CHIKARA Review: A Touch Of Class

Philadelphia, PA – 1.31.2010

CHIKARA follows up it’s every successful 2009 season finale with a record-breaking crowd at “A Touch of Class”. Tonight, the Brüderschaft officially debuts in four matches, including Tim Donst looking to win the Young Lions Cup from Player Dos. The Campeonatos de Parejas are also on the line as The Colony has their fourth title defense against F.I.S.T.

Commentary is provided by Bryce Remsburg, Eddie Kingston, Mike Quackenbush, Leonard F. Chikarason, Gavin Loudspeaker, and Ultramantis Black.

The show begins with Pinkie Sanchez is standing in front of the BDK cross background. He’s holding a new white and pink Ant mask, and has his hair dyed pink. He cuts a promo saying when he first debuted, people were snickering and laughing at him. He says he’s not an outcast, and is better than anybody in CHIKARA (mentioning his big Cibernetico victory as proof). With the BDK, he claims the minority is now the majority (does that make sense?) and they’re going to rewrite the rules and history.

Louden Noxious is now known as “Gavin Loudspeaker”, supposedly reverting back to an old personality of his. This was a side effect of him and Dasher Hatfield being electrocuted on the November 30th, 2009 edition of the CHIKARA Podcast A-Go-Go. A new ring announcer is present. A man in all white named Jakob Hammermeier. He introduces the BDK members in German, while Gavin announces the other participants in English.

Green Ant vs. Pinkie “Pink Ant” Sanchez

Green Ant hits Sanchez with a trifecta of dropkicks for two. He follows up with a trifecta of powerslams and again gets two. Sanchez misses a sledge in the corner and eats a splash from Green Ant. Sanchez hits a polish hammer on Green Ant. Sanchez and Green Ant brawl on the ring apron. Green Ant lariats Sanchez back in the ring. He sunset flips Sanchez, and Sanchez kicks Green Ant in the face. Green Ant sends Sanchez to the floor, and follows with a top rope splash. Green Ant chops Sanchez all over ringside. Back in the ring, Sanchez forearms Green Ant in the face, then takes him over with a dragonscrew leg whip. Sanchez targets Green Ant’s shoulder. Sanchez steps on Green Ant’s face and bites on his antennae. Green Ant locks an ankle lock on Sanchez. Sanchez uses the ropes to break. Green Ant boots Sanchez in the face, and Sanchez kicks Green Ant’s knee out from under him. Sanchez chops Green Ant in the corner. Green Ant comes out with a series of forearms. They trade shots until Sanchez drops Green Ant on his stomach and drops a knee across the back of his neck. Sanchez double stomps Green Ant for two. Sanchez snapmares Green Ant and kicks him in the back of the neck. He sits down on Green Ant with his knee draped across his neck. Green Ant fires up after a few headbutts, and delivers three of his own to Sanchez. Sanchez rakes Green Ant in the eyes and dropkicks him to the floor. Sanchez rams Green Ant back first into the ring apron. Green Ant goes up top and Sanchez follows. Green Ant headbutts Sanchez to the mat and comes off with a flying headbutt. Green Ant ducks a polish hammer and hits a springboard headbutt for two. Green Ant locks for a cloverleaf, and Sanchez prawn holds him for two. Green Ant locks it in and Sanchez gets the ropes. Green Ant slaps Sanchez. Sanches kicks Green Ant in the back of the head. Green Ant hits a wrist clutch Angle Slam. He goes up top and hits a big splash for two. Sanchez hits a spinwheel kick on Green Ant and then drops him with a Burning Hammer for the pin at 12:49. That was far more emotional and fun opener than you usually see in CHIKARA, and I meant that as a compliment to both these guys as opposed to a slight against others. I like Pinkie in this role a lot, and Green Ant looked fantastic. **3/4

Fire Ant and Soldier Ant come out to assist Green Ant to the locker room.

