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Tonight, we’re celebrating Randy Orton’s twenty year career of wrestling, and my twelve year career of covering it!

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It’s Monday…you know what that means.

Riddle is in the ring, it being surrounded by RAW wrestlers, including Seth Rollins, who is chillin in a cushy chair near the announcers.

Riddle officially introduces us to RAW and we get a video package covering Orton’s career, including a nice little RKO montage.

Riddle introduces his best friend, and out comes The Viper!

Orton comes out to share that ge was actually born here, in Knoxville. It’s been a hell of a journey. He hopes we are not sick of him, because he ain’t goin anywhere. He admits that the past year or so has been great, different, because of Riddle. He loves Riddle. They hug.

Orton says if it wasn’t for us, there’d be no him. He loves every single one of us.

Riddle has a surprise for Orton. This man looks up to Randy and considers Orton a friend. Riddle introduces Cody Rhodes.

Orton’s got a grin on as Cody makes his way out. Cody wears the emotion on his face while we are reminded that literally the entire roster is out there.

Cody hugs Orton. Riddle breaks the hug up, sayin that’s enough, that’s enough. Lol.

Seth, ringside, says, “Awwwwwwwwww.” Lol. He heads towards the ring, tells Randy not to trust Cody, don’t trust Rhodes. He’s not out here to show him love, he’s out here to steal Orton’s spotlight, just like he did Seth’s at Mania. Seth tells Orton that he is not the present or future of the WWE, and neither is Cody! None of these men will inspire people, but Seth will.

Enter Elias. He is sorry to interrupt, it’s not his thing, but he says that as a new guy, he’d really like to introduce himself. He is Ezekiel. Orton shakes his hand. Ezekiel will never forget he and his brother watching Orton dominate as The Legend Killer.

Seth plays with the hair of Ezekiel.

THANKFULLY, Owens is NOT ringside, and walks out from the crowd, saying this guy sounds and looks like Elias, because it is. Are you going to let this guy lie to you, Orton? This is how you pay tribute?

Seth continues to play with Ezekiel’s face and hair, amazed at the uncanny similarities. Owens all but breaks down just as The Usos music hits.

They were 15 watching Orton. Jimmy asks Jey if he has a favorite Orton moment. Jey says his fave was when they beat him at Wrestlemania Backlash and unify the titles and solidify their legacy as the best in the world.

Here comes Adam “Don’t Call Me Teddy” Pearce, say thy will all be in action, in the biggest match he can make: Seth, Kevin Owens, and The Usos vs Cody Rhodes, Ezekiel, Randy Orton, and Riddle.

Kevin takes the first hit, punching Ezekiel, so Orton hits him with an RKO.

KANE is backstage, talking to Bianca about the homeless problem.

Match 1: WWE RAW Women’s Championship Match
Bianca Belair vs Sonya Deville

LOCKUP!!! Side headlock and Bianca hits the ropes then a tackle to knock Deville on her ass. Bianca to the outside, Sonya tries to send her into the apron, but Bianca shoots her oer the table and gets back into the ring to get some hometown love.

Ref starts the count. Ref hits ten in super fast fashion…

Nope, before this can be announced as a loss, Sonya restarts the match. No countouts.

Bianca leaves the ring and says, “Ok, that’s what we doin?” then beats that ass with some rights. Sonya sends her into the apron back first then into the barricade. Sonya yells at someone in the crowd that Bianca sucks. Lol. Sonya grabs the hair, Bianca whips her into the timekeepers area. Sonya with a chair!

Sonya smacks Bianca over the back with the chair! Ref rings the bell.

Sonya restarts the match: no countout or DQ. Bell rings.

Sonya calls for someone to come out. Here comes Zelina and Carmella. Why Zelina is still wearing her crown and why either of these girls would want to be a part of this, or even continue to be a team, I know not.

