The Top Ten 1.08.08: RAW Moments

Good morrow good people and welcome back to another high-class edition of The Top Ten. This week we’re going to look at the Top Ten Raw Moments of all-time. This was an insanely hard list to come up with as there are so many moments that could have been included that narrowing it down was immensely difficult. As a result, there are a bunch of Honorable Mentions this week. I know that some of you hate that, but you try coming up with only 10 Raw moments. Not easy my friend. Alright, enough stalling, let’s get into this shit.

Random Thoughts Of A Disturbed Wrestling Fan

-I didn’t realize how awesome The Nation Of Domination was until lately when I’ve been watching classic episodes of RAW on WWE 24/7. When I was a kid, I would just automatically boo them since they were the “bad guys”. But now that I’m grown, I realize that a lot of what Farooq was saying was true. He was like an early version of Muhammad Hassan, who said truthful things but the crowd would just boo him because they felt he was playing the race card. But if you listen to his promos, a lot of truth runs through. Up to that point, there had never been a black WWE Champion (and since then, there’s only been one in The Rock because Booker T doesn’t count since he won the World Heavyweight Title, not the WWE Title). On top of that, there were barely any black superstars in the ‘E at the time. It was so sparse in fact, that they had to have friggin’ Crush and Savio Vega as part of The Nation. Why the hell was there a white biker dude and a Latino in The Nation? I still don’t know the answer to that question. Bottom line is The Nation was awesome and spoke a lot of truth. Now I have to go in my closet to break out my Black Panther glove and Dashiki.

-I don’t know why, but James Storm’s music gets stuck in my head everytime I start downing a beer. It wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t start humming it while drunk.

-I checked out the new version of American Gladiators and it was pretty good, but there were some things about it that annoyed the hell out of me. First of all, the Gladiators this time around suck. They were getting their ass handed to them in almost every event except Assault and Pyramid. I remember the old school Gladiators use to SHUT MOTHERFUCKERS DOWN. The scores would be like 10-9. In this version of Gladiators, the scores were like 32-29. WTF?!? Secondly, Laila Ali annoys me. I’ve gotten use to Hogan using his “Hulkster” voice over the years so that doesn’t bother me too much, but Laila just bugs me. Also, why did they have to alter some of the events? The Eliminator and Assault in particular have these new setups that just suck. Bring back the old ones. PRONTO! And lastly, what was up with all the goddamn water?!? Every fucking event had water in it. If one event had water, that would be fine but when like half the damn events have water in it, it’s fucking overkill. But besides those grips, it was decent I guess.

-I can’t lie, I love Charlie Hass with the lucha mask. That shit made me laugh for a while.

-Umaga’s spinning catatonic is the most devastating move in the WWE right now. It looks absolutely brutal every single time.

-I dig William Regal’s robe. It’s old school, yet pimp. I think I’m going to buy that to wear around my house.

-I’m a huge fan of horror movies and I’ve always said that I’m surprised that there has never been a horror movie (at least that I know of) that was shot entirely from the point of view of the killer. That’s why when I saw the trailer for The Poughkeepsie Tapes, I was immediately excited to see it. The trailer just looks insanely creepy, if you haven’t seen it, you should definitely check it out. Now I just hope that the movie doesn’t suck because the last two times I got excited about a horror movie trailer (White Noise, Cold Creek Manor) those movies wound up sucking HORRIBLY.

-It’s only been a few days and I already miss JBL on Smackdown’s commentary. The Coach isn’t as horrible as some people make him out to be, but the man just cannot compare to JBL. When MVP came out on Friday night, I was waiting to here, “PRIMETIME!” but instead I got nothing. Ohh JBL, how I shall miss thee. Sure, he’s on Raw now but it’s not the same. It’s like having sex with the hot chick in your biology class for a second time. It’s just not as fun as the first.

-Mick Foley in The Rumble at MSG? I can dig that. Hornswoggle? Not so much.