Create-A-Wrestler, Sugar Dunkerton, & Player Uno vs. The UnStable (Vin Gerard, STIGMA, & Colin Delaney)

STIGMA looks fatter than ever. That’s the opposite of what is good. The UnStable attack their opponents before the bell and brawl outside. Vin takes Create-A-Wrestler to the back while everyone brawls around the ringside area. Sugar and Colin end up back in the ring. Delaney controls Dunkerton with an armbar. Dunkerton twists into a wristlock and kicks Delaney in the posterior. Dunkerton knocks him down with a few punches. Dunkerton hits a “Pants on the Ground” elbow which is awesome. Uno comes in with STIGMA, knocking him down with a shoulder block. Uno lays in some chops and a leg lariat. Dunkerton and Uno knock down STIGMA with double elbows. Gerard comes back with no Create-A-Wrestler and grabs Dunkerton’s boot. STIGMA nails him with an elbow, and Ultimo Breakfast comes back to the apron. The UnStable beat on Dunkerton, keeping him away from his teammates. Dunkerton hits STIGMA with an Enzugiri and tags in Uno. Uno takes down the entire UnStable and is sent to the floor by Gerard. Gerard leg sweeps Breakfast. Breakfast trips Gerard and looks for the Breakfast Bomb. STIGMA knocks him to the floor and Breakfast heads to the back. Uno comes back and schoolboys Gerard for two. The UnStable beats down on Player Uno. STIGMA dumps Uno to the floor, forcing Dunkerton to get in the ring alone. STIGMA clobbers him until Dasher Hatfield runs out and takes his spot on the apron. Dunkerton slips out of the Stigmata and hits a bulldog-style western lariat. Hatfield gets the tag and runs roughshod on the UnStable. Hatfield pins Gerard and Delaney breaks it. Delaney sets up for the RKO. Uno brings STIGMA to the floor and Dunkerton sends Gerard to the floor. Hatfeild blocks a ground lariat from Delaney and kicks him in the chest. Hatfield places Delaney up top and nails him with the Grand Slam for the win at 10:01. This was a fun way to bring Dasher back and all, but outside of that this match wasn’t much. The UnStable have been so devalued the past year that it’s really sad. Oh well. **1/4

The Osirian Portal (Amasis & Ophidian) vs. The Brüderschaft (Sara Del Rey & Daizee Haze)

Sara knocks Amasis off the apron, as Sara and Daizee double team Ophidian. Amasis runs back in and is sent to the floor. Sara and Daizee hit a double suplex on Ophidian for two. Sara mows down Ophidian with a clothesline for two. Sara kicks Amasis off the apron again. Ophidian hits some shots on Sara. He ducks a boot and tags in Amasis. Sara elbows Amasis in the face. Amasis slaps Sara twice, and then the Portal hit tandem springboard shoulder tackles. Daizee Haze comes in. Sara trips Amasis and Ophidian, allowing Haze to dropkick them both in the face. Haze beats on Amasis while Sara throws Ophidian into the guardrail. Sara and Daizee demolish Amasis in their corner with hard strikes. Amasis ducks attacks from both to tag in Ophidian. Ophidian throws everything he’s got at them until Sara boots him in the face. Amasis comes off the top with a diving elbow to Sara. Haze picks up Ophidian as the legal two. Ophidian sends Haze onto Sara and Amasis. Ophidian comes off the top with a flying crossbody to the floor. The portal double team Haze, ending with Amasis hitting an STO for two. Amasis places Haze up top. Sara kicks Ophidian in the head, and Haze hits a swinging DDT out of the corner on Amasis. Ophidian gets kicked in the head by Sara and eats a piledriver. Haze follows up with a German suplex on Ophidian for the pin at 7:21. A lot of people said Sara and Daizee fighting the men was a bad idea, but these two proved all the naysayers wrong by kicking ass and showing they can hang with anyone. I approve of them as a team, and even challenging for the Campeones de Parejas. **1/2

