411’s WWE Smackdown Report 11.04.05

So we’re fresh off a good Pay-Per-View (or a great one, if you’re a Smackdown fan like myself), and I personally am pretty excited to see where they go from here. Oh, and midgets.

We start with a skit outside, where MNM makes a big limo entrance on a red carpet. Smackdown’s in Hollywood, by the way. Theodore Long interrupts them to let them know they’ll be defending the titles against Batista and Eddie Guerrero. Now THAT’S a buzzkill.

JBL and Christian versus Matt Hardy and Rey Mysterio

Bob Holly is the guest referee. Christian and Hardy start things off with a lockup, and Hardy gets a headlock. Christian throws him off, and Hardy gets a shoulder. He follows with a clothesline for two. Christian takes control by slamming Hardy in the corner, but V1 fights back against Christian and JBL, tossing Christian out of the ring. Hardy follows with a plancha, but the heels catch him. Rey delivers a plancha of his own, taking everyone out. Back in, Hardy grabs a headlock on JBL before tagging Rey, who works JBL over in the corner. Bradshaw takes control, pounding on Rey in the corner until he comes to shoves with Holly. Rey gets a rollup for two. JBL tags Christian, who hits Rey with a gourdbuster for two. Christian gets a wristlock and kicks away at Rey’s ribs, then knocks Hardy off the apron. Hardy comes back in and goes for a clothesline, but Christian ducks and he hits Holly. Matt tries to apologize, but Hardcore is PISSED! They argue as we go to a commercial. When we get back, Rey reverses a suplex by Christian into a rollup for two. Christian tags JBL, who knocks Rey down and hits some degrading head kicks. Rey takes JBL down with a low dropkick, then hits another for two. Rey gets a springboard hurricanrana, then a legdrop for one. JBL knocks Rey down with a shoulder, then slams him to the turnbuckle. Rey ducks two clotheslines, then tilt-a-whirls JBL into 619 position. Christian makes the save, and JBL tosses Rey outside. Holly is distracted by Hardy, and JBL slams Rey on the steps. Back in, JBL gets two. Tag to Christian, who hits gut shots on Rey. Christian applies an abdominal stretch, but Rey gets out and gets a hurricanrana. Christian grabs Rey’s leg, preventing him from getting a tag, and tags JBL. Once again, Bradshaw beats on Rey in the corner. JBL puts Rey on the top turnbuckle, then climbs up, but Hardy distracts and Rey knocks him off. JBL goes back up, though, and hits the super fallaway slam. Hardy makes the save at two. He goes for another fallaway slam, but Rey grabs his head and gets a DDT. Tags on both sides, and Hardy beats up on Christian. He gets a back elbow and a clothesline, then knocks JBL off the apron. Side Effect on Christian gets two. Christian knocks Hardy into the corner, but Matt kicks him down and hits the Yodel Legdrop for two when JBL saves. Rey gets a crossbody on JBL and Hardy dropkicks him down. Air Rey on Christian, but JBL gets a big boot on Hardy. JBL goes out, Christian gets a drop toe hold on him into the steps. Christian comes in with a chair, but Holly pulls it away. Christian attacks Holly and takes the chair back, but Hardy ducks a shot and shoves Christian into an Alabama Slamma. Rey gets the 619 and Matt hits the Twist of Fate. He scores the three as JBL walks out.

Winners: Matt Hardy and Rey Mysterio
Match Time: 15:42 (including commercial)
Rating: ***1/2
Commentary: A good match, and a respectable way for Christian to exit stage left. Here’s hoping he turns up in TNA sooner than later.

Josh Mathews interviews Teddy Long in the parking area, and asks him if he’s waiting for someone. He is- ERIC BISCHOFF!

Sharmell heads out to the ring in order to introduce Booker T. He calls the audience suckas, and I’m inclined to agree. Booker shows video highlights of times that he “unknowingly” benefitted from Sharmell’s interference, then punctuates it with footage from the attack on Benoit last week. Teddy Long interrupts, saying that he and Benoit learned about the real Booker T last week. Long says Benoit isn’t kicking Booker’s ass right now because Long stopped him- and the reason is because Booker T has a title defense next… against Benoit!

