Stew’s WWE SummerSlam 2023 Review

Yes, it has been a while!

Not since WrestleMania, actually, have I done a single Premium Live Event review. And that is unacceptable! But to my credit, I have not had much choice.

Since ‘Mania, every WWE PLE has been on non-United States soil, and has therefore taken place early-to-mid afternoon on Saturdays. Combine that with the unfortunate coincidence of my wife booking us for weekend goings-on on those same Saturdays, and you get several months without my PLE Thoughts! It’s been a weird, yet perfect, storm to keep me from my appointed content.

But I am here now! We actually had plans today, but luckily, we are back to evening PLEs, and as of now, 6:39pm, I am getting ready for SummerSlam to start, and the family outing is in the rear-view mirror.

Good thing, too, because I SWEAR I thought SS was a two night event, so I was planning on reviewing tomorrow if not tonight. But, uh, it turns out there is no tomorrow, right?

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While I wait for the show to start–I have a Buffy The Vampire Slayer retrospective article to proofread, edit, and schedule in the meantime–I am thrilled that some new Stew World Order merchandise designs came in today! Check them out!

Sorry… they are straight from the TeePublic bag and still wrinkled from shipping, but there they are! I’m not a huge “wear your own logo” kind of guy, but I did like these designs (the Pride version of the basic logo and the mud splattered nWo design), so I couldn’t help myself.

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7:35pm: Okay, Buffy is edited and scheduled. What do we have? The Pre-Show? Kayla Braxton time? I’m here for that. She’s in my top 3 celebrity crushes of 2023. One of my favorite IG accounts, and not just because she is so good looking. She seems like so much fun.

7:48pm: Time to make some fries even though I ate a ton earlier today. This is why I never lose any weight. Oh well. Speaking of which, who contests that A1 is the best French fry condiment? A1 all day every day! Get out of here with your ketchup nonsense!

7:56pm: Blue Beetle commercial. Sorry, I think this looks TERRIBLE. Not a George Lopez fan. And looks like an unfunny version of Venom that hits all the 101 superhero movie tropes (“Family”, a hero who doesn’t want/know how to be a hero). I’d love to be surprised, though.

7:57pm: Kayla just told me there are FOUR Main Events today. Okay then! That is not how “main” events work.

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8:01pm: Ricochet vs Logan Paul kicks off the show. Intriguing. Let’s see some flippy shit!

8:02pm: Kid Rock intro to the show, so SummerSlam is starting off with a 0.0 rating from me for that. He calls out the abhorrent 1995 show for Shawn vs Razor. I’d laugh at that, but it was the first PPV I ever attended, so I have love for that show.

8:06pm: Ricochet has one of the most underrated entrance themes.

8:12pm: I haven’t decided yet if the aspect of introducing Ricochet’s fiancee into this angle makes it better or worse. But it does allow Paul to play up his heelness either way.

8:14pm: in DETROIT, Paul does a Big Boot and a Legdop, calling it the HOGAN Paul, which I will always appreciate because wordplay is the best.

8:16pm: BOB PROBERT reference from Corey Graves! Weird match for that, but I’ll take it.

8:23pm: The fans are hot for this match, so credit to them for making this one feel bigger than I thought it would!

8:26pm: Logan Paul wins with a knuckles shot, which is great for Ricochet that Paul had to cheat to beat him. Great match, too. Lots of fun!

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8:30pm: Cody vs Brock is next! Not gonna lie; I miss fun-loving babyface Brock. But character-wise it makes sense. That persona did not win him anything.

8:32pm: WWE remains the undisputed leader in video packages for big matches.

8:43pm: Great story of cocky, somewhat overconfident big man vs wildly intense smaller man here. Usually smaller guys need a break or a lucky shot to stay in a match with Brock. Here, Cody is looking good just by doing as much as he can as fast as he can. Brock is winning the early-going, but Cody doesn’t look out of it yet.

8:47pm: Interesting aspect here where Brock is TRYING to win by countout, repeatedly tossing Cody out and telling him to “save himself”. This is something new. Is this… sympathy? Or Brock realizing it’s virtually impossible to pin Cody?

8:53pm: Cody hits Brock with the steps right in front of the referee, and… that’s not a disqualification, I guess? Okay. They are a weapon, right? Am I missing something?

8:57pm: Cody wins… almost uneventfully, or as uneventfully as 3 Cross-Rhodes can be. But you know what? I do’t care. That was a second straight match that, at WORST, was “very, very good”. I can see this being divisive, but you know what? I LIKED the weird countout thing Brock was doing. It felt like unusual desperation from him. It played well with the respect shown from Brock after the fact, too.

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9:05pm: Oh hey, speaking of SummerSlam 1995, the next WWE PLE (Payback) is coming to Pittsburgh. I should look up ticket prices… Meanwhile, it’s about to be Battle Royal time.

9:16pm: THE BROSERWEIGHTS UNITE TO ATTACK OMOS oh nevermind, he dumps them.

9:22pm: LA Knight predictably wins to hopefully set up something big for him going forward.

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9:26pm: Up next is Baszler vs Ronda! Let’s go Baszler! The build to this one has been really good, with Shayna demonstrating real emotion.

9:31pm: Oh, this is an MMA gimmick match? Well, this could have been good…

9:36pm: What is this match? This is MMA, but some dudes come into the ring to check over Shayna. They are crippling this match’s ability to be even decent.

9:38pm: Shayna wins a crappy, unentertaining match. Ronda will win the wrestling match, I guess. Sigh.

