wrestling / TV Reports
The Summerslam 2006 Breakdown
August 20, 2006 | Posted by
WWE Summerslam 2006
by J.D. Dunn
This is an odd choice for an opener — not from a talent standpoint because these two can certainly get the crowd fired up but because this was essentially a blood feud. Rey knocks Chavo to the floor early but misses a pescado and splats on the floor. Chavo takes over and alternates between beating Rey down and exclaiming that Eddy was *his* blood. Chavo takes him up top, but Rey fights back, and they spike each other’s faces to the mat. Rey springboards into a crossbody for two, but Chavo gets physical with a clothesline to come back. They fight in the corner, and Rey ranas him into the 619. Chavo ducks the vertical senton, and they fall to the floor. Vicky Guerrero runs down and begs Chavo not to fight anymore. When he won’t listen, she slaps him in the face! Back in, they both bust out Triple Verticals to a chorus of boos from the crowd. Actually, there’s been a small, vocal minority cheering for Chavo, seemingly out of protest. Rey goes up, but Vicky’s not done, she crawls up and “accidentally” crotches him on the turnbuckle. Chavo capitalizes with a brainbuster and a frogsplash for the win at 10:59. As I said at the opening, this kind of “epic” booking belongs further down the card. JBL is actually the only one putting over the emotionally complexity of the angle, which is unfortunate because it could be a very compelling angle. The match was overwhelmed by the angle, but it’s nice to see Rey in there with a guy who can sell his offense appropriately. **1/4
This should be…you know what, I don’t even know. Sabu opens with a series of chairshots, but Show no-sells and trips him up in the middle of a Triple Jump moonsault. Show tosses him to the floor, but Sabu returns with a chair for some more shots. It’s your basic David-vs-Goliath story as Sabu’s offense barely staggers the Show long enough for Sabu to set up whatever spot he wants to do next. He does put Show through a table in the corner, but he looked like he took the worse of that. Show actually has the balls to bust out Arn Anderson’s old pump splash out of the corner. Sabu sells that for about two or three minutes while Show brings the ring steps in and sets a table up on them. Sabu then has to go and screw it up by knocking the table off in the middle of reversing the spot. Then, Show has to stand by like an idiot while Sabu puts the table back on the steps and jumps off into a DDT, which looks more like a Big Show offensive maneuver. Good God, this is horrible. MAKE IT STOP! Sabu gets another table and tries to springboard off it, but Show catches him and counters to a chokeslam to put this match out of its misery at 8:32. This was the worst of both guys as Show lumbered around not really adding much to the match other than scowling at the crowd. And, as for Sabu, this was every bad ECW spot-rest-spot match he did only without someone like Rob Van Dam to cover for him. 1/2*
Did anyone else notice how Randy Orton’s theme music starts to sound like “Mandy” before it fades out? This is another match that is interesting more for its implications than for the match itself. Randy has never really had to carry a match before. Even with a healthy Hogan, this was going to be a Herculean task. The crowd should be hot, though. Hogan overpowers Orton several times, but Randy takes over after a cheapshot. It doesn’t last long as Hogan blocks a slam to the corner and mounts Randy for a pummel. EYEPOKE! DANGEROUUUUUUUS! Hogan uses his vast array of clawing and scratching. You know, if you’re going to emulate the Divas, you could at least try to copy Trish Stratus instead of Torrie Wilson. Orton finally gets in some legit offense, slamming Hogan’s knee down on the apron to pay off the torn meniscus issue. Hogan avoids the flying crossbody and starts to do his usual comeback, but Randy slides deftly underneath the big boot and knocks Hulk down with a dropkick. Sweeeeeet! RKO! ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! The ref counted three but decided that he saw Hogan’s foot on the ropes. NOW we cue the big comeback as Hulk drops Orton with a boot and finishes with the leg drop at 10:57. Randy did his best, but there’s just nothing there. Hogan just wasn’t capable of bringing anything outside of the name “Hogan.” Last year, with Shawn Michaels, that was enough. Sadly, Randy didn’t even get a chance to get his heat back, instead walking to the back while Hogan pranced around. *
Foley hits the running trash can shot to the corner and slaps on the Socko-assisted Mandible Claw. Flair refuses to quit 90 seconds in. I know, I’m shocked too. Foley grabs barbed wire, but Flair counters with the testicular claw. Flair steals the barbed-wire sock and uses it to CHOP Mick in the chest. Foley goes into the steps but drags a barbed-wire board out from under the ring and smashes it into Flair’s head. The crowd chants, “We want fire,” but Foley uses the board a few more times. Flair tells him to kiss his ass in lieu of surrendering. That means thumbtacks for Flair as Mick dumps them all over the ring and slams Flair into them. That’s one of the only times that Foley’s opponent has ever taken the tacks. Foley brings out the barbed-wire bat, but Flair goes low and uses the bat himself. Mick’s shoulder seems to be bothering him from a missed charge to the post as well. Another testicular twist sends Foley to the apron, and Flair knocks him all the way out into the aisle with a barbed-wire bat shot. That brings out Melina and the trainers to rule that the semi-conscious Foley can’t continue at 10:25. Flair isn’t going to allow that, though, and drags Foley back in. Then, he tries to rip Foley’s eye out with the barbed wire! This is sick, and I LOVE IT! Melina tosses in the towel for Mick at 12:20, but Flair won’t allow that either. Flair comes at her with a barbed-wire bat, so Foley quits to spare Melina at 13:14. The crowd hates the finish (and so do I), but the match was gold, especially everything post-thumbtacks. Tack a decent finish on that, and it’s a MOTYC. ****
