The Fink’s Payload 01.23.07: No Way Out

Matt: Hello, hello, and welcome to yet ANOTHER edition of the Fink’s Payload, where every idea is great (unless it isn’t), every comment is positive (unless it’s not) and where it’s still Monty Fricking Brown to us. And I’m flying late and flying solo thanks to the twin demons known as changing work shifts and mysteriously AWOL Partners.

They aren’t identical twins, obviously.

Anyway, Nick, wherever you are, hope you’re ok man. And no, you can’t update this one later on. I want the spotlight! ME ME ME!

Sorry, I thought that was what we were meant to be doing this week?

Larry: That’s it, you-

Matt: Ah! I’m sorry, I’m Sorry, I’m Sorry.

Larry: Eh, you’re not worth my time.

Matt: Phew, that was close. Now, where was I?

Oh yes, ideas for how to book No Way Out, the bastard step-child of the WWE PPV roster, that’s what’s on tap for today. Long regarded as either a useless non-entity PPV or the place to do a last minute title change to set up a WM match (Rock/Angle, Brock/Eddie), NWO is a strange little thing. But maybe, that could change, if Fink can get some of these ideas to Badstreet.

So, we begin with Dan from Brooklyn NY, who just can’t get enough of a certain guy.

Royal Rumble- Umaga defeats John Cena for the WWE Title after K-Fed, Estrada, Coach and the Samoan army interfere. Cena jumps Coach backstage and decides to take Triple H’s empty spot in the Rumble. Batista defeats Kennedy in his World Title defense when Taker’s music plays and distracts Kennedy allowing Batista to nail the Spinebuster for the win. The final 4 in the Rumble are Edge, HBK, Taker and Cena. Kennedy gets Taker eliminated and Cena tosses HBK and Edge as they are fighting to win the belt. On Raw Coach says he put a clause in Umaga’s contract saying no rematch for Cena. He says Umaga will accept any other challengers for the title.

SD – Teddy Long says that due to what happens at the Rumble, No Way Out will feature a Triple Threat between Batista, Kennedy and Taker, and the special referee will be the man who will challenge the World Champion at Wrestlemania 23…JOHN CENA!!!

Chris Benoit and Chavo still have the undying issue over Vicki and the US Title so either Chavo wins it on SD or they save the last match until NWO. At the Rumble King Booker and Finlay formed an alliance, but Finlay dumped Booker from behind thus turning semi-face. Booker and Finlay go at it on SD until they get booked in a match at NWO. Regal and Taylor say their loss to London and Kendrick was a fluke and they win individual matches via submission. Long says that there will be a 2/3 falls match at NWO with one being pin only, the other being submission the third being ladder. Matt Hardy and Joey Mercury continue their blood feud with a no-DQ match. MVP can feud with Vito based on their beat the sprint tie and Kane and Boogeyman can have their much awaited match.

NWO – Card

Triple Threat World Title- Batista (C) vs. Kennedy vs. Taker w/John Cena as Special Ref
US Title- Chris Benoit (C) vs. Chavo
King Booker vs. Finlay
2/3 Falls Tag Titles- London & Kendrick (C) vs. Regal & Taylor (1st fall pins, 2nd submissions 3rd ladder)
No DQ – Matt Hardy vs. Joey Mercury
Kane vs. Boogeyman
MVP vs. Vito

Matt: Solid card. You’ve never see Cena on SD though, given HHH’s absence. HBK can’t carry the load, and do not even suggest an Orton or Edge face turn.

Joe Fino wants to make NWO a co-branded PPV, SD and ECW. That’s actually pretty good. But I’ll let him explain it.

ECW Jan 16- Snitsky Debuts and squashes Tommy Dreamer.

Smackdown Jan 19- Mr. Kennedy cuts a promo to start the show. He promises to win the World Heavyweight Championship on Sunday. K.C. James and Idol Stevens lose a Tag Title Match to London and Kendrick. Jimmy Wang Yang loses to Matt Hardy to win a shot at the Cruiserweight Championship next week. William Regal and Dave Taylor defeat Finlay and Little Bastard. Kane and The Undertaker defeat Batista and King Booker, Mr. Kennedy attacks Batista after the match and poses with the belt. Chavo Guerrero defeats Chris Benoit in a NO DQ match due to interference from Vicky Guerrero and wins the WWE United States Championship.

ECW Jan 23- Snitsky defeats The Sandman.

Smackdown Jan 26- Gregory Helms defeated Matt Hardy after interference by Joey Mercury. Chris Benoit defeats Tanaka and cuts a short promo saying he is going to get his rematch for his United States championship at The Royal Rumble this Sunday. Mr. Kennedy defeats Finlay, Batista runs him off into the back only to be cheapshotted from behind by Kennedy. Kane faces Chavo Guerrero to a no-contest when MVP interferes; Chris Benoit comes out for the save. Paul London rolled up Dave Taylor for a win.

Royal Rumble (Smackdown/ECW Matches only)- Snitsky defeats Sabu. Chris Benoit defeats Chavo Guerrero after a diving headbutt to win back the WWE United States Championship. Lashley defeats Rob Van Dam and Test in a triple threat Extreme Rules Match by pinning Test. Batista defeats Mr. Kennedy.

The Royal Rumble Match (Important Spots)- CM Punk Eliminates Hardcore Holly and Finlay. Rob Van Dam eliminates Chavo Guerrero. Randy Orton wins The Royal Rumble by eliminating King Booker and The Undertaker at once.

