wrestling / TV Reports
Sambus’ GCW Tournament of Survival 9 Review
Image Credit: GCW
Loading...Hello 411ers! I was recently reading Steve Cook’s column revisiting some of Larry Csonka’s old reviews, and felt inspired by how Larry always made time to check out shows right across the spectrum of the wrestling landscape. It’s something I’d like to do more of, especially as there is just SO MUCH content out there and it can be tough to know what to focus on, where your attentions should lie.
I sporadically keep an eye on GCW as they often have some interesting cards and fun shows with a real variety of wrestling talent. Tonight seemed like a good place to start, as they present the annual deathmatch ‘Tournament of Survival’. Rina Yamashita made a name for herself by winning last year’s tournament, so who will do the same this year? I’m not expecting any wrestling clinics, but let’s grab a beer and dive into some big dumb fun.
Location: Atlantic City, NJ
Venue: Showboat Hotel
Commentators: Dave Prazak & Veda Scott
We go to Emil Jay in the ring, who leads us in a 10 bell salute for Ryan Clemson, who passed away this week. Emil says it’s ‘ClemDK’ all f’n weekend.
[TOS9 Opening Round – House of Horrors Deathmatch] Ultramantis Black vs Yuki Ishikawa
Light tubes hang from a string of barbed wire hanging across the ring like an Ultimate X. They immediately start smacking each other with light tubes and no sell them, until two tubes take Ishikawa down. Black positions some tubes against the buckles as well as in a pile on the mat. Ishikawa brings Black back in the ring the hard way, sending him into the pile of tubes. Ishikawa body slams Ultramantis onto the shards and gets a 2 count. Ishikawa has a big gash on his head already. Snapmare from Black, running clothesline with a tube gets a 2.
Ishikawa with a dropkick from the middle rope, cover, 1, 2, no. He goes under the ring, pulls out a couple of chairs and sets them up in the ring as a bridge for the barbed wire door. Mantis reverses a move and sends Ishikawa through the barbed wire door with a Falcon Arrow, 1, 2, no. Ultramantis gets a big bundle of light tubes, rakes the back of Ishikawa, underhook blocked. Ishikawa throws the bundle of tubes at Mantis who catches them, and Ishikawa just punches him right through the tubes. Ultramantis’ chest is cut open. Busaiku Knee connects for Ishikawa, 1, 2, no.
An elevated reverse DDT onto a light tube board gets the 1, 2, 3 for Ishikawa.
Winner: Yuki Ishikawa
Time: 8:07
Rating: ** – Yeah that’s the kind of match that gives deathmatch style a bad name – a lot of no selling for the sake of it, big spots that mean nothing, and no real flow. Ishikawa is busted open pretty badly so that’s bound to be a factor for him in the second round.
We recap the Effy/Mance Warner saga in the run up to their Cage of Survival match tomorrow night. Looks pretty heated and has been on the burner since December. Could be good.
[TOS9 Opening Round – Swinging for the Fences Deathmatch] Big F’n Joe vs Hideyoshi Kamitani
My fellow Brit, Big F’n Joe! And he’s evidently graduated from wearing the tighty whities? They LOCKUP TO BEGIN…IN A DEATHMATCH?! Outrageous. Oh but someone grabs a bag of thumbtacks and spreads them over the canvas, now we’re talking. Joe grabs a light tube, busts it over Kamitani’s head, tosses one to him and asks to be twatted in the head with it. Joe smacks a paddle of light tubes over the head of Kamitani but to no effect. Shoulder tackle by Kamitani, but Joe comes back with a leaping DDT. They spill to the floor and fight in the front row. Kamitani takes a board with aluminum cans glued to it…but Joe comes out of nowhere with some light tubes to attack from behind. Kamitani hits him with the can board, and then gets some fans to hold a light tube in place. He whips Kamitani into the light tube held by the fans!
