The Fink’s Payload 01.01.07: The Royal Rumble

Matt: Hello, hello, and welcome to your back to usual schedule Fink’s Payload. We should have everything back under control this week. Hopefully.

Nick: HI HI ARIK CANNON~!

Matt: And we got lots of ideas for the Rumble PPV and match itself, so let’s get straight to business.

We start with B. Cris Reyes the Second.

I would have the royal rumble start out with the 3 respective champions coming out first and sitting at their own tables to provide added commentary. This would add impact to the whole winner gets a title shot stipulation, cause each champ would be there in a scouting capacity and can belittle or build up potential candidates. For ECW I would have Punk, RVD, Sabu, Terkay, Burke, Holly, Test, Knox, Khali (for the big man spot), and Striker. Smackdown would have King Booker, Kennedy, Finlay, Taker, Kane, Boogeyman, Matt Hardy, Benoit, Chavo, and MVP. Representing Raw would be Jeff Hardy, Carlito, Flair, Orton, Edge, HHH, Michaels, Umaga, Kenny and Nitro. I would have a random order entry this year, with no one guaranteed a spot 1 or 30, and have a Raw, Smackdown, ECW order. This way we can start out with Jeff at 1, then have Matt come out at 2, they can play around not trying to eliminate each other, but feeling each other out, until #3 comes out Khali the great. Now Matt and Jeff team up until 4 comes out… Plus remembering that the champions are down at ringside allows for current feuds or potential feuds to either talk shit or maybe attack their respective champions. For instance Finlay can come out and attack Batista before getting in the ring, or Batista can cause booker the match extending their feud. The final four should be RVD, Orton, HHH and Kennedy. Kennedy and Orton team up as heels do, and take out RVD. Have Cena do a run in on Kennedy who has been talking all kinds of crap about when he wins, he’s going to Raw, and dominate over there, thus taking him out but not eliminating him, they can fight up the ramp and to the back. Orton and HHH think its down to them and go at it, have them tease a win for each one, and have them on the apron, that’s when Kennedy comes running back in to push them both off at the same time to win the tumble and his chance to go to Raw, they show Cena coming back out of the back cut open and bleeding holding the chair Kennedy might have used on him….or something like that.

Matt: So it’s totally random order…but fixed as Raw then SD then ECW all the way through? Still, I’m not sure the Vince/Austin type ending there works for Cena/Kennedy, although Kennedy could run with it. Still, food for thought.

Nick: I’m not much for having Kennedy on RAW.

Matt: Next up, Travis Homewood books the whole PPV a bit.

Well it looks like going into the rumble we are looking at Chavo vs Benoit for the US title. I would book Chavo to win. But we do need tag straps at the Rumble. So we have William Regal and Dave Taylor complain about the impromptu ladder match from Armageddon and want their straight one on one match so they do it at the Rumble. Personally I want the champs to retain but it could be time for Regal and Taylor to get the gold. Then Kendrick and London can win them back at Mania. ECW needs to take the Royal Rumble to the EXTREME!! So we need to see RVD lose his title shot on free TV on 1/2/07 due to Test interfering. RVD takes him out in another #1 contenders match and goes on to face Lashley in an extreme rules match. DX vs. Rated RKO for the tag titles should also happen so RAW has a match on the undercard but their match also means the losers can’t enter the Rumble and so RKO wins with a massive beat down and help from Kenny and a couple of chairs. And a Women’s championship rematch from NYR. Then the Rumble itself. Coming out at #15 is Randy Orton and #27 is Edge. #30 is Kane who teams up with the Undertaker to dominate, but Edge eliminates Kane who is in turn eliminated by the Undertaker then Orton hits the dropkick to the back and Taker goes over the top rope. Orton is the winner. That sets up the Cena/Orton feud for Mania and leaves Edge a partner to take on DX. And you have open possibilities. Taker wanting a match for the #1 contenders spot, switching out of tag team partners, DX costing Orton his Mania opportunity to someone else completely unexpected, anything really.

Matt: Well, it’s a solid enough undercard. And that’s probably how the Rumble will go, give or take Taker actually doing anything to make Orton look good.

Nick: Orton wins, I don’t care. No thank you.

Matt: As a counter point, here’s another Card (and bonus WM card to boot), as put together by Todd Vote

Title matches:

Cena vs. Umaga (Samoan Death Match) WWE Title- Cena wins in a rematch from New Years Revolution…which Umaga won by countout.

Lashley vs. Test ECW World Title- Lashley retains…Who would give Test a title?