The Top Ten RAW Moments

Honorable Mention: Matt Hardy returns to get revenge on Edge (6/11/05)
So Raw was going along just fine in the summer of 2005 with Edge and Lita walking backstage towards the ring when suddenly Edge was attacked by some mysterious man in camo pants. At first glance it just looked like some Matt Hardy look alike and seemed like another tease by the WWE (which they had been doing for weeks). Nobody thought it was him because this person looked a lot more bulkier than Matt and the camera was too far away to catch a good glimpse of his face. So Edge proceeded to go through with his match only to be attacked by the same mysterious man and this time it was clear that it really was Matt Hardy. At the time, this was a big fucking deal because Matt had been taking shots at WWE and it seemed as if though he was never coming back to the E, but here he was. What made this segment even better is that it felt real because the storyline was based on real life and it seemed as if Edge and Matt were taking very stiff shots at each other. It was capped off with Matt Hardy telling the WWE to kiss his ass and that everyone should come see him in Ring Of Honor that weekend. Of course, the WWE wound up fucking up this angle, but at the time it was a very well done segment that delivered a big surprise and felt very real.

Honorable Mention: The Kid upsets Razor Ramon (5/17/93)
This is perhaps the greatest upset of all-time and it happened on RAW. When The Kid arrived on the WWE scene in 1993, he was a jobber extraordinaire and would frequently be seen on the losing end of things. So when he faced off against rising star Razor Ramon on this episode of Raw, it seemed like a foregone conclusion that Razor was going to be the winner. But then a funny thing happened. This match wasn’t the squash that everybody expected it to be as The Kid hung in there despite getting pounded on by Razor. The match ended when The Kid was able to surprise Razor with a moonsault off the top rope out of nowhere to get the three count. Razor got up instantly and looked shocked and bewildered that he just lost to this jobber. The Kid went on to become the 1-2-3 Kid and it was great to see a jobber become a popular superstar in the matter of 3 seconds. That’s what makes wrestling so special.

Honorable Mention: Ric Flair returns to the WWE (11/19/01)
This was the night after the WWE had defeated the Alliance for complete control of the WWE. This gave Vince 100% control and he planned to use his power to take the title away from the Alliance’s Stone Cold and give it to Kurt Angle. Before he could do that, though, some familiar music hit and out came The Nature Boy in all his glory. That was the first time Flair was on WWE TV in 8 years and the fan response was deafening (which should have been expected since they were in ‘Naitch’s hometown of Greensboro). Flair then came to the ring to reveal that Stephanie and Shane had sold their rights to the company to him so he was now a 50/50 partner with Vince. This was a great way to bring back Flair and a very memorable segment indeed.

Honorable Mention: The Hurricane invades The Rock’s locker room (3/3/03)
In terms of pure hilarity, this may be the greatest skit ever. This skit is fucking timeless and it will never be forgotten(at least by me). It started off perfectly with Coach knocking on Rock’s locker room door and Rock coming out and asking the Coach if he was on crack for knocking on the Rock’s door like that. He told Coach that you cant just stroll up on The Rock for an interview and he had to check his Palm Pilot to see when he’d be available. He ended his interview with Coach by proclaiming, “Wash your ass!” and then dismissing Coach to go back in his locker room. That’s when The Hurricane came out of nowhere by hiding in Rock’s locker and confronted Rock for his recent heel actions. The Rock said he didn’t have to explain himself to the Hurricane’s Hamburglar ass and talked about how he threw Hurricane out of the battle royal the previous week to go hang out with Mayor McCheese, Grimus, and the rest of his McDonald’s friends. Rock then went on to brag about his success in The Scorpion King movie. The Hurricane retorted that based on what he had seen from the locker, the Scorpion king had a tiny ding-a-ling. This made the Rock scream out in disbelief and talk about how that was a blatant lie while he rubbed his leg and proclaimed, “Eaaaasssy Big Fella!” This was just an absolutely hilarious skit that showed why Rock is one of the best ever when it comes to entertaining the millions……and millions of WWE fans.