ECW Jan 30- CM Punk loses a match against Hardcore Holly due to interference by Finlay. Rob Van Dam loses a match against Test due to interference by Chavo Guerrero.

Smackdown Feb 2- Chris Benoit defeats Finlay, Mr. Kennedy challenges Chris Benoit to a match for the belt at No Way Out, Benoit accepts. Kane wins a 4-way match also involving King Booker, The Undertaker and MVP. Chavo pins Matt Hardy after interference by Joey Mercury. Tatanka was defeated by Gregory Helms. William Regal defeated Brian Kendrick.

ECW Feb 6- CM Punk cuts a promo on Finlay, Rob Van Dam comes out and proposes they work together to get revenge on Finlay and Chavo for their invasion last week.

Smackdown Feb 9- Chavo Guerrero defeats Paul London w/ help from Regal and Dave Taylor. Chavo expects interference from RVD and thus leaves quickly. Chris Benoit pins MVP in a Non-Title Match, Mr. Kennedy is on commentary with JBL and Cole for this one. He acts as if he respects Benoit. Teddy Long Announces an ECW Hardcore Battle Royal will occur at No Way Out to decide ECW’s #1 contender for Wrestlemania’s ECW Title Match. It shows Chavo leaving the arena in the parking garage when Rob Van Dam is waiting and challenges him to a fight, Chavo quickly gets in the car with Vicky and leaves without a fight, RVD smiles and lets him go. The Undertaker defeats Finlay, after the match, CM Punk attacks Finlay to ECW chants from the crowd, King Booker then attacks the Undertaker. Batista cuts a promo on Kane. At the end of the segment, Kane comes out and has a stare down with Batista.

ECW Feb 13- CM Punk, Rob Van Dam and The Sandman defeat Finlay, Chavo and Hardcore Holly.

Smackdown Feb 16- Chris Benoit defeats Gregory Helms in a Non-title match, Mr. Kennedy attacks Benoit after the match. Brian Kendrick w/ Paul London pins Dave Taylor w/ William Regal. The Boogeyman pins MVP. Finlay w/ Chavo defeats CM Punk w/ RVD. Matt Hardy defeats Joey Mercury by DQ. Teddy Long announces Finlay and Chavo vs. RVD and CM Punk at No Way Out. He also says that he wants to give the fans a good show on Sunday and thus, makes the main event of No Way Out a Hell In a Cell match between Kane and Batista. Kane and The Undertaker face King Booker and Batista to a no-contest. All 4 men have a huge brawl to end the show.

Sun, Feb 18 NO WAY OUT – Los Angeles, CA

World Heavyweight Championship Match- Hell In A Cell- Batista vs. Kane
Winner: Batista

#1 Contenders Match- The Undertaker vs. King Booker
Winner: The Undertaker

#1 Contenders Match for a shot at the ECW Title at Wrestlemania- Extreme Hardcore Battle Royal- Every Man Can Bring 1 Weapon To The Ring
Winner: Snitsky by eliminating The Sandman. Test and Sabu were also in the final 4.

US Title Match- Chris Benoit vs. Mr. Kennedy
Winner: Mr. Kennedy

WWE Tag Team Championship Match- William Regal and Dave Taylor vs. Brian Kendrick and Paul London
Winner: William Regal pins Paul London to win the WWE Tag Team Championships

ECW vs. Smackdown Tag Team Match- CM Punk and Rob Van Dam vs. Finlay and Chavo Guerrero
Winner: Chavo Guerrero pins Rob Van Dam

WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match- Fatal 4-Way Match (First Pinfall wins)- Joey Mercury vs. Gregory Helms vs. Jimmy Wang Yang vs. Matt Hardy
Winner: Gregory Helms pins Jimmy Wang Yang as Matt and Joey brawl elsewhere

Wrestlemania 23-
World Heavyweight Championship: The Undertaker vs. Batista
ECW Championship Extreme Rules Match: Snitsky vs. Lashley
Money In The Bank Ladder Match which includes CM Punk, Joey Mercury and Matt Hardy
Chris Benoit vs. Mr. Kennedy – Rematch for the United States Championship

Matt: Well, it’s very logical, given the taping schedule. But yet another brand war? Yeesh.

A Payload debut, I believe, in Christian Hubbard. So we’ll go easy on him.

First have Kennedy lose to Batista at the Rumble and trick someone out of their place in the Rumble. Kennedy enters at #26 and makes it to the final 3 with Randy Orton and The Undertaker. Undertaker eliminates Kennedy and Orton eliminates ‘Taker. Since a Raw star won the Rumble Teddy Long says a triple threat at No Way Out and sets up a #1 contender tourney with Taker vs. MVP, Finlay vs. Benoit, and Kennedy vs. Kane. Taker, Finlay, and Kennedy win. The week before No Way Out, Finlay and Kennedy team up and recruit The Bluebloods, King Booker, and Chavo and they take out Taker. At NWO Kennedy and Finlay think they have a 1 on 1 match at NWO, but no! Right before the match T-Lo says he promised these fans a 3 way match and dat’s what he’s gonna give them. The returning REY MYSTERIO! These 3 tear down the house with Kennedy picking up the win by throwing Rey out the ring after the West Coast Pop on Finlay. The next Friday T-Lo says that Taker is angry and wants Kennedy in a #1 contenders match. That match goes to a no contest, so T-Lo being a face GM makes a 3-way match Batista vs. Undertaker vs. Mr. Kennedy at Wrestlemania 23, with Kennedy going over Batista so Taker’s winning streak is still ok!

