WWE Smackdown 18th September 2009

WWE SMACKDOWN 18TH SEPTEMBER 2009

I wasn’t even aware these old Smackdown episodes were on YouTube, let alone legally, let alone available in the UK! This development pleased me, and thus I have a new reviewing project thing. And this will definitely last, unlike my “let’s review British promotions!” idea, and the “I’ll review stuff from ROH on Demand!” or, quite possibly the most foolhardy of them all, “I’ll try and watch every single match in Madison Square Garden history!”

… Ahem. On with the show.

We see a recap of the controversial Undertaker-CM Punk World Heavyweight Championship match at Breaking Point 2009. For those who can’t remember, it was a Submissions Match, and Taker made Punk tap to the Hell’s Gate, only for Teddy Long to announce the hold was banned. The match then restarted, with Punk cinching the Anaconda Vice in on the Deadman. The bell then rung, even though Taker didn’t tap, and Punk retained the World Championship. Now, I like the Undertaker, and I don’t think he should be losing very often, else it kills the mystique of his character… but did they really have to book the whole match to make Punk come off as a colossal loser? Anyway…

A cold open sees Teddy Long pull up in a limousine in the parking lot. Security immediately flanks him to protect the GM from the Undertaker as we now go to the opening video package.

When we come back, we’re back in the arena, and here’s Batista! Your hosts are Jim Ross and Todd Grisham, and we are emanating from somewhere in Canada! It’s never revealed where. Batista announces that his contract recently expired with Raw, and for the first time in his career he got to choose where he wanted to be. And he picked Smackdown! The A-Show! (Disclaimer: Smackdown may not be the A-Show as described.) Chris Jericho interrupts the homecoming however. Jericho gives Batista a cold welcome, saying that the Animal makes him sick. He’s just like the other injury prone loser Edge, pandering to the pathetic parasites in the audience, begging for cheers from the hypocrites. And no matter what Batista may think, Chris Jericho is the true face of Smackdown, and everyone knows it. Having listened calmly to this, Batista then announces that tonight, he and Y2J are going to have a chance to catch up, because they have a match tonight! Spinebuster to Jericho! Point made, Batista strolls up the ramp, grinning to the fans.

In the back, Jericho is livid with his co-Unified tag team champion, the Big Show, for not helping him out against the Animal. Show reminds Chris that he was the one who requested the big man stayed in the back in the first place, Jericho claiming he could do it himself. Y2J insists he can do it himself, and demands the Big Show watches the main event tonight.

Back from commercial break, Dolph Ziggler, number one contender for the Intercontinental Championship, joins the commentary team for this match.

MATCH 1- JOHN MORRISON VS MIKE KNOX

As Knox makes his way down to ringside, a PIP promo sees Knox talks unsettlingly about restless leg syndrome. Thanks for the info Mike!

Morrison lands a Capoeira Kick to stun Knox, and then hits a Pele variant. Knox charges at him, but the champion ducks and Mike’s momentum takes him to the floor. Springboard Asai Moonsault! Morrison has floored Knox on the… floor, as we head to commercials. When we return, the tables have turned, with Knox having hurled John into the ring post during the break. Bicycle Kick to the back of the head gets two. Mike follows up with a pair of backbreakers, but a third one is countered into a Tilt-a-whirl DDT! One, two, not three. Flying leg lariat, and then a big kick to the head by the A-Lister! Standing shooting star press! Impressive, but still only a two count. Knox once again shifts the momentum though with his trademark crushing crossbody for two. Morrison is able to force Mike into the turnbuckles, and cracks him with the Flying Chuck Kick. Starship Pain! That does it!

– **- Decent little TV match. Knox got a lot of hate when he first debuted on the ECW brand, but through the power of his superb beard (and I suppose his vastly improved wrestling skills) he won the doubters round. The David Vs Goliath theme worked well here, with these two having good chemistry. A nice way to open the show.

Post-match, Morrison mocks Dolph by leading the crowd in a chant of “Mr Ziggles!” Ziggler sulks to the back.

Next up, an exciting interview with a referee! That’ll get ratings! I mock, but it’s with Scott Armstrong, the man who officiated the CM Punk-Undertaker match at Breaking Point, so it has a purpose. Armstrong isn’t happy with what he had to do, but he was just following orders from someone in a much higher position than him. He makes no excuses; he did what he had to do to keep his job.

Next up, a match from the vault!

MATCH 2- MATT HARDY VS FINLAY

The only description we get from this is “Smackdown 2007,” but we’re close to Cyber Sunday from the way the commentators were hyping things.

