The Wrestling Sandwich 07.09.11

Hello and welcome to the Wrestling Sandwich once again to satiate your hunger pangs on the top stories of wrestling! First up, a few topics carrying over from last week requiring comment:

On the market: Calculated risks are all you can really ask for in the market. I prefer those, and “strangle” options that guarantee one way or another you make money. I won’t reveal my techniques but I’ll tell you this: I didn’t lose a single penny in June. You just need to use your head. Oh, and I don’t own an “eBay business” at all. It is an actual building worth more than you will ever be worth with a business that is recession-proof because it is a “need” rather than a “want” in this society. I also don’t ONLY trade WWE, that would be ridiculous.

About uranium in Iraq: Actually the yellowcake uranium was indeed found in Iraq being prepared for weapons. The reason I knew there were WMD’s to begin with was way back in the early 1990’s when the first Iraq War started, one of my friends had a brother enlisted in the Army and I had the pleasure of meeting him and talking to him about Iraq. He was never the same when he came back because of biological and/or chemical weapons that had been deployed, and he was eventually diagnosed with Gulf War Syndrome. So yeah, there were WMD’s there from 1990 onward. Wikipedia is a well-known source of misinformation.

About racism: Please spare me. Every time somebody is utterly out-witted and proven false, they claim racism these days. Anybody who watches my votes in MOTW and WOTW knows I can’t possibly be racist. So shut the hell up and blame yourself for a change.

About me being a shitty writer: I posted a challenge before for any one of you to take me on in a writing challenge to be judged by literary experts. Nobody accepted. You want amateur writing, go read Stephanie Meyer or whoever writes that Gossip Girl tripe. Believe me, my spell checker finds all the spelling and grammatical mistakes the “better writers” make in the comments section towards me and some of you are lucky you can even read at higher than an eighth-grade level. And as far as the guy who got published, I can out-write you any day of the week. The real shocker is if you really did get published because I can’t see anybody publishing manuscripts submitted in crayon.

Now, let us get to the greatest awards ceremony in the history of awards! Yes, I did go to Tony Schiavone’s broadcasting school, why do you ask?

Top Stories of the Week!

1. RAW Continues Ratings Slump On July 4th

Monday Night RAW ratings are in and they are not good once again. Despite all the attention and press the CM Punk promo brought in, the rating for both hours together is a dismal 2.4 that falls 0.3 less than the required 2.7 to maintain advertisers.

I know, of course, that July 4th is a holiday and there are about 10,000 other things that people will claim is responsible for a poor rating. But this poor? The last few weeks were all 3.1 and this was a 2.4, nearly an ENTIRE POINT down. Yes, it is one week but the average for the last four weeks is under a 3.1 with this rating. The first hour only got a 2.34, which has to be pretty low. After all, this is the summer! But, is there any truth to the claims Monday Night RAW was screwed by July 4th? Okay, now you gave me an idea. RAW’s ratings for the last several years around July 4:

2010: 3.35 on July 5th
2009: 3.6 on July 6th
2008: 3.5 on July 7th
2007: 3.7 on July 2nd
2006: 3.6 on July 3rd
2005: 2.6 on July 4th

But interestingly enough, the ratings around that particular date were usually similar and higher whereas in 2011 the ratings showed a decline for weeks before the 2.4 rating was scored. Whereas in 2005 the 2.6 was accompanied by mid 4’s, this year we had 3.1, 3.1, 3.1, and then 2.4 so obviously, there is a problem.

Oh, and in a seemingly unrelated story, SmackDown dropped Friday the 1st to a bit over 1.6 from 1.7’s the past several weeks. I’m sure it had to do with July 4th too, though.

2. CM Punk is not very GLAAD about Australia

Oh, that poor rabble-rouser CM Punk. Punk managed to get a video uploaded of him castigating a fan in Australia, going so far as to call him a homo and question his masculinity. This is obviously standard wrestling cheap heat 101, but as we all know WWE has an association with GLAAD for educating people on the rights of gays and lesbians, and this now marks the second incident somebody was called a gay slur with the first being Michael Cole on Twitter.

I agree that this is ridiculous and I’m sure CM Punk is glad he’s leaving the company since otherwise he might have to sit through hours of “sensitivity training” liberal bullshit but the fact is WWE should have known what they were getting into. Organizations like these aren’t really about the people and their causes as much as they are about the money and good media coverage. Remember, years ago the PTC caused all sorts of hell when they questioned the WWE violence and cost them advertisers, but later got busted as hypocrites when they were advertising WWE merchandise for sale on their website! Yep, such a horrible product you guys went out and sold their action figures, right?

GLAAD, however, isn’t concerned with whether or not they are violent. GLAAD is concerned about whether or not the company will continue its anti-bullying campaign and stop the trend of wrestlers mouthing off the supposedly offensive word to each other and to fans. Honestly, I have to side with WWE on this one. You don’t need these lefty groups, Vince!

3. All Wheels Wrestling Debuts

All Wheels Wrestling finally debuted and… wait, I don’t give a shit. Ok, moving on.

4. Warrior’s Voice In His Head

Warrior was booked to appear on a special show known as The Voice Versus, featuring Michael “The Voice” Schiavello in which he’d speak his mind for sixty minutes about his situation with Hulk Hogan and other rumors and questions people have had for over twenty years about him. However, things didn’t quite go as planned and Warrior discussed it, talking about the wildfires in his neck of the woods that made things go awry. Some people think Warrior did it on purpose, other people think Warrior is sincere, and either way he finds himself in the public eye yet again.

Honestly, Warrior seems like a pretty straightforward guy to me. He gets in your face, he says what he believes is the truth, and makes no lies about it. He preaches a very healthy and conservative lifestyle and has admitted his mistakes and attempted to move on. For a man of his age, he’s in tremendous shape and offered appearance fees by nearly everybody in the wrestling world, and even McMahon is trying to get him into the Hall of Fame by most accounts. The simple fact of the matter is Warrior is one of those guys who don’t NEED wrestling as much as wrestling needs him.

I’d give the guy the benefit of the doubt. There are a lot of problems in that section of the country right now that we can’t really do anything about so hopefully we get to hear Warrior discuss things with somebody so people will get his side of all the stories floating around.