Hallowicked vs. Brodie Lee

Lee tosses Frightmare down. Wicked beats on Lee in the corner. He hits a step-up Enzugiri and a step-up Frankensteiner. Wicked comes out looking for a pescado, but eats a throat thrust by Lee. Lee throws Wicked into the guardrail. Back in the ring Lee clutches on Wicked’s eye sockets. Lee tosses Wicked back to the floor. Lee throws Hallowicked back in the ring after chopping him. Lee chops Wicked and grabs at his eyes again. Wicked gets his boot up to stop Lee’s onslaught. Wicked takes Lee to the floor with a Cactus clothesline. Lee drops Wicked neck first on the guardrail. Lee accidentally chops the ring post. Wicked chops Lee and goes up top. Lee tosses Wicked off with a double underhook suplex for two. Lee tosses Hallowicked back to the floor. Lee looks for a Liger Bomb on the floor, but Wicked picks him up on his shoulders. Lee pushes Hallowicked into the ring steps. Lee pushes Wicked back in the ring and follows him. Wicked stands on the apron and kicks Lee in the face. Lee crotches himself on the top rope and eats a big boot from Hallowicked. Wicked follows with a tope through the middle ropes onto Lee. Wicked comes off the top with a senton splash for two. Lee superkicks Hallowicked and drops him on his head with a half-nelson suplex for two. Lee hits a big boot in the corner and follows with a Boss Man Slam for two. Wicked sends Lee into the corner. Lee picks up Wicked and powerbombs him for two. Lee pulls up Frightmare to the apron and boots him to the floor. Hallowicked hits the Big Boot on Lee once to his face, and again to the back of the head! Wicked hits another, and follows with the Rydeen Bomb for the pin at 8:14. This was great, both dudes just beat the piss out of each other for eight minutes and I enjoyed every minute of it. Lee beating up on Frightmare ties back into the Incoherence/Roughnecks feud from the previous year, so I wonder if we’ll get some variation of that again. Brodie just needs allies. **3/4

Grizzly Redwood, Pelle Primeau, & Andy Ridge vs. The Order of the Neo-Solar Temple (Ultramantis Black, Crossbones, & Delirious)

Ultramantis comments on The Brüderschaft, saying they successfully one-upped him. Mantis suggests that since they have the Eye of Tyr, they should leave the Order since they have bigger and better things to concentrate on. Mantis says their opponents will be destroyed, and their reign of power continues by winning the Campeones de Parejas and then the King of Trios tournament.

Delirious gives Redwood a running knee to the gut. Delirious feels no effect from Redwood’s attack. Primeau missile dropkicks Delirious to the floor. Primeau gives Mantis a headscissors to the floor. Crossbones tosses Primeau to the floor. Ridge and Crossbones trade kicks. Ridge sends Crossbones to the floor with a kick to the shoulder. Delirious rubs Ridge’s face into the mat. Redwood eats a choke bomb by Delirious. The Order beat him down in their corner while his ROH student partners watch. Redwood finally tags in Primeau after log rolling Mantis. Primeau takes Mantis over with a hurricanrana. Primaeu hits a bulldog for two. Crossbones splashes Primeau. Ridge superkicks Crossbones, and hits a running kick to Delrious’ face for two. Mantis comes in, and the Order hit a triple chokeslam on Ridge. Redwood hits a super sloppy rana on Crossbones and follows with a short bulldog on Mantis. Redwood punches Mantis in the corner. Crossbones powerbombs Redwood into the corner. Delirious gives him the Panic Attack. Primeau hits a tornado DDT on Mantis for two. Delirious brings Ridge in. The trade waistlocks. Crossbones mauls Ridge with punches and kicks. Delirious hits a wrist clutch suplex on Ridge. Mantis drops Ridge with the Praying Mantis Bomb for the pin at 9:48. I approve of the Order being built up as strong Trios contenders. I do not approve of the ultra sloppy wrestling Primaeu and Redwood brought. Ridge was awesome, throwing accurate kicks and looking like a million bucks. Why couldn’t the other two ROH student goofs do the same? **