Hardy gets the upper hand early on, beating Finlay out to the floor and crashing into him with a baseball slide. The Fighting Irishman catches Matt as he tries to re-enter though, throwing him into the ring post. Back in, Finlay locks Matt in a single-legged crab, wearing down the man that will not die. Matt comes back with a corner clothesline, followed up by a bulldog for two. Side Effect! That gets two also. Twist of Fate is blocked, so Matt improvises and heads up top, but Finlay punishes him by dragging him down to the mat. Finlay rips off the turnbuckle, and as the referee tries to fix it, the manliest man in the WWE heads for his shillelagh. However, MVP, Hardy’s frenemy at the time, knocks his weapon away from him, and the distraction allows Hardy to get the Twist of Fate for the win!

Rating- * ½- Another solid match. This felt a little too short, but it was hard hitting and intense, as you’d expect from anything that involves Finlay. This was a worthy rummage round the vault I feel.

MATCH 3- MELINA VS MICHELLE MCCOOL

McCool limps her way down to the ring, having apparently suffered an injured leg at some point.
Melina kicks McCool in the face to send her rolling out to the floor. The fan favourite goes out on the chase, but Michelle scurries into the ring and catches Melina as she tries to re-enter, allowing her to take control. She controls the match with a dragon sleeper. McCool misses a baseball slide though, and Melina takes advantage with a seated senton off the apron to the floor. Back in, it’s a double knee to the back and a big clothesline for two. Melina Matrix ducks a kick to the face, but can’t do the same for another. She does kick out though. McCool hoists Melina into position for a Gory Bomb, but she rolls through into a pinning combination, and that gets the win.

Rating- *- Passable TV match. Michelle McCool was actually not a bad worker, and Melina was one of the best the Divas division had to offer, so this was always going to be at least a professional encounter. There were a couple of nice little sequences in there as well.

In the GM’s office, Teddy Long briefs security on the dangers of the Undertaker and begs for them to stay with him all night. With that done, Long turns around… right into Vince McMahon! McMahon asks the security to leave, and commends Teddy for the signing of Batista, but asks why he would double-cross the Undertaker at Breaking Point. Long owes Vince an explanation, and he owes the WWE universe fans an explanation, so Teddy must go tell them why he cheated the Undertaker.

So, with that said, here comes Teddy Long, encircled by a veritable bevy of security. Long kicks off by welcoming Batista back to Smackdown, but he came out here to make an admission- he planned to prevent the Undertaker from becoming the World Heavyweight Champion. Teddy isn’t proud of what he did, and he won’t try and claim that he’s not scared of the Undertaker, which is why he has surrounded himself with security. The reason he did this was that times are tough, and he didn’t want to be standing in the unemployment line. He would like to apologise for his actions, and hopes that the Undertaker can find it within him to forgive him. Ross claims that we just heard some “revealing remarks,” and that said remarks “speak for themselves.” No they don’t. They were incoherent, and explain absolutely nothing. Apparently he did it because he didn’t want to be fired, but it was never explained why he would be sacked if the Undertaker became the World Champion, and no clues were offered at all. Sigh.

But all of this farce is redeemed with possibly the greatest segment of 2009. Long walks to the parking lot and gets into his limousine… only to find out that it’s DA UNDERTAKAH! “BUCKLE UP TEDDY!” Smoke fills the limousine, lightning crashes, and Teddy lets out a hilariously girlish squeal. The Undertaker drives Long away in the limo, and one can only imagine the ordeal that the GM has in store.

One commercial break later, and CM Punk is coming down to the ring! He told you so! He said he would beat Jeff Hardy, and he did, he said he would get rid of Jeff Hardy forever, and he did, and then he said that he would make the Undertaker tap out to the Anaconda Vice, and he did! Sort of. But he didn’t come out here to brag about making the Deadman tap, he came out to confront the Undertaker in Punk’s yard, to stick the World Title in his face and say… I told you so! But of course, Taker isn’t here right now, so he’ll just confront the fans. The fans need to be preached to, someone who is righteous, not self-righteous. Punk believes the fans have already given up on life, what with their dependence on drugs and alcohol. If they think they aren’t, then they are just liars. And CM Punk is not a liar, he’s a prophet, the choice of a new generation, a champion that everyone can be proud of! The first ever Straight Edge world champion in WWE history! And if you aren’t straight edge like him, it just means he’s better than you! Punk was on such a roll at this point, lighting up the entire summer, and this would continue for about another month before he was quashed at Hell in a Cell.