The Golden Nugget Half-Year Awards for 2011

There it is, that bastion of pure non-excellence in professional wrestling today. The sign that no matter what your intention, you have delivered the absolute worst pile of festering crap to a national audience that deserves better: The Golden Nugget. Named in part after the famous “I am not a nugget!” speech from Owen Hart, these are very special awards that are presented for various categories twice a year: First half and year-end in December. There will be awards given for ten categories at this time of year, and twenty in December. So what was the absolute worst of the year thus far? Let’s find out!

1. The Ted Arcidi Worst Worker Of The Half-Year Award

WINNER: Mason Ryan

Much like Arcidi himself, Ryan is not known for anything outside power and being pretty immobile for the most part. Ryan was brought up way too early and it shows every time he gets in the ring and is obviously uncomfortable performing in various matches, and has a big awkwardness during some of his maneuvers that could be dangerous. Ryan could use a good year in FCW before heading back up but I’m not sure the WWE thinks that just yet. I’ve yet to see a single Ryan match I’d rank above half a star and I’m sure many others think the same thing.

2. The Jackie Gayda Worst Female Worker Of The Half-Year Award

WINNER: Alicia Fox

Can anybody explain to me why Alicia Fox is even allowed to enter a wrestling ring and compete? She’s been botching moves left and right and can’t even work a decent wrestling promo, forgetting the name of her own championship at one point last year. This would have gone to Melina but she at least can hit some impressive maneuvers while Alicia has yet to show she can wrestle a basic match consistently in the ring.

3. The Big Show vs. Kane Worst Match of the Half-Year Award

WINNER: Jerry “The King” Lawler vs. Michael Cole, WrestleMania XXVII

Coming into WrestleMania this year a lot of people expected one of the few shining moments to be Lawler overcoming month after month of Cole’s mental torture and verbal batterings, along with assistance from his “trainer” Jack Swagger who helped him beat down both JR and the King leading up to the match. Most of us came into the event thinking it would be short and sweet with Lawler getting out of trouble early on, Austin keeping Swagger at bay, and King just teeing off on Cole before piledriving him out of the announcer’s chair for a few weeks to sell the beating. We all were so very wrong.

Aside from screwing up a match so easy a Geico caveman could have booked it, they dragged the entire affair out for FOURTEEN MINUTES in the ring. Lawler, age 62, had to lead the match for an untrained non-athlete in his 40’s while Stone Cold stood by as the guest referee to basically have little impact on the match until the very end. Cole got tons of offense on Lawler and it looked more like he didn’t even need Swagger’s help at many points before Lawler began fighting back and Austin shoved Cole. Cole got put into the Ankle Lock and tapped repeatedly but Austin wouldn’t call for the bell until he was good and ready. People were happy to see the thing finally end, but wait! The anonymous GM chimes in and says because Austin put his hands on Cole that Michael Cole wins via disqualification. The fans were in disbelief and people were booing their heads off in the arena.

The most insulting thing about this match was that it took place during WrestleMania, a time usually reserved for feud-ending matches between big stars. This crapfest didn’t even deserve a slot in the dark matches for this event, and is rightfully given the golden poop for that “performance” during the so-called biggest PPV of the year.

4. The Heroes of Wrestling Worst PPV of the Half-Year Award

WINNER: WWE Over The Limit 2011

When we talk about predictability, Over The Limit and Elimination Chamber both had a lot of those elements to them. But not only did Over The Limit provide absolutely horrible stories but the action wasn’t so very good either. As a refresher for this “event” we have the following:

Ezekiel Jackson beat Wade Barrett by DQ
Sin Cara beat Chavo Guerrero and nearly killed him with a botched La Mistica
Big Show and Kane defeated CM Punk and Mason Ryan to retain WWE Tag Team Titles
Brie Bella w/Nikki defeated Kelly Kelly to retain the Divas Championship
Randy Orton defeated Christian to retain the World Championship (MOTN)
Jerry Lawler FINALLY defeated Michael Cole in a Kiss My Foot Match
John Cena defeated The Miz to retain the WWE Championship

One good match, three giant duds and the rest worth RAW or SmackDown treatment at best! The main complaint coming out of the event was “predictable” although the fact several matches really had no chance of hitting over three stars didn’t assist the situation. Ironically, it was during the worst event of the half-year that they finally did the RIGHT move in the Cole-Lawler feud by ending it with a decisive Lawler victory.

This particular “spectacle” drew 70,000 domestic buys, requiring the international community to pull it up to around 200,000 in total after a scary thought that it may very well have beaten December To Dismember as the lowest drawing PPV in WWE history. Looking at the card and the results, it didn’t deserve last place but probably deserved a spot close to it.

5. The Katie Vick Worst Storyline Of The Half-Year

WINNER: Michael Cole the Undefeated Wrestler

Although the original reason Cole and Lawler began “feuding” began in 2010, the main feud was this particular past six months in which Cole went from being annoying douche heel commentator to annoying douche heel commentator who wrestled and won on flukes. It had all the makings of a terrible storyline: A non-wrestler involved in wrestling matches with no experience, no charisma, and basically no chance in hell.

The joke of a feud with Lawler was started with Cole defending The Miz from losing his WWE Title back on RAW in December 2010 when he stopped Lawler from climbing a ladder to get to the belt. Afterwards, Cole attempted to explain himself but began protecting the Miz in other matches as well. Cole began feeling extremely secure and started to run down Jerry Lawler as always wanting to be the center of attention, which caused Lawler to fire back at how much he blew as an announcer. The two would squabble and finally Lawler would be challenged to a match at WrestleMania by Cole, who would have a trainer on hand in Jack Swagger. Swagger had, last year, been world champion thanks to a WrestleMania win and now was relegated to Cole’s sidekick. That in and of itself was enough!