Da Royal Book backs Batista to the corner and slaps him. Well, that can’t be smart. Batista shoves him down and counters a spinkick to a powerslam. Book snaps Batista’s throat on the ropes and kills the crowd with a chinlock. Batista comes back with a belly-to-belly, but Sharmell distracts the ref while Booker smashes Batista in the head with the scepter. Back to the rest holds. Batista avoids the side kick, allowing Booker to crotch himself on the ropes. Batista gets two off a sideslam, and Booker regains the advantage on the outside. Back in, Batista avoids the Scissors Kick this time and hits a Jackhammer. ONE, TWO, THR-no. A Full Nelson Slam sets up the Demonbomb, but Sharmell runs in and jumps on Batista for the DQ at 10:30. I get the double reasoning behind the finish (to prolong the title chase and put over the stips for the other title match). The match should have ended with the scepter shot, and you would have had the same result. Instead, we’ll probably get a handicap title match. *3/4
Vince brings out the Spirit Squad, who are quickly and roughly dispatched by DX (including a nice springboard into Sweet Chin Music). When that doesn’t work, Vince brings out Mr. Kennedy, William Regal and Fit Finlay! They have a little better luck but not much. Finlay should have brought the leprechaun. The Big Show comes out next as the Smackdown midcard returns to make it a 4-on-1. Finlay, Regal and Kennedy triple team Triple H as Show breaks Shawn’s back with a Cobra Clutch Backbreaker. Show chokeslams Hunter through a table, and NOW the McMahons will come down to the ring and start the match. The McMahons take turns doubleteaming Shawn, but they refuse to cover him because, apparently, heels don’t learn anything from past arrogance. Hunter makes it to his feet, but Shane knocks him over the announce table and into Jim Ross’ lap. In an effort to add some actual entertainment to the match, the McMahons run through the finishers of the great tag teams. There’s the Demolition Decapitation. There’s the Hart Attack. There’s the Doomsday Device! Sadly, they actually execute some of those moves better than the original teams. Shawn kicks out and makes a comeback right around the time Hunter makes it to the apron. HOT TAG TO HUNTER! He cleans house on the McMahons until Shawn can recover. Shawn takes Shane over the top with a Cactus Clotheslines, but now Umaga comes down and hits both members of DX with the Samoan Spike while Armando distracts the ref. He’s about to finish Shawn off with a second one, but Kane interrupts and brawls with Umaga all the way to the back. Well, that’s one way to make up for not seriously using him for nearly a month. Vince knocks out the referee for not providing a quick count, and then Shane sets up Hunter in the corner. VAN TERMINATO-NO! SWEET CHIN MUSIC! That’s a better idea in theory than in practice, but the though was there. Another superkick staggers Vince around into the Pedigree to give DX the win at 13:03 (actual match time). This was another one of those McMahon matches where the wrestling isn’t so good but they just throw all of their match-booking effort into the match to come up with something entertaining. ***
The DQ rule is waived, so if Edge gets disqualified, he loses the title. Cena overpowers Edge early, and they tease a ref bump. Cena misses a charge and posts his own shoulder. Cena makes it in at 8 but gets knocked off the apron for another teased countout. Even his hometown fans are booing Cena. Ross says we are “literally in Cena’s backyard.” Must have been a bitch to mow. Cena elbows out of a chinlock but runs right into a big boot for two. Edge goes up and fights his way out of trouble, hitting a flying clothesline for two. Cena powers out of a camel clutch and hits the Throwback. Lita grabs a chair, but Edge waives her off. That’s enough distraction to allow Cena to come back, though. Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Edge counters the FU to the Impaler! ONE, TWO, THR-NO! Cena goes for the Super FU, but Edge counters to an Electric Chair, which Cena then counters to a Victory Roll for two. I thought that was it. Lita tries to get involved again but gets knocked off the apron by Edge. Cena schoolboys him for two. I thought that was the end too. Edge readies for the Spear, but Cena sees him coming and drop toeholds him into the STFU! Lita tries to interfere again, but Edge waives her off while in the hold and makes the ropes! The ref drags Cena off Edge, allowing Cena to sneak Edge some brass knuckles. Edge misses a swing and winds up in the FU, Lita jumps on Edge to block, but Cena just shucks her aside. That allows Edge to slip out of the FU and BLAST Cena in the back of the head with the brass knuckles for the win at 15:41. The booking down the stretch was fabulous with both guys teasing spots where the match should end but didn’t, and Edge & Lita sold the psychology of the rules changes perfectly. A match that easily surpassed my expectations. ****1/4
Final Thoughts: It started out with a piss-poor first hour, but once they hit the Flair-Foley match things picked up in a hurry. The McMahon/DX match was the usual entertaining crap instead of an actual wrestling match, but that’s what Vince & Shane excel in. The main event is a definite keeper, though, as both guys cemented their status as top-shelf performers.
Thumbs up, but be prepared to hit the fast-forward button for the first hour or so.
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