WWE U.S. Championship Match: Booker T © versus Chris Benoit

Lockup to start, and Booker backs Benoit into the corner. Chops and strikes are traded, and Benoit knocks Booker out of the ring. He follows him out and chops him against the guardrail, then follows him back in. Booker strikes, then tries to take the lead, but Benoit chops him down again. He nails Booker in the head with a knee, then chops him in the corner some more as Sharmell rubs her chest in sympathy pain. Benoit gets a snap suplex, then kicks Booker out onto the apron. Booker takes Benoit down with a guillotine, then heads back into the ring. Benoit dodges a jumping side kick and gets more chops, then whips Booker and gets a charging forearm for two. Benoit gets a scoop slam, then an elbow off the ropes for two. Benoit gets a hard chop, then slams Booker to the turnbuckle. He chops him against the ropes, but Booker reverses a whip and Sharmell trips Benoit up. Benoit keeps his footing, though, and catches Booker in the gut with a knee before hitting a kitchen sink. Booker reverses a whip and gets a Hotshot on Benoit. Booker kicks away at Benoit’s taped ribs, then gets the Harlem Hook Kick for two. Booker puts his knee in Benoit’s back and gets a chinlock, but Benoit gets to his feet. He fights out, but Booker whips him to the buckle hard. Benoit floats out of a suplex and hits the Rolling Germans. Benoit gets up and goes a-throat cuttin’, then heads up top. Sharmell creates a brief distraction on the apron, and when Benoit comes off with the headbutt, Booker moves. Benoit dodges a Scissor Kick and gets two more Rolling Germans, but Booker grabs the rope to prevent another. Benoit tries to apply the Crippler Crossface, but Booker rolls out of the ring and leaves with Sharmell. Nick Patrick counts him out.

Winner: Chris Benoit
Match Time: 7:31
Rating: ***1/4
Commentary: Not as good as their previous match, but nothing to sneeze at. Hopefully, we’ll get a decisive rematch between these guys. I’d say definitely, but we saw the stupid shit they pulled with Carlito and Shelton over the summer.

Cowboy Bob Orton versus Roddy Piper

Pre-match, Orton cuts a promo about how Piper beat him… with help. Orton did the work, Piper got the glory. Piper interrupts, heads to the ring, and takes a cheap shot from a belt-bearing Orton. Punches are traded, and Orton gets an eye rake. Cowboy Bob takes Piper down with an inverted atomic drop, then punches on him against the ropes. Piper goes down and Orton chokes away. Piper gets up and tells Orton to bring it, so he does, with punches. Orton covers for two, then gets a chinlock. Orton follows up with a backbreaker, then goes for a suplex, but Piper floats over into a sleeperhold. Orton’s arm goes down twice, and Randy runs in. He pulls Piper off with a sleeper, then beats on him against the ropes. Bob keeps the referee back as Orton does his thang. Randy then grabs the microphone and berates Piper generically. You know, he makes him sick and whatnot. The RKO punctuates

Winner: Roddy Piper
Match Time: 3:35
Rating: *1/2
Commentary: Like watching Swan Lake as performed by blind elephants. No reason for this. Orton’s “killed” legend who are more germane to today’s fan than Piper is, and short of Steve Austin or Hulk Hogan coming back to put him over clean, there’s really nobody left.

Bobby Lashley versus Vito and Nunzio

Velocity Tag Champs in handicap jobbing action! Vito charges the ring and takes a back elbow. Nunzio mounts Lashley, but gets slammed into the buckle and takes shoulders. Lashley hits Vito, but Nunzio gets a Missile Dropkick and Vito gets a Mafia Kick. The F.B.I. take over and get a double cover, but Lashley kicks out at one. They try to hammer away, but Lashley absorbs it. He slams Nunzio into Vito, then suplexes Nunzio over. Vito takes a Salto Suplex, and Lashley hits a double clothesline. He tosses Vito out of the ring, pancakes Nunzio, then lifts him for the Dominator. Vito climbs up on the apron. Lashley knocks him off, then gives Nunzio the Dominator for the win.

Winner: Bobby Lashley
Match Time: 2:14
Rating: *3/4
Commentary: Effective. Now, Lashley has to start beating guys who matter.

Bischoff comes out of a limo backstage, then comes face to face with a drooling Boogeyman. He’s coming to get him!