Things picked up as Cole began several ridiculous segments including interviewing Brian Christopher, making fun of Lawler’s dead mother, and signing his own referee for the WrestleMania match which, naturally, turned out to be a big disappointment for Cole when JBL was Stunned by Stone Cold and then Austin signed himself on the blank form to be the ref. The RAW GM wouldn’t allow Lawler to put his hands on Cole, so Cole continued taking cheap shots at him and eventually debuted “The Cole Mine” which he sat in by himself in a secure little glass shack near the commentary table. After WrestleMania’s HORRIBLE match, Cole would continue with the ridiculous crap including the knighting ceremony in England and cutting off Diva matches featuring Eve most of the time. He and Swagger would also take victory laps around the ring after beating up the King or JR, who ended up facing Cole in a one on one match on RAW. The only reason that didn’t take home worst match honors was because at least the fans didn’t have to pay to see it, and Cole got his mouth busted open.

With JR and the King taking on Swagger and Cole in a “tag team country whippin’ match” Cole once again scored a pinfall. Now he was getting super cocky and started to argue with Jack Swagger. After the King had finally blown a gasket and used Cole’s tie to pull him against the Cole Mine and squeeze him, Swagger accepted the request for a match and then Cole ended up accidentally angering Swagger when he said Swagger was indeed his sidekick and nobody even remembered his world title run. Cole ended up facing Lawler all by himself and lost in a match about five months too late, and returned the very next night on RAW to apologize and magically everything was forgiven.

Utter crap.

6. The InVasion Disappointment Of The Half-Year

WINNER: Jeff Hardy is allowed to “perform” at Victory Road 2011

People who paid for TNA’s Victory Road 2011 expected to see a pretty good event. The undercard delivered some very nice matches but the final match was supposed to be a long, drawn-out battle between new champion Sting and former champion Jeff Hardy. However, somebody apparently forgot to remind Jeff he had a PPV main event to wrestle because he partied like a rock star BEFORE the PPV started.

As a result, Jeff drunkenly lumbered to the ring and basically stared around with dull, lifeless eyes before Sting came out to oppose him. Eric Bischoff had to quickly run in and check on Hardy to see if he was either going to pass out or puke and check with Sting that they had a failsafe plan. Hardy, of course, didn’t know what end was what and Sting attempted to put on a quick few moves before angrily hitting the Deathdrop and covering in under a minute while forcibly holding Hardy down for a legit 3 count. Hardy just popped up afterward wasted out of his mind and Sting looked downright miserable heading to the back to the chants of “BULLSHIT!” which he said, “I agree!” to as he was walking down the aisle. TNA quickly said that the PPV main event was not the quality they wanted to produce for their fans and gave everybody who mailed in proof of purchase a six-month free TNAOnDemand.com membership.

The only good part of this situation was that TNA knew people were dissatisfied, ADMITTED the match stunk, and gave the fans something to make up for it. I’ve yet to see a certain other company even admit they put on bad matches. Still happy you signed them Hardy Boys, JR?

Didn’t think so.

7. The Red Rooster Worst Gimmick of the Half-Year

WINNER: Johnny Curtis

To even explain exactly what Curtis’ gimmick is would be close to impossible, since it appears his entire set of appearances were related to people finally realizing the guy won NXT Season 4 and then never got a tag title shot with his Pro R-Truth as promised, and didn’t even debut either. Anyway, several months after his win we saw Curtis backstage mentioning he was the winner of NXT Season 4, didn’t get a tag title shot, but he wasn’t going to cry over this and then proceeded to spill milk all over himself.

His other cameos included “painting” himself in a corner on an art canvas and “cutting the mustard” by slicing a knife through mustard among other ridiculous acts that supposedly are giving this guy a chance to get over. I think poor Curtis has already been saddled with a career-killing gimmick unless they drastically change things so that he has a chance to connect with the audience and, oh I don’t know, actually wrestle?

8. The Sgt. Slaughter Atomic Noogie Worst Finisher of the Half-Year

WINNER: The Cobra – Santino Marella

The main difference between the “Atomic noogie” and the Cobra would be Santino is booked as a comedy wrestler who occasionally gets lucky while the noogie was actually advanced for a time as a legitimate submission hold. However, it does take a lot of disbelief to watch somebody laid out for about half a minute while a guy does tricks with his hands to form a “cobra” and then smack you in the upper chest with it and score a three count. To their credit, WWE announcers did say that the move just “stuns” you and doesn’t do any damage but still, the move is up there with The Worm, The People’s Elbow, and Miz’s old running knee into a reverse neckbreaker (Reality Check) as moves that are considerably fake looking and do more harm than good.

9. The Michael Cole Worst Announcer of the Half-Year

WINNER: Michael Cole!

Not really a difficult thing to figure out, since the award is named after him.

Nobody has done less in fourteen years at the commentary booth and still remained employed as a commentator than Michael Cole. He has created pretty much nothing, actually ruined matches with his attempts to be a nasty heel, and even when he tries his best still doesn’t do a very good job. The only reason why he remains employed is that he’s favored over Jim Ross and others by none other than Vince McMahon himself. Then again if you compare Cole’s work to Vince’s in the 1980’s you can see that as bad as McMahon may have been he’s STILL better than Cole!

This year saw the heel persona of Cole add into the announcing as he would bash wrestlers, diss the divas, and basically count several matches he didn’t like as “boring” and refused to commentate objectively when it was his job, such as the Swagger vs. Bryan match JR returned to do guest commentary for. Cole actually showed himself on camera using Twitter on his phone and basically talked about the crap in the ring. Cole continues to be “just there” when it comes to actual skill and creating a demand to see a match based on commentary alone, and he remains WON’s Worst Announcer for the last several years. I have a feeling he takes this year, too, for both!

10. The TNT Worst Show of the Half-Year

WINNER: Monday Night RAW.

TNT used to be a regular television show that showcased the talents of professional wrestlers besides just wrestling that aired starting in 1984. It showed a few minutes of match footage, lots of interviews, and ran for two hours with some of the most boring and inane segments in human history such as Iron Sheik discussing camels and Ivan Putski doing the polka with Vince and Lord Alfred. It didn’t last very long and despite a few fun segments, was mostly poorly reviewed.

RAW is becoming a lot like TNT this year with more segments devoted to stupidity than actual competition, or matches that belonged on an old Prime Time Wrestling show. I could see it now…

Gorilla: Tonight a match that could main event any arena in the world, Kofi Kingston taking on the US Champion Dolph Ziggler!