Matt: Oh, so close, but then to fall at the final hurdle. A loss of any sort, be it DQ, CO, partner being pinned, someone else losing, 4 corner touching, whatever loss, would ruin the streak, full stop. It can survive the fact that a few of its wins are DQs. Any loss is unacceptable, unless it’s the very last match of Taker’s career, and even then, it’s questionable.

And now, David W. Crossan’s No Way Out. Not WWE’s.

1. Matt Hardy vs. Joey Mercury (Ladder Match)- This match is a gimmie but instead of taking Nitro and Jeff off of Raw let these two go at it in a Ladder match so it’s only Smackdown. The feud is already there they just have to run with it.

2. The Blue Bloods vs. Hooligans (Tag Titles)- Same with this match this would be a good tag title match as shown before and there are not many other real tag teams to consider.

3. Helms vs. Boogeyman- This match is crap but they insisted on these two feuding so let it be but please put Helms over.

4. Benoit vs. MVP (U.S. Title)- After a decent Rumble showing by MVP have him come out and say he is the highest paid wrestler and most gifted athlete on Smackdown, and it’s time he gets some respect. Have him say he is the MVP and he should be wearing gold because none of the Champions are better then he is. Cue Benoit’s music and the feud is set. Have them fight on Smackdown with MVP always finding a way to beat Benoit without him losing the title. Which would lead into the title match.

5. Kane vs. Booker T vs. Chavo vs. Finlay (Winner gets title shot at Mania Elimination style)- I know that there is only one face in this match but Kane as a monster is a good face to have. Have Chavo eliminated first via Chokeslam by Kane. Then have Finlay and Booker team up on Kane to overtake the monster where Finlay picks up the win only to stand up and turn into “The Book End” to give King Booker his Mania shot.

6. Batista vs. Kennedy vs. Undertaker (World Title)- The way you start this is at the Rumble during the Kennedy vs. Batista Match have the Undertaker come out as he is still upset that Kennedy cost him his shot at the title. He interferes in the match which lets Batista pick up the win. Then during the Rumble match have the Undertaker be one of the final three men in the ring with one ECW guy and one Raw guy. Have him cleaning house only to be distracted by Mr. Kennedy which causes his elimination. The following night have Kennedy say he is the #1 contender and he was robbed at the Rumble so he should get a rematch at No Way Out. Then the Deadman comes out and says that the only reason Kennedy was in the title match is because he robbed the Deadman of his shot. Then Batista would come out and say it doesn’t matter which one he fought because he would still win. Teddy long would then book this match for No Way Out. As they fight have Batista hit the Deadman with a chair only for Kennedy to take him out and pick up the title. This sets up the Batista vs. Undertaker match for Wrestlemania, and puts the title on Kennedy to face King Booker at Mania.

Matt: So who turns, Booker or Kennedy? I don’t see either man turning, to be frank, although I still like the idea. DAVE/Taker, if it is to happen, should not have the title involved, since neither man should be holding it right now. (I’m not saying neither man can work as Champ…Well, I am with Dave, sort of, but Taker does have one last run in him, but it has to be short and to the point, as a way to transition between heels.)

Anyway, long time reader Vinzenz Rothenburg (now that’s a name!) has his PPV card. And I can get it in, thanks to the joys of delays…

JIMMY WANG YANG vs. GREGORY HELMS (c) for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship

Yes, it’s been done; yes, it’s nothing major, but it gets the title on the PPV and gives two lower-card guys something to do. From a workrate standpoint, this could be good, as long as these two are allowed to let it all hang out (not that VKM would allow that). I’d have Helms retain one last time here, as I’d like to see a title change around WM, followed by some major shake-ups in the CW division.

MITB Qualifying Match: JOEY MERCURY vs. MATT HARDY

The bad blood over Mercury’s face injury should make for a nice back story that both guys could tap into leading up to the PPV. Making their first match for a spot in WM’s MITB raises the stakes further. Hardy would take the win here, making Mercury even angrier and deepening this feud; — which I honestly believe could elevate both men to stardom if done right.

THE BLUE BLOODS vs. BRIAN KENDRICK (c) & CHRIS BENOIT vs. THE TEACHER’S PETS for the WWE Tag Team Championship

I’d have London & Kendrick beat Regal & Taylor at the RR, only for the new Blue Bloods to jump the champions on SD! and put London out of action. Never one to pass up an opportunity, Michelle McCool is quick to challenge Kendrick on behalf of her Teacher’s Pets, pointing out that the tag team champions are required to defend their titles at least once every month. Regal and Taylor, of course, won’t just sit back and watch while another team profits from their actions, so there’s trouble between them and the Teacher’s Pets as well, with Kendrick caught in the middle. In the end, GM Teddy Long books a triple threat match for the PPV, granting Kendrick none other than US Champion Chris Benoit as a one-time substitute partner. At NWO, I’d have Regal take the win and the titles by pinning Kendrick, adding to the slowly growing dissension between Kendrick and London.

MITB Qualifying Match #2: CHAVO GUERRERO vs. MYSTERY OPPONENT.

After yet another altercation between Chavo and Chris Benoit at the RR, I’d have Teddy Long step in to remind Chavo that he had multiple shots at Benoit, yet couldn’t beat him. Long makes it clear that he won’t allow Chavo to keep pushing his never-ending vendetta. However, since Chavo feels he is being short-changed, Long is willing to grant him a spot in the MITB match-up at WM. To earn this privilege, though, Chavo will have to beat a surprise opponent at NWO. At the PPV, this mystery opponent turns out to be a returning REY MYSTERIO, who avenges his humiliation at the hands of Chavo and earns a spot in the MITB match-up for himself.

