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HOT ASS EVIL EMMA IS BACK!!! Although she likely won’t be appearing for RAW, I must applaud the few of you that have kept that well-earned nickname alive! My reach in the wrestling world knows no bounds!

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The Usos are Solo are here, representing The Bloodline!

Jimmy brings up Crown Jewel and all the ass they kicked.They then bring up the ass kicking they are going to give to The New Day soon. They are the longest reigning champions ever. They are cut off by The New Day. Kofi and Woods come out.

They say that Usos made a name for themselves based on the name of their family, of their lineage. They got a try out because of their dad.

The Usos take offense, saying they don’t know the pressure that usos have felt. They’ve never been in the ring with their dad, with their uncle.

Woods says pressure is not knowing when they’ll get fired, pressure is building an online following just to get noticed at work. Pressure is getting booed for building the best trio in all of wrestling in spite of what they were told. Hear the chants? We know about the pressure. We know this pressure is what turned New Day into diamonds.

Usos wonder if they were talking about the crown Woods won, and the diamonds in it? When Jey stomped it into the ground. The real kings go the crowns on their shoulders. If The Usos would have never forfeit the match, Kofimania would have never existed. You’re welcome, Kofi. In fact, don’t even show up on Friday – stay at home with the kids and let The Usos do what they do.

Kofi with the mic, asks what kind of father would he be if he told his kids he foreeited to The Usos. To them, this is just a checkmark on the achievements box. This represents a time when they were saddled with a positive preachers gimmick. It represents a time when they clawed for their chance at success, only to be told they suck. A time that may be the last that The New Day was whole, and they elevated The Usos in the process.

Matt Riddle of all people come out. He says that he and Elias are forming a band, and could use Woods’ help. Jey tells Riddle to shut up. Riddle says when he wants to relax, he just sits back and hits the bong. He offers a hit to Woods and Kofi. They both take a hit. He then offers a bong hit to Solo.

Solo no sells it. He then lets Jimmy hit it. He plays a nice tune, but Riddle says the rules are “Tap Tap Pass, dude.” Riddle offers Jey a hit, saying he hasn’t really been so Ucey. Jey smacks the bong away. Riddle says no man does this. YEET. He then offers a 6-man tag tonight. YEET.

I swear to YEEZUS if he tries to get YEET over, imma be annoyed.

Match 1: The New Day and Matt Riddle vs The Usos and Solo Sikoa

WE start with Riddle and Jimmy. Gutrwrench supelx into the corner from Riddle. Tag to Woods who stomps Jimmy some then tags in Kofi who gets whipped into Jimmy with a dropkick. Tag to Jey, who kicks Kofi then attacks the back. Jey with the rope work, hits a shoulder tackle, hops over the back, Kofi with a lepa frog, another, spinning uppercut and a cover for 1..2.NO!!! Kfoi works the left arm, tags in Woods, Woods to the top. He drops an axe on Jey, then gets a submission into a pin for 1..2.NO!!! Woods tags Riddle in, still working the left arm. Kick form Riddle. Riddle with a right, Jey kiks, gets caught, spins and hits a kick to the side of the head. Jey rushes Riddle against the ropes, but Riddle holds on with his legs and sends Jey over the top rope. Riddle looks to possibly hit a floating Bro, but Solo trips him up, and Riddle tumbles to the outside.

We are back, and Riddle is on his back for 1..2..NO!!! Jimmy sends him to the corner and beats down on Riddle with some fists. Jimmy with a hip attack his father would be proud of. Cover from Jimmy for 1..2.NO!!! Solo in after the tag. Leg drop to Riddle! Tag to Jey, who comes in with a kick to the gut. Riddle did NOT like that. Lol. Riddle stands, hits some rights to the. Ceter of the ring, Jey tries for a suplex, but Riddle deadlifts and hits a suplex of his own! Tag to Solo! Riddle cant get a tag. HIGH KNEE TO SOLO!! Tag to Woods! Woods kicks the knee of Solo, knocks Jimmy off the apron, kick from Woods, Kofi get a tag, running knee from Woods, splash from Kofi. Tag to Woods. Clothesline and a cover for 1…..NO!!! Out at 1!! Tg to Kofi! Woods tries to rollup, Kofi to the top rope, Solo stomps Woods chest in, Kofi with a splash off the top! Kofi is legal! Cover for 1..2.NO!!! Kick to te chest, Boom drop! Kofi wants to end it. Jey swipes at him, Kofi kicks him in the head, spins for a Trouble in Paradise, but Solo locks up and we get a belly to belly! Kofi t othe apron, stands, Solo punches him off ,and Kofi lands on the announce table. Solo to the outside. He sends Kofi into the table a few times, Woods is here, and Solo elbows him away.