Heenan: I think that match already has been the main event everywhere in the world. It’s been going on so long Abraham Lincoln was on the show when they first wrestled.

Gorilla: WILL YOU STOP?

Heenan: What about that Michael Cole, huh? He’s a ham and egger if I ever saw one.

Gorilla: You resemble that remark.

Heenan: I am NOT a ham and egger! I’ll have you know I spend more in a day than you make in a month pal.

Gorilla: Highly unlikely with those cheap pockets. Also tonight on Prime Time, we’ll see John Cena discussing his feud with (insert name here)

Heenan: For a guy who likes to fight he sure does talk a lot. I hate people who talk all the time.

Gorilla: Are you serious?

..Yep, and at least back then Gorilla and Bobby made everything seem important.

Smartest Thing of the Week: Rowdy Roddy Piper Outsmarts and Beats Cancer!

You have to hand it to the Rowdy Scot; he always finds a way to overcome even the toughest obstacles. When Piper was diagnosed with cancer years ago, he was told it had a good chance of coming back even if he defeated it. Piper did beat it and recently contracted it once again, but the good news came by this past week that Roddy had once again beaten his cancer thanks to early detection, regular testing, and aggressive treatment. Here’s hoping for a long life for one of my all time favorites and good luck Roddy!

Dumbest Thing of the Week: RAW Loses Its Punk

So, the July 4th holiday is on the way and you are taping right after one of the top promos of the year, if not the promo of the year, by your newly departing talent. Now, you already plan to reinstate him on the taping, and you know that around this time of year ratings tend to be lower on July 4th itself, so what is the booking decision?

A. Put CM Punk on at the end of the show in a surprise attack on John Cena
B. Reinstate Punk in the opening segment and have him attack Cena at the end of the show
C. Leave Punk off the entire show and just have him reinstated at the end as an afterthought so the match can be about whether or not Cena gets fired

If you chose C, you know the WWE! Rather than actually give a reason for people to tune in on July 4th, after everybody heard Punk wasn’t on they bailed out to watch fireworks or simply enjoy other programming. Great way to follow up on what -was- one of the top talked about segments all year.

OLD SCHOOL WRESTLERS OF THE WEEK

The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers

Unlike some of the wrestling families, the Rougeaus actually were brothers in real life as well as kayfabe. Jacques and Raymond debuted in the WWF in 1986, although they had wrestled in the late 1970’s in Montreal taking on a fake pair of brothers, the Garvins. The WWF called them up in 1986 and they debuted in February of that year as baby faces, but that was going to change!

The Rougeaus, at first, wrestled clean and helped out other faces when in need. But as time went on, they started to have a few issues with “10 or 15 percent” of the crowd who booed them, in their mind, because they were from the same country as Dino Bravo. They attempted to assure the crowd they weren’t like him, but it didn’t help matters when they began mixing up some famous American landmarks, which they claimed to love. During one interview they discussed visiting the “Washington Memorial” and the “Lincoln Monument” which was actually correct in reverse. The Rougeaus became fully heel after beating the Killer Bees with cheap tactics and decided to add Jimmy Hart as their manager. But, the Rougeaus were on their way to live in America!

Adopting ridiculously small American flags and waving them around, they declared their patriotism to the USA and were planning to move to Memphis, Tennessee. Since the Hart Foundation had recently turned face after dumping Jimmy Hart, Hart gave the Rougeaus his contract percentage of the Hart Foundation’s earnings and used them to try and get revenge against the Harts for dumping him. About this time, one of the greatest heel theme songs debuted as “All-American Boys” premiered, sung by the Rougeau Brothers themselves who now had begun referring to themselves as the Fabulous Rougeau Brothers. I’ve been looking all over for the actual French lyrics and translation and this is the best I came up with so far:

From Montreal to Memphis, parlez-vous Francais?
Tell all the girls, the Rougeaus on their way
We’re not all pretty boys, we’re not a musclehead
we hate that long-haired look, we like the preppy look instead!

We’re All-American Boys, (ordinary) All-American Boys
We’re All-American Boys, (ordinary) All-American Boys

We don’t like heavy metal
We don’t like rock ‘n’ roll
All we like to listen to
is Barry Manilow!

FRENCH HERE, we love the USA, HEY!

FRENCH TRANSLATION: We can’t stand them
They are the worst in the world
We like to piss them off
when we say

Chorus

The Rougeaus employed a technical style that would likely work fine in today’s tag team matches, with a few trademark double team maneuvers. One was when Jacques would hook an abdominal stretch and Raymond side savate kicked them in their exposed chest. Another of their trademarks was the “Quebec Crab” applied by Raymond as Jacques dropped a knee across their head. The finisher was the “Rougeau Bomb” in which Raymond would hold the opponent in a bearhug and turn away from the turnbuckles that Jacques would leap off of with a seated senton to drop the opponent and usually score a pinfall. Of course, they cheated whenever they could utilize the megaphone of Jimmy Hart, the tag ropes, and of course anything else nearby that wasn’t nailed down. They had excellent matches with the Bulldogs, Harts, Demolition, and basically anybody not named Luke or Butch. Speaking of the Bushwhackers, they were the ones who made the Rougeaus known by “The bloody Ragu Sisters” name, which was given as they enjoyed hugging each other on the apron of the ring and if one were in trouble, he’d crawl to the corner on his knees and get hugged by his brother. The Bushwhackers naturally were trying to imply they were like little girls and got the fans behind them in their matches.

The Rougeaus never did win the tag team titles as recognized by the company, although they did actually win one time when they were faces on August 10, 1987 against a heel Hart Foundation with Jimmy Hart. Interference backfired, Rougeaus won the match and got announced as the new champions but the decision was reversed and they never were able to claim the title, much like the Rockers when at one point they too defeated the Harts to gain the titles only for the decision to be changed. And people called Shawn Michaels a politician! It actually was rumored that this type of protection for the Harts was what led to the start of HBK-Bret’s rivalry to begin with.

