USWA Championship Wrestling (5.26.1990) Review

-Looking ahead on Amazon Prime, it looks like there are quite a few gaps ahead of us, but we’ll make the best of it.

-Originally aired May 26, 1990.

-Your host is Michael St. John. The Southern Rockers have regained the Tag Team Titles, Bill Dundee and John Tatum still hate each other, Jeff Jarrett and Billy Joe Travis are proving to be an unexpectedly formidable tag team.

-Unfortunately, the skipping ahead means Amazon is missing the most amazing, bonkers, wonderful segment. Jerry Lawler comes out to throw out a classic heel open challenge when suddenly, a wrestler named Snowman came out and cut a worked shoot on the USWA, accusing everybody of racism. Eddie Marlin comes out to chew out Snowman, and Lawler the heel apparently “breaks character” by trying to calm Eddie down while throwing out a rebuttal to Snowman, telling him he’s never done anything in his career to earn a main event spot or a title match. And Lawler does the wrestling equivalent of “some of my best friends” by pointing out that he did jobs to King Cobra a few months ago. Security finally gets Snowman to leave, but the whole segment is on YouTube and it’s incredible the way it plays out. It’s a thoroughly convincing segment. So anyway, that’s what we missed, in case it comes up elsewhere in this week’s show.

JEFF JARRETT & BILLY JOE TRAVIS vs. THE CONVICT & CRAIG WHITFORD
-Off to the Sportatorium. The Convict is wearing old timey stripes, including the cap with no brim, so I have a new favorite jobber. Our commentators are Percy Pringle III and somebody who may or may not identify himself by the end of the TV hour.

-Jarrett wrings the arm on Whitford and elbows him down while the Convict sneers. Convict tags in, and Jarrett’s cunning strategy is to steal his hat. Jarrett applies a rear chinlock while unknown commentator says “He didn’t see this kind of punishment when he was in prison!” A rear chinlock? Must have been minimum security. Convict’s tights are starting to come off and Jarrett puts him away with a dropkick to keep the show decent.

-Jeff Jarrett and Ronnie Gossett are ready for Wednesday night, when they roll into Evansville with Kerry Von Erich to face the Dirty White Boys and Ronnie Gossett. Kerry comes in and promises to take Gossett down deeper than he’s ever been.

CHICO TORRES vs. TONY ANTHONY (with Ronnie P. Gossett)
-Alex Porteau and Dirty White Girl are both MIA, so maybe we’ve missed something important.

-Torres and Anthony go to the mat while Percy Pringle and Ronnie Gossett team up on commentary to accuse the USWA of anti-fat bias. Anthony works the arm while the Mystery Commentator complains about the unbearable smell Ronnie Gossett is leaving around ringside. So Gossett might have a point, really. Clothesline by Anthony while the commentator marvels that the cameraman can see around Gossett. Suplex by Anthony gets two.

-We return from commercial with Torres continuing to take a beating. Torres fights back with an SD Jones style comeback, but Anthony blocks an attempted monkey flip in the corner and gets the winning pin with his feet on the ropes. How dirty of the white boy.

INHUMAN vs. KEITH HAYNES
Inhuman is a big fat guy who has defied all attempts at Googling his true identity. Avalanche and a big splash finish in seconds.

-John Tatum and Tessa are here to discuss something that happened at a house show last night. Tatum was battling Bill Dundee and Tessa refused to hand over a foreign object at one point when Tatum signaled for it. Tatum is so fired up and jealous that he demands a hair match just to ensure that Tessa won’t be tempted by a bald-headed loser.

HOLLYWOOD JOHN TATUM (with Tessa) vs. MARK STONEWALL
-Full nelson by Tatum. Stonewall assbutts his way out of it. Tatum just potatoes Stonewall’s jaw clean off with a right hand and suplexes him. Tatum dumps Stonewall out to the floor. Back in, Tatum just drags this out with jabs and a chinlock. He signals Tessa to throw her purse into the ring and Tessa obliges this time, but Tatum looks at the purse and looks at the loser he’s squashing, so he just throws the purse back at Tessa and superkicks Stonewall for the three-count. Funny ending.

-Ronnie Gossett has some things to say along with Tony Anthony and Dirty White Girl. Gossett explains that he would have gone to the Olympics if it wasn’t for his heart condition, so he really shouldn’t be in the ring for this match either, and he pledges to just stay on the apron through the whole thing.

-Superstar Bill Dundee is in the Sportatorium, and he’s a little thrown off by Tessa’s behavior in his last match with John Tatum, because he didn’t realize what happened until he watched the video later.

SUPERSTAR BILL DUNDEE vs. RADICAL RALPH
-We are getting some CHOICE jobbers this week. Ralph is wearing Zubaz, but they’re too small for him, so they just look like unusually colorful regular pants. Punches and elbows by Dundee as we finally get a positive ID on the unidentified commentator: Craig Johnson. Sleeper finishes up for Dundee in the meantime.

SOUTHERN ROCKERS vs. MIKE AWESOME & THE REAPER
-Off to Memphis. Graphic identifies him as “Mike Anderson,” so they clearly have big plans for him here.

-Doll ducks a punch and Awesome gets hammered on by both Rockers. Awesome fights back with a Samoan drop and a backdrop on Steve Doll. Awesome tags in and Dave Brown is clearly thrown by what a good showing Mike Awesome gave in there. Reaper suplexes Rex King and backs him into a corner, but King gets a surge of adrenaline and fights off both jobbers, and a double shoulderblock finishes off the Reaper.

STUNNING STEVE AUSTIN (with Jeannie) vs. JAMES RATH
-Hey, this guy shows potential. Suplex by Austin, followed by right hands. Austin already has some star charisma about him, but it’s not doing him any favors that he’s the sixth guy with long blonde hair that we’ve seen in this hour. This company just makes him look like he came off an assembly line. Gutwrench suplex looks to finish, but Chris Adams hits the ring and attacks Austin in an act of revenge for stealing his wife. Adams is so fired up that he manages to break a chair on Austin’s head, and he’s so pissed off that he keeps the attack going after that.

-But he probably should have stopped because Austin ends up throwing him into the post and he’s in trouble now. Jeannie tries to slap him, but Adams gets out of the way, Austin gets slapped, and Adams grabs a chair. Austin and Jeannie are outta there after that.

6.8

The final score: review Average

The 411

History, so it has that going for it.