The Name on the Marquee: WWA Revolution (02.24.2002)

-Funny what you find in your bookcase when you’re bored. I had intended to go poking around WWEClassics.com today for another review, but the internet connection in my apartment went down. So I went rooting through my shelves and pulled this DVD out. WWA Revolution—I’ve had this DVD for six years now, and you know what? Never watched it. I got a ton of DVDs from a friend named Travis when I was in college and he, in turn, got his hands on a bunch of my DVDs. Somehow, I just never sat down and watched this one. Let’s see what I’ve been missing.

-If you need background info here, WWA stood for World Wrestling All-Stars, so technically, it should have been WWAS, but that was way too easy to make jokes about (ya know, because everybody on the roster WWAS once employed by another promotion) so they fibbed and tried to convince us that it was actually WWA. It was the first go at creating some new competition in the now WCWless world. Here now is their inaugural US show and their second pay-per-view.

-We open with assurance from our founder, Andrew McManus, that we’re about to see a wrestling event unlike anything ever seen in America, complete with dancing girls and pyrotechnics, which, if you ignore 260 episodes of Nitro, is true. Also, Randy Savage is not going to be here tonight, even though he really wanted to be here. Enjoy the show!

-We’re in Las Vegas.

-Originally aired February 24, 2002.

-We open with a live band performing a song called “Revolution.” No, not that song “Revolution,” it’s an alt-rock diddy.

-We open…again…with super-duper-slow-mo clips of the stars and dancers we’ll be seeing in action tonight.

-Your hosts are Jeremy Borash & Mark Madden.

SIX-MAN CRUISERWEIGHT SURVIVAL ELIMINATION MATCH: NOVA vs. LOKI vs. SHARK BOY vs. AJ STYLES vs. TONY MAMALUKE vs. “Fallen Angel” CHRISTOPHER DANIELS
-So only two men are allowed in the ring at a time and you have to tag in to get involved. Styles & Mamaluke start. They trade headscissors to start. Styles takes him down and tries to work the arm, but gets caught in headscissors again. German suplex by Styles, but Mamaluke lands on his feet and fights back. Styles tags out and in comes Shark Boy. Dropkick by Shark Boy, and then a few chops. Irish whip and a clothesline by Mamaluke. Atomic drop by Shark Boy, and then he bites Mamaluke on the ass. Mark Madden notes, “A hooker did that to me for fifteen bucks last night!” That only gets two. Meanwhile, Nova is sipping coffee on the apron, which is pretty funny. Mark Madden notes that he’s not a cartoon character anymore, he’s businesslike. Well, hell, give him time.

-Loki enters the fray and kicks Shark Boy in the head. Daniels tags in while both men are backed in the corner and chops the hell out of Loki. Daniels tries an Irish whip and chopped down. Loki, feeling pissed, slaps the coffee out of Nova’s hand and tags him in. Madden tells us over and over again that Nova “isn’t a cartoon character anymore, he’s businesslike.”

-Armdrags are exchanged. Series of kicks by Nova. Double gourdbuster by Nova & Loki. Springboard kick by Loki gets two. Tony Mamaluke (who is bleeding hardway from something; not sure what) returns and heads up top, but gets crotched on the top rrope. Loki goes for a superplex, but Shark Boy yanks both of them off and tries to pin, but the referee refuses to count because Shark Boy didn’t tag in. Shark Boy & Mamaluke brawl on the floor until Daniels launches himself on the floor and takes out Mamaluke. It turns into a brawl on the floor while Nova & Styles battle it out inside the ring, apparently the legal men somehow now. Back inside the ring, Shark Boy & Mamaluke battle it out and the other four guys head out to the apron, so, I guess they’re the legal men now. Oh, and here comes Loki with a kick to Shark Boy, and that gets a three-count to eliminate him.

-AJ Styles takes down Loki. Loki throws more kicks and chops, and a particularly hard kick gets two. Forearms by Styles and they collide on a double clothesline. Both men tag and it becomes Mamaluke vs. Daniels. Snap suplex by Mamaluke as our commentators talk about how WCW held people back due to politics. That’s exactly what you should talk about during commentary too, because it enhances my enjoyment of the match.

-Daniels & Mamaluke battle their way to the top rope and Mamaluke hits a back superplex for two. Madden is so moved by the pain these two men are dishing out that he talks about paying $1500 for a six-way at the Chicken Ranch last night. Daniels comes back with the Angel’s Wings and tags in AJ Styles. Styles kills Mamaluke even deader with the Styles Clash for the three-count, and and Mamaluke is done.