The Rougeaus were also involved in a backstage incident with The Dynamite Kid, when the Kid attacked Jacques when he had his back turned. Jacques, however, used a roll of quarters to pop four teeth out of Dynamite’s mouth on another occasion, although all of this sounds more like a match than reality!

The Rougeaus would go on to feud with the Rockers in 1989, claiming that the Rockers were copycats for singing their own theme song which was used for a short period of time, and Shawn got a megaphone in the throat for his trouble. Along with Rick “The Model” Martel, the Rougeaus beat The Rockers and Tito Santana at SummerSlam 1989. They ultimately ended up being used as a comedy bit jobbing to the Bushwhackers before Raymond retired in 1990 due to chronic back pain, likely from lifting everybody for the Rougeau Bomb and carrying the Bushwhackers in every match.

Raymond would return in 1996 and face Owen Hart in a boxing match, and still occasionally competes on the indy company in Canada run by Jacques, known as Lutte International 2000. Jacques, however, wasn’t quite done despite the lack of a tag team partner and was repackaged as the Mountie, an obnoxious and physically abusive “royal mounted Canadian police officer” who moved on to the singles ranks and even became IC champion over Bret Hart when it was claimed Bret had a 104 degree fever but still wrestled, and lost. Again, and they say HBK protected himself during a loss!

The Mountie would eventually face the music because “Rowdy” Roddy Piper would beat him at the Royal Rumble in 1992 for the gold. Mountie got his rematch and tried to use his trademark “shock stick” cattle prod, but Piper was smart and dropped as if he’d been hurt, but then stood up as the Mountie was playing to the fans to show off a shock-proof vest. Piper would then finish him off and retain the gold. The year earlier Mountie had some bad luck against the Big Bossman, who beat him in a Jailhouse Match causing the Mountie to spend a kayfabe night in jail with an admiring male cellmate. Jacques took off until 1993, when he’d return with a new partner and a new team.

The Quebecers, featuring Jacques and Carl Ouellet (known as Pierre, and later as Jean-Pierre Lafitte) would enter the ring to a theme song also performed by both men known as “We’re Not The Mounties” because the Mountie character was actually banned in Canada legitimately, causing Rougeau to use his real name when wrestling there. Managing them would be the future Raven himself, Johnny Polo. They would go on to win three tag team titles with a very impressive double team move which saw the near 300 lb Pierre go up to the top rope, wrap his fingers with Jacques below him and then get thrown back-first onto his opponent laying on the mat.

The team would dissolve during a house show in Canada on June 25, 1994. Polo and Pierre turned on Jacques, and who would make the save but his own brother, Raymond! Jacques would face off with Pierre in a one-on-one match that drew nearly 17,000 to the Montreal Forum on Oct 21, 1994 when Rougeau would win a “retirement match” with a flying body press, and was accompanied by Raymond. Personally I would have loved to see the Rougeaus team up against Pierre and Polo for one match but apparently Raymond’s back just wasn’t up to it.

Of course, as with all wrestling retirements, Jacques got back in the ring. This time, he was joined by Pierre in WCW as the Amazing French Canadians, They wouldn’t accomplish much beyond really bad renditions of “O Canada” sang before the match, but Jacques would get his moment of immortality in 1997 when he cleanly pinned Hulk Hogan in Montreal during a one-on-one match! They would return to the WWF in 1998 for a few months, working the newer style of the growing Attitude Era and then once again vanish from the major leagues until 2000, when they appeared for a time in Lance Storm’s “Team Canada” and then left again.

Like them or not, the Rougeaus had some excellent matches and left behind a good legacy for wrestling fans all around the world to enjoy. But Canada can’t take all the credit for them, since after all they ARE All-American Boys!

Take 5

Wrestler To Watch: Jack Evans

If you watched Impact you saw the great performance of one Jack Evans, a staple in high-risk indy wrestling federations known for his 630 finisher, where he basically completes a one and a half rotation 450 splash and lands on his back over the opponent. But Evans has a lot of other tricks up his sleeve as evidenced on Impact and the crowd absolutely was into him before the match even started. Look for TNA to keep this man around even if he doesn’t win on Sunday!

Promo of the Week: Eric Bischoff Destroys Ric Flair’s Family

This was during the Flair-Bischoff war and used to build to the eventual match between Bischoff and Flair. I was trying to find the Flair-Bischoff Horsemen promo but the part I wanted wasn’t available anymore on YouTube (thanks WWE) so this will have to suffice. As you can see, it was one hell of a way to leave an impact!

Babe To Watch: Maryse

Right now one of my favorite heel females would be Maryse since she simply has everything guys find attractive: She’s hot, she likes to flirt, she speaks French, and she can kick people’s asses. So, with that in mind, let us check out a video of our babe this week and see what Maryse brings to the television screen!

Match of the Week To Watch: Undertaker defeats Hulk Hogan, Survivor Series 1991

This is the Gravest Challenge match when Undertaker faced off with Hulk Hogan for the title, and Flair made sure that Hogan wouldn’t be walking around champion for very long. This was, in my view, the one victory that assured Undertaker’s staying power since very few were allowed to beat Hogan in this era, even with cheating.

Part 1:

Part 2:

Mystery Section to Watch: Finisher to Watch
STEAMROLLAHHHHHHHHH!

The Good, The Bad, and The… WTF?

And it is time for the very first installment of The Good, The Bad, and the WTF?

This will feature several opinions (e-mail or comments in the section) given by the readers and they will be in one of three categories: The Good, which generally is comprised of solid, constructive criticism or actual compliments, The Bad which consists of pretty much the usual comment fare of “u suck u tna fan u basterd” and The WTF will be that one e-mail or comment that just leaves me scratching my head wondering how a human being could actually utter such absolute stupidity and still remember to breathe. Alright, so let’s start with the best part and end with the worst.