KEN KENNEDY vs. THE UNDERTAKER

I’m all for Taker/Batista at WM, so I’d have Taker win the Royal Rumble. This prompts Kennedy, who lost a hard-fought match against Batista at the RR, to launch an elaborate attack against the Undertaker in hopes of securing another title shot for himself. However, this only serves to re-ignite the fury of the Undertaker, who vows to put away the nuisance that is Ken Kennedy for good at NWO. Now, I know booking 101 calls for the Undertaker to go over here, being the #1 contender to the World Heavyweight Title and all. Nonetheless, I’d have Kennedy outfox his opponent to pick up the win in a semi-clean finish. The loss won’t hurt ‘Taker, who is basically untouchable at this point, but might strengthen Kennedy, who has been ‘Taker’s whipping boy more than once in recent weeks. Besides, I’d want to remind all fans that the Undertaker can, in fact, be beaten, thus adding more intrigue to his upcoming WM match-up against Batista.

FINLAY vs. BASTISTA (c) for the World Heavyweight Championship

I’d have Finlay play iron man in this year’s Rumble, outlasting entrants like Shawn Michaels, Randy Orton, Kane and even SmackDown!’s own King Booker. To reward him for this performance, Teddy Long grants the Irish badass a title shot at NWO. Of course, Batista would retain, and every fan with a half a brain would know it long before the 1-2-3. But, believe me, I’d make them doubt their faith in the outcome. I could see this match being presented as one of the toughest in Batista’s career as Finlay matches him move for move. Only interference by a jealous King Booker would turn tide in favor of Batista. This would facilitate possible turns by both Batista and Finlay in the near future.

Matt: Well, apart from the fact that the Pet’s manager is out of commission thanks to some chemical imbalance thingy, pretty damm solid. Still, sub in the 50’s Throwbacks for the Pets (and give Taker the win, since god forbid he ever actually put Kennedy over someway), and Fink has himself a nice little PPV there.

In our penultimate entry this week, Sam Everett (Yes, WM booking will come. No, Austin is not the only man who can save Raw’s main event scene. Foley could do it as well) wants to, like Dan, bring in a Raw guy, just a different one.

WWE Tag Team Titles- London & Kendrick (C) vs. THE Resistance vs. Regal & Taylor vs. Chavo Guerrero & Gregory Helms: The champs with a successful defense in our opening match. Oh, and The Resistance is the reunited Rob Conway and Sylvan Grenier. In their first match on SmackDown!, they are scheduled to face Regal & Taylor, who boast that at least their opponents have the good sense to loathe America like them. Cue Regal’s trademark shocked face when Conway and Grenier make their first entrance, decked out in red, white, and blue, waving Old Glory. (We learn in a backstage skit after the match that, given his lack of success posing as a French sympathizer, Conway has convinced Sylvan to pose as an “American sympathizer” this time around. The hilarity? Yeah, it ensues.) Helms & Guerrero partner up after Helms defends his Cruiserweight Title against Paul London on SD!, but insists that Kendrick is occupied by a match of his own that night to keep him from interfering in the title match. Kendrick’s opponent is a frustrated Chavo Guerrero, coming off about thirty-two straight losses to Chris Benoit. He takes his frustrations out on Kendrick in their match, while London comes THIS CLOSE to beating Helms before the champ cheats to win. Kendrick wants revenge on Chavo, Helms wants to return the embarrassment to London…VOILA! Tag feud!

The Boogeyman Challenge, RD. 1: Jillian loses to Layla and Kristal in the first round of some disgusting “Fear Factor”-esque challenge worthy of its host, The Boogeyman. Jillian is, of course, in some way, subjected to the worm treatment. Fluff-eriffic, but fun.

Kane v. Finlay: Kane gets the win in a brutal-yet-comedic feud that stems from both men playing a supporting role in The Undertaker v. King Booker quarrel (more on that match later). This, of course, isn’t a wrestling match, but a brawl. Finlay looks to get the win thanks to the Little Bastard’s interference. But Kane is one step ahead, and has brought along…the Little Devil, a tiny person dressed like a flaming red Halloween devil. The Devil chases off the Bastard, a stunned Finlay gets distracted, and Kane catches him with the chokeslam.

Jimmy Yang & Jamie Noble v. Deuce & Domino: The cool cats from OVW get the decisive victory over the makeshift country boy tag team of Yang & Noble. The feud arises when Noble takes it upon himself to help Yang become a better redneck. As the weeks progress, we see Yang’s improvement. Unfortunately, in the week prior to No Way Out, newcomers Deuce & Domino kill their fun by pointing out that being a better redneck is like finishing well in the Special Olympics. And we know Them’s Fightin’ Words!

United States Title- Chris Benoit (C) v. MVP: MVP steals the win and the title, with the help of his new Entourage, Idol Stevens & K.C. James. In the weeks leading to No Way Out, Teddy Long agrees to re-pay MVP for his hard work and flame-related injury with a shot at the US Title. MVP is happy. But, Teddy says, ONLY if he can beat Benoit in a non-title affair. MVP is sad. MVP loses said affair, but proceeds to beat down Benoit afterward, like a real role model. His assault puts Benoit on a stretcher, and while MVP’s actions disgust most of the locker room, Stevens & James are ecstatic little fan boys, assuring MVP that He’s The Man, and he did the right thing. Over the course of the next few weeks, Benoit agrees to put his title on the line if it’ll give him a vengeful shot at MVP. Benoit puts Stevens & James through their paces in singles matches leading to the pay-per-view. Serves the purpose of getting the young guys like MVP and Stevens & James some in-ring experience with the best there is, Benoit.