Honorable Mention: Heyman announces the rebirth of ECW (7/9/01)
Sure this may have kicked off the ill-fated Invasion angle, but who didn’t mark out for this moment? Chris Jericho and Kane were in a match against Lance Storm and Mike Awesome when out of nowhere RVD and Tommy Dreamer came out of the crowd and started to attack the WWE guys. This brought out members from the WWE locker room including Tazz, Rhyno, and the Dudley Boyz. It seemed as though the calvary had arrived, but those guys turned on Jericho and Kane and started to help RVD and Dreamer beat them down. Heyman then told JR to FEEL THIS MOMENT while he got up from the announce position and stated that these men were to EXTREME for this WWE/WCW war and that ECW had risen again. This was just a truly unpredictable segment that instantly turned a rather mundane storyline into something interesting. Even if it was only for a couple weeks.

Honorable Mention: John Cena drafted to RAW (6/6/05)
John Cena was quickly becoming one of the most popular superstars in the entire WWE when he won his first WWE Title from JBL at Wrestlemania 21. His popularity continued to grow from that point on until he was clearly the #1 face in the company. The only problem was that he was the champ on the “B” show, Smackdown, so he wasn’t getting as much exposure as his counterparts on Raw. That all changed when he became the first pick in the 2005 WWE Draft, to the shock and surprise of everybody. I don’t think anybody expected “Da Champ” to be the first pick and the crowd pop was insane once they heard Cena’s music hit. He immediately got tangled up into a feud with Chris Jericho and Christian and once Batista left for Smackdown, he was immediately the top dog on the show. Eventually, a lot of the cheers would turn into boos and Cena would become probably the most controversial champ in history as some fans adore him with others despise him. But Cena’s meteoric rise to becoming the face of the WWE all started with his move to Raw.

Honorable Mention: Tyson & Austin! Tyson & Austin! (1/19/98)
This was a moment that had EVERYBODY talking the next day and gave the WWE some of the first mainstream attention it had received in a looooong time. Mr. McMahon had invited Mike Tyson to this episode of RAW to make a huge announcement that concerned “The Baddest Man on the Planet.” Of course, this didn’t set to well with Stone Cold Steve Austin, who felt he was being overshadowed, and he came down to give Vince, as well as Iron Mike, a piece of his mind. Even though Tyson seemed friendly towards Austin, Stone Cold was having none of that and soon made it known that he would whup Mike Tyson’s ass in a second. To cap it off, he flipped Tyson the double bird. That didn’t sit to well with Iron Mike who shoved Austin and from there, it was ON! There were about a dozen officials that had to separate the two and the moment hit all major outlets, including Sportscenter and various newspapers. That moment helped to bring a lot of mainstream attention to the WWE and it could be argued that this moment helped shift the tide in the Monday Night War.

10) Austin raises hell with a Zamboni (9/28/98)
This was the night after Vince screwed Austin out of his WWE Championship by having Undertaker and Kane both pin him for the title. Austin was of course pissed off, but seeing how Vince was surrounded by Kane, Undertaker, and a bunch of police officers, he wasn’t going to come alone. Instead, he rode to the ring in a Zamboni (destroying everything in his path and literally knocking out a couple satellite feeds) and after flipping the bird to everyone in the ring, gave a diving clothesline to Vince and beat his ass until the officers arrested him. This was just a fun, chaotic segment that showed that Austin was indeed crazy enough to do ANYTHING.

9) Welcome to Raw Is Jericho! (8/9/99)
WWE had been running a “Countdown to the Millennium” for weeks and nobody was really sure what it was about. That question was answered on an episode of Monday Night Raw during a promo by The Rock. In the middle of Rocky’s promo, the countdown screen appeared counting down the remaining seconds to the supposed “millennium”(nevermind that it happened on August 9th). Once the clock expired, the lights went out and a huge explosion followed until the words JERICHO appeared on the Titantron. The crowd response was insane as the crowd went nuts for the debuting Jericho. Jericho then proceeded to give a great promo stating how he was there to save the WWE from mediocrity and finally give the fans something to cheer about (Go, Jericho, Go!). Of course The Rock responded by tearing Jericho a new asshole, but that still couldn’t take away from the fact that this was the most entertaining, awesome debut ever. At least in my humble opinion.