The Good

“Ya know, I can’t hate on ya Wes. I know there are plenty of room for opinions in this area. Believe me, if I had a dollar for everytime I spoke my mind about a wrestler I threw my support behind, mostly the big evils, either currently, or in their prime, I’d be a billionaire by now. Trust me, it builds character, and I am a woman who appreciates character. Heck, look at my name..lol. I think you are doing a great job. If you ever need a female’s perspective on things, don’t be afraid to, in the words of Kelly Kelly…”Holla.” Keep up your great journalistic tendencies. 🙂

Posted By: LitasRevenge (Guest) on July 01, 2011 at 11:35 PM”

Thanks so much LR! Yes, wrestling is a great divider because of the barriers between WWE and TNA, WWE or TNA and indy, mark and smark, Attitude Era vs. Current, etc. I don’t really mind since the people who usually throw in nasty remarks are just showing their stupidity and making me look that much better by proxy! Lita was awesome, I never saw a woman able to handle such high-risk before she popped in and impressed the hell out of everyone. As far as a female perspective goes… why the hell not? Would make for an interesting column.

“Wes is not anti-WWE. The product just really sucks. They need to get a new announce team. Fire that pervert Lawler and that loser Cole. I’d rather mute the TV than to listen to those idiots bicker. And Booker T? I loved him as a wrestler but he just sucks as an announcer. WWE killed their tag division, there are no credible tag teams and there hasn’t been one in the WWE for 10 years now. They also don’t have a cruiserweight division. Face it people WWE sucks outside of a few great performers.

Posted By: Guest#5304 (Guest) on July 02, 2011 at 01:09 AM”

Just a few sentences and you basically sum up a lot of the reasons I dislike the company right now. For those of you who aren’t aware, I was a massive WWF fan for most of my life. I still would like to be a fan but it is difficult to enjoy what constantly passes for “wrestling” or “entertainment” in WWE. I also hate this “wWE Universe” shit, the PG trash, and all that other nonsense such as no blood allowed. It takes so much out of the experience. And you are totally right, outside of a few people it isn’t even worth the watch.

Normally, I’d stop here because I’d usually barely even get three nice comments but this last week was kind enough to bring a few more, so here’s two extra.

“Wait you mean people actually *hate* on you, Wes, for having an opinion? Why am I not surprised? Then again the American public, for one reason or another, is generally taught to despise those ‘evil and cruel conservative masterminds with their Republican agenda’ or whatever. Not claiming you are Conservative or Republican, but making a point. I’m down the middle, independent moderate, but sheesh the heat you’re drawing must keep you warm at night.

I dig that you have such a…how can I put this…sharp sense of an opinion and have a rather blunt way of getting that across. I’m neither for nor against making people look like idiots who deserve it, because it does have its place in the world. I may not agree with you on a lot of things, such as thinking anything Paul Heyman did was terrible, but that doesn’t mean I despise you for it. To each his own, I say.

“I’m just a college kid at 24 year of age. You own your own business and have a business sense of mind. When it comes to predicting business of WWE, you get the nod on that one. I know my limits and when to give credit and you deserve it. Here’s some respect for you since you stick with a column despite all the heat you get. Keep with it, bro. Woo woo woo, you know it.

Posted By: Defective14 (Guest) on July 02, 2011 at 01:11 AM”

Excellent comment. I actually am a conservative to be fully honest and although I’m not completely far right I’d fit right in with the Tea Party and Constitutional Conservatives. I look at both sides, of course, but I tend to agree with that side more often. As far as the heat goes, you think this is bad? Try living in a super liberal city inside a mega liberal state with no representation whatsoever in local, state, or federal government for your views. I’m used to it! Thank you for the kind comments and the catch phrase, I do love me some Zack Ryder and especially that awesome theme song! Ohhh radioooooo!

“Wes, I totally agree with you about Heyman. People really love the guy, but the whole ECW did nothing for me. I can’t get how stupid guys like Jerry Lynn, who loved working for ECW rather than the WWE. At least you never have to worry about Vince not paying you. If ECW were so special, they’d still be in business.

Posted By: Buntster (Guest) on July 02, 2011 at 08:44 AM”

Business isn’t for everybody, Buntster. It isn’t easy managing things even in a small business, which is why a lot of people crack and quit or lose it all. Vince was able to come up with ideas and manage the business end as well, which is why despite the product today I consider him a genius and a pioneer for entertainment. I just hate his current version of it.

“Couldn’t agree more about ECW. I was 13 staying up until 3 am to watch taped ECW back in the day and most of the show would be promo videos and ads for t-shirts anyway. I pretty much only watched in hopes of seeing taz, sabu or rvd wrestle. Otherwise it was garbage wrestling that I wasn’t interested in (Philly fans do NOT represent the rest of us Northeastern fans), plus Joey Styles was really fucking annoying to listen to.

Everyone likes to look back with rose colored glasses but the storylines sucked and unless you like garbage wrestling that promotion was overrated.

Posted By: Hercules Strongs (Guest) on July 02, 2011 at 11:33 AM”

You are a New Yorker right, Hercules? Been there a few times, busy but lovely place.

And yes, that’s the major problem. It was mostly overrated because the good wrestlers got signed fast to another company, Heyman went off on tangents about them trying to “kill ECW” and in the end, he had only himself and his bouncing checks to blame for it. Ugh, back in 1998 it was insufferable with this one guy who was a constant ECW mark but a few years after it died he actually changed his tune, amazingly. And I am not saying ECW was ALL-bad or garbage wrestling is always bad, but you need to space it out a little. Hardcore matches all the time will quickly bore the audience and desensitize them, which means higher risk and more endangering of careers.

The Bad:

“sorry pal… you claim to be a writer and someone who’s been watching wrestling for the last 25 years. But you come across as just a sorry anti-WWE guy. I wouldn’t even call you a TNA fan boy, because you seem to be one of those who just shit on something for the kick of it and support the opposite thing.

Chavo was the ECW champion, in case you forgot abut that. He had good programs with CM Punk and was given an opportunity to make his presence felt with a program with Sin Cara. Ofcourse, Cara is botchy, but doesn’t mean Chavo can have a shit stinker of a match with him. Hell, Mason ryan had a better match with Evan Bourne. But you conveniently chose to forget that and harp about a feud with Hornswoggle.

Do something, Go to TNA and offer any of the mid-card guys there an opportunity to work with Hornswoggle on WWE’s salary levels. Let’s see how many would fight to grab that opportunity.

And Wes, you might be an aspiring writer, but never apply to be in the creative of a wrestling company. You just don’t fit.

