The Survivor Series 2008 Breakdown

Survivor Series 2008 by J.D. Dunn You may think that it’s four days late, but dammit, God intended the Survivor Series to take place on Thanksgiving. Screw Vince and his money-grubbing hands. November 23, 2008 Live from Boston, Mass. Your hosts are Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Tazz, Todd Grisham and Matt Striker. Jim Ross tells us about Jeff Hardy being found unconscious. Ross’ basic premise: Don’t sweat it, cuz. We on it. I don’t really have a problem with trying to work people like in the old days – even going to sleazy lengths to do it. Take a look at Ted Dibiase’s shoot interview to find out how far guys like Jim Barnett went to trick the public. The bigger problem is that A) you’re baiting and switching people who bought the PPV to watch Jeff Hardy possibly win the title, and B) wrestling doesn’t take place in a media vacuum anymore. Bad press get amplified pretty quickly, so generating your own bad press isn’t helpful. Opening Match: Shawn Michaels, Rey Mysterio, The Great Khali & Cryme Tyme (w/Runjin Singh) vs. John Bradshaw Layfield, MVP, Kane, Miz & Morrison. MVP gets doubleteamed by Rey and JTG early, but he comes back and hits JTG with the Drive-By at 1:40. MVP turns and celebrates, ignoring the pleas of his teammates to turn around. Finally, he does and runs right into the BRAIN CHOP at 1:55. Khali and Kane come face-to-face. Huge chant for Khali. Khali chops Kane in the head and lets Rey come off his shoulders into a splash to eliminate Kane at 3:27. See, if they’re just going to do a ridiculously compressed match, I’d rather they not bother. Morrison gets caught in the wrong corner, but he dropkicks Shad’s knees out from under him. Shad gets triple-teamed but roars back with a double clothesline on Miz & Morrison. He goes after Morrison, which allows Miz to sneak up and hit him with the Reality Check at 6:31. Shawn comes in and chops the hell out of Miz. Miz hits the Sydal Clothesline in the corner, though. Shawn plays face-in-peril, taking a beatdown from JBL, Morrison and Miz. Morrison has the balls, the unmitigated temerity to bust out Shawn’s Five Moves of Doom. The Picture-Perfect Elbow misses, though. HOT TAG TO REY! Rey dazzles Miz with his speed and hits a springboard rana. 619! Rey finishes Miz with a splash at 11:46. Rey goes for the 619 on Morrison too, but JBL tags himself in and steamrolls Rey with a shoulderblock. Rey takes the Bret Bump into the buckle. Double-teaming by JBL and Morrison, but Rey fights JBL off the top. HOT TAG TO SHAWN! Shawn busts out his real FMOD on JBL, stopping to crotch-chop toward Morrison. Morrison stealing Shawn’s stuff to piss him off gets the fans into Morrison, but Shawn’s acknowledgement that it pissed him off puts Morrison over even more. Shawn goes up, but Morrison distracts him long enough for JBL to roll out of the ring. Shawn goes after him, and they brawl. Shawn rolls in at nine, and JBL gets counted out at 17:54. JBL can’t believe it. Morrison sets up for the Nitro Blast on Shawn, but Shawn ducks and knocks him out with Sweet Chin Music at 18:13. Rey, Shawn and Khali celebrate. It definitely got better once they stopped the rapid-fire eliminations. Morrison looked like he’s ready to move on, so Miz better stay away from Barber Shop windows. *** Triple H says Jeff Hardy will claw and scrape his way back into contention. He wants Koslov, though. Michelle McCool, Maryse, Natalya, Victoria & Maria vs. Beth Phoenix, Mickie James, Candice Michelle, Kelly Kelly & Jillian Hall (w/Santino Marella). JR says he’s searched high and low for chaps like Kelly Kelly has. ::shudder:: Maryse and Michelle get into a fight. Beth calls out Maryse, but Maria answers. Kelly slingshots into a sunset flip on Maria. Maria reverses and tags out. Victoria tells her to watch how its done and immediately turns around into a huracanrana from Kelly at 2:55. Maryse hits Kelly with a swinging backbreaker to eliminate her at 3:22. Mickie and Michelle do a brief bridge sequence, prompting JR to tell us about trying that in the shower. You know, JR is slowly slipping into that Creepy Old Man territory. “Matt Striker, do you like movies about gladiators?” Maria tries to help out but accidentally hits Michelle. That allows Mickie to hit the DDT at 5:06. Michelle shouts at Maria on her way out. That distracts Mickie, so Maryse rolls her up at 5:28. Natalya takes down Candice and puts her in the Sharpshooter. Jillian makes the save, though. Natalya yells at her and gets speared by