The Shimmy 08.17.09: Birthday Prologue- Bound for Glory 2009 Predictions

Welcome to this week’s edition of The Shimmy, everybody. For those of you that have read the column over the last several years you may note that it is almost time for my annual birthday column where I take my first crack at booking the next year’s WrestleMania. In preparation for that assignment, which has been a much more difficult task this go around, I decided to get the old fantasy booking/prediction engine going but taking a stab at an event that occurs sooner, TNA’s on version of WrestleMania, Bound for Glory. On one hand it should be an easy task considering it’s only a month and a half away, on the other hand it’s, well, TNA and lord knows what they could pull in that amount of time. Without further ado, let the geekdom commence.

Writer’s Note: It took only a few hours for this column to become somewhat outdated as this was actually written prior to the Hard Justice PPV. I guess my booking prowess failed right out of the gate. This is what the card would have looked like if I had the book starting before Hard Justice. Hopefully it’s still an enjoyable read.

Feast or Fired Match: Jeff Jarrett vs. Brother Ray vs. Brother Devon vs. Brutus Magnus vs. Doug Williams vs. Rob Terry vs. Sheik Abdul Bashir vs. Kiyoshi vs. D’angelo Dinero vs. Dr. Stevie vs. Jethro Holliday vs. “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal vs. Consequences Creed vs. Amazing Red vs. Cody Deaner vs. Rhyno vs. Jesse Neal vs.Kip James vs. Sally Boy vs. Rocco vs. Shark Boy

Say what you will about the Feast or Fired concept but TNA has taken it relatively seriously and treated it like a pretty significant deal. This year I would hope they add an additional case for the Legends Title, although having five briefcases on six turnbuckles might look a tad silly. For the record Team 3D could very well be Beer Money in this match, but I think I like the way I have them divided up better. Jarrett’s inclusion would be the real shocker of the bunch as he’d come back to “work his way back up,” hence wrestling so low on the card. I like the idea of World Elite trying to dominate the match with the numbers advantage as that could put them over as a real force to be reckoned with; imagine Mike Tenay scared shitless over the idea of World Elite capturing all title shots. If I were to predict it I would go with Brutus Magnus getting the World Title shot, Brother Ray getting the Legends Title shot, Kiyoshi getting the World Tag Team Title shot, D’angelo Dinero getting the X-Division Title shot, and depending on how things are going in TNA either Jarrett or Kip James gets the “Fired” case.

Knockouts Title, Tag For the Title Match: The Beautiful People© & Madison Rayne vs. Awesome Kong, Tara, & ODB

This was a tricky one because the real money match is a straight up Kong vs. Tara showdown but I just can’t see the Beautiful People getting shut out on this show. A Three-Way or Four-Way Elimination Match could work with it coming down to Kong and Tara, but with Russo’s love of “Tag for the Title” Matches I just see this happening instead, likely with Madison losing the title for her team. To tell you the truth with the influx of talent into the Knockouts division is wouldn’t surprise me one bit to see them create a Knockouts Tag Team Title and maybe have the finals of the tournament on this show, with the Beautiful People vs. Tara & Kong.

X-Division Title, Ultimate X Match: Homicide© vs. Suicide

Homicide and Suicide taking each other on his a death defying match. Can’t get much better than that. TNA typically loads up these Ultimate X Matches with lots of people but I think it would be good to make it simpler, especially when you have Feast or Fired there for the rest of the roster. Both men would probably do some insane stuff in this match, especially Suicide, and Bound for Glory could use more highlight reel moments to help turn it into a premiere event. An alternative suggestion could be a Title vs. Mask Match or knowing Russo they could even combine the two stipulations.

Six Man Tag Team Match: Kevin Nash, Booker T, & Scott Steiner vs. Mr. Anderson & Beer Money Inc.

Team 3D and Beer Money could conceivably switch places on this card but I think the team of Roode, Storm, and Anderson just works better together. It’s a real shame Anderson couldn’t keep the Kennedy name because it would be awesome to have “BEER! MONEY! KENNEDY!” Anderson’s no compete clause should be up just in time for BFG and they can either book him in advance and hype him up or have him be a mystery partner. The this could be a good way to get the Main Event Mafia on the card and give the rub to both the younger guys in Beer Money and the new guy in Anderson. Admittedly having Nash, Steiner, and Anderson all in the ring at the same time practically guarantees someone will walk away injured, but those are the risks you take in the sports-entertainment business. This is also a high profile enough match that if either the MEM, Team 3D or Beer Money are the World Tag Team Champions (although I’m predicting otherwise in the next match) the titles would still be showcased.

TNA World Tag Team Title Match: AJ Styles & Daniels© vs. Motor City Machine Guns

It’s entirely possible that this is just wishful thinking on my part. If this match isn’t for the World Tag Team Titles (as I just acknowledged it might not be) it could at least be for the IWGP Tag Team Titles that TNA has become so fond of using. Styles & Daniels are an awesome team as are the Machine Guns (I refuse to write it Machineguns) and this could be a guaranteed showstealer. It looks as if the MCMGs are finally starting to get a push and they have also had some issues with Daniels in recent weeks. This would build nicely and, if given time and not screwed up by booking, could be a Match of the Year Candidate and the kind of match that the Bound for Glory event can build its legacy on. Again, perhaps it’s wishful thinking but I don’t think it’s necessarily that crazy of an idea.