8) Mr. Socko is born (10/5/98)
This was a week after Vince got his ankle broken by Kane and The Undertaker and Mankind went to the hospital to try to cheer Vince up. Mankind brought chocolate and a balloon totting clown, but he also brought along a new friend of his, Mr. Socko. He then went on to introduce Vince to Mr. Socko and try to kiss Vince’s ankle better. Vince’s look of disgust was absolutely priceless here as he first asked nicely for Mick to leave until finally he said, “Dammit leave!” Later on the night, Stone Cold gave Vince a little visit but this one ended with Vince getting smacked in the head with a urinal pan and getting ass raped by a rectal thermometer. This was just a classic skit that gave birth to one of the biggest phenomenon’s in the late 90’s and helped turn Mankind into one of the biggest faces in the WWE.

7) Pillman’s got a gun (11/4/96)
This moment, at least to me, was the real catalyst for the attitude era. This was one of the most controversial skits ever on Raw as Steve Austin promised to open a can of whup ass on Brian Pillman and went to Pillman’s home to deliver it. Pillman was waiting for Stone Cold, but he wasn’t alone. He had a gun with him and promised to unload it if Austin stepped foot in his house. Austin was undeterred, though, and still broke in and still tried to whup Pillman’s ass despite the gun in his hand. I remember watching this as a 12-year old kid and thinking that Pillman was legitimately going to shoot Austin because the look in his eyes was of utter madness. This was just a crazy skit and the intensity of Austin and the craziness of Pillman made it seem very real which made it very cool.

6) DX mocks The Nation (7/6/98)
The Nation of Domination and DX were in a bitter feud with each other so DX decided to lighten things up a little bit by making fun of the entire Nation. Triple H posed as “The Crock” and came out with The Rock’s signature sideburns, shiny shirt, and sunglasses. X-Pac dressed up as “Mizark” Henry, Billy Gunn was Kama, Road Dogg was D-Lo (or B-Lo) and comedian Jason Sensation dressed up as Owen Hart, complete with the huge nose. This segment had numerous funny moments highlighted by Road Dogg repeating everything someone said and then going to the corner to shake his head like D-Lo and Triple H talking about what The Crock cooked up in the bathroom. A classic segment that remains one of Raw’s most memorable moments.

5) Mankind wins the WWE Title (1/4/99)
Mick Foley had gained a reputation throughout his career for making other people look great and was often the stepping stone for many champions. Although the fans appreciated Mick’s efforts, it seemed that he would never be rewarded with the richest prize in the game. That all changed on a winter night in Worchester, Massachusetts when Mick Foley had a WWE Title match against The Rock. Everytime I see this moment, I get goosebumps. Mankind had held Shane McMahon hostage earlier in the night and demanded a title match against The Rock, which was granted to him. The Rock was flanked with backup in the form of The Corporation while Mankind had DX in his corner. The two men had a great back and forth match when Mankind hooked in The Mandible Claw and all hope seemed to be lost for The Rock until Ken Shamrock came in the ring and blasted Mankind with a steel chair. This got the attention of DX and soon the Corporation and DX were brawling on the outside when all of a sudden, glass shattered and the crowd went MENTAL. I remember watching this match at the time and thinking that something must be wrong with the volume setting on my TV because the pop was that damn loud. Stone Cold came down to the ring and blasted The Rock with a steel chair which allowed Mick to cover for the three count and pick up his first WWE Championship. This was just a great moment that was a genuine feel-good moment because you knew that Mick Foley deserved it.

4) Stone Cold stuns Vince for the first time (9/22/97)
Owen Hart had just earned a countout victory over Brian Pillman when Stone Cold came out and proceeded to beat the piss out of him seeing how he was still feuding with The Hart Foundation. Vince McMahon then came in the ring to stop security from tossing Austin and tried to reason with him. Vince explained that Austin couldn’t continue to do that because he wasn’t medically cleared by the doctors to compete and he was trying to look out for the welfare of Austin. Austin acted as though he understood Vince’s point only to turn around and hit him with the stunner. This was momentous because this kick-started the Austin/McMahon feud as it slowly started to turn Vince from horrible announcer into deranged owner of the WWE. Within a few months, Austin and McMahon would be engaged in a full out war and this is where it all started. Long term booking rules.