We are back, and Mella has Bianca in a Nelson hold while Sonya attacks the midsection .Bianca esapes, sends MElla outside, and hits a spinebuster to Sonya. IN comes Zelina to hop on her back, kick from Sonya, whip to Bianca into the corner, Zelina wihps Sonya into the corner and she hits a shoulder. Sonya whips Zelina into the corner, Bianca sends her over the top rope, sends the running Mella outside, Sonya misses a shoulder, right handfrom Bianca. Bainca with a Glam Sla—no, Sonya rolls through and sends Bianca into the corner. Sonya grabs a chair, drops it on the mat, looks to DDT Bianca into the chair, and she DOES! Cover for 1..2…NO!!!! Sonya calls for Zelina to come in and set the chair up in the corner, and the Queen does. Sonya tries to send Sonya into it, but Bianca sends her into it instead!

Bianca sends Zelina off the apron, flips into Mella to send her off the apron. KOD. Cover for 1…2….3!!!!!

Bianca sends Zelina off the apron, flips into Mella to send her off the apron. KOD. Cover for 1…2….3!!!!!

Winner: Bianca Belair
There was SOOOOOO MUCH wrong here. Damn near into Ridiculous territory. Nevermind the problematic issue of Sonya being part of “management,” and booking herself into this match, as well as manipulating the rules. The addition of Carmella and Zelina was just so unnecessary and brought about so many questions that, although don’t really matter, just goes to show how little these writers care about consistency at all. Why would either of these girls care about the outcome of this match? Why are they suddenly friends again? Why would Zelina wear a crown if she is coming down to, presumably, help attack Bianca?
Total Rating: *
Match Time: Nah

We go backstage to Zelina and Carmella arguing over whose fault this is. In comes Sonya saying that because they did not do their part, they do not get their title shot. Zelina tries to argue, and Sonya slaps the royalty off her face. Mella tries to swing, Sonya stops her, claiming she is still their boss, and slaps Carmella.

No, this is not sufficient enough to explain what happened above.

Edge and Priest are backstage. He says Finn will be executed tonight, as Priest will finish his business tonight. Edge will no longer worry about what people think, because these people voted for Kane. Lol. He drops a Tennessee accent and mocks the crowd, saying that they are better than their favorites. Choke it down, because it’s true. Where is AJ? Hmm? Using the jury duty excuse, or maybe he’s tending to his shoulder that they attacked last week.

Priest says Finn’s guilt has been determined, and he is The Punisher. Finn’s judgment day has arrived.

VEER IS HERE!

He destroys a jobber, and the Ryback push continues. He does the Tree Slam to the poor soul on the announce table, then leaps onto the announce desk to lock in the Clutch again.

Lashley is backstage getting himself hyped for the Arm Wrestling Contest coming up.

MVP and Omos are out first, and MVP has been waiting for this for a while. His promo is cut short as Lashley makes his way out.

Lashley is pissed, going full Handsome Squidward and ready for the fight.

They lock hands, and I’m afraid to check how many of these I’ve recapped over my years…

They struggle as MVP talks shit into a mic, telling Lashley that Omos is about to beat him, Omos shows his winning ways, nearing the end, until MVP calls Lashley nothing without him, motivating Lashley to push forward and win the Arm wrestling match.

MVP looks to attack, but Omos attacks him off the distraction.. Omos grabs the arm wrestling table and slams it on the arm and neck of Lashley a few times. It has padded edges and doesn’t look nearly as brutal as I think they would want it to.

We are reminded of last week, when there was a wedding full of love and whimsy.

Earlier today, we got a Group Couples Counseling segment with Truth as your certified counselor. He has mastered togetherness. He will tear these two couple aparts to keep them together. They all have 99 problems, but love ain’t one of them. He talked to Adam and Sonya and arranged for a mixed tag match, and the 24/7 title is not eligible, and he is the ref.

Match 3: Dana Brooke and Reggie vs Akira Tozawa and Tamina
Akira and Reggie to start. Reggie with an arm drag, Dana tags herself in, Akira backs into his own ta, and in comes Tamina to miss a clothesline then a body slam. Dana kicks, tries to whip Tamina, cant, Tamina grabs Dana, pulls her back in a dip, looks to maybe kiss her…Dana grabs her neck, considers it, and Akira tags himself in. He misses a clothesline, Reggie spins into a crossbody, tries for the senton, lands on his feet, Akira with a kick, another kick, slides under, high kick. Akira to the top rope.