Joe gets some fans to hold the arms of Kamitani back and then he smacks him with more light tubes. Kamitani has a thumbtack-covered water jug and hits Joe in the face with it. Kamitani throws some chairs at the back of Big Joe, before setting up a couple of chairs…but Joe goes low with the thumbtack water jug. Kamitani right back with a bundle of light tubes across the back. Kamitani now has a massive TV monitor, and lays it on top of the bridge of chairs. Body slam into the pile of light tube shards goes Joe. Frog splash connects but Big Joe kicks out after 2.
Kamitani back up top, Joe cuts him off with a couple of light tubes to the head. On the apron, Joe snapmares Kamitani from the middle buckle through the big monitor to the floor. Inside the ring, suplex, 1, 2, no. Another suplex, this time on top of a light tube. 1, 2, no. Joe now has coat hangers and he hooks the mouth of Kamitani, fishhooking him from either side of his mouth. They throw handfuls of glass shards at each other, slapping and striking on their knees. Joe positions the can board up against the buckles. And now they squirt lemon juice at each other’s open wounds. Suplex in the glass and tacks by Kamitani, 1, 2, no. Kamitani places a pane of glass in the corner, backdrop driver through the glass pane! 1, 2, 3.
Winner: Hideyoshi Kamitani
Time: 10:51
Rating: **3/4 – Well, props to both of them for taking that level of punishment. Again, we got a ton of random no selling, which personally is not my kinda thing. Kamitani moves on to the next round, and surprisingly still seems pretty chipper!
While the ring gets cleared, we continue our look at Effy vs Mance Warner, with a deep dive on their match from Look At Me back in January, continuing on through events in Feb and March.
[TOS9 Opening Round – DDT Deathmatch] Brandon Kirk vs Shunma Katsumata
Plastic bins adorn the ring, and that’s apparently what makes it a DDT Deathmatch. Katsumata pulls out a rubber chicken and greets the ref and Kirk but Kirk kicks him and shoulder blocks him down. Headscissors sends Kirk to the floor and a tope con hilo follows for Katsumata. Katsumata now pulls out a bat with a rubber chicken taped to it, wtf. He smacks Kirk in the gut with it to big boos from the crowd. Kirk grabs the bat, rips the chicken off which makes Katsumata very sad indeed. Kirk puts a light tube in the mouth of Katsumata, and knees him in the back of the neck, breaking the light tube in his mouth! Kirk then slices the head of Katsumata with a broken light tube. Body slam on an upturned chair. They both block chairshots, until Katsumata gets a dropkick into the chair on Kirk.
Katsumata brings out a box of ‘plastic building blocks’ (as they can’t specifically mention LEGO). Katsumata pulls off the shoes of Kirk, and now the socks! Atomic drop right into the blocks! Katsumata goes for a splash off the top rope but lands right on the blocks. Jumping piledriver from Kirk gets a 2. Kirk breaks a light tube over Katsumata’s head while he puts his shoes back on. More light tube shots, and now Katsumata sets up a ladder near the turnbuckle. He places a bundle of light tubes over Kirk, climbs the ladder, but Kirk is back up and attacks. Kirk positions a couple bundles of light tubes on the mat, and climbs the other side of the ladder now. SUNSET FLIP POWERBOMB off the ladder through the light tubes from Katsumata, 1, 2, NO.
Katsumata gets a pane of glass and sets it up between a bridge of two chairs. Katsumata rolls Kirk UNDER the glass pane (why?!) and climbs the buckles, but no, Brandon is up. Katsumata grabs the arms though, wrist clutch DOUBLE STOMP THROUGH THE GLASS PANE. 1, 2, no!
Katsumata makes a platform of plastic bins, and grabs another with light tubes taped to it. Katsumata up top, SPLASH through the light tube plastic bin on top of Kirk, and HE KICKS OUT AT 1. LOL. DVD into the plastic bricks, 1, 2, NO. Another platform of chairs is set up with more light tubes on top. They both climb on top, PYSCHO DRIVER THROUGH THE LIGHT TUBES AND CHAIRS. 1, 2, 3.
