wrestling / Columns
My Take On The Wrestling News 5.24.10: The Randle Got ‘Married’ Edition
WELCOME, CONGRATS & SO LONG
* WELCOME: Welcome, welcome, welcome kids! That’s right, it’s Monday, it’s time for the news and there will be none of the Canadian bullshit here! No offense to the sensible Canadian brothers, but the reign of Randle is over for at least one week, and Csonka is here my children! We’re going to discuss some PPV stuff, update the year-end list, the release of Carlito Caribbean Cool, Hulk Hogan hating cereal, BUYS or NO BUYS returns and much more. But first…
* CONGRATS: I have to offer my congratulations to Stephen Randle. I started at 411 back in May of 2004, and Randle and I started running the wrestling zone together in August of that year. Since then we have been friends, and I want to wish him and his wife the best of luck and I hope that they end up as happy as Christi and I have. Rock on man.
* SO LONG: And before we kick off the column, I want to say a special goodbye to John Meehan. Meehan has been around these parts for a long time, and have been a very loyal and valuable member of the staff. While I don’t share in his “positive thoughts first” mantra (because I don’t white wash anything) nor his “straight edge” lifestyle (because I don’t trust people without vices), we always got along and I have always appreciated his work here at 411. I wish him well in his future endeavors.
BUYS or NO BUYS
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MANY BUYS to RAMPAGE JACKSON co-hosting Raw! News came Friday night that Quinton “Rampage” Jackson, Sharlto Copley and Bradley Cooper from The A-Team movie, along with THE FUCKING VAN, will be hosting the show. Liam Neeson wasn’t allowed to come because they were afraid that he would go all TAKEN on Rampage. Plus Vince saw Rob Roy, and that was the last straw. Hopefully Rampage gets to have some fun, because his personality is perfect for wrestling. |
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NO BUYS to the creative team people that have no ideas for other people. You know what I think? Far too many times “creative” has nothing for these guys to do. Isn’t their job to create? How about this, let’s start releasing THESE fuckers! If you cannot come up for a guy with a natural athletic ability, who is constantly improving in the ring and who has charisma out the ass, then you have no right holding a job in “creative.” |
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MANY BUYS to the Miz! That’s right, he is the Miz and he is awesome. While I was very vocal against the Miz when he first came into WWE, he has progressed in the ring and have become very good on the mic. I have really enjoyed Miz as of late, and the pairing with Jericho has already been a ton of fun. |
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NO BUYS to people that post shit like “WWE > TNA or TNA SUCKS” in the comment section. Now before you get all upset, I do not give a shit what you like and or what you hate, but really, could we be a bit more original and add some thought into the posts? Really, it is getting tired and it is annoying. I like getting hits and I like seeing the comment numbers grow, but please, some quality would be appreciated. |
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MANY BUYS to CM Punk. Not only is CM Punk one of the very bets heels in wrestling, but also he made this dude smile with his actions on NXT last week. From him making the “big gut” sign in regards to Matt Hardy and his “by a lot” signal to Regal when he agreed with Danielson that he was better than the Miz, the man stole the show with very little action. |
QUICK OVER THE LIMIT THOUGHTS
– My black/Canadian/left-handed/English/minion/friend has your live coverage of the event…
* IC TITLE MATCH: They started off the match the right way, with Kofi not locking up, but instead attacking Drew. Kofi is pissed about the title and should be looking to kick some ass, and he was. The had an ok opener, about 6-minutes and crowd was into Kofi, who won with the SOS. Drew cried like a bitch and wanted Teddy to reverse the decision, but Matt Hardy came back and laid him out with the twist of fate. Hopefully they don’t Dusty finish the title back to Drew. Let Kofi run with the title, and let Drew feud with Matt and get some clean wins if they want to build him up. {**}
* TRUTH vs. DIBIASE: Well this was a sloppy match. These guys didn’t mesh at all in my opinion, and especially the final minute or so was bad. Truth won clean, which was surprising as I figured there would be an angle with Virgil, but that was not the case. {*}