Young Lions Cup
Player Dos (Champion) vs. Tim Donst

Donst cuts a promo saying how everyone likes and believes Dos is great for CHIKARA as the Young Lions Cup champion. Donst says he dislikes Dos because no matter what he does, he’s always going to be just that much better than him. He says he knows it doesn’t how much time he spends training, he’ll never jump as high as Dos, run as fast as him, or fly like he does. However, Donst says unlike Dos, he’ll cheat to win. Donst pities Dos for that fact. Donst rants about how much time it took for him to get to this point, but only three seconds to pin Dos’ shoulders to the mat and win the Cup. Donst believes it’s his destiny to be the Young Lions champion and for all to hail the BDK.

Donst is wearing inverted, white Vökoder gear now. Donst tries to jump Dos, but Dos nails him with a superkick. On the floor, Dos chops Donst all over the ringside area. Donst rakes Dos’ eyes and chops him. Donst slides over the steps, and Dos comes off the steps with a seated Thesz press. Dos throws Donst in the ring and goes up top. Donst rolls to the floor, and Dos gives him a flying crossbody. Donst throws Dos’ face into the ring post. In the ring, Dos fights back only to be thrown down mask first to the mat. Donst chops Dos in the corner and tweeks his nipples. Donst gives Dos a backbreaker from the ring apron to the floor. Donst rams Dos’ back multiple times into the ring apron. Dos elbows Donst in the chest and lays in some forearms. Dos slams Donst’s face into the paron. Donst kicks Dos back to the floor as he tries to get back in. Dos crawls in as Donst turns his back. Donst gives Dos a pair of gut-wrench suplexes for two. Dos throws Donst into the corner and comes in with a flying forearm. Donst suplexes Dos from the apron to the ring for two. Donst hits a neckbreaker for two. Donst crotches Dos in the corner and hits a jumping elbow and a backbreaker for two. Dos comes out of the corner with a pair of clotheslines. Dos hits a spin-out facebuster. Donst lands an STO for two. Donst applies the Hydralock to mock his former partner, and Dos hits a Pelé kick. Donst locks a full nelson body vice on Dos on the mat. Dos escapes and hits the ropes. Donst goes right behind him with a bulldog. He follows with the Donstitution for two. They trade forearms with Dos hitting the ropes. Donst misses the bulldog and Dos hits an enzugiri. Dos hits a full nelson slam sending Donst to the floor. Dos dives onto Donst, throws him back in the ring, and comes off the top rope with a leg lariat for two. Dos locks in the CHIKARA Special. Donst escapes from it and hits the SDT for two. Dos is able to kick Donst in the corner and hit a standing B13! Dos goes up top. Donst gets his knees up for the frog splash, and locks on the inverted CHIKARA Special. Dos taps out at 13:36 to win the match and become the new Young Lions Cup champion. The Brüderschaft add a title to their regime on the first show, which I think was a perfect way to legitimize them immediately. Donst definitely seems rejuvenated in this new heel persona of his, and it’s so much more entertaining than his amateur wrestling schtick. Now let’s see more Super Smash Bros. tag matches please. ***

Mike Quackenbush and The Future Is Now (Jigsaw, Equinox, & Lince Dorado) vs. The Brüderschaft (Claudio Castagnoli, Ares, Tursas, & ???)

The Tecnicos run out, and as Equinox is running up the steps, Lince trips him back first on the steps. In one of the more obvious turns in CHIKARA, Lince Dorado is the eighth and final member of the Brüderschaft. This leaves the match at a one man disadvantage for Quack, Jigsaw, and Equinox…for now…

Mike Quackenbush and The Future Is Now (Jigsaw & Equinox) vs. The Brüderschaft (Claudio Castagnoli, Ares, Tursas, & Lince Dorado)