WE are BACK! Solo is in the ring with Kofi. They are on opposite sides, in the corner. Solo runs….into a boot! Kofi off the middle rope with a tornado DDT! Solo shakes it off, tags in Jey. Tag to Riddle. High kick to Jimmy, Jey, Pele kick to Jey, kip up and a Ripcord knee to Jimmy!!! Elbow in the corner to Jimmy, one for Jey in the corner, Knee to Solo, Exploder to Jimmy! Elbow to Jey, Jey elbows down, bu Riddle hits an Exploder anyway!! Broton to Jimmy! Broton to Jey!!! Punt kick to Jimmy, powerbomb into a knee from Riddle to Jey! Cover! 1….2….NO!!!!! Lordy, that was a lot. Riddle to the top rope! Riddle flips, lands on his feet, Superkick from Jey! Back suplex into a pin for 1..2.NO!!! Jey to the top rope, tag from Jimmy, Jey dives off, RIDDLE CATCHES HIM WITH A TRIANGLE! Jimmy dives off the top rope with a splash onto Riddle!!!

Sol enters, Woods kiks him, rolling right to Jey! Solo sends Woods to the outside, but Woods pulls Solo out with him Solo sends Woods to the announce table. Kofi dives through the ropes, but Solo punches him dead in th face!!! H esends Kofi to the steps! Riddle with a punt kick to Solo! FLOATING BRO!!!! JIMMY WITH A SUICIDE DIVE! Riddle in the ring, Jimmy to the apron.

KICK FROM RIDDLE! He locks the head! Orton DDT!!!!! Riddle hears voices!! RKO TO JIMMY!!! Jimmy rolls outside. Solo in the ring! ROCK BOTTOM! Cover for 1..2….3!!!!

Winners: The Bloodline
Good God Almighty. I’d love to call this a Banger, but Graves and Patrick both used the term like 5 times tonight, making I, officially, old hat. I’ll be trying some new terms in the coming days. This match was certified…FUCKING BUTT CANDY!
Total Rating: ****
Match Time: 20:35

JBL is here to call us snowflakes and chubby and woke. He keeps it shorts, and brings out Corbin, who comes out running. He’s in action tonight against…Cedric Alexander.

Match 2: Baron Corbin vs Cedric Alexander

Baron sends Ced into the corner with ease, and beats down on him till the ref stops him. Stomps in the corner and again the ref must stop him. Corbin with a right hand to the back. He talks some shit to the crowd then flexes…yeah, maybe don’t do that, Corbin. Whip to Cedric into the corner, hard, Corbin rushes the corner, Alexander flies over him, Corbin slides to the outside, back in, huge clothesline and a pin for 1..2..NO!!!! Corbin continues to call someone a moron in the crowd. Right hand to the face. Splash attempt, but Cedric dropkicks the legs, then kicks Corbin in the face. Dropkick off the 2nd rope. Cedric with a right hand in the corner, Corbin misses a right, Nueralizer from Cedric. Cedric with a suicide dive to the outside.

Cedric attacks on the outside, sends Corbin into the ring, Cedric dives through the ropes, right into….End of Days. Cover for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: Baron Corbin
Well, it was far from a PITCHED BATTLE. More like a Folderol. Still not sold on the Corbin push, namely because I see no discernable change in what made him so uninteresting in the first place outside of JBL.
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 2:17

WE ARE BACK after some disturbing commercial about the sound of a baby breastfeeding…

Anyway, Seth Rollins is here to guide us in singing his entrance. He says we have beautiful voices and he’s got some business to attend to. He says tonight is an open challenge, and he is interrupted by…

Judgment Day.