And please come up with some original response by talking about where I live and how much I earn or how much wrestling you have watched… I have watched wrestling for longer than you have and have earnt more than you ever will and oh btw I already have my works published.

Posted By: Sheamoose (Guest) on July 01, 2011 at 11:51 PM”

Actually I believe the correct term is “earned” in that sentence but I digress.

To your assertion that I only support the opposite, I refer you to the many cases of disagreeing with TNA marketing and booking teams and even requesting their firing. I used to support WWE for a long time, I know more about it right now than I do TNA but I prefer what I see on SpikeTV.

ECW Champion wasn’t a world title. In fact, it wasn’t really anything but a reward for mostly mid-card guys who never won the big one. Mark Henry, Chavo Guerrero, Kane at the time, and some of the younger guys who were just becoming big like Morrison and Punk. The problem is the ECW title was worthless and therefore not a highlight as it was never treated on the same level as the World or WWE titles. Nobody ever used their Rumble win for an ECW title shot, now did they? Also I believe you meant to say, “Cara is botchy but that doesn’t mean Chavo can’t have” but I’m not sure if that was actually a rational thought.

I actually will be asking that question to a potential TNA Knockout in the near future.

Yeah, you’re right: I actually am creative. I don’t fit in their mold of “put the same shit on every week and hope they don’t walk out before they maxed their credit card on our merchandise” that we see pretty much every week. I could help TNA’s creative (hint hint) if they ever asked, since they usually listen to their fans a lot more than WWE.

Alright, an original response? Based on the drivel you posted I can conclude you are either a complete, cpmpulsive liar or somebody who considers handing out free brochures at Wal-Mart “being published” from the grammar and sentence structure. I’m happy you watched wrestling so long, but as far as making more money than me it shall never happen. As far as your published works go, getting your fantasy about being in a furpile published in Penthouse isn’t “being published” my friend.

“WOW! That might sound impressive to the rest of the morons who read your column. But I work in finance. I have a series 7 and 65, licensed insurance agent, and a CFP designation.

Day traders are the scum guys in my office wipe off their shoe before we sit at our desks.

I bet I manage more money on a weekly and yearly basis than you do in a day…and I will still be managing that money long after you’ve washed out of your day trading post…which will happen sooner rather than later. FYI: that’s how day trading is set up to work.

Stick to “owning a business” (having an Ebay store isn’t a real business, you know?), being a TNA mark and heel column writer and please don’t try to impress us ever again.

Posted By: Guest#2507 (Guest) on July 02, 2011 at 02:26 AM”

#1 And yet you still obviously are horrible at finance? You must be that guy CNBC hires to say that jobless claims will go under 400,000 only to write “oopsie!” every Thursday morning, right? Or are you the guy they trot out to do PR about the double-dip recession headed our way and how it is just a “soft patch” in the economy? I’m glad you considered yourself as a moron the way you worded that sentence because, well, you proved it.

#2 Well, this particular scum doesn’t have to get up and go to an office by 8 A.M and be told what to do all day by a boss he can’t stand and work with people he secretly despises. I stay at home utilizing a computer, an online trading program, and my own brain to do my own research and trade according to how I think things are going. Day trading can be an extremely profitable business if you do it right, which I do. I haven’t lost money one day in June, how about you? I never watch CNBC shows or take advice of their “experts” because I’m right more times than they are. You might manage money but it is somebody else who owns it, whereas I manage my own. Just because you sucked at it doesn’t mean all day traders do. In fact in three months I doubled my money before the rally hit last week! Why? Because I never was long on any sector and shorted everything dropping like bricks. You won’t be managing that money if you continue to lose it, by the way.

#3 No eBay business here. You must be jealous that I set my own hours, go in when I want for as long or as little as I want, and own every dollar of profit that comes in. No stuffy suit and tie, no 8 AM alarm clock, no insecurity about layoffs. I manage things my way and considering I’m up for the year I’m doing something right. If I had an employee with a contemptible attitude like you I’d kick them back on the street where they came from.

#4 you admitted to being an insurance agent – That might be the only type of person more despised than me. Even *I* hate insurance agents!

Okay this next guy spaced his comments out in two parts, so I had to separate them and reply line by line…

I kid. He had his chance, can’t say it in one post don’t waste your time.

“More uneducated biased rubbish. I notice that these ‘disturbing trends on WWE business numbers’ conveniently neglected to mention that Over The Limit, the show that you took great joy out of lambasting for its low projected domestic total, actually BEAT the previous year’s offering when the international buys came back. Oh yeah, and more than likely outsold all of TNA’s pay-per-views combined with perhaps the exception of Lockdown and Bound For Glory.

I don’t give a shit how long you’ve been watching wrestling or claim to have been, you cannot get away with this one-sided love-letter to TNA and blinkered spite-fest aimed at WWE. I’ve been watching wrestling for 11 years, less than you have, but I can assure you that I have a far more educated and balanced view of the industry than you do. I actually ANALYSE things, whereas you just blindly side with TNA while trashing WWE regardless of what ‘evidence’ and ‘logic’ might suggest (those are just buzz words, right?), and you continue to criticise Cena for his workrate which suggests that not only have you been living in a time rip for the last six years and failed to advance past ‘duh Cena sux five movez of doom rotfcopter’, but that you don’t understand that Cena IS BOOKED TO DO THIS. He’s doing what he’s asked to, and he’s making a shit-tonne of money doing it. As a previous commenter said, Cena has more understanding of the business and more intelligence in his jap’s eye than you ever will in your pathetic, trolling, attention-seeking mind.

You are, to put it bluntly, the worst writer who has ever written for 411mania, and considering some of the names that have passed through here over the years that’s really fucking saying something. For your own sake, leave this site before you do irreparable damage to any attempts you make in the future to write to a wide audience, because at this moment in time you have less credibility as a journalist than Stephen Glass.

Posted By: Frie (Guest) on July 02, 2011 at 07:30 AM”

Automatically, you are discredited because you said I lost you as a reader yet here you are again. So, we start with that.

First off, OTL received 70k domestic, not 200k domestic. There are over 300 million people in America, do the math on that one. TNA PPVs are still small and growing, you know, since barely anybody even knows TNA exists? Thank you, TNA marketing wizards.