Teddy Long introduces Eric Bischoff, who heads out with a buttload of security. Bischoff gives Long credit for taking the fight to Raw, but enough is enough. Bischoff proposes a five on five match at the Survivor Series. War Games! Nah, just fucking around, regular Survivor Series match. Bischoff criticizes everything Smackdown as second rate, including the fans. Long accepts the challenge, and just like the Monday Night Wars, Bischoff’s gonna lose. Long asks for a one on one match, and Bischoff accepts. Long reveals he wants to wrestle Bischoff. Eric seems a bit surprised, but accepts. Long then tells security to remove the cracker from his show, and finishes off with the crane pose. Good stuff!

Ken Kennedy versus Scotty 2 Hotty

Kennedy kicks Scotty down to start, then stomps away on him. Kennedy follows up with a running punt, then takes Scotty outside. He tells the fan to back off from the rail (with hilarious overacting pantomime), but swings Scotty around and throws him into the apron. Back inside, Scotty fights back with punches, but Kennedy clotheslines him down and gets a bearhug. Scotty fights out and chops, then flips out of a back suplex and hits a superkick. He knocks Kennedy down and signals for the Worm, but Kennedy ducks the bulldog. He sends Scotty to the corner, throws him onto the ropes, and hits the Lambeau Leap for the win.

Winner: Ken Kennedy
Match Time: 2:38
Rating: *3/4
Commentary: Nothing doing here. Kennedy seems to be getting over (at least he’s original), so hopefully, they’ll give him a new program before long.

WWE Tag Team Championship Match: MNM © versus Eddie Guerrero and Batista

Batista starts off with Joey Mercury. Melina distracts, and MNM double team. Batista clotheslines them both out of the ring, and we go to a commercial. When we return, Batista is squishing Mercury’s head against the bottom turnbuckle with his foot. He brings Mercury over to his corner, and Eddie chokes him with the tag rope. Eddie tags in, and Batista flexes his pecs just for the fun of it. Eddie gets a back elbow on Mercury, then gestures at Nitro. He slams Mercury, then hits the slingshot senton. Tag to Batista, and the challengers get a double whip and a double back elbow. Batista gets a double backbreaker, because he’s double tough. Nitro breaks at two. Tag to Eddie, who gets rammed into the corner by Mercury. Mercury tags Nitro, and Eddie fights with both members of MNM before going out for Tony Chimel’s chair… and the timekeeper’s bell hammer. Patrick takes the chair, but Melina yanks the hammer out of Eddie’s tights. Nitro attacks him, until Eddie turns the tide with a backdrop. Eddie gets the Three Amigos on Nitro as Batista cuts off Mercury. Melina heads onto the apron as Batista and Eddie make spanking motions. Eddie chases her out, but Nitro planchas onto him. Nitro throws Eddie back in and gets mounted punches. Tag to Mercury, who gets a snapmare, a tag, and a neck whip. Nitro gets an elbow drop for two, then takes Eddie back to the heel corner, where Mercury chokes him. Slam by Nitro, who follows up with the breakdancing legdrop. Nitro applies a chinlock, but Eddie gets a jawjacker. Nitro retaliates with a neckbreaker for two. Nitro reapplies the chinlock, and Eddie gets up and dances while still in the hold. Awesome. He escapes and makes the hot tag to Batista. The champ squashes MNM in the corner, then hits a spinebuster on Nitro and a running powerslam on Mercury. Tag to Eddie, and Batista lifts Nitro in a Torture Rack. Eddie gets the Three Amigos on Mercury, but Melina gives him brass knuckles. Batista chases Nitro down the ramp, and Melina heads in to prevent a Frog Splash on Mercury. Eddie splashes her, but Mercury hits him with the knuckles for the pin.

Winners: MNM
Match Time: 13:28 (including commercial)
Rating: **3/4
Commentary: Seemed kind of pointless, as I was expecting Eddie to make the big turn here. As it is, they just jobbed the two top stars of the show to a mid-level tag team, albeit a good one. Nobody really ends up looking good here, and no storyline gets advanced.

Well, we had a very wrestling-heavy show this week, which was good at times and bad at others. Still, the marquee says wrestling, so you can’t fault ‘em for hauling out the matches.