Winner: Brandon Kirk
Time: 12:47
Rating: *** – They went for more of a comedy vibe in the early goings, and while it didn’t work for the live crowd, it helped with the pacing of the show, serving as somewhat of a reset. And you know what, this was kinda entertaining. Some of it was stupid as hell; one count kickouts after a big light tube spot in the OPENING ROUND is something I’d hate anywhere else in wrestling, but if you switch your mind off, it’s pretty fun.
[TOS9 Opening Round – Slice and Dice Deathmatch] John Wayne Murdoch vs ???
The final mystery competitor is revealed as…Broski Jimmy Lloyd. Jimmy grabs a mic and demands the fans show him respect. All hail the Deathmatch Prince. His mentor, his hero, the deathmatch GM of GCW has made him the final entrant in the Tournament of Survival. Lloyd has been in multiple TOS tournaments, but tonight is his night, and after he wins, he will make his way up the rankings towards to being a deathmatch king.
But here comes Slade. Holy Shit chants ensue. Lloyd wants to know what the fuck he’s doing here, he’s supposed to be retired. Slade grabs a light tube bundle, and swings it at Murdoch! Lloyd appears to have gone to the back, leaving Slade and Murdoch to compete as the bell rings. Slade has a gusset plate and slams it into the head of Murdoch. Another gusset plate gets popped onto Murdoch’s arm.
Slade positions a light tube door by the buckles, but Murdoch suplexes him through it. A shattered tube gets raked across the back of Slade, and then Murdoch drags him along the canvas through the shards. A flurry of light tube shots from Murdoch now, he must have gone through 10 light tubes, and then a suplex on top of the box of tubes. Chairshots to the back of Slade, and now a barbed wire door comes into play. Murdoch also places a gusset plate door by the buckles. Piledriver, Slade no sells it, gets sent into the gusset door, no sells that too. Chokeslam on Murdoch through the barbed wire door.
Slade has a light tube shard and is going to impale Murdoch with it…but Slade takes issue with the referee and turns his attention to him…allowing Murdoch to roll him up for the 1, 2, 3? What the hell was that.
Winner: John Wayne Murdoch
Time: 5:34
Rating: * – Wow that was a horrible mess of no selling and random shit for the sake of it, with a completely nonsensical finish. Why would Slade be distracted by the referee, who wasn’t even trying to get him to stop what he was doing? It’s No DQ? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE.
[Non-tournament Scramble Match] Marcus Mathers vs Jordan Oliver vs Alec Price vs Cole Radrick
Oliver and Mathers attack the two others as the bell rings, and we get a split screen as all four spill to the floor. Mathers gets a dropkick on Price in the ring, Oliver comes in with a diving axe handle. One man dream sequence from Oliver connects as Radrick comes in. Radrick with a double flying tackle, Price follows up with a senton. Gahbage Daddies team up as expected and take out both Mathers and Oliver. Cole getsba stunner on Mathers, Price messes up a DVD but manages to send Mathers face first into the turnbuckle. Enziguri from Oliver, Mathers follows up with a crossbody on Radrick and Price.
Now Oliver and Mathers come face to face an trade chops. Price shoves Oliver away and takes his place. But now Price and Radrick face off as partners collide. They shake hands, go to duke it out, but the other two jump in with superkicks to prevent it. Price takes all three out with a tope con hilo. Mathers does the same straight after.
In the ring, Oliver gets a TKO on Mathers, Price breaks up the pinfall attempt. Mathers hits a Spanish Fly off the second rope, swanton from Cole to follow. Acid Bomb by Oliver on top of Cole, which gets a 2 count. Mathers gets a cutter and a running clothesline, before heading up top. Oliver cuts that off though, Price hurracanranas Mathers into a cutter from Oliver. Destroyer by Mathers on Price. Little Sebastian’s Curse connects for Cole Radrick on Mathers for the 1, 2, 3.