Batista vs. Finlay World Title- Hmm…I’d like to see Finlay win it, but Batista retains.

Benoit vs. Chavo (Loser Leaves Brand) US title- Chavo wins, which would send Benoit to his old stomping ground of ECW.

Mickey James vs. Beth Phoenix vs. Victoria Women’s Title match- Beth cost Mickie the title at NYR, so a triple threat match is made. Victoria retains….then demands that she gets her old Tatu Psycho Bitch music back. (It’s my armchair, I’ll book it how I want to.)

Gregory Helms vs. Jimmy Wang Yang Cruiserweight Title match- Gregory Helms once again beats Yang to continue his record breaking title reign.

DX vs. RKO (Winners Enter Rumble)- RKO manages to beat DX, fair and square in the middle of the ring. (Tag titles now belong to TWGTT, DX costs RKO the titles in a four corners tag match on Raw featuring DX vs. Cryme Tyme vs. TWGTT vs. Rated RKO)

Rumble Entrants:

Smackdown: Kennedy, Mercury, Matt Hardy, Booker T, Boogeyman, MVP, Kane, Undertaker, London, Kendrick.

Raw: Edge, Orton, Jeff Hardy, Benjamin, Haas, Ric Flair, Shad Gaspard, JTG, Carlito, Trevor Murdoch.

ECW: RVD, Hardcore Holly, Sabu, Benoit, Khali, Daivari, Knox, CM Punk, Sandman.

I’ll jump ahead to the final 10 men. You have Shelton Benjamin, Chris Benoit, Randy Orton, Carlito, RVD, and The Undertaker still in the ring, with 4 more entries to go. Number 27 is Mr. Kennedy….Kennedy. He comes into the ring, and immediately starts to work on the Undertaker. Number 28 is Shad Gaspard, who comes in and immediately eliminates himself as well as Shelton Benjamin. Number 29 is CM Punk, and he starts brawling with Orton. Number 30 is Booker T. All entrants are in, 8 remain. Everyone pairs off, with RVD and Booker going at it, Kennedy still fighting with Undertaker, Punk with Orton, and Benoit and Carlito pairing off. Orton manages to toss Punk on one side of the ring, as Benoit dumps Carlito on the other. Orton eliminates Benoit as he trash talks Carlito outside of the ring. The final 5 men are in there now, with Kennedy and Orton beating on the Undertaker, as RVD eliminates Booker T. RVD turns around to see Undertaker barely hanging on, and charges with a cross body, Orton and Kennedy see him coming, and get out of the way just in time to see RVD eliminate The Undertaker, as well as himself. Orton and Kennedy both lay in an exhausted heap… then realize that they are the final two. Orton has Kennedy in trouble, and looks as if he can eliminate him any time he wants. Orton is set… Kennedy makes it to his feet, and Orton goes for the RKO, only to have Kennedy toss him over the top rope in mid move. Mrrrrrrrr. Ken-uh-dy….Kennedy, wins the Rumble.

Next night on Raw, Orton makes the case that he should be challenging Cena at WM 23 seeing as he was the last member of the Raw roster to be eliminated. Coach agrees and makes the match. The next week we find out that Mr. Kennedy has decided to challenge John Cena, and the match is now a Triple Threat, with unresolved issues stemming from the Rumble between Kennedy and Orton.

So, my Wrestlemania 23 card looks like this:

Cena vs. Orton vs. Kennedy for the WWE title. (Remember Kennedy has been calling out Cena for months on Smackdown, until he got mixed up with Taker)

Undertaker vs. Batista World Title Match

RVD vs. Lashley (ECW Rules) ECW World Title

TWGTT vs. Cryme Tyme World Tag Team Titles (Street Fight)

ECW’s Chris Benoit vs. RAW’s Carlito

Gregory Helms defends the CW title in a CW Open match.

Money in the Bank: CM Punk vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy vs. Sabu vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. Johnny Nitro

Mickie James vs. Beth Phoenix. Winner faces Victoria later in the evening.

Victoria vs. James/Phoenix

Hooligans vs. Taylor & Regal.

Matt: So…Kennedy’s face? I dunno, having Orton lose as the second last guy AGAIN because he’s cocky then worm his way back in for a 3 way AGAIN just seems a little repetitive. Still, I do like this booking, just apart from the whole 2 heels left over dealy.

Nick: WAAAAY too many matches for the Royal Rumble. 4 plus the Rumble match is ideal, but 5 is the limit. I’d eliminate the Women’s match, SmackDown title match (they have a PPV the following month) and the Cruiserweight match. The rest is decent, but enough with the Orton love.