The Brüderschaft beat on Quack and Jigsaw. They target Quack’s back while manhandling Jigsaw on the floor. All four BDK members beat down Quack and send him to the floor. They then do the same with Jigsaw. Dorado chokes Quack on the floor and slaps away at Equinox. Claudio brings Quack back in to get powerslammed by Tursas. The Brüderschaft destroy Quackenbush in their corner, with Tursas being unaffected by everything Quack does. Jigsaw becomes legal when Quack hits the floor. The Brüderschaft immediately pounce and isolate Jigsaw in their corner. Claudio mocks Eddie Kingston by hitting a backfist on Jigsaw. They had a big feud last year which ended with Claudio beating Kingston. Claudio sets up Jigsaw for the Ricola Bomb, and Eddie Kingston hits the ring. Kingston mauls Lince Dorado with a Thesz Press and forearms across the face. Ares clips Kingston’s knee, but Kingston clotheslines Ares to the floor. Kingston lays in some of his hard chops to Tursas with little effect. Kingston makes Tursas dizzy and hits the ropes. Claudio and Ares drag Kingston to the floor. Equinox tries some chops on Tursas while Claudio throws a piece of the ring barrier onto Kingston. Tursas gives Equinox a suplex as we see Jigsaw, Quack, and Kingston laid out on the arena floor. They toss Equinox out, and Claudio deadlifts Jigsaw back into the ring. Tursas bullies Jigsaw until Claudio bicycle kicks him to the floor. Dorado dives onto Jigsaw. Quack flies in with a crossbody. Claudio rolls through and throws Quack right back to the floor. Equinox comes in and is taken out by Tursas. Equinox gets bicycle kicked to the floor. Dorado goes for a dive, but eats a palm strike from Quack. Quack hits a dragonrana on Claudio. Quack lays in the windmill chops on Tursas with no effect. Quack hits the ropes and eats a body block from Tursas. Jigsaw runs in and tries more chops. Tursas hits Jigsaw with a Boss Man Slam. Kingston lays in more chops which somewhat effect him. Kingston catches Dorado off the ropes and tosses him to the floor. Ares gets an enzugiri from Kingston. Claudio dropkicks his bad leg, and Quack and Jigsaw hit him with double superkicks. Kingston follows with a dive on Claudio, Jigsaw dives on Ares, Equinox dives on Tursas, and Quack dives on Dorado. Quack dropkicks Dorado into the corner and drops him on his head with a side suplex. He palm strikes Dorado to the floor. Ares gives Quack a spin-out side slam for two. Equinox blasts Ares with his punch for two. Ares sends Equinox to the corner with a splash. Claudio battering rams Ares into Equinox, and Equinox eats a hard uppercut from Claudio for two. Claudio looks for the Ricola Bomb. Jigsaw boots Claudio in the face twice. He hits an enzugiri and a DDT. Tursas breaks the pin. Quack and Jigsaw slap Tursas, and Tursas takes him down with double clotheslines. Kingston peppers Tursas in the face with strikes. Claudio low blows Kingston while Ares distracts the referee to get the pin at 14:32. The Brüderschaft came off looking like absolute monsters, which is exactly what they needed to accomplish in this match. The Tecnicos all looked great, with Kingston clearly being the thorn in the Brüderschaft’s side. This built up what was to come very well, and was excellent in how it was executed. ***1/2

Tursas, Ares, and Lince grab Kingston as Claudio grabs the mic. He tells Kingston that he owes him his respect (from the Respect match Claudio won in November). Kingston says he will never respect Claudio, so the Brüderschaft beat him down. The others try to save him but to no avail. Claudio gives Kingston the Ricola Bomb for good measure. The Brüderschaft leave with Claudio promising Kingston will respect him.

Campeonatos de Parejas
The Colony (Fire Ant & Soldier Ant) (Campeones) vs. Team F.I.S.T. (Icarus & Gran Akuma)

Akuma runs through all the impressive accomplishments F.I.S.T. had held. Akuma says the only place they can go from here, is to do it all over again. Icarus says there is no love lost between F.I.S.T and The Colony, and that the match is still very, very personal.