-Nova, who is not a cartoon character anymore, but is so businesslike that he doesn’t like engaging in small talk because it’s unbusinesslike, lets loose on Daniels & Styles. Loki tags in and snapmares Daniels. Snapmare by Daniels, followed by chops & kicks. Daniels counters with an electric chair and tags in Nova. Flying elbow by Nova gets two. Loki gets hung up in a tree of woe but manages to turn it into something like a tarantula. Nova gets free and Loki comes off the top rope with something that Borash determines may or may not have connected on Daniels for two. A brawl erupts and Styles gets wiped out on the floor in the process.

-Loki is standing on the top rope, preparing to do something with Nova, and Daniels runs over and sidewalk slams him clear across the ring and onto the mat for the three-count. Nice.

-Nova comes off the top rope with a missile dropkick on Daniels. Styles revives and comes back in to lay into Nova with dropkicks and an elbow as Mark Madden reports that Shark Boy is backstage eating Terry Taylor. It’s a wonder Mark didn’t follow that with some damn joke about Shark Boy swallowing cock. It’s right there.

-Springboard moonsault by Daniels on Styles gets two. We get a spot where all three guys lock each other in submission holds. We’re now pretty much ignoring the tag rule and going with a three-way dance. Daniels tries to ‘rana Styles off the top rope, but Styles turns it into a Styles Clash to eliminate Daniels.

-We’re down to Nova & Styles. Spin doctor by Nova gets two. Nova is no longer a cartoon character; he’s businesslike to such a degree that he was voted Worst Audience Member in Cirque De Soleil History. Both men dual for moves on the top rope and Nova manages to win the dual with a superplex for three. 1 for 1. You can’t really do storytelling with six guys all battling to show off their big moves, after all. All it was intended to be was a spotfest, and that’s exactly what it was.

-WWA Commissioner Bret Hart addresses the crowd. He puts over the crop of new young talent. He announces that “Space Cowboy” Randy Savage(??) won’t be here tonight and he’s ready to announce the substitution for the main event. He tells the crowd he’s not coming out of retirement and they boo. Instead, it’s going to be Brian Christopher vs. Jeff Jarrett for the WWA Title. Crowd is so impressed with that pairing that they chant “Bret!” Bret talks about how America has been going through a tough time ever since the World Towers were bombed (Yep…) and even though he’s come across as anti-American in the past, he hopes we know the world is on our side. He also congratulates the Canadian Olympic hockey team for winning the gold and gets booed out of the building.

-The Funkster (Alan Funk doing a very convincing Hulk Hogan impression) promises to teach a pair of midgets how to wrestle. He gets all the details of the impression right, including talking about how Andre the Giant weighed 700 pounds.

THE FUNKSTER vs. RENO
-Reno attacks the Funkster before the bell, but Funkster comes back with Irish whips and clothesline. Overhead suplex sends Reno to the floor and Funkster rips the shirt to celebrate. Back in, Funkster hiptosses Reno and slams him facefirst for two. Reno comes back by draping Funkster on the top rope and kicking him out to the floor. He drops Funkster facefirst on the apron and tosses him back into the ring, and Funkster crawls around the ring sticking out one arm, which is a great little detail to get for this gag.

-Gutwrench suplex by Reno, who Madden puts over for being serious. Overhead suplex by Reno nearly kills the Funkster when he lands headfirst. Springboard sunset flip by Funk gets two. Headlock by Reno, then a knee and some forearm shots to the chest. Back to the headlock by Reno as Madden tells us this is the worst beating Funkster has taken since losing to Hellwig’s pharmacist at the SkyDome.

-Funk starts the inevitable Funk-up and punches Reno. Reno dodges the big boot and lays into Funk with right hands and “rolling the dice” (an inverted neckbreaker). He comes off the top rope and gets a boot in the face as Madden somehow turns “rolling the dice” into a masturbation euphemism. Funkster Funks up again and hits a piledriver on Reno. Legdrop finishes. 1 for 2. Weird imbalanced feeling; Funk wanted a comedy match, Reno wanted a serious exhibition, and neither man got what they were aiming for.

-A limousine arrives backstage, carrying a gaggle of hired women and Scott Steiner.

-Disco Inferno arrives at ringside, pissed that his match with Brian Christopher is cancelled because he’s wrestling for the title now. He announces that he’s going to sit in for commentary until somebody answers his open challenge. He and Mark Madden get into an argument that just keeps going on and on while we apparently deal with some technical difficulty.