MATCH 4- CRYME TYME VS THE HART DYNASTY

Eve Torres accompanies Cryme Tyme to the ring, an alliance which I don’t remember at all.

D.H. Smith batters Shad in the corner, and takes the opportunity to get down with his bad self. Gangsta Gaspard soon bowls him over though, and dumps him on his face with a fall forward back suplex. Which means it’s not really a back suplex, but I couldn’t think of a good way to describe it. In comes JTG to dropkick Smith to the floor, and Shad ensures Kidd follows with a press slam as we head to commercials. When we return, Hart clotheslines Shad out of his funky jeans for a two count. Tag to Kidd, who is an angry little man as he stomps away. Back to Hart with a neck snap for two. Nothing really happens for a little while, allowing Grisham to spout off some fascinating facts about Canada, until Gaspard smashes into Tyson Kidd with a lariat. Hot tag to JTG! Flying shoulder block! Dropkick! Backbreaker! Big flying leg lariat! And all that is still only enough for two. Kidd and JTG trade roll ups for two as Jim Ross complain about Keyahney West. Hart boots JTG in the face while Eve Torres attacks Natalya Neidhart, and all these distractions allow Kidd to get a very funky but ultimately uncallable manoeuvre on JTG for the victory!

Rating- * ¾- Yet another solid but unspectacular match; well, aside from Kidd’s finisher, which was extremely spectacular. I’m surprised I haven’t really seen it since. Aside from that, a competent outing, although a bit quiet in places.

Melina strolls through the back, beaming, only to encounter pictures of Dolph romancing a blonde woman I feel I should recognise. Maria, who was Ziggler’s ladyfriend at the time, notices them, and Melina trying to take them all down as not to embarrass her. Misunderstandings ensue.

MATCH 5- THE GREAT KHALI VS KANE

Khali lumbers around the ring, punching and kicking the man from the depths of hell. Kane decides to bail to the floor, and then smacks the Indian with a steel chair for the instant DQ. Too short to rate. Post match, Kane picks up the steel steps and rams them into the prostrate Khali. Ranjin Singh is distraught, while the Big Red Monster is delighted.

MATCH 6- CHARLIE HAAS VS R-TRUTH

Well, supposedly. But instead of R-Truth hitting the ring, we get Drew McIntyre. McIntyre informs us that R-Truth was involved in an accident in the backstage area, and he can’t compete tonight, making Charlie Haas the winner by forfeit. His reward is a Double Armed DDT. McIntyre just oozed confidence on the mic, and had a great look about him. Pity he was never quite able to back it up in the ring.

MAIN EVENT- BATISTA VS CHRIS JERICHO

According to the video timer on Youtube, we have about eight minutes left in the show as this match gets underway, so don’t expect a classic here.

Jericho slaps Batista in the face, which probably isn’t the wisest move. Batista catches him off a crossbody and dumps him with a powerslam for two. Jericho comes back with a dropkick to the knee, and does so again to send the Animal to the floor. The Big Show watches on a monitor from backstage. Back in the ring, Batista powers out of a rear chinlock, but Chris keeps him subdued by hacking away at the knee. Y2J charges right into a Boss-Man Slam, and that keeps both men down. Back to their feet they go, with Jericho landing his trademark bulldog. Batista dodges the Lionsault though, and connects with the Spinebuster! Chris slips out a Batista Bomb, and hits an enzuiguri for two. H heads up top, but the Animal catches him on the way down with a clothesline. Chris darts out the way of a Spear, sending Batista crashing into the ring post. Roll up gets two. Walls of Jericho! Batista rolls out of it and kicks his foe off. Chris tries for the Codebreaker, but Batista catches him in mid-air, and the Batista Bomb gets the three!

Rating- ** ¼- Not as good as it could have been with more time, but they made great use of what little time they had, and packed in a lot of action. The finish was a touch predictable, but then again I wouldn’t bother coming up with anything too creative to waste on a Smackdown match. Decent outing.

And there’s just enough time for Josh Matthews to ask Big Show for his reaction. The giant says the Animal got lucky, and if Batista agrees to face him next week, his luck wil run out.

The 411: Not too much to recommend here. With Batista's return to Smackdown and the Teddy Long fiasco this was quite a noteworthy show at the time, but two years down the line the importance has faded. CM Punk has a terrific promo, and there's a trio of reasonable matches in Morrison-Knox, Hardy-Finlay and Batista-Jericho, but you can quite safely skip this.
Final Score:  4.0   [ Poor ]