The Fink’s Payload: 150th Edition Extravaganza

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Good afternoon all and welcome to the greatest armchair booking column in the history of the Internet Wrestling Community, The Fink’s Payload.

I would hope that the majority of you are familiar with how this works by now, but if not, go here.

So without further ado, onto the 150th edition of The Fink’s Payload!

Last Week’s Homework: The 2009 Royal Rumble: Book it!

Let’s kick off with Louis Jones, who wants to do something a little different with this year’s Rumble;

Well, I’m not going to detail all 30 entrants, order of entrance, and order of eliminations. But I will detail some highlights and the end game. Lead Up: On Raw, Jericho manages to dodge Batista at Cyber Sunday, and they captain different teams at Survivor Series. Jericho then manages to cheat and win at Armageddon, leaving one final “do or die” match at the Rumble. It will be cage match (so no interference) and if Batista loses, he can’t challenge for the title again while Jericho is champion. Cena returns at Survivor Series as a member of Batista’s team, and actually pins Jericho at SS. This is to the chagrin of Batista who wanted the pin, and the ensuing argument causes Cena to be pinned by John Morrison. Cena is the only member of the “face” team to be eliminated. On ECW, Hardy and Henry finish with each other at Surival Series, and Hardy proceeds to feud with Finley briefly through to the Rumble, winning decisively. On SD! we get the Triple Threat at Cyber Sunday, with HHH pinning Hardy. At SS HHH and Hardy end up being on the same team. Hardy accidently bumps into HHH, and gets pinned by Umaga. Hardy then re-enters, TOF’s HHH who then is also pinned by Umaga. HHH and Hardy have their blow off at Armageddon in a Falls Count Anywhere. HHH wins and moves on to take on Kozlov at the RR. Undercard: Batista finally prevails, and is triumphant over Jericho, finally winning the WHT. Afterwards, he comes face to face with Cena who comments that he is a RR victory away from a rematch. Stare Down! HHH, with shades of Scott Steiner in RR ’03, defeats Kozlov in one of the worst WWE Title matches in history. Not much else to say. The Main Event: The starters are John Morrison and William Regal, both of who rock it out and make it final 8. The 6th entrant is Festus. He enters the ring and stands there and does nothing. There is confusion until good ol JR mentions that Festus hasn’t heard the bell so he doesn’t know that he is supposed to wrestle yet. He is then easily tossed. He then just walks to the back with that same dumb look on his face. CM Punk gets the very awesome visual hitting the GTS on THE Brian Kendrick and sending him right out of the ring. The final 6 are Cena, Morrison, Orton, Edge, Taker and Big Show. Orton and Edge reunite and, with the help of Morrison, eliminate The Big Show. Rater RKO then betray Morrison and toss him. Orton then betrays Edge and sends him over the top. Edge is shocked and Orton has the world’s smarmiast grin on his face. The final three are Taker, Cena and Orton, and, doing something a little different, we get treated 8 minutes of triple threat wrestling. Finally, in a show of something incredibly unsuspected, Cena and Orton team up to eliminate the Undertaker. Orton and Cena proceed to battle for another 5 minutes, and surprisingly, Orton tosses Cena in a clear and decisive manner, winning the Rumble. Aftermath: For the first in a while, we have a heel chasing the face Champion going to WM, and it should be a refreshing. Orton definitely chooses Batista, and we have tons back history in the buildup. Louis Jones

This is pretty good stuff. The Rumble is about the right place to do a “Do or Die” style title match between Jericho and Batista. From what you said about the build up though, I figured you’d go with Batista winning the title match and Cena winning the Rumble leading to their rematch at Mania. I’m not sure Orton/Batista is quite as big a match as Cena/Batista. But I like the idea of a heel winning for a change. I don’t like a face being champ heading into Mania though; it’s happened far too much lately (with this year being the exception). On the other hand, you haven’t gone for a face vs. face Mania match; if you had, I’d have slaughtered you.

I like Morrison having a strong showing because he’s a young guy with potential and the Rumble is a good way to put someone like that over. Regal, however, isn’t going to be moving up the card any time soon so pushing him heavily seems like a bit of a waste.