Candice at 6:42. Man, these Divas are really easily distracted. Maria Victory Rolls Jillian at 7:41 but gets caught with a Northern Lights by Candice at 7:50. Maryse slaps on a modified figure-four and gets Candice to tap out at 8:24. Beth tries to intimidate Maryse but takes a back kick to the head. When did Maryse become the best women’s wrestler in the WWE? Beth catches her with the Glam Slam at 9:48. Santino plays the invisible trombone in tribute to the win. Too short to overstay its welcome, but outside of Maryse, it was repetitive and uncreative. *1/4 Matt Hardy says he initially thought the worst, but Jeff was just hit in the head with a blunt object. How is that *not* the worst? Casket Match: The Undertaker vs. The Big Show. Show tries to use the power of the punch early and nearly gets tossed into the casket off a missed swing. They brawl to the floor where Show starts ripping up the announce table. Taker nails him with the monitor, though. Show is leaning over the table, so Taker legdrops him through it. They slowly work their way back to the ring where Show blocks the Old School Ropewalk Forearm and slams Taker into the ring. Show rolls Taker into the casket, but the refs tell him that he has to close it. Well, I think we all know what’s going to happen here. Show goes to close it, and Taker blocks at the last second. Show goes up for some indiscernible reason, but Taker catches him and chokeslams him back in. Show gets rolled into the casket but blocks it from being shut. Show destroys the casket, which is the Casket Match version of getting yourself disqualified. Show tries to leave but a wall of flames erupts. Show beats Taker back, but the druids bring out another casket. Show stands the casket up and tosses Taker into the lid. If any of this sounds exciting, it’s really not. I think I should point that out. Show goes after a groggy Taker, but Taker fires back and tosses him into the casket, which falls over and closes for the win at 12:43. Lucky Big Show. It’s all over for him. The rest of us have to live in a world where this match exists. 3/4* In the back, The Colon Bros. hit on The Bella Twins, but the Gobbledygooker interrupts. They think it’s Charlie Haas at first, but Charlie shows up. Turns out it’s the Boogeyman, and he’s coming to get ya. Elsewhere, Randy Orton tries to give the world’s worst pep talk and gets into it with Cody Rhodes. The rest of the team separates them. Batista, CM Punk, Kofi Kingston, R-Truth & Matt Hardy vs. Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes, Mark Henry, Shelton Benjamin & William Regal (w/Manu, Layla London & Tony Atlas). Okay, Jeff Hardy is a healthy scratch as a main eventer, but they force Regal to go out into a meaningless midcard match when he’s legitimately sick and Manu is right there with his thumb up his ass. Manu’s ass, not Regal’s. Punk hits Regal with the Go 2 Sleep at 0:11. Put some ‘Tussin on it, Will. Layla throws her shoe at Punk. Who throws a shoe, honestly?! Tazz busts out the same joke just after I do. Gotta be quicker on the draw. Kofi and Shelton renew acquaintances, and it’s pretty good. Lots of quick tags, but Cody ducks out as soon as Batista gets in. Orton gets a big pop for tagging in, but Matt gets the better of him for a bit. Matt misses the moonsault, and Randy tags Henry in to let him get a piece. Cody tags in, but he and Matt clothesline each other. R-Truth and Shelton tag in. R-Truth Supamans that Ho with a flying spinning kick. The Bicycle Kick misses, though, and Shelton hits Pay Dirt at 7:39. Kofi explodes with a crossbody and the Bo-Bo Legdrop for two. Mark Henry slugs him from the outside, though. Kofi is helpless, so Orton tags in and stalks him. That playful vicious streak is an awesome Orton character trait. He toys with Kofi before stomping him down and finishing with the rope-assisted DDT at 10:45. Punk dominates Cody Rhodes, but Manu distracts him while he’s on the top. Cody shoves Punk to the mat and finishes with the DDT at 13:11. Matt and Mark Henry come in. Matt gets the Side Effect for two but gets caught with the World’s Strongest Slam at 14:22. That leaves Batista in a four-on-one. Henry turns around into a spear, though, and gets sent packing at 14:34. Shelton gets spinebustered and Demonbombed at 15:07. Cody takes the Demonbomb too, but Orton tags himself in behind Batista’s back. Batista covers, but Cody’s not legal. That confusion allows Orton to hit the RKO at 16:14. Outside of Regal’s elimination, they didn’t succumb to the quick eliminations, and