Cage Match – Hardy Boyz vs. MNM: Hardy Boyz get the win in another violent, inter-promotional meeting between these two teams. Matt and Joey Mercury trade wins in the weeks leading to No Way Out, and the four men even invade rival shows in an attempt to finish their feud. The Cage match plays off the well-received New Year’s Revolution Jeff Hardy-Johnny Nitro match, and leads to the WM23 10-Man Money in the Bank Ladder Match (featuring Jeff and Nitro from RAW, and Matt and
Mercury from SD!, among others), where Joey Mercury will finally get the opportunity to pay the Hardyz back with some ladder-assisted violence!

The Boogeyman Challenge, RD. 2: Layla defeats Kristal in another competition, and wins the first (and probably only) ever Boogeyman Challenge. Kristal gets the worm treatment; Layla, much to her dismay, gets a “prize” almost equally horrific, Boogeyman style.

World Heavyweight Title Number One Contender Buried Alive Match – The Undertaker v. King Booker: The Undertaker keeps the #1 Contendership he won at the Royal Rumble by beating King Booker in a match that sees Finlay and Kane also get involved. The week following the Rumble, Booker reminds Teddy Long that he never got a rematch against Batista for the title. Teddy says that, unfortunately, he’s already got a title challenger lined up for No Way Out (more on that later), and must abide by that agreement. So he gives Booker a shot at Taker’s #1 Contender status instead…but ONLY if it’s in a match of The Undertaker’s choosing. Thus, the “Buried Alive” stipulation, which gives us a live burial on the SD! after No Way Out, involving The Boogeyman and his worms occupying Booker’s casket, which leads to a Kane & The Boogeyman v. King Booker & Finlay WM23 match-up.

World Heavyweight Title – Batista (C) v. Edge: Batista beats Edge cleanly to go on to face Taker in a Title v. Streak showdown at WM23. Yeah, Edge, who is traded to SD! when Jonathan Coachman decides that Team Rated RKO has injured too many people on the RAW roster, done too much damage, and must be split up. RAW gets
Mr. Kennedy in return, and Edge only agrees to the trade if he gets a guaranteed title shot upon his arrival on SD! Thus, this match.

Matt: This is one of the better PPV cards I’ve seen in the Payload, in that it does have a little of everything (although no mention of Noble and Yang’s Yung Dragons makes me sad). MVP does need an entourage; he needs to go the Millionaire Boxer, with like a dozen guys by his side. The Teacher’s Pets are a good start. A few bits I didn’t like (MNM/Hardyz, The Boogeyman thing, Edge), but otherwise pretty damm solid.

And now, having leant my lesson, the last idea, from Andrew Koprowski. This is the long one, so get ready.

Ready? Then he’ll begin.

At the Rumble we have three big matches, Cena vs. Umaga, Batista vs. Kennedy and the Rumble itself. We’ll start with the SD title match. During the Batista/Kennedy match, the ref takes his normal “at the appropriate time” bump. Kennedy uses this opportunity to grab the World Title from ringside and smack The Mighty DAVE in the face, knocking him out cold. Kennedy covers for the pin but the lights go out as Taker’s music starts. Kennedy gets off The Mighty DAVE and starts watching the entrance but Taker doesn’t come out. The ref begins to recover as does the mighty DAVE gets to his feet. One spinebuster later and The Mighty DAVE has retained. Kennedy is furious and storms off backstage looking for the Deadman.

In the RAW title match, Umaga beats on John Cena seemingly most of the match, with Cena getting very little offense in. Several times Cena makes it up at the 8 count and continues to fight. They brawl backstage where weapons are used for Cena to get the advantage. Amazingly Cena hits the F-U on Umaga on the concrete floor but it doesn’t keep Umaga down. Cena hits another and Umaga gets up at the 9 count. Frustration sets in and Cena takes a page out of Foley/Rock and uses a forklift to keep Umaga down for the 10 count, retaining the title.

