Random Network Reviews: WWE Armageddon 2003

WWE Armageddon 2003
December 14th, 2003 | TD Waterhouse Centre in Orlando, Florida | Attendance: 12,672

It would eventually become a Smackdown exclusive event but in 2003, Armageddon a Raw show. This was the Triple H era of Raw where everything and anything was all about him. He had just dropped the World Heavyweight Title to Goldberg but now it was time for the focus to become about his stable, Evolution. This was the fourth Armageddon event and the third held in Florida.

Since Saddam Hussein had just been captured, Lillian Garcia opens the show with the National Anthem. MURICA! This is followed by a typical Armageddon styles video package to hype the show. The Titantron has a Triple H logo style structure over it as if you didn’t know who the show was centered around. Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler are on commentary.

Booker T def. Mark Henry w/ Theodore Long in 9:21
Ah, one of Henry’s many, many failed runs before finally striking gold with the “Hall of Pain” stuff. Henry eliminated Booker in an awesome Survivor Series match a month earlier and beat him on Raw as well. Booker attempts a quick start but Henry tosses him into the steel steps. Henry wears Booker down with some plodding offense. Seriously, he’s in control for way too long. They try to play the “Booker won’t quit” role as he kicks out of a few things but it never fully catches on. Mark nearly kills him on a botched powerbomb for two. Then Booker hits the Scissors Kick from out of nowhere to win. A boring way to start the show. Too much Henry for too long. *½

Eric Bischoff hypes up Christian and Chris Jericho for the Battle of the Sexes match later. Christian is excited for it but Jericho doesn’t seem to want to take part. Mick Foley’s theme hits and he comes out. He is apparently the new co-General Manager of Raw. He gets his cheap pop and announces that the petition to bring Steve Austin back has reached a million signatures. To celebrate, out comes Stacy Keibler dressed like a cheerleader. She does cartwheels in her short skirt to give everyone a show. Mick tries one and fails miserably. The fun is cut short by Randy Orton and Ric Flair. He says that Austin isn’t coming back because he won the Survivor Series match. Foley reveals a referee shirt and Orton’s match is starting now.

WWE Intercontinental Championship: Randy Orton w/ Ric Flair def. Rob Van Dam (c) in 17:58
In the early stages, RVD seems to be a step ahead of Orton. The champion is just too quick at points. RVD makes a crucial mistake by going up top and getting shoved off into the guardrail. Foley psychically pulled Orton away to break a hold on the ropes. They were about to begin a lengthy and awesome rivalry. Orton’s heat segment is typical of him in this era. He works chin locks and gets himself a good rest. He does bust out his great elevated neckbreaker. RVD rallies and gets a near fall on a pretty Northern lights suplex. RVD sells the shit out of a DDT for another near fall. RVD knocks Flair off the apron and is on the verge of winning but the RKO strikes and Orton captures the first title of his career. This started slowly but picked up to lead to a damn good finishing stretch. It also marked the first huge milestone for a guy who would go on to have a ton in his career. ***

A recap airs of the Trish/Lita/Jericho/Christian angle. Chris Jericho and Trish Stratus had grown close, while Christian went after Lita. It all seemed nice until Trish overheard Jericho and Christian saying it was all over a bet for one dollar (Canadian) on who could nail their girl first.

Battle of the Sexes: Chris Jericho and Christian def. Lita and Trish Stratus in 6:36
This storyline was probably my favorite on Raw in 2003. Jericho, who has actual feelings for Trish now, tries to talk before the bell. She slaps him around instead. He catches a cross body and spanks her, shouting “CALM DOWN!” Trish snaps off a rana and both parties tag out. Lita outsmarts Christian a bit until Jericho cheap shots her from behind. Christian removes Lita’s shirt so she kicks him low. Christian has a chance to beat Trish but pulls her up instead. Trish nearly beats him with a rollup for his overconfidence. Jericho eventually helps Trish to her feet, inadvertently opening the door for Christian to roll her up and win. Not the most technically sound match but it was fun and told the story it had to. Jericho likes Trish but is still a jerk and had no problems hitting Lita. **¾