3) Rock…..This Is Your Life!! (9/27/99)
This is the highest rated segment ever in Raw and deservedly so. Mick Foley was always trying to kiss The Rock’s booty and threw this great party for him in the ring as a celebration of Rocky’s life. Not only was it complete with splendiferous gifts like a SWANK Rock N Sock Connection jacket and Mr. Rocko(Socko with Rock’s picture on it), but it included surprise guests. Unfortunately Rock didn’t take to kindly to these guests that included his high school teacher, a football coach and a former girlfriend. The best part came when Rock confronted the ex-girlfriend about her cutting The Rock off at 2nd base all those years ago but now all of a sudden she wanted to give him a great big old piece of that Poontang Pie! I nearly choked on my dinner the first time I saw this because I was laughing so hard. A great, great, great, great segment. I can’t say enough good things about it.

2) DX invades WCW Nitro (4/27/98)
What more can be said about this skit other than it is without doubt one of the coolest things I have ever seen on a wrestling program. During the Monday Night War, WWE and WCW would often trade shots at each other on the air, but none of them dared to step foot on the others territory. That was until DX decided to take a visit to the Norfolk Scope in Virginia where WCW was shooting Nitro that evening. They got the WCW fans to chant for them and turn against WCW. They went right to the front door demanding to be let in and after being denied, they tried to enter through the parking garage but WCW quickly shut the doors to prevent them from getting in. This was just ballsy stuff by the WWE and it made DX one of the coolest wrestling stables ever in an instant. I could watch this skit a million times, it is just an absolute classic.

1) The Beer Truck Incident (3/22/99)
This is THE definitive Raw moment. This was before Wrestlemania 15 and it had Vince, Shane and Rocky in the ring gloating about how they were going to take out Austin at said Wrestlemania. After a couple minutes of kissing each others butts, Austin drove out to the ring in a beer truck. The visual of seeing a beer truck driven into an arena full of people was awesome in itself, but it didn’t end there. Austin ran down all three men in the ring and when The Rock tried to respond, Austin took out a hose and sprayed everyone in the ring with beer! The image of Vince swimming in beer is absolutely priceless. An awesome segment that shows why Austin may be the most popular wrestler in the history of RAW.

Drive-By Pimpin’

Check out all these great columns by my 411 brethren:

-Andy Clark’s “Shimmy”
-Ari’s “Column Of Honor”
-Sean, Alex and David’s “Triple Threat”
-Bayani’s “Truth B Told”
-Weyer’s “Shining The Spotlight”
-Byers’ “Cheap Wrestling for Cheap People”
-Larry and Geoff’s “4R’s”
-Fact Or Fiction
-Sat and Uncle Trunx’s “High Road/Low Road”
-Phill Feltham’s “Quick Talkdown”
-Sarnecky’s “Piledriver Report”
-Slimmer’s News Report
-Hidden Highlights
-Carapola’s “That Was Then” and “Friendly Competition”
-The Fink’s Payload
-Gamble’s “Just ‘Spose”
-Cook’s “Ask 411”
-Wilcox’s “Thoughts From The Top Rope”
-Meehan’s “Meethinks”
-Sforcina’s “Evolution Schematic”
-Prag’s “In Defense Of?.”
-Wrestlers of the Week
-Randle’s “Wrestling News Experience”
-Linkous’ “Why I Love Wrestling”
-Double M’s Rasslin Report
-News To Start Your Weekend
-Dunn’s Rawtopsy, Smackdown Breakdown, & ECW eXperience
-Your News, Larry’s Views
-Zac Calhoun’s “The Ripple Effect”
-Joe Estee’s “Keys To The Game”
-Halden’s “You’re An Idiot And Here’s Why”
-Buy……OR SELL!!

And don’t forget about the new guys:

-Chris Lansdell “The Way I C It”
-Alex Barcham’s “Hitting Below The Beltway”
-T.G. Corke’s “The Seventh Dimension”
-Magnus Donaldson’s “Cut To The Crap”
-Tim Haught’s “Pro Wrestling Pundit”
-William Bumgarner’s “What Were They Thinking?”
-Jarrod Westerfield’s “Viral Dose Of Reality”

The Sign-Off

I’m outta here folks. Make sure to leave some comments and park your ass here next week when the topic will be The Top Ten RAW Matches. Until then, go wash your ass!