The Rumble, the official kickoff to Wrestlemania! The beginning of the Rumble is uneventful as Kenny and Ric Flair open the Rumble match at 1 and 2. Big Vis is #3, followed by Sandman, The Miz, Chris Masters, Sabu, Shelton, and Chavo. When the #10 buzzer goes off, out comes Khali. The Great Empty promptly gets in and eliminates Sabu, Miz, Masters, Vis and Chavo with ease. #11 ends up being Koslov the Russian who really goes after Khali with help from Sylvester Turkay. The next several minutes of the Rumble go by with the major story being can anyone eliminate The Great Empty. People come in and some are eliminated until we get to around 20, where Orton enters the Rumble. He helps Kenny toss Flair out, and as they shake hands, Orton drops Kenny with the RKO. #21 is Edge who comes in and hits Kane with a low blow, allowing The Great Empty to toss him over. Orton grabs Kenny and sends him over the top rope as well after the double cross. As Rated RKO is standing there with The Great Empty and CM Punk, #22 sounds and it’s Taker. Taker hits the ring and goes after The Great Empty as Rated RKO attack Punk. #24 comes and it’s RVD, who quickly helps CM Punk. #25 is King Booker, who slowly walks to the ring, taking his time walking around it while everyone else fights. #26 is Chris Benoit who throws Booker in the ring. Taker eliminates The Great Empty with a boot to the face, only to turn around and send the King over the top rope as he argues with Benoit. This leaves Punk, RVD, Rated RKO, Taker and Benoit as #27 sounds and it’s the Heart Break Kid himself. #28 ends up being MVP, #29 ends up being Finlay and the final entrant at #30 is Kane. Benoit eliminated Finlay, but Finlay grabs the Shillelagh and hits Benoit across the neck, allowing MVP to dump Benoit out easily. MVP turns and gets some Sweet Chin, sending him over the top and out. Kane is close to eliminating Punk in the corner as Taker beats on RVD and Rated RKO take on HBK. Kane goes for a clothesline on Punk but Punk ducks and Kane goes over the top and is gone. Punk attacks Taker to help RVD but Punk hits RVD by accident. RVD pushes Punk who pushes back and they start battling until Taker throws them both over the top rope, bringing us to the final four of Edge, Orton, Taker and HBK. At this point Mr. Kennedy starts making his way to the ring with a steel chair, but Kane chases him from the back. They fight in the aisle as security tries to separate them. HBK is down and Orton is going for the RKO but Kenny comes through the crowd and low blows Orton, paying him back for the double cross earlier. One super kick later and Orton is eliminated. HBK and Taker go at it, with Taker getting the better of HBK as Edge recovers in the corner. Taker charges in the corner at HBK but HBK moves and Taker hits hard. With HBK and Taker both stunned, Edge goes after HBK and tosses him over the top, but HBK “skins the cat” and flips back in. Edge isn’t aware and HBK tosses Edge. Edge is irate at ringside as we’re down to HBK and Taker. Edge slips back in from behind and goes to hit the Rated R Dart (It’s not a spear!) HBK but misses and hits Taker. Shawn tosses Edge again and then tosses Taker, who’s obviously pissed at Edge.

On RAW, HBK celebrates his Royal Rumble win and teams with Cena to defeat Umaga and Chris Masters. Randy Orton and Kenny end up having words backstage over the actions of both at the Rumble, and Ric Flair says he has a major announcement for next week. Edge makes an apology to Taker and tries to make sure the Deadman isn’t angry.

On SD, Taker busts in T-Lo’s office demanding Edge. He chokes T-Lo until T-Lo agrees Taker can go to Raw and after Edge. (This gives Taker his final run on the flagship show he deserves). Later that night, Mr. Kennedy hits the ring and says he should get the WM match since he was robbed. He’s interrupted by Benoit who claims Kennedy has had his shots and blew them and therefore deserves nothing. This brings out Finlay, who accuses Benoit of cheating at the Rumble, costing him his chance. MVP interrupts and says he was screwed as well and he deserves the shot. T-lo comes out and announces that next week, Benoit will face MVP and Mr. Kennedy will face Finlay, and the two winners will meet at NWO to determine the number one contender.

On Raw, Ric Flair comes out to officially announce his retirement. He is interrupted by Armando who calls him a coward. Flair attacks, leading to Umaga beating on Flair. HBK and Cena face off mid ring with a promo battle that gets heated. Edge and Orton end up facing Masters and Kenny, but Taker appears from under the ring and assaults Edge as Kenny gets the roll up on Orton for the win.

The following week The Mighty DAVE opens the SD show and calls T-Lo out to the ring. He says he likes the idea of the guys fighting for a shot, but he wants a fight too. He wants a match at NWO. T-Lo agrees and says he has just the guy. A guy The Mighty DAVE will love to fight… Mark Henry! Also, it’s announced that the tag titles are going to be unified at Mania, and T-Lo wants the best SD has to represent SD. He signs the Hooligans to face Regal/Taylor and the Teachers Pet in a triple threat elimination for NWO. That night, Benoit defeats MVP by tap out and Mr. Kennedy defeats Finlay after reversing a roll up.

Edge opens Raw to apologize to Taker again but Carlito interrupts him, calling him scared. They brawl and Taker again appears, causing Edge to get counted out as he flees through the crowd. Cena and HBK end up facing the World Greatest Tag team and losing when Cena hits HBK by accident, causing HBK to get pinned. Coach decides that next week, Rated RKO will be defending the tag titles against TWGTT, Cryme Tyme, and the Highlanders, with the winner going to Mania to face SD’s champs to unify the titles. It’s also announced that Jeff Hardy will defend his IC title against an unknown opponent next week, much to Nitro’s dismay.

The week before NWO, Kennedy costs Benoit the US Title in a match against Matt Hardy, while The Mighty DAVE teams with the Hooligans against Mark Henry and Regal/Taylor. This occurs after the Teachers Pets refuse to wrestle as they don’t want to risk injury before the big match at NWO. With one week to go before NWO, T-Lo has a 15 man, over the top battle royal where the winner faces the new US champ at NWO. Kane wins and goes on to face Matt for the US title.

At NWO, the tag match opens the show and the Teachers Pet’s get eliminated first when Regal pins Stevens at the 6:45 mark. Miscommunication occurs with Regal and Taylor and the Hooligans retain at the 14:07 mark and head to WM to defend SD in the tag title Unification match. In the US Title match, Matt Hardy snaps and attacks Kane with a chair, getting DQed at 10:14 but keeping his title. After several chair shots, Kane is left bloodied in the ring. He sits up and laughs at Matt just before Matt gets backstage. The number one contender match is an excellent match, with Benoit getting the win via tap out at 21:13 after Kennedy missed the Kenton Bomb. In the main event, The Mighty DAVE defeats Mark “Big Drippy” Henry in 13:20 after two spinebusters to retain the World Heavyweight title. Benoit comes out and stares at the mighty DAVE to end the show.