Shawn Michaels def. Batista w/ Ric Flair in 12:21
Batista cost Shawn his Survivor Series match last month, which in turn cost Steve Austin his job. Lots of old school HBK in the early goings. He’s cocky and it shows with a lot of showboating. Batista gets mad and nearly decapitates him with a clothesline. Shawn starts the resilient rally but gets cut off several times. Shawn mostly whiffs on a moonsault for two. Shawn takes a beating until finding an opening with a DDT. He tunes up the band only to run into a spinebuster. Batista looks for the Batista Bomb but Shawn slips free and scores with Sweet Chin Music. He gets the three with that, though his shoulders were down too and the referee ignores it. About what I expected. Shawn did what he could but Batista wasn’t ready to deliver yet. Their angle in 2008 was fun and it’s cool to see how he grew. **½

Batista stays in the ring and is not happy. Maven comes out for a match with Matt Hardy. Matt and Maven brawl outside while Batista stays inside. Matt sees an opening and sends Maven in. Batista kicks his ass and hits the Batista Bomb. Matt defeats Maven via forfeit.

World Tag Team Championship Turmoil Match: Batista and Ric Flair def. The Dudley Boyz (c), Garrison Cade and Mark Jindrak, The Hurricane and Rosey, La Resistance, Lance Storm and Val Venis and Scott Steiner and Test in 21:23
La Resistance starts against the superhero tandem. The heels have early control until Rosey gets tagged and uses his SAMOAN power. Hurricane does a splash off his shoulders to advance at 3:27. Jindrak and Cade are next and show up from behind. Jindrak rolls up Hurricane and they’re gone at 3:35. Venis and Storm, with two random women, follow. This section of the match gets very understandable “boring” chants. Val uses a blue thunder bomb as the highlight, but only gets two. Cade holds Val’s legs to allow Jindrak to pun him and put us out of our misery at 7:55. For the first time since the Hurricane and Rosey, the crowd comes alive at the sight of the Dudley Boyz. They come out firing and Bubba works over Cade. Things cool off and since nobody cares about the heels, the heat isn’t there. 3D finally hits to get rid of the scrubs at 12:30. Steiner and Test at least have the crowd somewhat invested though they were both bad in the ring in 2003. They work heat on Bubba until he hits a second rope BIG BOY SENTON! The heels come close to winning via nefarious terms a few times but a Bubba Bomb ends it at 19:28. The Dudley Boyz think they’ve won but Eric Bischoff comes out. He adds a team in Batista and Ric Flair. The Dudleys are exhausted and are quickly dispatched. Flair uses a figure four on Bubba while Batista beats D-Von with a Batista Bomb. That was a lot to go through to give Evolution more titles. Every segment of this match was boring and barely had any heat. ¾*

We see some clips to promote Tribute to the Troops, which is a Smackdown event.

WWE Women’s Championship: Molly Holly (c) def. Ivory in 4:24
It was one thing to have Ivory in the title picture in 1999 or during her Right to Censor run. In 2003, she was irrelevant and the crowd didn’t care one bit. Commentary chooses to talk about Molly being sexually frustrated. Ivory does bust out a top rope cross body and a somersault off the apron, while Molly takes a big bump outside on a catapult. Molly starts her offense but nobody cares. Molly ends up winning via cheap rollup counter. They tried but it never connected. It was totally filler and was sloppy at times. ½*

World Heavyweight Championship: Triple H def. Goldberg (c) and Kane in 21:28
Goldberg’s locker room door hits him on his way out, which is not a good omen. As expected, Kane and HHH double team Goldberg and wear him down. Goldberg rallies and his offense looks bad. He hits a sloppy suplex variation and nearly drops Triple H on a press slam. The HHH/Kane partnership obviously fails after a short while. JR drops his “bowling shoe ugly” line that he loves to use when matches suck. HHH hits Kane with a chair but also saves him from a Jackhammer through the announce table. Kane tries a chokeslam through it but it doesn’t break so HHH elbows Goldberg through it. HHH and Kane now go at it for a bit. HHH takes a chokeslam on the ramp. Once back inside, Goldberg gets involved again. This leads to a slugfest and just when Goldberg is on the verge of retaining, Evolution runs in. Goldberg fights them off but eats a chokeslam. Batista pulls Kane out and Triple H steals the pin to win the title again. There was no need for this go as long as it did. It should have been a compact match with action but instead it plodded along. *

Evolution poses atop the stage with all their titles.

3.0

The final score: review Bad

The 411

This is a memorable event because Evolution left with gold but nothing else is worth a damn. RVD/Orton is good and that’s literally the best thing on the card. I thought the Battle of the Sexes was well done and HBK/Batista was alright. Henry/Booker was boring and the tag turmoil and main event matches were both far too long.