All four members make their way down the ramp as commentary guesses that it is perhaps Rhea Ripley who is challenging Seth. Seth is all smiles in the ring, not really all that worried. They circle the ring, and Finn is first to enter. He stares down Seth, then asks for a mic.

Finn has a bone to pick with Seth. A few years back, Seth cost Finn gold. Tonight, he will cost Seth gold. As for the open challenge…

The OC and AJ Styles are here. Priest and Dom enter the ring and await the trio of would be oo Sweet fellas. Seth stands center stage, then sneaks out of the ring as the six men in the ring stare each other down. AJ has a mic.

AJ says this is far from over. Finn says the only thing in this ring that’s over is The Judgment Day. The Club and The OC is old news. AJ calls this a problem. It’s always the three of them against the four of Judgment Day. AJ is over it. It was no different at Crown Jewel. They still haven’t found someone to take care of the Rhea problem, but that someone found The OC.

We hear someone being posted outside. Rhea is on the ground! A girl in a hoodie is standing over her!

It’s MIA YIM!!!!!!!!!

Yim has a kendo stick! The OC attacks Judgment Day! Gallows sends Priest into the table, Yim smacks Rhea with a stick, then sends her into the timekeeper’s area. Finn clotheslines Karl Anderson out of the ring, leaving just him and AJ in the middle of the ring. They remove jackets.

AJ and Finn meet mid-ring and go at it until Finn opts to rolls outside. Anderson grabs Finn and sends him into the apron. Dom is on the top rope, he dives off, AJ catches him. STYLES CLASH TO DOMINIC!!! Finn pulls Dom out of the ring, and we see The OC and Mia Yim posing. Do Yim got Timbs on? DEAD ASS.

Match 3: Otis vs Elias

Starts pretty standard till Elias tries to lift Otis with a body slam. Otis with. A punch to the gut, as Elias cannot get him up. Right hand is missed, Elias tries again, is able to lift Otis, but not rotate for the slam, and Otis just smashes him down with a splash. An elbow drop to the chest is followed by a trap pinch.

Winner:
Sorry,had a shoe delivery midmatch, so I missed the finish! The good news? These “Why So Sad” dunks are SIIIIIICK
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: Stopwatch Issues

WE are taken back to Crown Jewel as Bianca, Asuka, and Alexa head to the ring.

We then see a “fan video” of all six women getting into it in the parking lot.

Bianca is smiling, but Alexa looks pissed – which is good considering she just lost her title. Love that.

Bainca is proud to be here still the champion, but it didn’t all go to plan. WE know this is far from being over with. So Damage Control, come out now so they can let them know what they gotta let them know.

Here comes Bayley and Baes.

Kai says Bianca has still not beaten Bayley, but Bayley has beaten her twice. Speaking of twice, this is how many times they’ve won the tag team titles. Asuka goes off in Japanese, so Iyo returns the favor. They go back and forth and about the only thing we come to understand is that Asuka is calling Iyo a chicken….

Iyo: BITCH!!!

All six go at it!

Heels leave the ring, and Bianca says this is WAR, and it’s ending at War Games!

NIKKI ATTACKS FROM BEHIND! Lol. We get four on three for a while, with the heels gaining control. Kai and Sky send Bianca into a shoulder from Nikki. Rose Plant from Bayley to Bianca. Asuka attacks Bayley, Nikki makes the save. Nikki with rights over and over to Asuka. Alexa is slow to stand in the corner. Nikki with a pslash in the corner. Kai and Sky send Asuka int othe post. Nikki with a spinning neckbreaker to Alexa.

Match 4: Austin Theory vs Shelton Benjamin

Shelton goes in on Theory, getting him against the ropes and beating him down a bit till Theory reverses and mounts with some punches. Theory sends Shelton to the corner. HUGE GERMAN from Shelton. Runing knee to Theory in the corner. Shelton pulls Thoery out of the corner, right hand from Theory, Shelton sends him to the apron, Theory hangs up Shelton on the top rope.