NATIVE BLOOD VS. KRONIC
-Native Blood attacks before the bell, but Kronic ready for them. One gets cleared from the ring and Bryan Adams press slams the other on top of his partner. Clarke goes out and chops at both men. Adams hits the Fatty Boom Batty (full nelson into a slam) onto a member of Native Blood. Native Blood was introduced with a name for each guy, but the commentary team doesn’t know which is which and just keeps referring to each guy as Native Blood.

-Clarke chops the hell out of Blood #1. #1 fights back with chops of his own. Clarke drops him with a sidewalk slam. In comes Bryan Adams. He gets DDTed off camera. Double dropkick by Native Blood for two. Legdrop by Native Blood #2 gets two. Adams comes back with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and makes the tag. Clarke cleans house with boots. Meltdown by Clarke gets two. Kronik clears #1 from the ring and finishes #2 with High Times for the win. 1 for 3. More squash than a farmer’s market.

-Puppet the Angry Midget Killer steals the microphone from Terry Taylor and promises to destroy every other midget in WWA. I would have liked some clarification on the name “Angry Midget Killer.” Is he a midget killer who happens to be angry, or does he kill angry midgets?

-And here are the super-revolutionary dancing girls that we were promised. They writhe sexily until they stop.

FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE: PUPPET THE MIDGET KILLER vs. TIO
-Puppet attacks from behind on the entrance ramp. “When was the last time you saw midgets?” Borash asks us. Tio whips Puppet into the staircase as Disco & Mark seem to be battling for Jeremy Borash’s affection with their endless supply of short jokes. Tio crams Puppet into a trash can, then goes up to the top and splashes him for a two-count. Annoying stylistic choice as commentary is actually audible over the PA system. Smaller indy promotions love to do that for some reason and you kill every single wrestler’s heat that way. The fans are totally ignoring the match and giggling at the commentary.

-Back to the match. Tio tries a flying headscissors and screws it up, so Puppet saves by making it a modified Boston crab (a midget tamer, Madden calls it). Tio tries for a ‘rana and Puppet counters it with a powerbomb. Puppet gets whipped into a trash can and Tio goes upstairs for a swanton bomb that misses, and both men are out cold. Puppet lobs Tio out to the floor and gets a bag of thumbtacks. He scatters them all over the floor and drops Tio facefirst onto the pile for the three-count. 1 for 4. The saddest thing is they were actually, genuinely trying to make it good and the commentators went out of their way to kill this.

-Scott Steiner arrives and attacks the midgets with an overhead suplex and a press slam. As long as it’s just Steiner pissing around and posing, I want to take a moment to acknowledge the, uh, WWAtron that’s been displaying absolutely seizure-inducing screen saver animations and 1.5 million flashing colors of light since the show started. That’s annoying enough, but either the DVD itself or the machine I’m playing it on finds it so intolerable that a LOUD buzzing sound emits any time the entrance area is visible on camera.

-Scott gets his hands on a microphone and flings a lot of vagina references before ripping into Bret Hart for his ruling. And again, a missed opportunity by Mark Madden. Scott’s talking about vaginas. He hates Bret Hart. What was Bret Hart’s signature color, again? There you go.

-So Scott goes over to the commentary and gets egged on by Mark Madden until he attacks Disco Inferno, so the challenge is answered.

SCOTT STEINER vs. DISCO INFERNO
-Steiner boots Disco down and chops the hell out of him. Disco manages to get a few kicks in, but he walks into an overhead belly-to-belly. Chops & punches by Steiner. Disco tries an axehandle off the second ropes but gets caught. Another belly-to-belly by Steiner. He plants Disco on the top rope and does an overhead belly-to-belly from that position. Steiner Recliner finishes. There was no referee for the match, but, you know…clearly it finished. 1 for 5.

THREE-WAY DANCE, INTERNATIONAL CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE: PSICOSIS (Champion) vs. JUVENTUD GUERRERA vs. EDDY GUERRERO
-Everybody trades chops to starts. Juvy catches Psicosis in flying headscissors, but gets backdropped to the floor by Eddy. Psicosis knocks Eddy to the floor and takes out both of his opponents. Juvy gets whipped into the barricade. Eddy & Psicosis go at it one-on-one in the ring Facebuster by Psicosis on Eddy gets two. Irish whip by Psicosis, but he misses a charge and Juvy returns to try his luck with Eddy. He ‘ranas Eddy off the top rope. Guerrero fights back with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Eddy refocuses on Psicosis with chops and a clothesline. Suplex by Eddy nearly finishes, but Juvy makes the save. So this would be a triple-threat, then. Right?