Matt: You thought THAT was detailed? Fink, get ready to cut and paste to your letter to Patterson, here is Hauglid and his Rumble.

*Losing Team Must Disband: MNM vs. The Hardy Boyz

The Hardy Boyz win in a show-stealing match. Nitro nails Mercury with a steel chair and then leaves.

*Cruiserweight Invitational for the Cruiserweight Championship

Gregory Helms makes this match before the PPV because this is how he won the title last year and since nobody has yet defeated he makes a challenge to any former Cruiserweight Champion. The Challengers are: Jamie Noble, Paul London, Funaki, Little Guido, and a one-night appearance from Tajiri. Helms wins when he heats the Shining Wizard on Tajiri.

*World Tag Team Titles: World’s Greatest Tag Team [c] vs. Cryme Tyme.

Cryme Tyme won the titles from Rated RKO thanks to DX, but were cheated out of the titles by WGTT. Cryme Tyme stole the belts and held them up for ransom, forcing the Coach to make this match. Cryme Tyme win the titles back.

*WWE Championship Match: Umaga [c] vs. Shawn Michaels

Umaga would win the title from Cena at NYR. Michaels is made the #1 Contender and the match is in his hometown. Umaga “injures” Michaels during the match and decimates him. Umaga wins the Samoan Spike. They can even do the whole stretcher thing with Triple H following Michaels to the ambulance.

*World Heavyweight Title Match: Batista [c] vs. Kane

Batista is now a tweener between face and heel. Batista wins with the Batista bomb, but the Undertaker comes out afterwards to challenge Batista.

*Royal Rumble Match: There will be 10 RAW stars, 10 SmackDown! Stars, 5 ECW stars, and 5 “surprises”

Order of Entry and Eliminations

1. MVP (States he will be the MVP of the Rumble Match)

2. The Boogeyman

– MVP is scared and jumps over the top rope. MVP is eliminated.

– Boogeyman goes over the top and chases MVP. Boogeyman is eliminated.

3. Kenny Dykstra

4. CM Punk

5. The Miz

-Miz is eliminated quickly by CM Punk.

6. Chris Benoit

7. Chris Masters

8. Dusty Rhodes

– Chris Masters eliminated by Dusty Rhodes.

– Dusty Rhodes eliminated by Kenny Dykstra.

9. Test

10. Johnny Nitro (Suppose to be Eugene but is tricked out of the Rumble by Melina)

11. Edge

12. Chavo Guerrero

13. Ric Flair

14. Dean Malenko

– Chavo Guerrero eliminated by Benoit, Malenko, & Flair

15. Randy Orton

– Dean Malenko by Rated RKO

– Ric Flair by Randy Orton

16. Sabu

17. Finlay

– Kenny Dykstra eliminated by CM Punk.

– Sabu eliminated by Rated RKO

18. Super Crazy

19. Mick Foley

– Foley goes crazy on Nitro and eliminates him.

– Foley is then eliminated by Randy Orton.

20. Triple H

– Super Crazy by Triple H

21. Brian Kendrick

– Randy Orton by Triple H

22. Hardcore Holly

23. JBL

– Kendrick by JBL

– Chris Benoit by Finlay

– Sabu by Edge

24. Mr. Kennedy

25. John Cena

– CM Punk by Edge & Test

– Test by Edge

26. Carlito

– Finlay by John Cena

– Hardcore Holly by Edge

27. Rob Van Dam

28. King Booker

29. The Undertaker

– Mr. Kennedy by Undertaker

– Carlito by King Booker

– King Booker by John Cena

– Rob Van Dam by Edge

30. Hulk Hogan!!!

Final Participants (Edge, Triple H, JBL, John Cena, Undertaker, & Hulk Hogan)

– JBL eliminated by Hulk Hogan

– Hulk Hogan eliminated by Edge

Final Four (Edge, Triple H, John Cena, & The Undertaker)

– John Cena eliminated by Triple H

– Undertaker eliminated by Edge

– Triple H eliminated by Edge.

Edge wins the Royal Rumble.

The Aftermath: Edge would defect to ECW to challenge Lashley because ECW is nothing and he even eliminated all members of ECW at the Royal Rumble. Triple H would go on to face Umaga for the title a WrestleMania. Hulk Hogan would return to limited capacity going into WrestleMania 23 to set up a match. Undertaker would challenge Batista for the World Title at WrestleMania. Cena will start a losing streak, but will beat Randy Orton at WrestleMania. Foley and Nitro would face at WrestleMania.

