The Name on the Marquee: Smoky Mountain Wrestling (7.22.1995)

-Originally aired July 22, 1995.

-Your hosts are Les Thatcher & Chip Kessler.

TERRY GORDY (with General Jim Cornette & The Punisher) vs JASON ARNDT
-Jobber is from “Extreme, PA,” and Chip Kessler says that even as a Pennsylvania native, he doesn’t know where Extreme is. Les thinks it’s located just south of Outrageous. Now see, in 1995, if he wanted to be really clever, he’d say it was southwest of Unbelievable, CT.

-Gordy stomps away at the jobber to the sound of what I can only assume is awestruck silence from this crowd. That’s something that I’d have to go back and re-watch to pinpoint, but somewhere along the way, SMW fans became the least demonstrative fans I’ve ever seen in wrestling. They are QUIET at these TV tapings. Powerbomb by Gordy finishes in short order.

-We go to the closing moments of Boo Bradley vs. Tommy Rich at a house show. Boo has ditched the Cactus Jack tights and is suddenly wearing an amateur singlet out of nowhere. Rich gets the win with something pulled out of his tights. Boo revives and digs the weapon out of his tights, but Terry Gordy shows up and they destroy the poor dullard with a chain and a spike piledriver.

-Boo Bradley is teaming up with Mongolian Stomper to face The Punisher and Tommy Rich! We get vintage clips of The Stomper, all eighth generation footage, with the fourth generation recording done on a toaster oven.

-Cornette and his Army dismiss Stomper and Boo as a couple of mental defectives.

-We flash back to The Thugs capturing the Tag Team Titles in ethically questionable fashion, taking a spot from the Rock & Roll Express. Les is live with the Express, who say they worked way too long and too hard doing battle with Al Snow and Unabom to get screwed out of the belts. And the worst part, they say, is that if a team like the THUGS can win that match, then obviously a better team would have won those belts. Thugs come out, with Tracy still trying to be a peacemaker and DWB being all “WTF” about the fact that the Express just completely trashed his reputation as a wrestler. The argument is heated and Bob Armstrong settles it down by writing “Super Bowl” on a notepad and asking if the boys will settle down if he promises them that match. Book it. Done. No problem here.

-Headbangers kind of laugh off all the babyface tag team drama because it means at least one of the teams will be done for. They ain’t wrong! Headbangers are ready for the Steiner Brothers at Super Bowl of Wrestling.

HEADBANGERS vs MATT & JEFF HARDY
-Headbangers are wearing the skirts now, and in a cool touch, they’ve stopped playing their entrance music on the PA system, and the Headbangers just come to the ring playing it on a boom box.

-Moonsault by Matt, followed by an armdrag on Mosh. Hardys work the arm, but Mosh takes Jeff’s head off with a boot (and seriously, Jefflooks like he gave himself whiplash on the bump). Thrasher plants Jeff on the top rope and dropkicks him onto the parquet. Stage dive puts Jeff out of his misery.

-Saturday August 12 in Johnson City: The Ron Wright Tribute Show. The card for the entire show will consist of SMW Dream Matches. This is a clever premise: ten wrestlers’ names will be “randomly” drawn and may pick any opponent they want. The opponent is required to accept the match under penalty of suspension. In the ring, Les Thatcher is with what appears to be the entire roster. Each of them is given a manila envelope, and the ones who have blank contracts in their envelopes get to request their dream matches. Ricky Morton, Robert Gibson, DWB, and, uh, Wolfman all get contracts. Next, the heels come out. Buddy Landell, Tommy Rich, Punisher, Al Snow, and Mosh get blank contracts. Buddy Landell promises that his match will be an Intercontinental Title defense.

-Wolfman politely wanders down to ringside and says that since he’s never won a match in SMW, his “dream match” is one that he knows for sure he can win. So he picks Jim Cornette for his opponent. Cornette says “You couldn’t whip cream!” and doesn’t even do the expected “refuse until Bob Armstrong makes him” angle. He accepts the challenge immediately.

-The Undertaker says that Jim Cornette only exists because until now, the Undertaker ALLOWED him to exist. Taker warns Unabom that his own time is running out. “Don’t Fear the Reaper” montage of WWF clips punctuates this well.

-We hear from USWA Champion Billy Jack Haynes. This guy is such a natural heel, I don’t get how he kept getting pushed as a babyface.

-Al Snow’s thought through his dream match pretty well. Title re-match against the Rock & Roll Express, and, and, ANDDDDD, since the Dream Match is anything the contract holder wants…he demands Jim Cornette as referee.

ROCK & ROLL EXPRESS vs UPTOWN D-LO BROWN & KILLER KYLE
-Ricky Morton starts with D-Lo. Irish whip before Express double-teams and clears the ring. PG-13 shows up to hype their upcoming title match against the Rock & Roll Express. Oh my god, I did NOT realize how many different feuds Cornette booked the Express for simultaneously! This is…not good.

-What’s left of Da Gangstas attack Morton in the corner, but Morton misses a corner charge. Side slam by Kyle appears to set up the beginning of the end, but D-Lo misses the frog splash and Gibson cleans house. Double dropkick finishes D-Lo off.

-Bob Armstrong fires up some video of The Punisher facing Steve Armstrong at a house show and getting the win. Armstrong says nobody really knows much about Punisher and the Commissioner pledges to look into his background. You know, a competent commissioner would have done that BEFORE signing him.

7.2

The final score: review Good

The 411

Okay, so in hindsight, Cornette MAY have been putting an awful lot of eggs into the wrong basket, but he has no way of knowing and this was a good, busy week that made me excited for the weeks ahead.