Akira screams “I LOVE YOU” to Tamina, then flies with a senton and a pin for 1..2….3!!!!

Winners: Akira and Tamina
In literally three seconds, Akira showed just how criminally underutilized he is. Jeeeeez.
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 1:26

Immediately after, Akira tries for the 24/7. Dana sends Tamina into Akira, Truth rolls her up and tries to count the three at the same time. Dana escapes and runs up the ramp.

Becky Lynch is here, and she has, apparently, not gotten over her loss at all, because she is super Sad Panda.

Becky says she does not know who she is without the title. She has grown so accustomed to seeing a champion in the mirror, and after Mania, she did not recognize herself anymore. She has hit Rock Bottom. Oh, wait, not the move, the mental status.

She has nothing more to say…but wait, if she’s hit Rock Bottom, then there is nowhere up to go but up. This isnt the end, this is the beginning of a legendary Becky Lynch comeback. She then gives a little Seth Rollins maniacal laugh. We all get to witness and be inspired by her rise and her climb back to her prize. She will overcome Bianca and be the champion forever. No one will be able to stop her…

ASUKA’s music hits, and SHE IS BACK!!!!

Becky is shocked, SHOCKED I SAY! She drops the mic as Asuka dances her way to the ring and into our hearts.

Asuka, with the mic, goes off in Japanese, showing that there has been absolutely zero growth or alteration to her character.

Asuka says she will stop Becky, because no one is ready for Asuka.

Becky misses a punch, Asuka misses a back fist, Becky heads to the outside, Asuka dances, and the world keeps on spinnin.

The Street Profits are backstage, giving respect to Orton. Ford congratulates his baby girl. They then cover the main event.

Priest is announced as “representing Judgment Day,” so I guess that’s the name they’re going with. Maybe they already have that trademarked.

Match 4: Finn Balor vs Damian Priest

Finn is quick to get Priest to the outside. He gets pulled out and tries wit sme rights. Priestgoes for a Razor’s Edge on the apron, and hits it!

BACK FROM A BREAK, and Priest is in control. Knee to Finn. He sends Finn into the corner. Finn kicks out of the corner, hit a right, whip to Priest is reversed, Finn ducks, hits another right, Finn shoots the legs and stomps Priest down hard as Edge watches on. Finn corners Priest, hits a right, gets pulled into a lift, but Balor with a surprise 1916 and a pin for 1..2…NO!!! Finn kicks t he back of the leg. He runs into a GOOZLE!!! Choke-NO! Balor spins midair and rolls up Priest! 1..2..NO!!! Nice. Finn hops over the top rope, hits a high kick to Priest, dropping him hard. Finn to the top rope. Edge stands, which distracts Finn. -eyeroll-

Priest with a high chokeslam. He lifts Finn, Modified flatliner from Priest.

Winner: Damian Priest
Ew, why make CAW Finisher #2 your new finish? And why would Edge standing, nearly thirty yards away from you, be enough of a distraction? Ugh….I’m trying not to be bitter.
Total Rating: *
Match Time: 7:21

Graves does an, admittedly, awesome segue claiming the main event will be….

JUUUUST as Miz’s music hits, and he comes out.

Miz does his thing and introduces Theory, who comes out to take a selfie with Miz.

Miz says it’s like looking into the mirror. He feels like it’s been 12 years since someone has brought credibility to the US Title. They banter of the name change, then Theory says he feels like he’s on another level. He grew up watching The Miz, almost like an inpisration. He tells the crowd to shut up as they What him. Miz overcame the odds to become a two-time Grand Slam champion. A main eventer, and he will live up to the standards that Miz wants him to, but he will also continue to prove why he is the best investment that McMahon has ever made.

Miz asks for respect for his guest.

Theory will take the title to new heights. He’s the youngest US Champ in WWE history, but will be remembered as THE US Champion, and he can do this all day.

