Pro Wrestling Pundit 10.10.07: IWC vs. WWE

John Cena’s injury sure has shaken things up a little bit. Does anyone else think that the current title belt should go back on the shelf for a while? The belt Orton currently holds is in the style of the John Cena spinner belt, but alas it does not spin. Still, it looks like a fly piece of bling bling. Cena himself hasn’t done the rap stuff for years. Why should Orton not revert back to the “undisputed” style WWE title? I personally would love to see the winged eagle belt return.

Speaking of belts and birds, how about Beth Phoenix. They are working her Glamazon gimmick to perfection, and finally there is some good women’s wrestling back on Raw. I thought when Trish left and Victoria switched brands that we may never see that again. Stupid ass Diva search…

To the Diva search’s credit, I actually do enjoy Maria and Candice. While neither of them won that competition, they are products of it. That makes it about as lucrative as Tough Enough, whose pride and joy is former ECW champion John Morrison.

I would say that right now it appears that in order of in ring ability, Victoria remains tops. Right behind her are Mickie James, Beth Phoenix, and Melina. The next level includes your Jillian Hall’s and Candice Michelle’s, and at the bottom are Maria, Torrie Wilson, and some other nameless worthless bimbos.

Santino Marella continues to benefit from the upswing of not actually ever wrestling a match. His mic work has been hysterical for weeks now. Too bad that after Val Venis won an Internet poll stating that fans would rather see him as the World Champion than anyone else on the roster, he is doing job duty yet again.

Still, it was nice to see him receive face time rather than ubershitty wrestling personality Hardcore Holly. What type of world is it where the WWE brass sees more value in Holly than Venis? Holly has a stupid face, buckteeth, a dumb redneck accent, nothing interesting to say, and is perhaps the most boring wrestler WWE has had in the past 10 years.

He makes Snitsky look like The Rock by comparison. Oh, that’s right. Snitsky returned to Raw last night to face Val Venis from a wellness suspension. His bacne is horrible now, which makes me wonder if he stopped taking whatever he was taking when he got his wellness suspension in the first place. Those white lights during his entrance served to make this dude look extra ugly. Still, they are working his ugliness to perfection. Even his in ring work is ugly, but in a way that works for him.

The Bushwhackers 2.0 actually wrestled on Raw last night, which makes a few dudes who saw them on the Ontario indy scene happy. Cousin Robbie and Cousin Rory whoa’d and yay’d their way down to the ring with arms swinging for their contest with London and Kendrick. They even stopped to lick a face along the way. Gross…

Anyways, some smart mark buttholes are begging that WWE takes the “handcuffs” off these two and let them show the world what they can do. I’d argue that just about every single wrestler on the WWE roster has the ability to compete at a higher level than they do on a weekly basis on Raw, but WWE has handcuffs on pretty much everyone.

I don’t hate the Highlanders. I don’t think they should be relegated to job duty or giving less than their best. What pisses me off is that the same people screaming about how terrible John Cena is are suggesting that these two only suck because the machine makes them suck. How many freaking t-shirts are the Highlanders ever going to sell? I’ll tell you, 3000, because that’s how many dudes that like wrestling are named Robbie, and will by a shirt that reads: “I’m Robbie!” It’s just asinine to me to give these dudes a free pass, but come down on John Cena every week for two plus years.

Now to the beginnings of the WWE title picture. If you are living behind one of Umaga’s ass cheeks or all three of Big Daddy V’s breasts, you may have missed that that Randy Orton was awarded the WWE title at No Mercy, Triple H defeated him for it, Triple H defended it against Umaga, and then Triple H lost it back to Orton.

Now, many voted Randy Orton the wrestler of the week for the accomplishment of being the last man standing. I would argue that Triple H defeating Umaga and Orton before losing to Orton is a far more impressive feat. Still, I hate Triple H and everything he stands for.