And I think that you underrate the potential of a Kozlov/Hunter match. I like both guys; Kozlov is coming along nicely and it’s nice to have someone that fresh in the title scene. I don’t think their feud will last until the Rumble but I wouldn’t e totally against it doing just that either.

Interestingly enough, Louis isn’t the only one who fancies a Orton-Rumble win in 2009. Over to Jeremy;

ECW Championship: Mark Henry vs. Tommy Dreamer – While this may be a questionable match, I think the ECW title deserves a reasonable shot at the Royal Rumble. After the countout finish in 07 and the fact that the champion was in the Royal Rumble last year, a match with a decisive finish at one of the major PPV’s wouldn’t hurt. As for the match itself, Mark Henry would pick up the title at Survivor Series. For his many years of dedicated service to ECW, Tommy Dreamer would get granted a title shot by T-Lo. Mark Henry would win and go on to defend the ECW title at WrestleMania against Finlay (a feud that hopefully comes to be when Henry squashes Hornswaggle). Plus, I think this is better for Dreamer then entering the Rumble, lasting a few minutes if that and getting tossed by Khali or somebody like that. A Women’s Title defense against Victoria – Victoria would win a dual-branded battle royal on a early January RAW to challenge for the Women’s title of her choice (I think it would also be a preview for the Rumble anyway) Victoria would win the title, defend it for a few weeks then drop it to the girl who will pose for Playboy. A transitional title reign wouldn’t hurt her anymore than losing to Maria and the Bella twins every week. No Disqualification for World Heavyweight Championship: Chris Jericho vs. Batista – Jericho and Batista split wins at Cyber Sunday (Jericho) and Armageddon (Batista by DQ). Adamle makes a No DQ Match for the Royal Rumble. Jericho retains the gold. One trademark of the Royal Rumble, other than the big match itself is a world title being defended against an underdog challenger. Jeff Hardy, Mr Kennedy, Scott Steiner, Mark Henry and Hardcore Holly (which I still think is kind hard to believe).Well that brings us to the next match for the WWE Championship. Like previous years, there is a Beat the Clock sprint to determine the number one contender, with 8 possible challengers (Chavo Guerrero, Shelton Benjamin, MVP, Jeff Hardy, Carlito , Festus, The Great Khali and the Undertaker) . During the night, Chavo’s match with Undertaker gets cancelled due to the Undertaker getting attacked by the Big Show. The final match of the night, Jeff Hardy vs. United States Champion Shelton Benjamin is going against The Great Khali’s time. Jeff Hardy wins with just 11 seconds left on the clock. Vickie then interrupts and says that there was one man who did not receive his rightful chance to try and Beat the Clock, this brings out Chavo Guerrero who attacks Jeff and beats him in an impromptu match, afterwards he is granted his title match for the Royal Rumble. It could also play into the booking of WrestleMania with Vickie stacking the deck against Jeff Hardy. WWE Championship Triple H vs. Chavo Guerrero – I think that the match would have to be short and Chavo wouldn’t really lose anything by being defeated by the WWE champion. Although Chavo doesn’t really scream a believable challenger, he is a competent enough wrestler and it may even help his position on the card. Triple H easily wins. The Royal Rumble: The rumble sees the continuation of the Big Show/Undertaker feud, the CM Punk/Orton feud, the beginning of an Edge/Jeff Hardy feud and the return of Elijah Burke. Final four are Jeff Hardy, Edge, CM Punk and Randy Orton. CM Punk hits a GTS on Edge, Jeff Hardy then clotheslines Edge out of the ring eliminating him. Randy Orton RKO’s Punk and then tosses Jeff Hardy over the top but he lands on the apron. He responds by grabbing Orton’s head and pulling it down on the top rope. He then climbs the turnbuckles and signals for the Swanton but before he can jump, he is pulled off the top rope by Edge, which causes him to slam down hard on the concrete. CM Punk gets back up as Randy rolls to the corner. Punk takes control over Orton, but Manu and Priceless attack him. Just as he gets rid of them Orton eliminates him to win the Royal Rumble. Winner of the 2009 Royal Rumble: Randy Orton At WrestleMania, Randy Orton would face the World Heavyweight Champion CM Punk, who won it at No Way Out in an elimination chamber. Triple H would the WWE title against Jeff Hardy, who won the Smackdown Elimination Chamber and Edge who gets put into the match by Vickie Guerrero after Edge got “wrongfully disqualified” in a title match with Triple H on a early March smackdown. Jeremy from Palmdale

Under anything other circumstance, I’d slate you for Chavo/Hunter but in this case it works; like you said, the Rumble frequently has that type of title match and the Rumble sells itself so there’s no harm in doing this.