-Juvy & Eddy dual for a pinfall on Psicosis, and that allows Psicosis the chance to recover. His comeback doesn’t last long, as Eddy is right on him with a backdrop. Eddy back suplexes Juvy for two. Juvy goes outside for a breather while Psicosis kicks Eddy’s ass. Juvy returns with a kick to Eddy’s heat and all three men wind up laying on the mat.

-Slugfest erupts and Eddy winds up getting double-teamed. Eddy gets suplexed over the top and onto the floor. Psicosis takes care of Juvy inside the ring. Jeremy clarifies that a triple threat match is different from a three-way dance because the pinfall can be broken by interference at any time. HUH?

-All three men end up on the top rope. Juvy superplexes Eddy off. Psicosis legdrops both of his opponents and gets a two-count from each of them. Juvy DDTs Psicosis for two after another save by Eddy. Eddy blocks a ‘rana from the top rope and Psicosis goes crashing to the mat. Eddy follows with a frogsplash and gets the three-count to claim the title. 2 for 6. A lot like the opening match; a lot of high spots from three guys needing a place to show off.

-Eddy cuts a promo in the ring about beginning his comeback in WWA when Jerry Lynn arrives to make a statement of his own. Camera gives us a HILARIOUS shot of one guy in the crowd absolutely shitting a rainbow at the sight of Jerry Lynn, surrounded by fans not sharing in his enthusiasm. But you have to admire his spirit. Jerry pulls out some eyedrops to give himself some false tears and then mock Eddy’s speech. Eddy punches him down and then makes the crucial mistake of turning his back. Lynn beats the living hell out of him. They go to the floor and Eddy takes control out there.

-Larry Zybysko is backstage!

-The Faux-Fly Girls kill time with another number.

DEVON STORM vs. SABU (with Bill Alfonzo)
-Hacksaw Sabu is wearing the American flag as a keffiyah. Mark Madden also notes that he has his own water bottle with “Sabu” written on it. And I’m sure he makes it a point to take it out of the WWA refrigerator every Friday so that the janitors don’t throw it out.

-Sabu sweeps the leg to take Storm down. Storm kicks him away, and they trade arm wringers. Sabu boots him down and keeps the wringer applied, but Storm breaks it with a suplex. Headbutt and a forearm shot follow. Elbow gets two. Sabu comes back with a springboard kick and takes Storm out of the ring with flying headscissors. Action stays on the floor, with Sabu going headfirst into the stairs and the barricade. Storm attempts a suplex on the steps, but Sabu grabs the ropes to send him tumbling off. Sabu goes over the top rope and crashes onto Storm, then blades for some reason and sticks the blade back into his trunks on camera.

-Back in the ring, Sabu clamps on a camel clutch. He gets bored with that and Storm mounts a comeback once Sabu lets his guard down. Fists are exchanged and Storm gets two from a northern lights suplex. Belly to back suplex by Storm and a slingshot splash follows. Springboard moonsault gets two. Sabu takes it back to the floor and Fonzie sets up a table. Storm resists and front suplexes Sabu onto the steps. Attempted powerbomb into the table is BADLY blown and both guys sort of drift from move to move until Fonzie interferes and Sabu takes advantage with a springboard legdrop. Chairshot to Storm’s forehead. Kick to the face is sold fabulously by Storm, as he collapses chin-first onto the chair to hurt himself more. Sabu sets up the chair again, but Storm hooks his leg and Sabu goes into the chair himself. Death Valley Driver gets two. Storm slams Sabu while holding onto a chair so that Sabu lands on top of it. Spiffy. Legdrop on top of the chair on top of Sabu’s face gets two.

-Action goes back out to the floor. Storm picks up Sabu in a wheelbarrow and drops him across the barricade. Back inside, two chairs are set up and Storm tries to powerbomb Sabu through, but Sabu resists and suplexes Storm through the set-up. Arabian facebuster and Sabu decides to go up top. Storm hurls a chair at Sabu and knocks him out of the ring where the table from earlier is still propped up and waiting. Sabu clotheslines Storm onto the table and triple-jumps through Storm and the table. Storm is able to recover and tries to finish with the Mind Bender, but he gets two. Leap of Faith gets two. Fonzie gets involved and Storm gets ready to kick his ass, but Sabu makes the save. He throws a chair at Storm and brings him back into the ring for a two-count. He sets up Storm for a chairshot from Fonzie, but Storm ducks and Sabu gets KOed for a three-count. Sabu gets revenge with an Arabian facebuster assisted by a table post-match. 3 for 7. Actually a hell of a good 20 minutes, and Mark Madden, of all people, actually started explaining what made it good on commentary during the match. It deviated from the typical hardcore match formula of “get a weapon, do spots, get a new weapon, do spots…” The number of weapons was actually somewhat restrained and instead the match was focused on the efforts of the two guys.