The first fall starts with Fire Ant and Icarus trading kicks. Fire Ant misses an Antzugiri and is sent to the floor with a dropkick. Icarus follows bringing Soldier and Akuma in. Soldier Ant armdrags Akuma in the corner and gives Akuma a monkey flip. Akuma hits a sole butt and kick to the face. Fire Ant gives Akuma a headscissors and an octopus stretch. Akuma is sent to the floor with a headscissors. Icarus comes in and spears Soldier Ant off the apron while Akuma gives Fire Ant the cheetah swipe for two. F.I.S.T. team up on Fire Ant in their corner. After a long beatdown, Fire Ant dives to the floor causing Icarus to clothesline Akuma. Soldier Ant gives Icarus a Samoan Drop and a Northern Lights suplex for two. Soldier Ant looks for the TKO, but Icarus fights out. The Colony hit a double stunner variation before booting Icarus to the floor. The Colony get kicked by Akuma until the Colony gives him the Ants Marching neck breaker for two. Soldier Ant blocks a Shiranui from Icarus. Icarus hits an E.V.O. for two. Fire Ant places Icarus up top. Icarus eats an Antzugiri. Akuma goes up top with Icarus. Soldier Ant climbs up and helps Fire Ant give F.I.S.T. a double backdrop from the top rope. The Colony hit tandem double stomps on F.I.S.T. from the top rope. The Colony send F.I.S.T. to the floor and hit stereo tope’s through the middle rope. Soldier Ant pins Icarus for two. Soldier and Icarus exchange blows. Akuma lands an exploder suplex before eating an Antzugiri from Fire Ant. Akuma gives Fire Ant the Rubik’s Cube to win the first fall at 12:03. F.I.S.T. is up 1 fall to 0.

Soldier Ant gets thrown face first into the middle rope by Icarus. F.I.S.T. now isolate Soldier Ant from his partner for a beat down while Fire Ant lay on the arena floor recuperating. Soldier Ant escapes a Doomsday Device by giving Akuma a reverse spike hurricanrana. Soldier Ant rolls to the floor and Fire Ant ascends to the top rope. He gives Akuma the Heat of the Moment and the wheelbarrow stunner. Icarus comes in and throws Fire Ant to the corner. Fire Ant hops over and gets the Shiranui by Icarus. Icarus gives him the Pedigree for two. Icarus looks for a second Pedigree. Fire Ant turns it into a brainbuster and then nails Icarus with the Yahtzee kick. Icarus spears Fire Ant. Fire Ant gives him an Antzugiri and lands the Beach Break for two. Fire Ant kicks Icarus in the shoulder and then lands two Antzugiri’s. Fire Ant hits a springboard plancha onto Akuma on the floor. Soldier Ant rolls up Icarus from headscissors into the CHIKARA Special. Icarus taps at 21:14 tying up the match 1 to 1.

Soldier Ant lays in forearms to Icarus. Icarus gives him the Blu-Ray DVD in the corner. Icarus throws Fire Ant in the corner and looks for the Shiranui. Fire Ant pushes him outside. Akuma gives Fire Ant a sole butt. Fire Ant gives him an Antzugiri. Akuma gives him a rolling clothesline and sets up for the Rubik’s Cube. Fire Ant rolls into a prawn hold for the pin at 22:56, giving the Colony their second fall and the win. I can’t tell you how incredibly disappointing this was. This was the worst match these two teams have produced in years. They were sloppy, boring, and the crowd was doing nothing but either politely clapping or chatting amongst themselves. An almost embarrassing 22 minutes, but I’ll give them **1/2 anyways.

The 411: Disappointing main event aside, I give this a recommendation. The BDK stuff was intriguing and at best really fun. Hallowicked vs. Brodie was also good, and the other stuff was alright. For historical purposes, and set up for the rest of the year, it’s a pretty big deal. So if you like storyline stuff, buy this. If you like awesome wrestling matches…I recommend it less. Also make sure to check out my ever-so comprehensive CHIKARA blog!

Final Score:  7.1   [ Good ]