* HAIR vs. SES PLEDGE: Teddy banished the SES from ringside for the match. I may be in the minority, but this feud, while good in the build, just hasn’t delivered in the ring as I had hoped. It hasn’t been bad, but they either haven’t gotten enough time, or they just never get into the next gear that we all know that they can get into. The match was solid, Punk bled and they tried to do the stoppage deal, but Punk realized that the crowd was shitting on it, and got things back to action. Punk went for a cocky pin, got crucifixed and Rey won. The SES, including mystery man ran out, Kane limped out to fight them off, and Rey handcuffed Punk to the ropes and shaved off some hair. Punk sold the hair stipulation well, but the match was under whelming. The last 4-5 minutes were the best part of the match, and again, it wasn’t bad, but I expected more. {***}
And now a moment of silence for Dirty Hippy Jesus Punk…
* UNIFIED TAG TITLE MATCH: Overall a pretty good match, but again, I was hoping for more. They worked hard and delivered well enough, although the finish got a little sloppy. The Hart Dynasty gets the clean win, which they really need, and they also needed it without Bret there. Miz and Jericho had some miscommunication, but I hope that their alliance is not over just yet, because there is a lo that they can still do with them and the Hart Dynasty, especially with the lack of tag teams in the company that are ready for a title feud. {**¾}
* EDGE vs. ORTON: Unfortunately a bad match, due to Orton getting injured. He reportedly dislocated his shoulder at some point, and when he pounded the mat, he was in obvious pain. The referee checked on him, and you could tell he was in pain then and that things were not good. They went to a double countout finish due to this. No rating due to the injury finish, but to be honest, what was there wasn’t that good. {NR}
* WORLD TITLE MATCH: As I expected in the round table, they did the DQ finish that they did on the house shows recently. I HATE DQ finishes on PPV unless they really mean something or have some great heat to it. This didn’t. You would think with the finish to the Orton/Edge match that they would have reworked this match finish. {DUD}
* DIVAS TITLE MATCH: They were in the death spot, and after two non-finishes right before it, the crowd was not into anything they did. Maryse played up her attitude, Eve brought the athletics, but it was just there, not horrible, but short and the end was a bit blah. They tried, but again, they were in a very tough spot. {*}
* I QUIT WWE TITLE MATCH: This PPV was in the shitter when they got to the main event. They had two solid matches, but the show was lacking, and the main event had to deliver big time. While they had a good match, it wasn’t that show saving match that they needed. This was again a solid match, but not what you want from the PPV main event. Also, while they have worked good matches, this one just didn’t deliver like the others had. They did some big spots to get the crowd into it, including a cool running power slam on the announce tables, but overall I just felt that it lacked. Also, with Cena getting cut on that table spot, they had to do the stoppage to fix the wound. I understand the NO BLOOD deal, but when an accident happens, don’t stop the action. I get no blading anymore, and I can live with that, but these stoppages really kill the flow of matches. But that’s just one man’s opinion. I thought that they got too cute with the car deal, and the rehash of the Cena/JBL ending was fine, but I was hoping for something else. Not bad, just wanted something else. Cena tossing him through the stage made me laugh as people were joking about the TNA Destination X PPV, and how “at least no one fell in a hole at Over the Limit.” But it was a nice way to write Batista off, he quit like a bitch and then Cena still tossed him off of the car. It was fine, but considering their past matches, a disappointment. I did like that as Cena was celebrating that Sheamus came out to lay him out. With him not on the PPV, that was a nice move to allow Cena to celebrate, and then to remind everyone that Sheamus was pissed about not being on the PPV or in the WWE Title match. {***}
* OVERALL: At the end of the night, I have to label this PPV as VERY disappointing. It had the potential to be a great show, but for one reason or another, it just never got there. In my opinion, this PPV is a definite pass, no recommendation from me.
SHOW RATING: 4.9
Upon reflection, bringing Cujo along to house sit for Randle wasn’t my best idea…
HULK HOGAN HATES CEREAL
I was about to discuss Hulk Hogan suing a cereal company, but I just remembered that I was contractually obligated to not give a fuck.