Monster’s Ball Match: Abyss vs. Ekmo vs. Hernandez vs. Matt Morgan

Despite TNA trying their best to butcher the gimmick a few months ago by assigning it to a random Knockouts match, the Monster’s Ball is a fun staple of the Bound for Glory PPV. Abyss is in his element in a hardcore environment so he is a natural to put in this match. I’m also going on record and saying that the person that collects the bounty placed on Abyss’ head by Dr. Stevie will be the returning Ekmo, the TNA alias of former WWE superstar Umaga. Hernandez has been getting a big push and will need a big match to keep himself in the limelight but I don’t foresee him finding himself in a title match, so this works (sort of like Samoa Joe in the 2006 version). Likewise Matt Morgan has been a key figure as of late but doesn’t really seem to figure into any other match. All four of these guys are big and can bash the hell out of each other, and depending on the booking could find themselves in a good position for after Bound for Glory.

TNA Legends Title Match: Mick Foley© vs. Samoa Joe

It was very tempting to put Mick Foley in the Monster’s Ball Match, especially considering we have yet to see Foley and Abyss square off, but I figured he could be used better elsewhere. Now that Foley is wrestling fairly regularly I searched for someone that he could wrestle at the big show that would still feel special. And then I remembered Samoa Joe. Back in 2005, when Foley mulled over an offer to come to TNA he was offered three feuds to start off his tenure. The first was a title feud with Jeff Jarrett. The second was a hardcore feud with Abyss. The third was with Samoa Joe, presumably building off of their history in Ring of Honor. While it didn’t happen then I believe Foley has gone on record saying he planned on it happening at some point during his TNA run now. Foley may not be capable of having a technical masterpiece with Joe but I think both men will be able to bring an intensity to this match that could make it really good. We at least know that Foley will be able to take any punishment Joe dishes out. May as well put the Legends Title on the line as well to try and boost that belt’s credibility.

Sting vs. Eric Young

I was sold on this match the minute they went face to face during the big brawl on Impact two weeks ago. While all the World Elite ran into the ring to combat Sting, Eric Young entered the ring, stumbled toward Sting, stared him down, and then walked away while his compatriots attacked. I imagined this was foreshadowing of things yet to come, perhaps related to the admiration that Young has had for Sting dating back to his Team Canada days. Now that Eric is evil he has to come to grips with the fact that Sting is his enemy, possibly with Sting trying to reach out to his former protégé to help him see the light. This finally culminates with EY snapping and vowing to not only hang the first Bound for Glory loss on Sting’s record but to end Sting’s career as well. I don’t know if Sting really is done after Bound for Glory but TNA isn’t pushing any young guy quite as much as they are Eric Young right now so they may as well strike while the iron is hot and acknowledge their own history in the process.

TNA World Heavyweight Title Match: Kurt Angle© vs. Bobby Lashley

I wrote about this match a few weeks ago and I stand by my statements. Many fans may call for a different match but this is what should go down. Olympic Gold Medalist vs. NAIA Champion. Wannabe MMA fighter vs. legitimate MMA fighter. Main Event Mafia Godfather vs. the man that spurned the Main Event Mafia. Bobby Lashley is a younger, fresher guy to have in the Bound for Glory main event than Sting or Kevin Nash and he and Angle could have a really good match. The sitdown interview with Lashley on this past week’s episode of Impact started the wheels in motion (even if it sounded more like Lashley wanted an MMA fight with Angle than a TNA World Title Match) and this is their big “WrestleMania” main event.

Writer’s Note: Much of this is still good, but a lot of it needs scrapped following last night’s PPV. The X-Division Title Match sure looks like it could be a Samoa Joe vs. Daniels vs. AJ Styles three-way, which would mean Foley would need a new match, likely Monster’s Ball. I guess I’d move Matt Morgan to Feast or Fired, and I’d probably switch Team 3D and Beer Money. I still wouldn’t be surprised to see an Ultimate X Match but it would probably be a multiperson match, say Suicide, Homicide, and the Guns.

So there you go, my card for this year’s Bound for Glory show. In a few weeks I’ll either be proven right or wrong. Next week will be the hard job. Be sure to come back and laugh.

The Shimmy Likes it Raw!

What’s on tap for tonight’s show?

Yoinks! For creative team member Freddie Prinze Jr. is the guest host of Raw tonight. He’s not as high profile as Shaq or Jeremy Piven but hopefully he at least won’t have a product to hawk.

Chris Jericho & Big Show vs. John Cena & Randy Orton; I’m actually really looking forward to this match. Cena & Orton could be such a badass tag team, I hope we get to watch them working together for a while before their team inevitably falls about. By the way, am I the only one that’s starting to think Raw may end up with a double turn of Orton and Triple H in the not so distant future?

Fresh off Superkicking a little girl in the face (like any good Christian would), Shawn Michaels returns to Raw to help Triple H reform D-Generation X. Should be expect to see the two D-Generates mock Cody Rhodes’ raccoon eyes and Ted DiBiase’s lack of a neck? Tune in to find out.

MVP vs. Jack Swagger might happen. Maybe. I guess we’ll see if Swagger feels up to it. To tell you the truth if I had to pick between seeing either MVP-Swagger of Kofi Kingston-Carlito at SummerFest I’d go with the former.

Well that does it for this week’s column. Be sure to come back for the big birthday column next week. Until then, don’t die. Clark…out.

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