-Lenny & Lodi are backstage doing gay innuendo to zero reaction from the live crowd.

LARRY ZYBYSKO SHOOTS!
-Mark Madden introduces Larry Zybysko. Zybysko goes on a mind-numbing tirade about what a complete asshole Vince McMahon, Jr. is because his father wouldn’t let him be a wrestler. He’s proud that he made a vow never to work for Vince, Jr. after some undefined disagreement and challenges Vince to a match. Also, Chris Jericho is too short to be a star (and the crowd actually kinda turns on him for saying that). Fun fact: After Chris Jericho won his promotion’s world title, the promotion continued to exist. 3 for 8. Since this is the only WWA show I have, I’m just curious, did Vince ever accept the challenge?

LENNY & LODI vs. RICK STEINER & ERNEST MILLER
-Miller looks weird with a full head of hair. Ring entrances take forever. Steiner hammers Lenny down and Miller tags in and kicks Lenny. And that finishes. 3 for 9.

WORLD TITLE: JEFF JARRETT (Champion) vs. BRIAN CHRISTOPHER
-Jarrett takes Christopher down and struts. That works so well that he does it again. Then he stalls. Side headlock by Jarrett and Christopher is able to get out and hiptoss Jarrett. He clotheslines Jarrett over the top and baseball slides into him. He dances until his pants fall down to celebrate. Missile dropkick by Christopher gets two. Neckbreaker gets two. They take the action into the crowd and do the annoying ECW thing where they walk around the crowd while selling being hurt. Jarrett Irish whips Christopher into a wall. Jarrett throws a very abrasive beer into Christopher’s face to further injure him. They get back to ringside and Jarrett gets thrown into the steps. Back into the ring, Christopher goes for a splash in the corner but crotches himself on the turnbuckle. Jarrett poses. He Irish whips Christopher, then poses. He Irish whips Christopher again, then jaws with the crowd. Bodypress from the top turnbuckle is reversed into a roll-up by Christopher for two. Sleeper by Jarrett, but Christopher is able to raise his arm and elbow his way to freedom. Christopher applies his own sleeper, but Jarrett reverses with a back suplex. Christopher manages to land on his feet and kicks Jarrett down. Enziguiri kick by Christopher gets two. Tornado DDT gets two. We go back to the floor, where the referee stops Jarrett from using a chair, only to be accidentally kicked in the face by Christopher. Christopher uses the opportunity to wipe out Jarrett with the chair. Christopher puts on his goggles and hits the hip-hop drop. Another referee runs in to count the pin, but the original referee stops him because he’s not the proper referee, of course. Jarrett KOs Christopher with a guitar and the referees get into a shoving match about whether to count that pin, and it turns into a fistfight as Jeremy warns us that we’re running out of time, just in case you didn’t already know what promotion was WWA’s main influence. Jarrett hits the Stroke on top of the title belt, and that gets the three-count to retain. 3 for 10.

Go to Game Show Utopia, which predated and outlives this great organization.

The 411: Compliment to start; as start-up promotions go, the production was mostly slick, with a good set and a technical crew that had their act together. The distraction for me throughout the show is that the company's influences were so transparent. It's nice to give the WCW guys some exposure now that they need a place to work, but that doesn't mean the whole show has to look like Monday Nitro. Dark surroundings, dancing chicks, entrance ramp...even the organization of the show was the same (Cruiserweights open up to grab your attention, long chat segments with the commentators, Scott Steiner sinks his teeth into 10 minutes and sucks the veins dry, non-wrestler issues a challenge to Vince McMahon...) It's hard to strike out on your own if your promotion makes your fans say, "Oh, this is just like that company that we stopped paying attention to two years ago." Having said all that, there wasn't much here to make you want to come back. Oh, sure, the mere fact that it was something other than the WWF probably carried the company to a few extra buys at the time, but the angles that they're building here are either lame or non-existent, and the matches were disappointing for the most part. Back to the shelf you go.

Final Score:  3.0   [ Bad ]