THEY TRIED TO MAKE HIM GO TO REHAB, BUT HE SAID NO, NO, NO…
And so the runoff Carlito in the WWE has ended. Here’s the scoop. A few weeks ago the WWE did their most recent round of testing, and there were rumors that at least one performer failed his test, and that is Carlito. When he misses the NXT/Smackdown show in Canada, many were wondering why, since he is a mentor on the show. R-Truth was kept home, since he previously had issues getting into Canada. They just wrote him off the show for the week and let it rest at that. Carlito did not get in trouble for pot (only a finable offense) or steroids. Also word is that it is NOT an illegal narcotic. Whatever it was (I think painkillers) it was serious enough of an issue for WWE to request that he attend rehab. Carlto refused the company’s request for him to go to rehab several times during the week, and when push came to shove, they cut him and made it PUBLIC that they wanted him to go to rehab. They did that to cover their ass, and from a business aspect, that is smart.
Carlito has been with the company for seven years (he signed a developmental deal in 2003) and I have to say, it was a disappointing and under whelming run. The kid got everything, and mainly due to the fact that he was a second-generation star. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t all hate, he had talent. The guy was good in the ring, WHEN MOTIVATED, but that wasn’t very often. But he could talk. I won’t go as far as to say he had “Roddy Piper” talent as some foolishly stated when he first came in, but he had the gift of gab to a degree. He was always going to get an extra chance with the company, due to being the son of Carlos Colon, but also because he could speak Spanish and the WWE was trying to grow that demographic. He would always get these chances, as long as he kept he nose clean so to speak.
What really hit me were John Cena’s comments on Carlito, “I am sad to hear the wwe has decided to release Carlito. I always thought he could, and should have accomplished more than he did. I wish him the best.” That’s right, not only COULD her have accomplished more, he really SHOULD have. He was given so much when he came in, and they shoved him right into our faces. And then he would get lazy, get de-pushed, and then when he got motivated again, he got another chance. They wanted him to be a main eventer, they tried to groom him as a main eventer, but in my opinion the guy was just lazy in the ring. I have been saying it for years. He has one match, people would bitch at me about “NOW DO YOU SEE HOW GOOD HE IS?” And then, a month later, he was back to lazy Carlito. Sure there was some shitty booking involved in there, but when you can’t get motivated when working with Ric Flair, there is no hope for you.
And really, that promo sums up the run of Carlito in the WWE. Unfortunately, I have no sympathy for Carlito. I know that this sounds heartless, but I don’t. He had a problem, they tried to help him and he refused. The company got the test results and felt that there was a serious enough problem that they recommended rehab for him, multiple times, and he refused. They had no choice but to cut him loose. A while back when he was bitching and moaning about wanting out of the company, I hoped that they released him so that he could go back to daddy and work every shit venue in Puerto Rico. No offense to Puerto Rico. At the end of the day I do not feel bad for him, but I will tell you who I feel bad for. I feel bad for Primo. He just got a second life with the reunion of the team and now that has gone to shit. Maybe the other Colon, Orlando I believe, the one in FCW can be given an afro and they can just call him Carlito and we can all play along and pretend that nothing ever changed.
THE BRET HART HYPOCRISY
First of all, if you enjoyed this angle from Monday, good for you. You’ll probably want to skip this part then.
Monday night on Raw, they ran the angle where the Miz defended the US Title against Bret Hart. Going into the episode I was pretty sure what was going to happen, and for the most part it did. We had the usual good mic work from Chris Jericho, a stipulation that would allow numerous people to get involved in the match, and the Miz losing the title. I know that the general opinion is that this was a great feel good moment for Bret Hart in Canada, and that it was another way of Vince making up for fucking him over in Canada backing 1997.
That is all well and good, but I feel that it sucked, and that if this happened in TNA, people would be throwing a shit fit and burning down the Internet. Imagine this. Hulk Hogan (who at this stage is like Bret Hart, and has no business being in a wrestling ring) somehow gets an X-Division title shot. A bunch of bullshit ensues, and in the end he drops the BIG BOOT on Douglas Williams and wins the title. Imagine this. Imagine how the Internet would explode because of how STUPID that would be. But when WWE does this, it is fine and dandy, why is that?
Enlighten me…
ENLIGHTEN ME!
There is nothing to say. WWE and Bret are getting a free pass.
“Well, he is a stroke victim, he can’t so much.”
DO NOT PUT HIM IN THE RING!
“Due to his Lloyd’s of London Policy, he can’t bump.”
DO NOT GIVE HIM THE TITLE THEN!
“Well, it was a special moment for him.”
HE HAD HIS SPECIAL MOMENT AT MANIA WHEN HE AND HIS FAMILY ASS RAPED VINCE MCMAHON.