Miz wants to give him some advice. When he becomes champion, everyone becomes jealous. Nothing pisses people off more than when handsome young trendsetters like them succeed. Everybody in the locker room is a parasite, and recent champions handed out title shots like crazy. Everyone needs to earn the right to face Theory in this ring. No one comes out to just demand a title match.

MUSTAFA FUCKING ALI is here! He’s grinning to the delight of the crowd, lookin like we are all in on it.

Miz: “You still work here?”

Theory asks Ali if he is the guy that took his ball and went home.

Miz calls him Mufasa, Mustafa’s younger brother.

Ali says this was not funny at all, and why is Miz out here cracking jokes. If he wants to laugh, he just needs to watch Miz wrestle. Ali has business. He is back on RAW. Ali is hoping Theory is holding an open challenge for the title, and Ali is hoping he’s the one to answer it.

Theory says no. Ali asks if he is all biceps and no balls. Theory is out here running away like his name is The Miz. Theory says Miz is a former champ, a trailblazer, a future HOFer. He don’t run from a fight.

Miz says Ali is trying to use Miz’s name. He would love to embarrass him, but Miz doesn’t have a magic wand to make a match. He says this while Theory is texting, and Theory informs Miz he got the match. Vince said it’s ok. Miz mockingly thanks Theory as he leaves. Lol.

Miz tells Ali after he’s done with him in this match, he’ll make Ali wish he got his walking papers.

Ali slaps Miz.

Match 5: The Miz vs Mustafa Ali

Ali works the arm, Miz reverses and works Ali, only for him to flip out of it and get punched by Miz. Miz works the side headlock. Ali hits the ropes, turns Miz, locks the head again, Miz shoots him to the corner, Ali flips over him to the center of the ring, and Miz is impressed as Ali mocks his AWESOME chant. Right hands from Ali, into the ropes, and Miz hits a big boot! Kick to the side, another kick, he chokes Ali up on the ropes. Miz pulls back on his chin, hits the ropes, and gets a running knee to the back of the head. Cover for 1..2….NO!!!! The Miz off the ropes with a boot to the face and a cover for 1..2…NO!!!

Miz continues his onslaught of offense, kicking Ali over and over, then going for a final kick, only to be met with a spinning counter kick to the side of the head. Ali with a chop in the corner. Miz’s chest is hella red. Whip to the corner ,Ali dodges and lands on the apron, dives into the ring and hits a neckbreaker then a cover for 1…2..NO!!! Ali grabs the head of Miz, locks up for a suplex. Ali shoves Miz from behind, Miz holds the ropes, Miz kicks the knee, DDT to Ali! Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Miz rushes the corner, lands on the apron, Ali with. Punch, another right, Ali climbs, Miz shoves him off, Ali lands on his feet, but hurts his knee.

Miz dropkicks the knee! FIGURE FOU—NO!!! Ali rolls Miz up and gets a shocking 1..2…3!!!

Winner: Mustafa Ali
That boy goodt.
Total Rating: **1/2
Match Time: 6:35

Ali celebrates up the ramp, but it doesn’t last long because Tommaso Ciampa runs up and attacks him!

Rhea Ripley is backstage looking more blonde than usual.

Rhea is asked why she did what she did. Rhea said she finally opened up her eyes. When she first got here, she won the championship on her own, and since then, she’s been thrown into teams that make her weak. She will no longer associate herself with disappointment

And BOOM! Liv rushes into frame to attack Rhea. Agents come to hold everyone back as we head to commentary, then transition to Kevin Owens telling Alpha Academy that he will not pay them.

In comes Seth, but Gable shoosh’s him. He tells says this is an A+ and B convo, so plese C your way out. Seth tells KO they need to make a game plan. Owens hasn’t forgotten last week, how Seth insulted him. Seth says it was the heat of the moment. KO thinks maybe he should give Seth a lie detector test.

In come The Usos to calm everyone down, saying they need to be on the same damned page and get the W, or the Tribal Chief is gonna be real mad. Seth laughs that off, says this is his and KO’s show, but KO ain’t having it, and removes his arm off his shoulders.

