life choices. He dug a hole so deep, that he should have been buried in it, but he wasn’t because Edge pulled him out – saved his life – made him realize there more to life. Kids, family, teaching his son how to be a man, how a man should treat a woman. Edge saved his life. What he did, was he returned the favor. At the Rumble, when Edge’s music hit, after nine long years, it was such a great feeling. But it wasn’t a one-off. The next night, orton realized that Edge though he was back for good – that he was going to start competing. Orton knew better. Someone was going to put Edge in a wheelchair, or possibly worse.

Orton wanted Edge’s kids to have a father. Thanks to Orton, he’ll be there, go on hikes, ride bikes, and all that because of Orton. He loves Edge, loves Beth, and loves her two little girls. Here’s the sad truth: Everybody blames him for what he did to Edge. Everyone thinks it’s Orton’s fault, but it’s Beth’s. She is an enabler. She enabled Edge. Edge is a junkie for the roar of the crowd, and she did nothing to stop it, to help him, so he had to step in. He had to make sure Edge went on to be a father.

Orton says that saying outloud makes him realize something – he loves Lyric and Ruby, her two daughters, and Edge, more than Beth ever could.

Truth hurts, don’t it?

Beth straightens her face, scowls, then slaps orton across the face. Orton tosses the mic hard. He puts his hands on his knees, stands, turns to face Beth fully, then looks her dead in the eyes and….BETH KICKS ORTON! ORTON WITH AN RKO!!!!

End Show