Seriously, this was stupid for those reasons, but also because it hurts the push of the Miz, and made he and Jericho look STUPID. They get the stipulation changed, and then Miz hires two of the biggest losers on the whole roster (I love Regal, but he is booked like shit). The Dynasty basically helps dispatch of them and Jericho, and then Miz TAPS LIKE A BITCH TO A 50-YEAR OLD STROKE VICTIM.
The whole angle was, in my opinion, a poor idea. But since it is WWE, and since Bret Hart was involved, it was genius or the best thing ever. I wonder how Vince McMahon wears pants these days, with so many people hugging his nuts and all.
In closing for those that will say, “maybe if you didn’t nitpick you would enjoy wrestling more,” fuck off. I enjoy wrestling just fine. I just like to point out the bullshit.
ABYSS IS A SICK FREAK
It is very obvious that the young man that goes by the name of abyss needs some serious mental help. Last week on Impact, they ran an angle where Desmond Wofle sliced his arm up with a broken bottle. And yes, Abyss was REALLY sliced by the bottle, and seemed proud of it. The above picture shows the stitch job that he required after this angle. Abyss is a guy I like, and when they have the matches with all of the smoke and mirrors he shines. But there is a difference between hardcore matches, and mutilating yourself in search of a legacy that isn’t there.
There was a time when the man was bleeding on a weekly basis. Thankfully TNA was able to cut that back and try to make the gimmicks a little more important, but the thing was that it wasn’t TNA asking him do to do this, it was Abyss volunteering. Week after week he would do a blade job, and when the blade job wasn’t enough he brought out the tacks every week and took the bump into them. But then the tacks weren’t enough, people became desensitized, and didn’t pop for them. So he brought out glass and would either take the bump or grinded his fists into it, trying to make it more hardcore. James Mitchell said in a recent interview that “Chris” wanted to do that shit every week, and he would constantly have to go to him and beg him not to keep doing it or upping the bar. He tried to explain to him to make the brutal stuff important, but Abyss wanted to keep raising the bar.
But why does he want to raise the bar? Why does he want to keep mutilating himself with no build, rhyme or reason? Because he is a sick freak, a sick freak obsessed with being this generation’s Mick Foley, Terry Funk, Kevin Sullivan or Abdullah The Butcher. But the thing that he is missing is that Foley, Funk, Sullivan and the Butcher just didn’t go on TV every week and do this shit. They waited for it, they did it at the right time, and WHEN they did shit like this, it made money. Abyss wants to be the hardcore ICON of the year 2000 and beyond, but he is going about it the wrong way, has become obsessed with the blood and gore, and is really no moreover than he was 5-years ago.
Remember when wrestling was worked so well that it looked like everything hurt like hell and we bought it? But now we have guys doing stuff like this that hurts like hell and well, we really don’t even care.
VIDEO BREAK
~Sometimes…I Miss the Characters ~
You know… when I think back to when I stared watching wrestling, things seem so different. Now I will admit once again that I was a HUGE NWA fan, and I have never hidden that fact. I loved the NWA, the Horsemen, the tag teams and just the product. To be honest I watched WWE, but it wasn’t MY promotion. But when I look back I do see one thing that sticks out. Everyone seemed so different back in the day. There were different shapes, sizes and characters. Characters, it almost seems like a dirty word these days. Now I will freely admit, these days I am not that thrilled with some of these new characters we see, and that goes for the regular guys as well as the Boogeyman and Kizarny’s of the wrestling world. I mean, think about it. We see a guy like Ted DiBiase come up and the jokes flow about him looking like a Randy Orton clone. Sean/Gavin Spears, well he was the same thing. While it is a fun joke to make, it’s also the truth. Just for fun, let’s look back at some old school fun, involving characters that people not only remember, but also miss.