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9:43pm: I really thought I had a Ticketmaster account. This is taking forever! Meanwhile, GUNTHER vs Drew McIntyre is up next.

Is GUNTHER still spelled in all caps?

9:51pm: According to WWE 2K23 MyGM Mode, these two should not have a good match because their styles (Bruiser vs Giant) do not match up! Also, since McIntyre has vanished for a while, his popularity has plummeted! So this should probably max out at 2 stars!

Because I know MyGM mode would not lie to me.

10:01pm: These chop battles you see in wrestling, man. I would legitimately have a heart attack if that happened to me. My heart would just go “Hahaha nope! I’m out”.

10:04pm: GUNTHER wins! Oh, and I got my tickets to Payback. So I might be there to see the last challenge before he breaks Honky Tonk Man’s record. Which is crazy! I never thought I’d see that record broken.

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10:08pm: Finn Balor vs Seth Rollins time. GUNTHER vs Drew was pretty darn good, but maybe not great. This is where the quality should lift back up.

10:16pm: I love Seth’s mindgames with his outfits, even if this one was disposable. Great intensity to display the hatred between these two tonight in the opening minutes.

10:20pm: ARM WORK! Devotees will know how much I LOVE THAT. Break his arm, Finn! Do a Hammerlock!

10:27pm: Rollins was in an armbar for, like, 35 seconds, and the announcers say he was in there for an exorbitant amount of time. Man! Remember the three minute restholds of the 80’s? Good times.

Wait. I lied. Not good times.

10:31pm: Here comes Damian Priest to fuck everything up for everyone! He punches Seth into a Pedigree from Finn! For two. And here comes the rest of Judgment Day

10:35pm: Finn gets stomped onto the briefcase, haha. Well, this Judgment Day story will continue, I suppose. Seth Rollins makes the escape out of the ring, and Finn and Priest make unhappy faces at each other.

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10:38pm: Alpha Academy and The Miz have a Mike’s Hard Lemonade commercial. It’s a thing that can happen.

10:40pm: Well, it’s time for Charlotte to win a title. Bully for all of us.

10:45pm: Charlotte is 5-0 at SummerSlam because OF COURSE SHE IS. I’m just surprised she has allegedly only had 5 matches, unless I missed a qualifier to that stat.

10:53pm: Charlotte just stops the match to have the referee help her dress herself. Asuka tries to make lemonade by applying an Asuka Lock to Bianca instead of waiting around like an idiot.

10:56pm: I sometimes legitimately wonder how long Charlotte would have to vanish for me to miss her and not just hate her when she comes back. Right now, my Over/Under is, like, 5 years.

10:59pm: This is… NOT a good match. Lots of sloppy work. Loud spot calling from Charlotte. Missed movies. Charlotte not being able to dress herself. This is ROUGH.

11:03pm: Bianca might be LEGIT seriously injured. She came down on her RIGHT knee on the ring steps, dropped three-quarters of an F-bomb, started crying, and Corey asked the cameraman to focus on what is happening in the ring. Could be worked, but the right knee being the injury is making me wonder.

11:05pm: THEN AGAIN, here comes Bianca with a 450 Splash, haha. Okay, okay. You got me. I’m the mark.

11:09pm: Bianca wins by, of course, pinning Asuka, not Charlotte. BUT HERE COMES IYO SKY! Attacks Bianca’s knee with the briefcase! Cash in! Over The Moonsault! IYO WINS! Awww, Dakota Kai  is here to celebrate with Iyo. Heartwarming! Okay, I’m here for that cash in, and that salves a lot of the issues that match had.

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11:35pm: 26 minutes after my last note, the bell rings for the main event. You know what the best part of this story is? Roman Reigns delivered the line “Do the elders know?” in the build to this, and we all just forgave it like it wasn’t one of there silliest lines ever. But here we go! I’m so invested in this, even if I never believe Jey has a chance.

11:46pm: Roman kendo shot. Paul Heyman: “Tribal combat!”. Roman kendo shot. Paul Heyman: “Tribal Combat!”. Roman kendo shot. Paul Heyman: “TRIBAL COMBAT!”. Me: “FINISH HIM! Dah-dah dah-dah dah-dah dah-dah dah-dah dah dah dah dah-dah! Woo!”

11:55pm: Roman power bombs the soul out of Jey Uso onto several steel chairs, and every bone in my body would liquefy on that impact. Why doesn’t my eating candy make me as hard-bodied as these guys that work out? Where is the justice?

12:00am: Jey pulls out a leather strap because these guys are paying attention to the history of their storyline/feud!

12:02am: The audience member screaming “SOLO WHYYYYY?!” among 800 other things is so much better than WWE commentary. Hire this man. “DON’T LISTEN TO ROMAN, SOLO!”

12:09am: The Predicted Jimmy Uso turn, which is so, so, so disappointing because it’s such a regression of a storyline that has been ceaselessly moving forward for the last seven months. For the first time, this storyline feels like they are a bit—just a BIT—rudderless… even if just at the moment.

I mean, we will see what is next. And I’m not saying Jey  should have won. But a Jimmy-less loss would have been fine. Putting Jimmy BACK in the Bloodline just feels like shifting into reverse. Maybe I’m wrong! Maybe I’m wrong. They’ve earned the benefit of the doubt. But this is the first show in a while to end on a note that didn’t feel feel like a major point of progression.

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Overall, there were a lot of highs, and the heights outweighed the downs. I dug this show a lot! But that ending… well, we will see where the storyline takes us. It’s so hard to judge it in a vacuum at this point.

What do you think?

Until next time… take care!