The World Championship match is an obvious choice and while I’m not the biggest fan of Batista, it makes a lot of sense. In a No DQ, the winner goes over strong regardless of how victory is achieved so I’m glad Jericho gets a big victory here.

I have no problem with Victoria winning a women’s title again, but I don’t see it happening.

The ECW Championship match is a good addition, but why not make it Extreme Rules. This way, the match will be of better quality and people will give Dreamer a chance. And it’l add something different to the pay-per-view.

Your conclusion to the Rumble is GREAT stuff – really dramatic. I love the idea of planting the seeds to future feuds and you do that well here with Edge/Hardy. The interaction with Punk and Orton really sounds great and I like the use of Priceless in there and the sneaky way in which Orton wins.

Lastly, David James has his thoughts;

Royal Rumble 2009 World Championship Chris Jericho (c) vs. Randy Orton Chris Jericho has hung on to the belt through thick and thin, and Randy Orton is ready to cash in his favor for helping Jericho in a recent title defense. The build to this match sees Randy Orton host his own Highlight Reel, ending in a pull-apart with Y2J. During the match, Orton barely kicks out of a pin after a steel chair shot from Lance Cade. Minutes later, Orton scores a near-fall after interference from Manu and Priceless. After a big brawl erupts resulting in everyone being ejected from the ringside area, Orton hits an RKO and gets the 1-2-3! New World Champion Randy Orton WWE Championship Triple H (c) vs. Edge Both of these guys excel at blurring the line between storyline and reality, so things get real personal in the weeks prior. While telling HHH about his life falling apart recently, Edge makes comments about Triple H’s happy marriage to Stephanie McMahon. Triple H points to Edge as a HHH wannabe. Edge cuts an almost-out-of-character interview with JR about being held back on Raw by HHH himself, and then DX. In what is best described as a street fight, Triple H and Edge brawl into the aisles, the crowd, and into the marchandise stand. Finally the match is thrown out after Edge repeatedly rams a ladder into Triple H’s ribs. Still WWE Champion Triple H ECW Championship John Morrison (c) vs. The Miz Much like the build, the two keep it relatively friendly in the early going. After a few close calls, things heat up and the action goes back and forth. John Morrison scores a pin when he counters a sunset flip. They shake hands after the match. Still ECW Champion John Morrison Tag Team Championship Carlito & Primo Colon (c) vs. The Brian Kendrick & Ezekiel Jackson The Colons dominate the match with double-teaming. As soon as Ezekiel gets the upper hand, he destrosy both brothers and Kendrick tags himself in for the pinfall and the titles. New Tag Team Champions The Brian Kendrick & Ezekiel Jackson Divas Championship Natalya (c) vs. Brie Bella During the match, Brie Bella goes to do the switch-a-roo routine but when she climbs under the ring she stops halfway. She comes out and looks around, confused. “Where is she?” Around the corner, DH Smith sneaks out from under the ring and clotheslines Brie from behind. He rolls her in the ring and Natalya hits a powerbomb for the win. Still Divas Champion Natalya Backstage, Michaels disses Jericho for losing the title, because he wanted to win the Royal Rumble and face Y2J at WrestleMania. Cena talks about how much he NEEDS to win this match. Other comments from CM Punk, Priceless, JBL, and Batista. Royal Rumble Match CM Punk lost to Mr.Kennedy in a match to determine who got #s 1 and 30, so he starts out against #2, Jeff Hardy. Jeff Hardy has been intense lately and the match deteriorates into a slapfest. Cody Rhodes in at #3, but he takes his time letting the the two faces fight. Punk brings him in and they go at it. #4 Chavo Guerrero in to even things out, as they pair off. No eliminations as Kofi Kingston, Tommy Dreamer, Charlie Haas (as Haas-dust … figure it out) enter at #s 5, 6, and 7. Haas-dust actually dominates the ring until Umaga comes out at #8. In short order, Umaga tosses Haas-dust, Dreamer and Kofi. Punk