In that clip we see five distinct characters, lets look at those:
So we have these defined characters, and they were in an angle that everyone could follow, get into and even relate to in some way. Jake Roberts and Ted Dibiase were feuding. Jake took possession of “The Million Dollar” Belt and placed it into the giant bag, where his snake lived. DiBiase, stereotypical millionaire that believes that he is not only entitled to anything he wants, but also practices the mantra that money can buy everything goes to the former preacher (Slick) that turned to using the con game and his jive talking abilities to get what he wants, money and power. He then goes to HIS man, The Big Bossman, the former prison guard who is trying to work for law and justice and tells him that the title has been stolen. He does what he thinks is right and gets the title back, and thinks he has done the right thing. Enter the antagonist, Brother Love who is more that eager to stir the pot and cause problems. It is then that the Bossman finds out the he has been bought off, the same corruption that he has always fought against. This OFFENDS him to no end, and in that instant he realizes that he is NOT on the side of right, but on the side of evil. He makes the decision to do the right thing and go back to the ring, and releases Jake and returns his property. The Bossman did right, saw the light and is transformed in an instant.
This is a great use of a diverse collection of characters. It is a simple story, it is told well, as well as executed perfectly. It’s amazing what you can do with established personalities, established characters and a simple story. Sometimes I miss that…
Rankings may change through out the year upon a second, third, tenth, one hundredth viewing…
–DG USA Freedom Gate {8.5}
–DG USA Mercury Rising {7.9}
–WWE WRESTLEMANIA XXVI {7.7}
–DG USA Fearless {7.5}
–TNA LOCKDOWN {7.1}
–WWE EXTREME RULES {7.0}
–TNA AGAINST ALL ODDS {6.9}
–WWE ROYAL RUMBLE {6.8}
–WWE ELIMINATION CHAMBER {6.7}
–TNA SACRIFICE {5.9}
–TNA Destination X {5.5}
–TNA GENESIS {5.0}
–WWE OVER THE LIMIT {4.9}
–CAREER vs. STREAK: The Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels (WWE WrestleMania XX VI) {****¾}
–WARRIORS (CIMA, Dragon Kid and Gamma) vs. WORLD-1 (BxB Hulk, Naruki Doi and Masato Yoshino) (DG USA Mercury Rising) {****½}
–Masato Yoshino and Naruki Doi defeated Dragon Kid and Shingo Takagi (DG USA Freedom Gate) {****½}
–ROH TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: The Kings of Wrestling vs. The Briscoe Brothers (ROH Big Bang I-PPV) {****½ }
–TNA WORLD TITLE MATCH: AJ Styles vs. Kurt Angle (TNA Genesis) {****¼}
–CAGE MATCH: Mr. Anderson vs. Kurt Angle (TNA Lockdown) {****¼}
–YAMATO defeated Davey Richards (DG USA Freedom Gate) {****¼}
–Open The Dream Gate Title Match: YAMATO © vs. Susumu Yokosuka (DG USA Mercury Rising) {****}
–Last Man Standing World Title Match: Batista vs. John Cena (WWE Extreme Rules) {****}
–The Smackdown Elimination Chamber (WWE Elimination Chamber) {****}
–The Royal Rumble Match (The Royal Rumble Match) {****}
–ROH WORLD TITLE MATCH: Tyler Black vs. Austin Aries vs. Roderick Strong (ROH Big Bang I-PPV) {****}
–TNA TITLE MATCH: AJ Styles vs. RVD (TNA Sacrifice) {***¾}
–TNA TITLE MATCH: AJ Styles vs. Samoa Joe (TNA Against All Odds) {***¾}
–Ultimate X Match: The Motor City Machine Guns (Sabin and Shelley) vs. Generation Me (Max and Jeremy) (Destination X) {***¾}
–FIP TITLE MATCH: Masaaki Mochizuki © vs. Davey Richards (DG USA Fearless) {***¾}
–ELIMINATION TAG TEAM MATCH: Naruki Doi and Masato Yoshino vs. Young Bucks vs. Shingo and YAMATO (DG USA Fearless) {***¾}
–WWE TITLE MATCH: John Cena vs. Batista (WWE WrestleMania XXVI) {***¾}
–Davey Richards vs. Kenny King (ROH Big Bang I-PPV) {***½}
–OPEN THE FREEDOM GATE TITLE MATCH: BxB Hulk © vs. Dragon Kid (DG USA Fearless) {***½}
–OPEN THE FREEDON GATE TITLE MATCH: Elimination Rules: BxB Hulk defeated Cima, Akuma and Yamato (DG USA Freedom Gate) {***½}
–Ladder Match: Kazarian vs. Daniels vs. Amazing Red vs. Brian Kendrick (Destination X) {***½}
–Desmond Wolfe vs. Pope D’Angelo Dinero (TNA Genesis) {***½}
–TNA WORLD TITLE MATCH: AJ Styles vs. Pope D’Angelo Dinero (TNA Lockdown) {***½}
–CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio (WWE Extreme Rules) {***½}
–WORLD TITLE MATCH: The Undertaker vs. Rey Mysterio (WWE Royal Rumble) {***½}
–WORLD TITLE MATCH: Edge vs. Chris Jericho (WWE WrestleMania XXVI) {***½}
–MONEY IN THE BANK: Christian vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Kane vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Jack Swagger vs. MVP vs. Evan Bourne vs. Matt Hardy vs. Drew McIntyre vs. Kofi Kingston (WWE WrestleMania XXVI) {***½}
Not every PPV will have one, it just depends on who I think steps up and deserves some extra recognition.
