Match A Day 11.26.09: Week 32 – WWE TV July 2009

Previously on Match A Day:

-Jake Chambers swore off watching Pro-Wrestling in regular continuity following the continual letdown of television and pay-per-view, finally culminating at the super lame Wrestlemania 25.

-taking a break from reading websites, backstage gossip, and taping and live results, Jake decided to only watch ONE match a day of old matches and international wrestling, while following the American continuity on delay, buying DVDs and borrowing tapes a few months in advance, inspired by the way in which he usually followed Ring of Honor.

–then “Jake” (not his real name) had a breakdown and now he’s not as much of as smart ass as he used to be! Me, I’m his girlfriend Katie (you’ll know it’s me talking when you see this beautiful red font) and I have to take care of him 24/7 now, and just to keep him happy I let him watch one match a day and write out his rambling, moronic thoughts, which I then copy edit into something decent… You’re welcome 😛

–I recently left the Seoul, Korea bedside of Jake for a few weeks to visit some friends in Sydney, Australia. Jake has been fully capable of banging out his part of the column, and I have done my part editing it online but I’m wanted to let him do most of the work because I didn’t really want to work while I was enjoying Oz!

–I wasn’t worried about Jake’s while I was gone becuz I thought I had an old old Korean nurse taking care of him but it turned out that her beautiful young granddaughter took over the job and then I had to rush to get back to Seoul before she stimulated him back to his old self!

-to MY surprise, a-knocking on my door didn’t turn out to be my returning girlfriend, but a stranger I later learned was 411mania Music Zone writer Jesse Coy!

And now MAD Week 32 begins…

Match #213 – Sunday, November 1st
R-Truth vs. Ricky Ortiz
[WWE Superstars, July 2009]

What’s up! Oh yeah, R-Truth is the man! Finished off that scrub Oritz in no time!
I think he has to have the most amazing finishing move in the history of wrestling!

Match #214 – Monday, November 2nd
Randy Orton, Ted Dibiase & Cody Rhodes vs. Triple H, John Cena & Seth Green
[WWE RAW, July 2009]

You read that right! Comic genius Seth Green wrestled in this match! And he held his own! He even stopped Randy from pinning Hunter after an RKO! Sign this guy up for the cruiserweight division pronto!

Of course, the match was ruined by those morons in Legacy when they tried to use a chair and caused the match to end in disqualification! These guys are absolutely the worst wrestlers in the company, they’re boring, they have no skill and all they do is cheat! I don’t think they could ever win a match fair and square. They don’t deserve to be in the ring with the two greatest wrestlers of all time HHH and Cena, or an honorable fan like the brilliant Seth Green!

Match #215 – Tuesday, November 3rd
Tommy Dreamer vs. Vladimir Kozlov
[WWE ECW, July 2009]

How does Tommy do it? He’s like Rocky. Oh my god they’re both from Philly! And, oh my god, they both got killed by massive Russians! These are not coincidences people! These are signs of the end times (hint hint… check out this week’s The 411 Wrestling Top 5)

Match #216 – Wednesday, November 4th
Kofi Kingston vs. Big Show
[WWE Superstars, July 2009]

SOS! Kofi is gonna need some help in this one if he’s gonna defeat the biggest monster in the history of the WWE!

I was cheering at home along with the wildly pro-Kofi crowd for every kick out and comeback of Kofi. His leaps and kicks kept him in the match, that’s for sure, but the Big Show is such a beast that almost nothing can stop him.

The ending was an incredible “statement” by the Big Show, if I can quote the ever-eloquent Michael Cole. Big blocked the Trouble in Paradise kick with his forearms, basically just shrugged off the kick that has knocked out so many, and then effortlessly applied his Chokeslam for the win! Kofi, good thing you hadn’t put that US Title on the line in this one, or else your reign would be Ov-aH!

Match #217 – Thursday, November 5th
Jeff Hardy & Rey Mysterio vs. Chris Jericho & Dolph Ziggler
[WWE Smackdown, July 2009]

Intensity personified! This match is one of the all time best matches I’ve ever seen, no doubt about it!

The conflict in the ring was made even more intense by the presence of World Champion and Hardy rival CM Punk at the commentary booth. I’ve been weary of the fan reactions to CM Punk in July, strangely especially as I’ve begun to physically get stronger myself, somehow I’ve started to disagree with the swaying appetites of the fans, as I’ve never really felt that CM has done anything unsportsmanlike.

At one point in the end, Jeff Hardy tried to throw Chris Jericho right where CM was sitting. That’s odd behavior, don’t you think? Although it’s not very Christian, I accept CM’s retaliation of throwing Chris right back at Jeff, and then just watching as Chris hooked in the Walls of Jericho.

The crowd boo-ed, but I squeezed a left fist and pumped it into the air with righteous approval.

Match #218 – Friday, November 6th
Jeff Hardy vs. Chris Jericho
[WWE Smackdown, July 2009]

Wow, what an opening match! This could main event on any other night, but here’s it’s the first match, and it’s awesome!

Jeff Hardy has got to be the most exhilarating and invigorating and insinuating wrestling on the books today! He’s a master at innovation and giving the crowd exactly what they want, unadulterated action!

One amazing moment saw Chris hit a Code Breaker that was so deadly that it sent Jeff flying out of the ring. It was so awesome to see the look on that jerk Jericho’s face when he couldn’t find Jeff in the ring to go for the cover, and then had to drag Jeff back into the ring, only to end up with a two count! Burn! Then it was just a matter of time until the Charismatic Enigma rallied back, hit the Swanton Bomb and got the victory!

Match #219 – Saturday, November 7th
CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio
[WWE Smackdown, July 2009]

At the end of this one, CM Punk finally did something truly heinous and uncalled for, he helped some bleach blonde guy who’s name I can’t remember to double team Rey Mysterio, and then once Jeff Hardy came to help out Rey, CM sneaked up on him, and hit him with the Go To Sleep! After all these weeks of speculation and anger from the fans about the choices CM was making, finally he proved them all right and took a cheap shot for no good reason. And you know what? I liked it!

Sorry, no Suzy this week! Or ever again for that matter!
(And look for less exclamation marks starting next week as well!!… maybe…)

I’ve shaken free of that chick and her evil clutches once and for all, and I can’t thank that Jesse Coy enough! What a great guy, and you should definitely check out his work here at 411mania, because he basically saved my life! Someone must have caught my hidden cries for help (Week 27 and Week 29), and sent an email to another of 411mania’s Seoul staff members. Not sure how he found me, but the ex-pat community here can be pretty tight. Thanks to Jesse, he found me a new apartment in Seoul (some friend of his was moving out or something), and he offered to help me move my stuff, which in Korea isn’t tough because you just have to make one call and someone will be over to empty out your stuff in seconds and all you gotta do is buy them lunch! So we had some JaJajjang Meun noodles with the old delivery guy, helped him pack his truck, and moved… somewhere! Somewhere Suzy will never be able to find me! I can just imagine what was going through her mind when she finally got back to the apartment and found everything gone (I threw all of her shit in the garbage!). Actually, I already know how she feels because it’s in her final blog entry over at the Wacky Wrestling Theory myspace page that she’d taken over while I was out of it. Boo-Yah bitch!

Seoul is a massively dense city! Good lucking trying to find me!