On Raw, he squared off in a handicapped match against both Orton and Umaga. Finally, under the circumstances that he had wrestled three times the night before and was taking on Raw’s two biggest heels, Triple H took a freaking beat down. Umaga got a measure of revenge on Triple H for his heelish and unwarranted sledgehammer attacks from months back. All the while Jim Ross screamed at how unnecessary it was for Umaga to rip Triple H apart with his bare hands. Funny how months ago, he popped a raging bbq sauce boner for Triple H beating the shit out of Umaga with a deadly weapon.

Triple H refused medical attention to walk to the back, because he is so badass. Remember, this is the dude that got dropped from a car by a crane and wrestled the next week. Last year, Vince McMahon bludgeoned him with a lead pipe, and while Shawn Michaels lay on the mat out cold, Triple H crawled around and attempted to get back up. The dude is a cyborg.

Anyway, the good thing to come out of the whole beatdown was that Triple H got taken out of the WWE title picture. Who got put in his place? Skinner. Yes that’s right folks, Steve Keirn returned to Raw, and apparently he has kicked that awful tobacco habit. Wait. Wha? That was Shawn Michaels? No way…Ok, apparently Shawn Michaels returned and not Skinner. Wow, totally fooled me.

The main event for Cyber Sunday was announced on WWE.com today, and rather than a Randy Orton showdown with either Triple H or HBK with fans picking the stipulations, now Michaels, Kennedy, and Jeff Hardy will be contending for our votes to face Orton for John Cena’s title (I will refer to it as such until the belt design changes).

Now Kennedy has done relatively nothing good since he got on Raw, which has basically killed all his momentum. He jobbed to Super Crazy, was supposed to have killed Mr. McMahon kayfabe until Chris Benoit killed his family shoot, took a wellness suspension that stopped him from being Mr. Kennedy McMahon which I maintain was a blessing rather than a curse, and now he is losing in non-title matches to the guy with the gayest nickname in wrestling history. Rainbow-haired warrior? Whatsupwitdat?

Somehow this has put him in line for a World title shot. Well, we Ken Kennedy fans will take it, because it’s about time we had something to be excited about. The best part, the vote is in our hands. Now, I know Shawn Michaels just came back and we are excited to see him dance around and do his JESUS YEAH! entrance pose, but we KNOW that Shawn Michaels will be in the World Title picture and get his match with Orton. Why not make a statement by voting for Ken Kennedy? Of course, this assuming that all of Cyber Sunday isn’t a worked fan vote anyway, which it most likely is?

The Triple H/Umaga match logically will get the fans choose the stipulation vote, as it is the only feud on the Raw brand right now with the steam to warrant it. Quite frankly, no one has enough heat to be with Orton in the Cell, no matter how good the match could be.

Everyone on that follows wrestling on the Internet should vote Kennedy for Cyber Sunday. I have been trying to rally you for weeks. It’s time to push the new faces of the WWE. Every single time we refuse to let go of the old, we end up in the same old funk. The business does not have to be cyclical. We could vote for Shawn Michaels and he can retire next year, or we can vote for Mr. Kennedy and build towards our future. A vote for Shawn Michaels is like not living in Mexico and buying Lilian Garcia’s album. May God have mercy on your soul. Go buy Macho Man’s album “Be a Man” instead. At least it has long-term comedic value.

If you don’t vote for Mr. Kennedy, you have no right to complain about anything. You are as stupid as TNA for being in talks with malignant locker room cancer Kid Kash. I mean seriously, the guy has no draw value. If you are going to sign a troublemaker, at least sign a guy like Sid, Scott Hall, or try again with the Macho Man. At least there will be some return for your headaches.

Oh, and by the way TNA, your 2-hour Impact premier was simply horrible. So bad, that I don’t have the words to express it.