–TNA GENESIS – Kurt Angle and AJ Styles: Delivering Once Again
–DG USA FREEDOM GATE – BxB Hulk: Double Duty To Become The Champion
–WWE ROYAL RUMBLE – Edge: He’s Back!
–TNA AGAINST ALL ODDS – Pope D’Angelo Dinero – Pope Is Pimpin!
–WWE ELIMINATION CHAMBER – Undertaker – Through Hell Fire and Brimstone…literally…
–DG USA FEARLESS – Davey Richards – Constantly Delivering
–TNA DESTINATION X – Kazarian – Rules The X-Division Gimmicks
–WWE WRESTLEMANIA XXVI – Undertaker and Shawn Michaels – They Did It…Again
–TNA LOCKDOWN – Kurt Angle – Cannot Be Killed By Conventional Weaponry
–DG USA MERCURY RISING – CIMA, Dragon Kid, Gamma, BxB Hulk, Naruki Doi and Masato Yoshino – Main Event Greatness
I will update as often as needed. I sometimes get behind on programming, so there may be delays.
–ROH TV TITLE MATCH: Davey Richards vs. Eddie Edwards (ROH ON HDNET 04.26.10) {****½}
–The Young Bucks vs. The American Wolves (ROH ON HDNET 02.08.10) {****¼}
–World Title Match: Jack Swagger © vs. Edge vs. Chris Jericho (WWE Smackdown 04.16.10) {****}
–Jay & Mark Briscoe © vs. The Young Bucks (ROH on HDNet 2.25.10) ****
–CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio (WWE Smackdown 02.12.10) {****}
–TNA World Title Match: AJ Styles vs. Kurt Angle (TNA IMPACT 1.04.10) {****}
–Christian vs. Edge (WWE Raw 5.17.10) {***¾}
–Ladder Match: Kurt Angle vs. Mr. Anderson (TNA Impact 4.05.10) {***¾}
–AJ Styles vs. Jeff Jarrett (TNA Impact 3.29.10) {***¾}
–Davey Richards vs. Roderick Strong (ROH ON HDNET 1.04.10) {***¾}
–Christian vs. Kofi Kingston (WWE Smackdown 5.14.10) {***½}
–Christian vs. Cody Rhodes (WWE Smackdown 5.07.10) {***½}
–Jeff Hardy vs. RVD (TNA Impact 4.19.10) {***½}
–Shannon Moore vs. Kazarian (TNA Impact 4.12.10) {***½}
–RVD and Jeff Hardy vs. Beer Money (TNA Impact 3.22.10) {***½}
–Kevin Steen vs. Eddie Edwards (ROH on HDNet 4.12.10) {***½}
–Rey Mysterio vs. Tyson Kidd (WWE Superstars 3.25.10) {***½}
–El Generico vs. Kenny King (ROH on HDNet 3.08.10) {***½}
–Shawn Michaels vs. Rey Mysterio (WWE Smackdown 1.29.10) {***½}
–Colt Cabana and Tyler Black vs. Austin Aries and Kenny King (ROH on HDNet 1.18.10) {***½}
–Mark Briscoe vs. Jay Briscoe (ROH on HDNet 1.18.10) {***½}
–WWE Unified Tag Team Title Match: DX vs. Jeri-Show (WWE RAW 1.04.10) {***½}
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Starship… Fuckin-Troopers