Theory to the top rope, Shelton hops up and tries to sends Theory flying, but Theory rakes the eyes!!! A-Town Down! Cover for 1…2…..3!!!

Winner: Austin Theory
Another win for Theory to help rebuild the kid. Nothing crazy.
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 2:36

THE MIZ is in the middle of the ring, calling Gargano a whistleblowing whistle. The Miz would like to speak to us with honesty. He can confirm that Gargano’s interview is completely false. It is a smear campaign, evidence is doctored, it’s a deep fake, and he cant believe that we are not looking at the sources.

He has been getting a lot of buzz from Hollywood, though, and thy will definitely give us the true story. He has spoken to his lawyers, and will be filing a defamation suit.

Gargano has heard enough. He comes out, says he has always liked Miz’s dad. Johnny cannot start this match without telling the truth about something he did. He needs to blow the whistle on himself. When he did the Byron interview, he was hoping the public would shame The Miz and actually make him pay Dexter Lumis, but this didn’t happen. So, he realized he needed stronger evidence against The Miz. So….he did something a little deceitful to get it. He hired someone. Mike, you know that big Hollywood producer Miz had dinner with? Well, she was a private investigator, and she was wearing a hidden camera…and he has the footage. He brought a Universal Remote from home, and it works on the tron.

We get some footage of the dinner, and Miz pretty admits that he did orchestrate the whole thing. He saw an opportunity and he took it. It’s all been going perfect till he stopped paying. Why did he stop paying? Things got crazy. Out of control. If a project goes under, nobody gets paid, right? Dexter should be thanking him. What was he doing three months ago? Nothing.

Match 5: Johnny Gargano vs The Miz

Lockup to start! Miz shoves Johnny to the corner, chop from Miz. Rope work, Gargano hops over, under, dropkick to the face. Gargano works the arm, then snapmares Miz down. Another dropkick, this time to the back of the head. Cover for 1…NO! Gargano corners Miz, works the left arm, whips, revered, Johny hops up, Miz shoots him in the air and kicks the mid section. Miz to the prone Gargano. Huge punt kick to the chest. Miz chokes Gargano up on the ropes. Miz hits the ropes and dives with a leg lariat. Miz whips, locks in a cravat from behind, drops the hips. Gargano turns into it. Miz shoves him, hits a clothesline ni the corner.Miz dives off the 2nd rope, right onto a knee from Gargano. Johnny runs up with a rana, rolls Miz back, then kicks the jaw. Neckbreaker to Miz. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Gargano tries to cradle, Miz rolls through, shoots for a Figure Four, Gargano kicks him away then hits a Superkick hile Miz is on the apron! Gargano hops over the top rope onto The Miz. Miz crotches Gargano on the barricade, then kicks him in the face!

WE BACK with a spear to The Miz. It gets a 1…2…NO!!!! DDT FROM MIZ!!! Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Miz with the IT kicks! Gargano up! Kick! Another! Miz hits his own. Gargano with clotheslines then rights then lefts against the ropes! Gargano to the apron, dives through the ropes, Miz hits him, but just barely. Miz goes for Skull Crushing Finale, but Gargano rolls him up! 1..2..NO!!!! SUPERKICK TO THE FACE!!! Cover for 1..2….NO!!!! Gargano hits the ropes, Miz is outside! Suicide dive to The Miz!!!! Miz rolls off the table onto the mat, near the apron. Gargano lifts him, and Miz shoves him into the table, hard!

Miz rolls under the ring, then back out, and he has the tool to use for the turnbuckle.

Miz calls for a ref, tells him to look under the ring. As the ref does, Gargano grabs Miz and Miz hits him over the head with the tool. Cover for 1..2..3!!!

Winner: The Miz
This is one of the stories on RAW that would benefit more with a satisfying conclusion sooner rather than later.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 15:42

Miz talks some shit to the cam, but here comes Lumis to smack him in the back with a chair. Dexter takes a seat, then runs for it as security comes.

Backstage, Damage Control is with Nikki. Dakota tells her that she is just like them, lost and forgotten. They have not forgotten her, and at Survivor Series, she can unleash the rage and aggression. Sky wants her to destroy Dana Brooke tonight. Bayley tells her not to wait till WarGame.