We come back to RAW where Omos challenges Lashley to a match at Backlash. Omos says after he is done with Lashley, there will not be much left.

Match 6: The Usos, Kevin Owens, and Seth Rollins vs Randy Orton, Matt Riddle, Ezekiel, and Cody Rhodes

After a commercial break, we come to the match already in play. Zeke and Jimmy are in the ring. Zeke hits a delayed suplex and a cover for 1..2.NO!!! Zeke works the left arm, locks the fingers, and pushes upward then tags in Riddle. Riddle hops over the top rope, kicks Jimmy in the chest, and hits a snapmare. Tag to Orton. Assisted floater and a stomp to Jimmy’s hand, his other, boot scrape against the face, tag to cody. Cody works the mid section with kicks, stomping Jmmy down in the corner. Cody with a suplex, Seth tries to attack, but Cody scares him out of the ring. Cody with an uppercut. Jey gets a tag, he enters. Samoan Drop to Cody! Cover for 1..2.NO!!! Tag to Jimmy. They wishbone Cody. Jimmy cohkes Cody up on the ropes, KO with a cheap shot. Shoulder into the corner and a tag to Jey who comes in and hits a right forearm. Seth wants in. Jey tags him in. Seth misses a big move, so he kicks Orton off the apron, and drops Cody again. Tag to Zeke. He comes in with a spinebuster to Seth! Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Zeke asks who wants to hear him speak, and Owens hilariously says no one. Tag to Riddle. He comes in and hits an overhead to Seth. He runs for a senton, but Seth has the knees up. Back elbow from Riddle. To the top rope, but Jimmy trips him up! Seth to the top rope. He locks the head and hits a reverse suplex off the top!

We are BACK and Riddle flies off the top onto Seth! Both men are down. Everyone wants in. Tag to Jimmy. Riddle is not so quick. Jimmy drops an axe and covers for 1..2.NO!!! Cravat from behind. Riddle with right hands, he sends Seth flying off the apron, Jimmy hits a clothesline. Tag to Jey. Jey in and kicks the chest. Jey grabs the left arm, lifts Riddle, and drops him back first onto the knee. Tag to Jimmy. Whip to Riddle, hard. Jimmy fights off the face corner, missing a right to Orton. Riddle with a kick to Jimmy! Seth in, Riddle sends him out, Jimmy locks the waist, Riddle lands on his feet, ripcord knee to Jimmy. Seth is nearby and pulls Orton off the apron. JEY WITH AN ASS SPLASH to Riddle in the corner! Tag to Owens! Swanton Bomb and a cover for 1..2…NO!!! Jey with a high kick, sending Riddle right into a tag from Orton! He hits a clothesline, another, powerslam off the ropes. In comes Jimmy, he gets one, too! Punch to Owens, one for Seth! Orton sees Jey on the apron. He grabs the head, locks it, Jey drops down and pulls the leg out, then tries to send Orton into the table, but it’s Orton so he gets the bck suplex, DUH! Rollins hops off the apron and gets a back suplex as well! Owens runs up, thumb to the eye, back suplex to the table!!!

Orton rolls inside the ring, grabs Jey, pulls him up, locks the head, DDT! SETH ATTACKS FROM BEHIND STOPPING AN RKO! In comes Rhodes dfor a Disaster Kick, RKO to Seth! Owens with a superkick to Cody, Stunner attempt from Owens, but Zeke punches, RKO to Owens!

Riddle hits a knee to the entering Jimmy, Riddle shoots Jimmy up! RKO!!!! Jey to the top rope! He dives off! ORTON WITH AN RKO!

Winners: Randy Orton, Riddle, Ezekiel, and Cody Rhodes
Lot of fun to be had here, even with the House Show feel to this. I get that they wanna celebrate Orton’s anny, but some could consider this a little bit of damage to The Usos. Follow up will matter.
Total Rating: ***
Match Time: 16:02

The faces celebrate to the delight of the crowd.

End Show