Henrik from Sweden had some great positive words on the column on the Cyclical Wrestling Business:

Hi Tim!
I’m a long time reader of 411mania, but this is just the second time I send
a mail to one of the writers. I just read your Pro Wrestling Pundit: The
Cyclical Wrestling Business column and I have to say that it was the most
interesting and well put together wrestling article I have read in a long
long while. You where spot on on everything and you made alot of good
points. Your views of the businuess and it’s flaws are exactly my thoughts.
As I said I have only mailed your site once before but after reading your
article I just had to send you a mail, I believe in giving credit where
credit dues.

Keep up the good work Tim and continue to inspire.

John Reid gave some feedback on how Cena’s injury can help other superstars

Hello Tim,

Not to go all Meehan or anything, it’s just that the injury to Cena (however unfortunate that may be, I wish him the best) could create more room for more people to become legit WWE title contenders. For one thing, should Orton win the belt on Sunday it would be a set up for HHH to eventually get it back at say Survivor Series. Should that happen then it will be a perfect setup for HHH to keep the belt until Wrestlemania. If they decide to keep HHH a face champion, then they could thrown in a HHH-Kennedy program (however we’d all know how that would turn out). Should they decide to turn HHH heel, then that would setup feuds with either a returning Bobby Lashley or with Cena, since he never lost the belt by pinfall or submission.

Ok, with that out of the way, you made some strong points that I hope WWE (and TNA) would listen to when it comes to developing new stars. As funny as Santino Marella is in his new found persona, I still find it difficult to pass him over as nothing more than a comedy act. The fact that we are still talking up the Great Khali as a World title contender just shows the lack of depth on Smackdown, as well as giving Batista multiple title shots. The other title divisions are a joke, and what’s worse is that in the eyes of the fan there’s no one to be taken seriously other than a few superstars.

The WWE became successful during the Attitude era because they realized they had to change their style. The time has come in 2007 (and beyond) to realize that they can no longer hold on to those old memories and create new ones. Perhaps getting away from the storytelling and just letting each person go in the ring would be the best approach. TNA had it right in the beginning but backed away from that concept and now look at them.

Sad, just sad, but much like us hopeless Cub fans, we hold out hoping that one day these organizations will get it right!

Reader Mike Sexton had some words of his own about John Cena

Cena is a 1 trick pony with a fireman carry finish. I live in Chicago fans here never liked him and saw through his push down everyone’s throats. I am never happy to see someone injured but after a year title reign the time had come.

The Outcast, The Legend, The Wolf wrote in on his 30 man Fantasy Roster:

It’s great to see this unlimited cash that I have just won in a wrongful internet sting. Although selling cookies in the shapes of pills and milk that “injects” out of needles wasn’t the greatest way to try and get customers, the outcome proved to be a great way to fund my newest venture, Original Wrestling Warfare or the OWW for short. Now I see that there is a long list of people out there who could make an impact, wait scratch that, who could lay the smackdo… oh wait, who could prove to make this new roster steal the ratings away from those “other” promotions. (Sorry, felt the need to be sarcastic. what follows is what I would truly make my roster resemble!)

First off, we’d need a true main eventer. Someone who screams out I am your champion. RVD (1) would be a good start, but I wouldn’t want the “face” of my new promotion getting “higher” than everyone. He’ll be a contender and work in the upper main event spots, but the First champ here is the man who should be champion, Brian Danielson. (2) Even people who don’t watch the Indys have heard his name, and the internet fan is NUTZ for this guy. With good reason! The American Dragon (although his nickname might have to be changed because of a Disney cartoon with the same name) is a talent that could go places as long as a glass ceiling isn’t in place.

Now that isn’t the entire top of the card mind you, just two of what should be many upper card guys. For the sheer flash and greatness of Mistico (3) we’d need to place him high on the card so that he doesn’t steal the show from the top of the card. Place him in a program with Jushin Liger (4) and the hardcore fans would have a heart attack! Throw in Ultimo Dragon (5) and L.A. Park (6) you’ve got a great feud that could be fantastic workrate wise and innovative wrestling wise.