Secondly, I totally understand the Cena/Hogan style of character: Heroes, big draws for kids, seem to be invincible at times, defy the odds, have limited workrate, buh blah buh blah. Yeah, he’s making money doing it and good for him; he loves wrestling so he deserves to get paid for all he does to make WWE richer. This doesn’t mean I have to enjoy watching the same match for year after year with maybe a few new moves thrown in that aren’t even impressive or well executed. His gutwrench suplex makes me cringe. And by the way, that “spin out slam” that he does before the Five Knuckle Shuffle is supposed to be a Fireball Bomb. Unfortunately, he doesn’t execute it nearly as well as Japanese competitors and he doesn’t make any effort to, but he did earlier in his career.

Thirdly, I’m doing just fine. As much as you must hate it, I’m actually doing better than I thought in terms of publishing deals and finding work as a writer. See, you call me a bad writer but I can out-write your lazy, thewless self under the table in any style. This is an opinion column; try me on a novel or short story at your own risk.

One more:

“There is no way this guy is a day trader, I should know because I am. Sort of, I day trade occasionally but most of my time is spent in my legal practice. I can get away with that however as in law work is really case to case, so I don’t have a regular work week year round.

You can’t run a business, day trade, and pretend you are a professional writer by writing a (crappy) free column on an internet wrestling website. I know I don’t have the time for that, and I’m pretty sure my legal practice takes less time to run than a normal business, and probably has higher payouts.

If he is a day trader, he’s a crappy one, since shorting WWE is a waste of time. Professional day traders generally trade commodities and futures. You might handle a few regular stocks, but it’s extremely unlikely that you’d focus on WWE especially right now, it is a pretty stagnant stock.

Also what kind of jackass accuses everyone that has any criticism of him as being on welfare? This guy is pathetic and delusional.

Posted By: Guest#1092 (Guest) on July 02, 2011 at 02:56 PM”

So you are a day trader… sort of? Either you are or you aren’t. A legal practice, hmm…

Considering the material in your statement you obviously are pretty oblivious to a few specific laws, so I’ll figure you are a liar or just really bad at what you do. Let me educate you, Counselor *snicker*

#1 – I have proof to back up my day trading claims and anybody who I know personally has seen it. I have no legal obligation to post my personal information here but I can post a few predictions and if they come out correct the next day you know it is the truth. I can do that, but then I’d make people money without getting paid and as you should well know, I’m all about money.

#2 – You can, if you are good at it. My management style is really simple: You do what you are told and if you don’t I throw your ass out. Because I have fewer than 50 employees, I’m exempt from many of the laws that do not allow bad employees to be released – A small business owner generally can fire anybody for anything but you should already know that. Since my style is very easy I don’t need to spend eight to ten hours a day watching over everybody: I have cameras and I have people I send in that nobody knows about to make detailed reports on every employee and their interactions with customers. I run a tight ship but it is a fair one. Because of that, I have very few issues with taking time out to do other things. Obviously I can trade and write on the same computer in the office or at home since day trading is not something I spend hours on – Usually I can make a killing in about an hour and call it a day.

#3 – Why the hell would I ONLY trade WWE? You assume all I do is short WWE. I told you, I get in and out after the money comes in. What I do depends on how the mmarket reacts to the daily events and how people generally respond in specific circumstances. Sometimes, you can make five bucks off a stock by selling it early morning than if you kept it until 4 hoping desperately it stays high or goes higher. Remember: Bulls make money, bears make money, but pigs get slaughtered.

Annnnd before the WTF section a few clarifications: I did not hate CM Punk’s promo, I actually loved it. Hating liberals does not make you a racist, as liberals are not a race. Before we get to the WTF, I’d like to thank Spencer Mallard for his excellent comment in rebuttal to that Sheamoose dunderhead. This guy gets it!

The WTF

“Good column.

Yes, yellowcake uranium was found in Iraq…which Hussein had already declared as being bought for the purpose of nuclear power:

http://www.snopes.com/politics/war/yellowcake.asp

I’m not sure though as to what your intention was with that comment. I still think the overall standard was good regardless.

Posted By: Ingwa (Guest) on July 03, 2011 at 11:47 AM

Oh sweet Jesus. Even Wikipedia has a page dedicated to this work of fiction, and that’s really saying something.

Posted By: Guest#1908 (Guest) on July 03, 2011 at 07:51 PM”

As Ingwa clearly pointed out, yellowcake uranium was indeed found in Iraq in weapons depots in preparation for nuclear power. This was nothing new, it had been going on for decades and as I mentioned in the column earlier, under Bush 41 we engaged them and they released some biological weapons on our soldiers.

Wikipedia, on the other hand, will allow anything to be printed. The first thing the site says is “the encyclopedia anybody can edit” and it is often edited with massive misinformation about anything from wrestling theme music to Presidents to sporting events to recreational television shows and anything else you can name. Wikipedia is the least credible source to site for anything!

Some liberals will do anything to protect their worldview and that everybody is wrong, and if they see a deliberately edited Wikipedia page they’ll throw that as “proof” that somebody is wrong. Ingwa was obviously correct here, and the dope that posted about Wikipedia is an obvious left-leaning mouth breather who amazingly is still alive despite a total lack of brain activity.

Kudos to Ingwa, and 1908 – Seriously, get the hell off Huffington Post and MS-NBC and watch a real news channel for a change.

Take a look at the chick Captain America gets! Hayley Altwell

I don’t know who this girl is but I’d like to see a lot more: Taylor Momsen Looks Trashy

Sforcina has the Ask 411 for you. Good question this week, will make you think!

Spencer asks what happens if two people stand on a cliff and one pushes the other? One Fall The boss hates Jade and Joey screwing? So what, he got what he came for by now!

Check out my 411 Pro Steve Cook with another great edition of News From Cook’s Corner

Greg DeMarco puts a former TNA Knockout against a current Trish Stratus lookalike Knockout! The Wrestling 5&1 As always, there is no wrong answer.

And that ends this edition of the Wrestling Sandwich. Remember kids, don’t be contucacious!