Winner: Cole Radrick
Time: 9:52
Rating: ** – The word ‘scramble’ is enough to make most reviewers shudder, as these things are always a gigantic spotfest. They tried to get cute with all the reversals towards the end, but it ends up looking rather scrappy. This kind of thing is a misuse of someone like Oliver, who can go when it comes to technical wrestling.
Next, we continue the look at the Effy vs Warner feud, now checking out their match from Rather You Than Me last month, which set up the Cage of Survival for tomorrow. I feel like someone is getting set on fire tomorrow, based on all the fake-out gasoline spots they’ve had in their feud up until now.
[TOS9 Semi-Final – Made in Japan Deathmatch] Hideyoshi Kamitani vs Yuki Ishikawa
For this one, light tube contraptions adorn the ringside area. Ishikawa’s bleeding has stopped at least! Kamitani immediately sent into a tower of light tubes. And now Ishikawa goes into one in the opposite corner. The light tube fan comes into play, smashed over the head of Ishikawa…well that’s going to open that wound up again! Body slam into the light tube shards goes Ishikawa. Kamitani breaks an extra long light tube over the chest of Ishikawa. Elbow drop gets a 2.
Flying forearm from Ishikawa connects, followed by a bulldog. He misses a stomp, and a uranage from Kamitani gets a 2 in return. Ishikawa goes up to the second rope to meet Kamitani, superplex. Ishikawa grabs a cross of light tubes, as does Kamitani, and they shatter them into each other. Same with two bundles of tubes. Brainbuster onto the shards, but Ishikawa kicks out at 2. Lariat by Kamitani, Ishikawa kicks out at 1. Backdrop driver attempt by Kamitani, Ishikawa reverses into a cradle, 1, 2, 3.
Winner: Yuki Ishikawa
Time: 5:53
Rating: ** – A lacklustre effort from both guys, but Ishikawa is likely saving energy for his next match. This gave us nothing that we hadn’t already seen tonight.
Next we see the great sit-down interview from earlier in the week between Effy and Mance Warner, hosted by Dave Prazak.
[TOS9 Semi-Final – Contraptions of Death Match] Brandon Kirk vs John Wayne Murdoch
They slug it out to begin, and Murdoch grabs a light tube, stomping it over the hand of Kirk. He breaks another tube and digs the jagged edge into the forehead, and then does the same on the hand. Light tube over the head of Kirk…and then he drives a broken light tube into the anus of Kirk. Yep. And then he licks it. Yep.
A pane of glass it placed near the buckles, and Murdoch hits a shining wizard to send Kirk face first into the glass. 1, 2, no. Gusset plate hammered into the arm of Kirk. Kirk gets pulled off the buckles with a flatliner into a Koji Clutch.
Murdoch now pulls out a CACTUS BOARD. Ha. But Murdoch gets backdropped onto the cacti. They trade blows on their knees, as JMW asks for another pane of glass, setting it up in the corner again. He also piles up some light tubes, one by one smashing them over the head of Kirk, who steps up into them. He asks for Murdoch to bring it on and now they tee off, with Kirk smashing a bundle over JMW’s head, tossing him into the pane of glass for good measure. On the apron, Murdoch tries to suplex Kirk to the floor, Kirk manages to deliver a spear to the floor, but no there’s a spiderweb bed of barbed wire waiting for them!
They crawl into the ring, Kirk makes the pin but just gets a 2. Kirk calls for a contraption of light tubes in some garden trellis/fencing. He climbs the buckles, but Murdoch hits him with light tubes. JMW ascends the ropes…SUPLERPLEX INTO THE LIGHT TUBE CONTRAPTION. 1, 2, NO. But Murdoch locks in the Koji Clutch! The referee stops the match.
Winner: John Wayne Murdoch
Time: 10:54
Rating: **3/4 – Good finish, and Kirk never tapped out, so they get to put over how tough he is. The spots here weren’t exactly creative, but I can appreciate the level of toughness displayed here, with both men no doubt fighting through some serious pain. By this point, I am fully desensitized to light tube spots…although if I never see another ‘anal light tube’ spot, it will be too soon.