Another program that I would start up would be strange and not start off right away, but it would involve Paul Wight (7) and Zach Gowen (8) Now hear me out. The WWE touched upon this with the whole Lesnar mess, but I’d make sure that it wasn’t as one sided as all of that. You see I’d have Tenacious Z go wild on a mini winning streak. Get him some high profile wins over people in my hardcore division. The Sandman (9), CW Anderson (10), Big Vito (11), Steve Corino (12), Sabu (13),and Vampiro (14 yes he’s going to be in the hardcore division until he proves his status among “casual fans” probably as the champion of the hardcore division.) can handle a loss to Zach, because they are all legends (well Vito might not be a legend, but he’ll make an impact in his own way at the same time. He’d be Zachs first victory) and their status is pretty well set. Have them be earned wins too, no DQ or countouts because we want to maximize the streak and make it feel “real” Now I know that he’s not listed, but if you gave Paul Heyman (no number because he’s not in ring talent.) enough money and the chance to produce his TV and film projects, he’d be likely to come in and work his magic on the book and be a solid “authority figure” to jump into our little wrestling venture and where we’d have unlimited funds and all, I’m extending it to a movie or two for Paul E. He’ll come in as a heel again, and claim that while Zach is on a huge streak, he’s yet to be the 500 pound Wight. Zach would lose his first match-up in screwy fashion (DQ or something to put more heat on Show) and in the next match-up, Zach would lose again, only this time it’ll be a tough match for the Big Show, because Zach will keep getting up and not stay down no matter what show does (also, Big Show WILL NOT hit the showstopper in this match, because it’d be too unbelieveible that a one legged man who weighs about the size of a small dog would be able to get up from that.) IN the third of this series, Zach will somehow find a way to overcome the odds and beat show once again without screwy finishes or anything like that, and that’ll print money! As an aside to all of this, the Hardcore belt will be used only for a short period of time, six months tops, and be replaced as a TV title, so that the physical risk is limited, and so that the fans can see a possible title change on any given show. (Sure, that’s a Russo idea, but it makes sense!)

While that would be a solid upper mid card feud, it won’t be the only solid feud. Things will start out with a number one contender “Best of The Indies” tournament. Yuji Nagata (15), Chris Hero (16), Monty Brown (17), Brent Albright (18). Claudio Castagnoli (19), Human Tornado (20) Jack Evans (21), and Michael Shane (22) would all be set-up into a tourney with the #1 contendership hanging in the balance for the winner. This will be a weekly thing, with the tournament Finals being held at the first PPV, where Danielson would be crowned champion. Any one of these guys could be great if pushed properly, but it’ll be Monty vs. Nagata in the finals, with Monty getting a win in a hard fought match.

That just leaves one championship left. The Tag Team division. WE NEED TAG TEAM WRESLTING IN THE US!!! That being said, we’ve got some interesting teams hanging around the Free Agent wire, the best examples being The Briscoe Brothers (23+24), and Cryme Tyme (25+26). Toss in The Naturals (27+28) as well as the seemingly strange match-up of Too Cold Scorpio and Psicosis, and you’ve got a tag team division where most of the teams can also wrestle as singles as well, so we don’t have the whole “Tag Team guy A faces off against Tag Team guy B, you’ve got Andy Douglas against JTG.

So there you have it. My wrestling empire starts with Brian Danielson as my first champ, Monty Brown his number one contender after he wins a huge tourney, Vampiro as my hardcore champion which would soon be removed and replaced with a TV title, and a tag team division which would be balanced by two very good and popular teams. Whatta ya think??

TIM HAUGHT IS THE PRO WRESTLING PUNDIT PWP I DON’T BREAK NEWS, I MAKE NEWS PWP CREATING CONTROVERSY SINCE DAY ONE PWP BALANCED AS I WANNA BE PWP THEY REPORT, I DECIDE