it allowed them to be more creative in the matchups they had, even with a shorter amount of time. The teased feud between Orton and Batista is pretty hot too, which lent a lot to the match. ***1/2 Vladimir Koslov will become champion… after he gets moose und squirrel. Ross and Tazz remind us that Jeff Hardy has checked out of the hospital. WWE Heavyweight Title: Triple H vs. Vladimir Kozlov vs. Jeff Hardy. There’s a lesson in this – being slightly off-putting does not necessarily translate to “over as a heel.” The Pavlovian fans chant “USA.” What are you going to do, throw his tea into the harbor? “Boring” stopwatch: 1:15. The fans chant for Jeff Hardy. HHH and Kozlov do some basic wrestling, which the fans HATE. I’m going to be very skeptical the next time someone whines about Bryan Danielson. Kozlov hits his Battering Ram Headbutt. IN SOVIET RUSSIA, HEAD BUTTS YOU! Apparently, HHH is just too ripped, and his cast-iron chest knocks Kozlov down too. He’s like a modern-day Pepper Gomez. Kozlov goes about the long, boring process of wearing down HHH’s back, which won’t go anywhere because it would require Hunter to lose to a clean move. That’s not a knock on HHH, but what are the odds that he gets caught in a bearhug or Torture Rack and submits? If he does lose, it will likely be something flukish, meaning that any weardown work done would be irrelevant anyway. As soon as I type that, Hunter avoids a charge and hits the Pedigree. Vickie Guerrero comes out and gleefully announces that “he’s here!” Homeless Edge returns and spears Hunter. Jeff Hardy returns and attacks Edge, though. He swings a chair but nails Hunter by accident. There’s one to Kozlov. Oh, but Edge spears him and covers HHH for the win and the title at 14:21. Edge winning the title is fine by me, but I would rather Kozlov had been found at the bottom of the stairwell and Hardy had been on the verge of winning the title only to get screwed out of it once again by Edge. That would have accomplished the same thing and not been tedious. Oh, and it wouldn’t have screwed the fans south of the Arctic Circle out of seeing the wrestler they clearly wanted. * for the match, *** for the result. ** World Heavyweight Title: Chris Jericho vs. John Cena. For once, the champion entering first makes sense. Still, Jericho gets some vocal support. I’m not sure putting Cena back in the title picture in his first match back is – OMG, HE TOOK OFF HIS SHIRT! ::SHRIIIIEEEEK::! Ahem. Jericho’s “you’re not so great” look is pretty funny. Cena takes a hard bump off a shoulderblock and takes a powder. Back in, he tackles Jericho and pummels him. Cena runs into the buckle to tease the neck injury, but he comes back with the Throwback. He goes up but hesitates, and Jericho is able to catch him on his way back down. Jericho boots Cena’s head into the post, so the ref backs Jericho off and checks on him. Cena makes it in at a count of nine, but Jericho sidesteps his charge and tosses him right back out. Cena fights his way back, but Jericho hits a bulldog. Cena avoids the Lionsault and hits the sitout backdrop suplex. YOU CAN’T SEE ME—oh, I guess you can because you’re putting me in the LIONTAMER! Jericho leeeans on the neck. Cena powers out but takes a clothesline. Jericho turns him over into the Walls of Jericho. Cena makes the ropes and hits a desperation FU. Cena can’t cover, though, and Jericho is able to target his neck again. They fight on the top, and Cena knocks Jericho to the mat. CENA SLICE! Cena sets up for the FU, but Jericho hits the Codebreaker. ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! Cena locks in the STFU. Jericho makes the ropes and rolls him up into the small package for two. Cena holds on and powers up for the FU at 21:21. I’m not sure what the point of giving Batista a short reign this Fall was, other than maybe to signal that Jericho can easily win it back if given the opportunity. This match was pretty sluggish, thanks, presumably, to Cena’s ring rust and injury. I liked the viciousness that Jericho displayed in going after the neck, so the psychology was solid. The action was just a series of Cena comebacks, and that gets old after a while. **1/2

The 411: The traditional tag matches were fine, but the WWE Title match screwed over the fans more than HHH or Jeff Hardy. “Card Subject to Change” is general a caveat to protect the company when guys no-show or get injured, not to say “We’ll change the damn card if we feel like it.” Not a horrible show, but not recommended either. Thumbs down.