Nikki laughs heartily, saying its time to play.

Upon our return, we are informed that this match is for the 24/7 Championship.

Match 6: 24/7 Championship Match
Dana Brooke vs Nikki Cross

Nikki with a diving cross body from the middle of the ring! Splash in the corner. Kicks to Dana in the corner, over and over. Nikki with a throat thrust. Nikki pulls on the nose of Dana, then straight jackets her down to the mat. Nikki stares at the cam maniacally while pulling back on the arms. Dana tosses Nikki aside, Nikki rushes the corner, back elbow from Dana, kick out of the corner from Dana, Nikki misses a splash. Dana fights back with rights and lefts then a kick in the corner. She tries to shoot Nikki across the ring, but Nikki pulls back on Dana’s head hard. Nikki clubs the back. She drives Dana’s head into the mat over and over.

Nikki chokes Dana up, then attacks the mid section again. Nikki with the spinning neckbreaker to Dana and a cover for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: Nikki Cross
Destroy the belt, please. Of all the things this match was, it was NOT Nintendo.
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 2:15

Bayley places the title over the shoulder of Nikki and they all walk up the ramp with a smile.

WE ARE BACK! Damage Control is walking backstage with Nikki! Nikki sees a trash can and she

TOSSES THE TITLE IN THE TRASH!!!!!!!

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!

SETH ROLLINS IS HERE! He says next month marks ten years of him in the WWE. We’ve been through it all with him. Wins, losses, and titles.

Seth welcomes his next challenger.

Ali pops up on the screen. He says look no further because—

Ali gets pulled off the screen! It’s Lashley! He beats some Ali ass then looks to the cam. He says there are two reasons he lost his title: Brock and Seth, so he’s coming to beat that ass ri—

Ali pops back into frame, attacks Lashley, but Lashley tosses him behind him and tells Seth he accepts the challenge.

Lol.

WE ARE BACK!

Lashley makes his entrance then goes straight for the attack! He sends Seth into the barricade. Lashley is pissed. He beats Seth’s ass all around the ring, sending him into barricades and tossing him around like he owes him money. Refs stop Lashley and walk him to the back.

Austin Theory comes out with his briefcase, and we go to commercial.

Interesting.

WE ARE BACK, and it is confirmed. Austin Theory is cashing in.

Match 7: United States Championship
Seth Rollins vs Austin Theory

Huge kick from Austin Theory. Coer for 1..2..NO!!!! Neckbreaker to Rollins for 1..2…NO!!! Theory lifts Seth, A-Town—-NO!!!! Seth nearly turns it into a Pedigree, but Theory blocks and HITS A PEDIGREE!!!! COVER!!! 1…2…..NO!!!!

Theory shoots the corner, Seth side steps, Theory hits the post with his shoulder, Seth sends Theory to the outside. Theory back in, flips through the ropes, rolls through, POWERBOMB FROM ROLLINS!!!! SUPERKICK!!! Punch to the jaw!!! Huge forearm to the back of the head!!! Seth pulls himself up! He wants the stomp! Crowd is singing! A-Town Down!!! Cover for 1….2….NO!!!!

Lashley pulls the ref out of the ring! Lashley has a sick ass cut on his chest. Theory screams at Lashley, calls him an idiot! Lashley pulls him outside! Lashley beats down Theory! Lashley posts Theory!!! Lashley grabs Theory, sends him into the barricade back-fist. Lashley lifts Theory again, and sends him into the post one more time! HURT LOCK TO THEORY! Theory is OUT!

Ref is finally stirring. He enters the ring. Ref starts the count. Ref at 4. Seth is up. Theory stirs at 8. He is up at 9……ROLLINS WITH A STOMP!!!

COVER! 1…2……….3!!!!

Winner: Seth Rollins
Interesting move. On one hand, I understand getting the briefcase off of Theory, but I could have also seen this working out differently. There was a lot of overbooking here, and the ref let specific things kinda just go. The good news is, this wasn’t too ridiculous, and without a “TOP TITLE,” they’ve done an amazing job at building up several people all around Seth. We also may very well have seen a face turn here.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 4:56

End Show