Matt: WOW. A tad too Fantasy (Foley, yeah, JBL, sure, Hogan, ehhh, Malenko? No Way), but still, detailed as hell and I wouldn’t mind this. Still, replace the 5 ‘surprises’ with ECW guys and have Edge help out to eliminate all 10 of them, and that’s a nice little gimmick there to sell the ECW Title match on.

Nick: I’m getting tired of booking Orton for WrestleMania. Yes, I know I have him in a 4 way, but not one-on-one and not in another three way. I don’t know where I stand with Edge and ECW… a rematch with Van Dam, maybe, since Edge took Rob’s title in July, but no with Lashley.

Matt: And next, Christopher Alden wants to use the Rumble to turn Cena heel. Let’s see how.

Cena ends up defending his title against Randy Orton (who wins a #1 contender match in the weeks between New Years’ Revolution and the Royal Rumble) at the Royal Rumble, and loses, due to interference from Edge. Backstage, CM Punk walks up to Cena and says, “Tough break, man.” Cena then proceeds to FU, then beat the hell out of, Punk. The announcers marvel at the sudden change in Cena as the Royal Rumble match begins, and what the possible motivations could be… until number 23 enters, and it’s John Cena! JR puts 2 and 2 together, and realizes that Cena beat up Punk and took his spot, just like Kurt Angle did 2 years ago! Cena goes on to win the Rumble, and gives a big speech, first sarcastically thanking his “friends”, DX, for “being there to help” him against Rated RKO earlier, then going on to say that the title is and will remain HIS, and nobody can stand in the way of him getting it back…

And right then, “This Fire Burns” starts to play, and CM Punk limps out to the ring. We fade out as Punk and Cena stare down. For the next few weeks, John Cena starts acting more and more heelish, and CM Punk starts showing up on Raw, jumping out of the crowds and chasing off Cena. This goes on until Vince McMahon calls Punk out, and asks him what he wants to knock it off and go back to ECW. Punk’s response: “I want my title shot. And I want Cena to pay.” Vince thinks about this, and then grants Punk a match against John Cena, with the WrestleMania title shot on the line, on Saturday Night’s Main Event. Cena says he isn’t worried, and that he has an “insurance policy”, but we don’t find out what that is… until SNME, when Cena enters along with Estrada and Umaga! Despite this, we get a relatively clean match, until Punk locks in the Anaconda Vice, and Estrada pulls out the referee just as Cena’s about to tap. With the ref gone from the ring, Rated RKO takes the opportunity to run in, attacking both men; Umaga slides into the ring to defend Cena, and DX runs down to help Punk out, and we have a show-ending schmozz.

The next Monday on Raw, Vince announces that, since Punk had mentioned that he intended to challenge for the WWE title, and there was no decision in the SNME match, that he would make the WrestleMania match a 3-way, between Punk, Cena, and Orton! And, just to make sure that all other interested parties are… otherwise occupied, and thus we can have a clean finish, Edge and Umaga will fight DX!

Matt: Shades of Grey! Interesting plot twists! Understandable turns! A big push for new guys! Of course this will never happen.

Nick: Can’t we substitute SOMEBODY else for Randy Orton? Please?

Matt: And our lucky #30 entrant, BJ Boston.

Things start to heat up at New Year’s Revolution when D-X gets the win over RKO. As for the title match, John Cena vs. Umaga fight gets WAY out of hand. These two fight all over the arena, causing mass chaos wherever they go. In the midst of the match, several referees get taken out, including one of the braver ones taking a nasty fall off the entranceway. The next night on RAW, Coach calls for a rematch at Royal Rumble. But there’s one problem… no sanctioned WWE official wants to be assigned the match. When Coach tries to force them, they go on strike and picket outside the arena. Coach puts out a call to anyone tough enough to referee this brutal match. The next week, the call is answered… by Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Meanwhile, fresh off their win over Rated RKO, D-X are back to their shenanigan-loving selves and enter themselves in the Royal Rumble. Under Rated RKO’s advice, Coach decides that the best way to mess with D-X is to divide and conquer. He sets a match at the Royal Rumble: Shawn Michaels vs. Triple H – the winner gets #30 in the Rumble while the loser gets #1.

At the Rumble, D-X starts off the match as a joke, playing rock-paper-scissors to decide who wins and then having Michaels lay down for Triple H. Coach restarts the match, saying that unless they fight for real, neither of them is in the Rumble. Realizing what’s at stake, D-X has a match, ending with Michaels pinning HHH with a superkick, earning him #30. As he checks on his fallen partner, Rated RKO hits the ring and absolutely decimates Michaels. They play up a neck injury/paralyzed angle and take Michaels out on a stretcher. In the title match, Cena and Umaga go back and forth. Cena hits the FU and goes for the pin… only to be stunned by Austin! Austin counts the three and Umaga is the new WWE champion! What the hell has Austin done?