and Hardy try for a double-team but get knocked to the mat. When Umaga comes face to face with Cody Rhodes, Manu is in at #9 to make the save. The two big guys go at it. #10 R Truth goes in and faces off with both big Samoans. Punk and Hardy back in to help. #11 Hurricane Helms in as filler. #12 Shawn Michaels in the ring and takes shots at everyone. He superkicks Umaga in the ropes, and directs Punk and Hardy in taking shots before eliminating him. #13 MVP in, followed by #14 Jamie Noble. Manu and Rhodes eliminate Helms and Noble. Santino out next and he stalls, chatting with the fans. Manu and Rhodes eliminate Punk and Jeff Hardy when they are tangled up against the ropes. Cena in at #16 and he nails Santino with an FU on the floor before he enters the ring. Him and Michaels team up to eliminate Rhodes and Manu. They turn their attention to each other until Lance Cade comes at #17. Shawn leaves the ring to meet him on the floor, where Jericho attacks him. MVP jumps Cena from behind in the ring. Cade runs down and rolls Shawn into the ring only to throw him over the top. R Truth and Cena team up and eliminate Cade and MVP. Then R Truth tries to goad Cena into a dance-off. During this interaction, Shelton enters at #18 and comes down talking about the two in the ring. They toss him in seconds. With the crowd chanting what’s up, R Truth starts the dance battle. When he stops and gestures to John Cena to take his turn, Cena clotheslines him over the top rope. The Great Khali comes down at #19 and Cena makes quick work of him, hitting an FU and tossing him out. #20 Kane down and meets the same treatment, this time with a little help from John Cena’s steel chain. #21 . . . The Undertaker! He and John Cena go nose to nose in the ring before coming to blows. Undertaker gains the upper hand and Cena retreats from the ring when Taker almost hits the Tombstone. Ted Dibiase in with the Undertaker while Cena strategizes on the outside. After Undertaker tosses Dibiase, Cena in with the sneak attack. #23 JBL in next and he and Cena mix it up before the Undertaker chokeslams both of them. #24 Mark Henry and #25 Big Show out next. Cena tries to organize the giants to his side. Together, they eliminate the Undertaker. Santino runs from the Taker into the ring and winds up in between Big Show and Henry. The toss him back and forth like a couple of bullies. Big Show gorilla presses him onto the floor. Matt Hardy in at #26 and he meets Johna Cena. JBL hides in the corner while Show battles Henry. Rey Mysterio out at #27. Him and Hardy do some classic “Hardy” maneuvers to Big Show and Mark Henry, before Mysterio eliminates Henry with a hurricanrana. Kozlov in next. He dominates the faces and tries unsuccessfully to knock down the Big Show. Batista in to show him how it’s done. He shoulderblocks Big Show right over the top rope. He battles Kozlov. JBL clotheslines Matt Hardy over the top. #30 is Mr. Kennedy. Kennedy goes after John Cena. JBL and Kozlov try to irish whip Batista and Mysterio into one another only to collide. Then, Batista and Mysterio eliminated them. FINAL FOUR: Mr. Kennedy, John Cena, Batista, and Rey Mysterio Batista in the corner with Kennedy. Rey hits the 619 on Cena. When he tries for the West Coast Pop to follow up, Cena catches him and drops him over the top rope. He tries to dump Kennedy and Batista at the same time, but Batista hangs on. He rolls back in and nails John Cena with a spear. He tosses him over the top rope to win the 2009 Royal Rumble. Just in case you’re wondering, this leads to Batista v. Orton, Jeff Hardy v. HHH v. Edge, HBK v. Y2J, and Cena v. Undertaker at WM25. David James

Your proposed World Championship match is an interesting concept; is it heel vs. heel or is Orton a face? I think if paired with Jericho, the fans will make Orton the face, even if he retains his heel actions as he does in your scenario, utilizing Priceless and a sneaky RKO to get the win. I don’t know if I like the idea of taking the ball out of Jericho’s hands though. I wouldn’t mind some kind of inconclusive decision that sees the title being vacated, and ultimately a 3 or 4-way at Mania with Cena and Batista also in there.