Murdoch and Kirk show respect to each other after the match. Murdoch vs Ishikawa is set for your TOS9 Finals.
Emil Jay introduces Bulldozer Matt Tremont to the ring. Tremont hypes up the finals, and says it will be his honor and privilege to induct Abdullah the Butcher into the Deathmatch Hall of Fame later. Veda Scott boos the mention of Abdullah haha. We go to a career highlights video of Abdullah the Butcher.
Back live, Tremont is talking about Abby, and wants to stab him in the head with a fork. He knows Abby is back there….and here he comes, wheeled out on a motorised scooter. Abby has a fork as well, they go face to face with their forks brandished…but then someone gives Abdullah a shovel. Tremont says he’s been waiting a long time for this. But he ain’t getting hit in the head with a shovel. Abdullah says Tremont is one of the best wrestlers he’s ever seen, but Tremont will never take his place. Abdullah says Tremont SHOULD take his place, and Tremont is the next Abdullah the Butcher and should be in Japan. Tremont promises the keep the fork alive. Abby calls Tremont the Black Abdullah the Butcher? Bless him. Abby says if Tremont can’t do it, get the fuck out of his ring.
Just before we head to the finals, Nick Gage makes his way out to hang out with the MDK Gang. He wants to know where he f’n gang is. Gage hypes the crowd up like only he can.
[TOS9 Finals – F’n Deathmatch] John Wayne Murdoch vs Yuki Ishikawa
JWM pulls out the light tubes and lays them across the canvas as the bell rings, and they take turns smashing handfuls of tubes over each other’s heads to almost no reaction at this point. They completely no sell them, going through at least 20-30 tubes. Now they trade forearms. Ishikawa is sent into a glass pane but it doesn’t shatter., he just bounces his head off.
JWM tries to send him head first into another pane…and again bounces off it. He finally smashes it on a third attempt. Murdoch bites the head of Ishikawa, opening up that earlier cut again. A pane is set up across a set of chairs, and they battle onto the apron… Ishikawa hits a body slam off the apron through the glass pane and doors, with added light tubes below.
Back in the ring, Ishikawa climbs the scaffold set up next to the ring, and he calls for some sort of wooden structure to be brought in. Murdoch climbs the scaffold too, and they fight on top. They battle while the stagehands set up the wooden contraption, and Murdoch is then thrown off the top through it. A double stomp off the scaffold ensues, and of course Murdoch kicks out at 1.
Murdoch asks for some tables to be brought into the ring. He sets them up, and then the lighter fluid is brought in. He climbs up the scaffold and Ishikawa joins him there. Murdoch tells the ref to light the table on fire, which he obligingly does, and JMW hits a swinging neckbreaker off the scaffold through the flaming tables, and both guys definitely take equal punishment from that. Murdoch covers tightly and gets the 1, 2, 3.
Winner of Tournament of Survival 9: John Wayne Murdoch
Time: 8:06
Rating: *1/2 – To borrow a Randy Orton phrase, ‘Stupid, stupid, stupid’. First, the completely meaningless light tubes opening, which got zero pop as they didn’t even hint at selling the blows. Then there’s all the extraneous setup, with random ring crew helping out to bring structures in and move things out of the way, which obviously reduces down-time in action but also further reduces potential selling time. Plus it feels semi-laughable that a referee just happily pulls out a lighter and lights the tables on fire because a competitor pointed at them. Don’t even get me started on ANOTHER one-count-kickout after being thrown off scaffolding and double stomped…that can GET IN THE BIN.
John Wayne Murdoch celebrates his victory and even hits a gusset plate into the forehead of a fan who was asking him to do so…and that sums up the level of some of these fans in attendance.
With that, we are done for the night, and GCW returns tomorrow night for the Cage of Survival. I’ll probably end up watching it because I’m clearly as much of a masochist as some of this roster.
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