In the Rumble itself, Triple H is badly hurt, but makes it to near the end. It’s Edge, Orton, Mr. Kennedy and HHH. When #30 appears on the big screen, they all look toward the entrance way. No one’s coming. Triple H is on his own. He does his best to fight off three men, but they are too much and eliminate him. As Kennedy fights off Rated RKO, Triple H manages to grab his other partner – the sledgehammer and get back into the ring to take out Rated RKO, eliminating them both and running them through the crowd. Beaten up, Mr. Kennedy looks around. He’s alone in the ring. He asks for his microphone. “And the winner of the 2007 Royal Rumble… MISTEEEEEEEEER…”

Suddenly, the #30 appears on the screen again. The crowd counts down. 3… 2… 1…

“I am a real American…” It’s Hulk Hogan!

Hogan hits the ring and dispatches Mr. Kennedy. Hulk Hogan is going to WrestleMania to fight for the WWE title!

So we’ve set up for WrestleMania 23:

John Cena vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin

Umaga vs. Hulk Hogan for the WWE Title

Rated RKO vs. D-X (with Michaels returning for the first time since the Rumble) in Hell in a Cell.

I like it because a Cena-Austin war of words could be fun. Austin could claim that the people boo Cena because he cares about what they think. When he was a champion, he didn’t give a damn what people thought. “I did it for your own damn good, Cena.” Cena can counter that Austin is just trying to steal the spotlight to promote his movie career. Doesn’t the Austin movie come out in April? Great way for Austin to pass the torch.

Hulk Hogan fighting for the world title at Wrestlemania 23 – 20 years after he fought Andre the Giant. I like it better than the proposed Hogan-Big Show contest because at this point, Umaga would still be undefeated, just like the Giant was. In order to make it work, I’d have Hogan say that he plans on retiring champion after this match. That way, people might believe he has a shot. (I’d have Kennedy interfere to save the title, but Hogan clean house of both of them and pose down, by the way.)

Matt: Well, it would certainly be a neat twist, not having Austin and Hogan work each other. Heck, you could always try to build them up for 24. But still…This isn’t going to happen, and can’t happen. Still, it’s nice to think about.

Nick: That may be one of the best starts with one of the worst finishes of anything I’ve ever seen ever. Ever. Love the Rated RKO/DX stuff, HATE the Hogan stuff and the Austin stuff.

Matt: And that’s it. So, what do we have to say?

Personally, I think the Rumble needs a major, and I mean MAJOR shake up. Throughout January, everyone wins a match to enter the Rumble, 10 Raw guys, 10 SD guys, 10 ECW guys. You establish title matches when seemingly easy victories (Edge V Conway, Test V Richards) get derailed by interference and the jobber wins, thus setting up Cena/Edge, Lashley/Test and DAVE/Whoever (Let’s say Kane).

Then the Rumble goes down, with the usual mix of surprises and twists, the final 10 being found when Stevie comes out as #30, luck of the draw. So it comes down to say Taker, Kennedy, Orton, HHH and HBK, with Stevie technically still in it, but having taken a Tombstone, RKO, Pedigree and Superkick and then a Kennedy chair shot in a row, is currently lying in a corner bleeding. Stuff happens, Taker ends up eliminating DX, then Orton, then he and Kennedy brawl, they are near the corner, Taker goes to Last Ride Kennedy out of the ring, chair shot, Taker and Kennedy fall out, and Stevie Richards wins the Rumble.

Mass chaos as EVERYONE blows a gasket. Everyone wants a shot at Stevie, who somehow survives everything then chooses the ECW Title and gets a hopefully big shocking win at WM over heel Lashley.

The point is, short of removing the Title shot stip, the Rumble needs both a dark horse and a #30 entrant to win. And there are plenty of worst guys than Stevie.

Nick: Fuck me having an idea. My idea is Matt’s idea. You win 2006.

Matt: So, really long this week. But then, the Rumble is, isn’t it?

Nick: Yeah.

Matt: And I think next week may be just as long…

We’re starting a new year, but what the old one missed was long term angles. Or that is, GOOD long term angles. Your homework is to think up a long feud/war that lasts several months. It doesn’t have to be detailed.

Send those ideas here, if you wouldn’t mind..

Until next week,

Matt & Nick