Edge vs. Hunter is also a potentially great feud. You would have to be careful with a feud like that where the line between kayfabe and reality is blurred – TNA generally fails with it, WWE, on the odd occasion they go that way, tend to pull it off well. And I’m all for a 3-way feud involving those two and Jeff Hardy, so thumbs up for that match, particularly the way it’s booked. You do have to be careful that individuals issues such as those you described aren’t dropped when a third man comes into the feud though.

Your other undercard matches are fine, and I particularly like the idea of Kendrick and Ezekiel as tag champs; big guy/little guy duos entertain me, and I think they could do really well as champs.

As for the Rumble, it’s well thought out, nicely executed and sounds great in most places. That said, having Batista win irks me, and you eliminated a couple of potential favorites in Michaels, Punk and Hardy fairly early. Overall though, a really strong entry.

And now, here’s the part where I present my own ideas.

Undercard: Winner Enters The Rumble: John Cena vs. Batista Cena wins via 2 FUs, despite Batista having a foot on the rope ECW Championship: Matt Hardy vs. Finlay Finlay wins via shillelagh shot; new champion World Heavyweight Championship: Chris Jericho vs. Rey Mysterio Jericho wins clean via Codebreaker WWE Championship: Triple H vs. Edge Triple H wins cleanly via Pedigree (Key Events of) The Rumble Match: The first two entrants are THE Brian Kendrick and Paul London. London has Kendrick on the ropes, but interference from Ezekiel leads to London getting tossed. John Morrison is number 4 and lasts until and the final six, eliminated by Shawn Michaels. Morrison aids in the elimination of HBK and the two brawl around ringside until they’re separated by security. Edge takes out Jesse before the match and takes his place in the Rumble, entering at number 29. At one point in the match, Undertaker finds himself facing 4-on-1 odds, fighting off Umaga, Manu, Khali and Show. He fights them all off, only for Kendrick to get the Maven-esque elimination on him. Taker is stopped from destroying Taker by Ezekiel, who lays Taker out. Kendrick is later eliminated by Shawn Michaels. The final five are Michaels (entrant 15), Jeff Hardy (entrant 17), Randy Orton (entrant 22), Edge (entrant 29) and John Cena (entrant 30). Michaels is eliminated by Orton, following a kick from the outside by Morrison. Edge and Orton team up against Hardy and Cena. While Cena and Edge brawl, Hardy gets caught by a punt from Orton. Cena fights against the odds and hits a double FU on Rated RKO. He staggers to his feet but eats a Spinebuster from a pissed off Batista. The Animal then tosses Cena to the floor and proceeds to bloody him with a chair shot, and he doesn’t let up until he is restrained. When the final three recover, Hardy is double teamed until he hits a double Whisper in the Wind. Chaos follows, Edge tries a Spear but Hardy avoids it and Edge hits Orton. Hardy hits a Twist of Fate on Edge but misses a Swanton. Edge sets up for the Spear again, but this time Hardy back drops him to the floor. Orton tries a sneaky RKO on Hardy, but gets caught and dumped over the top; Hardy wins the Rumble. After the match, Triple H heads to the ring and applauds Hardy, but he tries for a Pedigree only for Hardy to back drop out of it and clothesline The Game to the floor. They stare down to end the show. Dan Wilcox

Entry: Entries will NOT be accepted via the comments section. Entries will NOT be accepted after the deadline. When sending an entry, NO attachments please. All entries should be sent to [email protected]

Deadline: The column has to be in the 411 system by Wednesdays at midnight. I want entries in no later than midnight on Tuesdays.

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Spelling and grammar: Please check your entries for spelling and grammar mistakes. A few mistakes I don’t mind, but if your entry looks like it’s been written by a three-year old, I’ll probably just shit all over your ideas.

This Week’s Homework: Undo the damages done by TNA booking to Samoa Joe; make Joe a bad ass again.

Remember, all entries to [email protected].