On RAW, TWGTT win the tag titles when Kenny costs Rated RKO the titles by hitting Orton with the belt. In the parking lot Edge has two Doberman’s attack the Undertaker. Jeff Hardy loses the I-C title to the big Russian Koslov in a surprisingly decent match. (Nitro’s interference led to Hardy getting pinned) Cena and HBK try to smooth things over from last week, but things get heated again when neither man will accept blame for the loss. Ric Flair challenges Umaga to his last match at Mania.

The first SD after NWO is headlined by the official contract signing of The Mighty DAVE vs. Chris Benoit for Wrestlemania, as well as a rematch between Matt Hardy and Kane for the US Title. Also on the show, Mr. Kennedy breaks down in the ring as apparently missing chance after chance has gotten to him. JBL is heard loudly calling him a crybaby. Matt Hardy again goes nuts and gets DQed after choking Kane with a cable from ringside. At the contract singing, the mighty DAVE turns heel and sends Benoit through the table with a Batista Bomb.

On RAW, Edge opens by saying he took care of the Undertaker. The lights go out and when they come on, the two Dobermans are in the ring, dead, and Edge is covered in blood. Randy Orton costs Kenny a match with Johnny Nitro by hitting an RKO behind the refs back. Hardy and Nitro brawl afterward. Coach announces at Mania, it’s the final battle, Hardy vs. Nitro, Last Man Standing match. Cena and HBK are again forced to team up against TWGTT, but the match falls apart when Cena and HBK begin to fight. JR announces Flair has gone into training for his last match as Umaga kills some nobody. Coach says at SNME, a major announcement regarding Mania will happen.

On SD, The Mighty DAVE opens the show to explain himself, where he states “I don’t owe anyone a damn thing!” T-Lo tells DAVE that by the end of the night, DAVE better have an explanation because Benoit can’t make it to SD due to injuries. Mr. Kennedy addresses JBL calling him a crybaby. JBL reacts with how he didn’t cry, he got one chance and he made the best of it. Finley faces Kane but Matt Hardy interferes, and “electrocutes” Kane with jumper cables and a battery (ala Kane vs. McMahon) The Hooliganz get a taped training segment as they prepare for Mania and it’s announced that Paul London will represent SD against Shelton at SNME. The Mighty DAVE refuses to explain himself and attacks T-Lo, with two spinebusters.

On RAW, Kenny and Jeff Hardy lose to Orton and Nitro when Nitro pins Hardy after a Melina low blow on Hardy. Clips of Flair’s career are shown in a video montage. Umaga beats Val Venis in a squash. Edge attacks Taker and goes for a conchairto, but the lights go out and when they come back on Taker is gone. TWGTT defeat the Texas Rangers. Cena defeats The Great Empty with help from HBK when HBK kicks Khali behind the refs back.

On SD, The Mighty DAVE opens the show to announce since T-Lo is out, he’s calling the shots. He decides that Benoit has to face Finlay and MVP in a handicap match. Mr. Kennedy attacks JBL while disguised as a fan. Matt Hardy cuts a promo on Kane, talking about how Kane started it all when Matt has the hardest time of his life, how Kane injured his knee, knocked up his girlfriend who cheated on Matt while he was in rehab. It was all Kane’s fault. Kane comes to fight but Matt runs away. The Hooligans defeat the Teachers Pet’s. Benoit defeats Finlay and MVP when MVP taps, but Mark Henry attacks Benoit. The Mighty DAVE announces Henry vs. Benoit at SNME.

SNME The Hooligans and Jeff Hardy beat TWGTT and Nitro when Hardy pins Nitro. HBK defeats Khali when Cena returns the favor. Afterward they have a nose to nose stare down and heated argument. Kennedy and JBL have a promo battle that results in JBL challenging Kennedy at Mania. Coach announces that at Wrestlemania, for the first time, all the women of the brands SD, RAW, ECW will be in a battle royal with the women’s title on the line. Also, the tag title match will be a ladder match! In a triple threat for the ECW title, RVD and Punk both pin Lashley at the same time. It gets announced later the vacant ECW title will be claimed at Mania in a 15 minute Hardcore time limit rules match featuring the entire ECW locker room. Taker defeats Randy Orton by DQ when Edge runs in. Rated RKO then lay the Deadman out with a conchairto. Edge defeats Kenny when Orton distracts Kenny, allowing Edge to hit the Rated R Dart. (It’s not a spear!) Matt Hardy attacks Kane backstage and tosses him into a closet. Then, he sets it on fire with Kane inside. Mark Henry defeats Chris Benoit after Batista makes the match a NO DQ and attacks Benoit.

On RAW Umaga beats up Dean Malenko as Armando calls Flair a coward for taking time off. Taker and Kenny are signed to face Rated RKO, but RKO refuses to show for the match. An angry Taker breaks things as Kenny goes looking for Orton. Backstage, Orton tries to run Kenny over with a car but Kenny dives out of the way. The Big Russian Koslov defeats Val Venis in his first I-C defense. He issues an open challenge for Mania that is answered by Carlito. TWGTT and Nitro defeat Jeff Hardy and Cryme Tyme when Haas pins JTG. Nitro and Hardy brawl through the arena most of the match. At the end of the show, HBK and Cena beat Chris Masters and Khali when HBK pins Masters. Afterward, Cena gives HBK the F-U.

On SD, The Mighty DAVE orders Benoit to face Mark Henry again in another no DQ match. Again, DAVE interferes but Benoit avoids it, allows DAVE to hit Henry and Benoit steals the pin. It’s announced Kane cannot make it to Mania due to Hardy’s actions. A match is signed between MVP, Finlay, Chavo and King Booker to declare a challenger. King Booker wins much to the fans delight. The Hooligans defeat Regal and Taylor as Kennedy attacks JBL with a chair to close the show.

On RAW with one week left to go, Armando shoots on Flair to the point Arn Anderson comes to his defense. What ensues is a horrible beating by Umaga on Flair’s best friend. Jeff Hardy and Nitro brawl through the arena again until Jeff hits Melina by accident, causing officials to stop the fight. Edge promo about how Taker can’t get in his head and he’s gotten the better of Taker and will beat Taker at Mania. The lights go out as Taker appears on the screen talking, then Taker appears behind Edge in the ring and beats Edge all the way up the ramp. Koslov defeats Vis in impressive fashion as Carlito watches at ringside. Backstage Taker is dragging Edge with a rope from a car as Kenny is seen standing over Orton with a pipe. RAW closes the show with HBK and Cena having words until HBK gives Cena some Sweet Chin Music.

On SD, The Mighty DAVE says he called in a favor and has a special match for Benoit later tonight. In a non title match Matt Hardy defeats King Booker with use of the ropes. JBL explains why he challenged Kennedy, talking about teaching the young kids the true meaning of respect and paying dues. Kennedy tries to attack but gets a Clothesline from Hell for his trouble. A video package of the Hooligans title reign is shown, then they defeat Noble and Helms. The Mighty DAVE comes out and announces the Great Empty as Benoit’s opponent. However, T-Lo comes out and changes it to Khali vs. DAVE. DAVE refuses but Benoit comes in from behind and shoves DAVE into Khali from behind. Khali and DAVE fight but the show ends as Benoit attacks Khali with a chair and locks the Crossface on DAVE.

WRESTLEMANIA 23! Show opens as Matt Hardy retains the US Title against King Booker in 9:16. Afterward, Kane’s music hits and Kane returns in the mask and destroys Matt like the Kane of old. Ric Flair and Umaga are next. During the match, Umaga hits the running butt to face twice, knocking Flair out. EMT’s take Flair out on a stretcher but just before they go backstage, Flair pulls himself off the stretcher. In a moment straight out of a Rocky movie, Flair brings the fight of his life and defeats Umaga with a cross body block off the second rope at 14:28. (Just like when he beat Harley Race for the NWA title) Big tear moment as Flair gets his moment in the sun with Malenko and Arn and most of the locker room clapping on stage. Women’s battle royal follows as Jillian Hall wins the women’s title, throwing Mickie James out last at 8:46. The Last Man Standing match is next as Hardy and Nitro give a great performance, fighting all over the place, ring, crowd, backstage. The end comes when Jeff sets up an 18 foot ladder on the edge of the stage. Nitro gets put on two tables and Jeff comes off the ladder on top of the stage, through Nitro and the tables. Both men are unable to answer the 10 count as the match is a draw at 16:57. Orton and Kenny are next, with Kenny winning with the Kenny KO after avoiding the RKO at 10:03. JBL and Kennedy are next. Kennedy kicks out of the JBL powerbomb and the Clothesline From Hell. Kennedy hits the Lambeu Leap and the Kenton for the win at 7:14. Monty Brown wins the ECW championship after getting the last pinfall of the match on PM Punk at 14:59 with the Pounnnceee! (Period). Edge and Undertaker deliver a great performance. Edge hits the Rated R Dart (it’s not a spear!) but Taker kicks. Edge kicks out of a Chokeslam, as well as Taker kicking out of Edge’s Implant DDT. Ending comes after Taker hits the Last Ride but Edge kicks. One Tombstone later and Edge loses to Taker at 19:12. Koslov retains his IC title against Carlito, winning in 4:33. In the Tag Title Unification match, TWGTT becomes undisputed champions after Benjamin leaps off the ropes, drop kicking London off one ladder and into Kendrick, who’s on the other ladder, allowing Hass to get the titles at 12:10. The Mighty DAVE defends the SD title against Chris Benoit successfully after MVP and Finlay interfere, allowing The Mighty DAVE to hit the Batista Bomb for the win in 14:21. In the Mania main event, HBK defeats John Cena for the WWE Championship with Sweet Chin Music at the 16:09 mark. Afterward, HHH comes out on crutches to celebrate with HBK.

Matt: Sorry, but Brown as Brown? Flair retiring? Tag Title unification? Old School Kane return? Koslov being GOOD? Far too fantasy for my liking. But still a great read.

After all that, do I have ideas? Of course I do. I think. Well, I just have a card, but that’s good enough, right?

Boogeyman vs. Helms.
D&D vs. Teacher’s Pets #1 Contender’s match.
Matt Hardy vs. Mercury, Hollywood Backlot Brawl
Benoit vs. Finlay, US Title.
Bluebloods vs. Hooliganz, Submission match, Tag Titles
Yang (C) vs. Noble, Cruiserweight title match
Taker & Kane vs. MVP & his posse, Miz, Krystal & Mystery Partner (Davari) in 4-on-2 handicap match.
DAVE vs. Kennedy, Last Man Standing.

And I’m tired, so that’s your lot. And now, the Homework.

There’s been a mass of firings recently, mostly in ECW. That frees up a bit of room in that brand. Bring in a guy from another brand, or from the development leagues, or from the Indies, and give them a role in ECW. Given Boogeyman’s fire/rehire, it can be someone they just canned if you like.

Send those ideas here. NOW!.

Until next week,

Matt & Nick.