411’s Lucha Libre USA: Masked Warriors Report 07.16.10

I’ve been looking forward to seeing this Lucha show on MTV2 since it was announced and am really amped up for this first episode so I’m hoping that it’s a good one. Of course, the last time MTV2 tried wrestling we got that godawful Wrestling Society X garbage, so I’m not really holding out much hope. I’d also like to point out that this show is part of MTV2’s “Balls Out Friday” which, with this many wrestlers in tights, feels like a dangerous piece of foreshadowing.

We open with a video featuring some of the stars we’re going to see doing some moves and a promise that the quest for the Lucha Libre USA Heavyweight Championship begins right now and holy CRAP that is an ugly-ass belt. We also get a rundown of the line-up including the first match in the Lucha Libre USA Heavyweight Title tournament as Marco Corleone will take on Tinieblas Jr. in the main event. The crowd looks amped up and ready for action so let’s take it to the ring with Nigel Sherrod and Lalo Gonzalez set to call all the action!

Match One: Lucha Six-Man Tag Match
El Oriental (w/streamers), El Limon and Neutronic vs. The PR Powers (PR Flyer and San Juan Kid) and Mascara Purpura

Purpura and Oriental are the captains for this one for those of you scoring at home. Purpura gets the flashiest entrance with a front somersault off the top ropes as some skanks on the outside wave flags from the various countries of the stars in the ring. Purpura and Neutronic get things started with a lock up and Purpura gets a snap mare before they trade armbar reversals into an armdrag from Purpura. Limon complains to the referee about some sort of malfeasance from Purpura, but the ref banishes him to the outside. Bodylock takedown from Neutronic and he drops a big elbow to the back before they go into an intricate sequence of dancing into armdrags. Neutronic sends Purpura to the outside and celebrates, but Purpura comes back into the ring and reverses an Irish whip into a handspring back elbow for a two-count. Neutronic with a big open-handed slap to Purpura and an Irish whip to the corner, but Purpura reverses it and charges in, getting send to the outside with a back bodydrop. Purpura on the apron with a big chop and he heads up top for a SOMERSAULT ARMDRAG!! Neutronic heads out to the floor and as Purpura celebrates in the ring, Oriental and Limon attack as per the rules of a Lucha six-man with Neutronic touching the floor. Triple beatdown for a moment as they whip Purpura into the corner and Neutronic follows in with a clothesline before whipping Purpura into a double-chop. Purpura gets kicked to the outside as Limon climbs the ropes and flips off the crowd.

PR Flyer in now for the technicos and he doesn’t fare well as Neutronic takes him down with a clothesline. More triple-teaming as the rudos all charge in on Flyer in the corner before Limon drops him with a vertical suplex. Oriental to the top and he hits a HUGE FLYING SPLASH!! Neutronic to the top….SECOND FLYING SPLASH!! They boot Flyer to the floor and celebrate before the San Juan Kid comes in and attacks. That doesn’t last long as Neutronic and Oriental lay him out with a double spinebuster slam leading into a triple seated dropkick by the rudos! More heel celebrating as the technicos try to regroup on the floor and Purpura takes his turn at getting beaten up, chopping away at all three before they stomp and punch him to the mat. Double-Irish whip into the ropes on Purpura, but he springboards to the top rope and backflips into the center of the ring! Neutronic catches Purpura with the wheelbarrow and Oriental and Limon charge for clotheslines, but Purpura ducks and down goes Neutronic!! Cartwheel back elbow on Neutronic by Purpura as the PR Powers come back in and go nuts!! TOP ROPE FLYING BODYPRESS FROM PR FLYER ON LIMON!! MISSILE DROPKICK FROM KID TO ORIENTAL!! TWISTING ASAI MOONSAULT FROM PURPURA TO NEUTRONIC ON THE FLOOR!! Double-dropkick from the PR Powers on Limon and they celebrate, but Oriental comes in and takes them both out with low dropkicks.

Oriental and Limon with another rudo miscommunication as Limon accidentally dropkicks Oriental down and the PR Powers hit a catapault double-dropkick to send the rudos to the floor. TOPE SUICIDA AND TOPE CON HILO FROM THE PR POWERS!! Purpura and Neutronic back in the ring and Neutronic takes Purpura down with a suplex…1….2…NO!! Both men stunned and staggering to their feet with Neutronic kicking Purpura into the corner before they trade drop toeholds into the middle turnbuckle. Neutronic with a charge and Purpura ducks out as Neutronic slams headfirst into the top turnbuckle! Purpura with a DOUBLE-A SPINEBUSTER and he heads up to the top rope….SHOOTING STAR PRESS!! 1…..and that’s it as Oriental and Limon attack and break up the pin. PR Powers pair off with Oriental and Limon and the rudos get a pair of roll-ups that both get two-counts. Oriental with a beautiful Northern Lights suplex on the San Juan Kid as Limon gets a two-count off of a takedown of Flyer. The Powers fight back and Kid takes out Oriental with a back suplex as Kid drops Limon with a springboard enziguri!! These kids are showing some fight!! Both PR Powers up to the top…TWISTING SENTON FROM KID MISSES!! 450 SPLASH FROM FLYER MISSES!! Limon with a second-rope senton on Flyer and Oriental hits a textbook German suplex with a bridge on Kid! Double-cover!! 1….2….3…it’s all over!!

Winners: El Oriental, Neutronic and El Limon (double pinfall, second-rope senton and German suplex with a bridge) ***

Really fun way to open the show and give new fans a taste of what they can expect while letting the older fans of Lucha know that they’re actually going to get to see the Lucha they know and love. Oriental impressed me with his suplexes and his execution, so he may be someone to watch in the coming weeks. Forget my misgivings, this is already more wrestling in the first match than I’ve seen in a long, long time. Take notes WWE and TNA, because this is a much better way to open a show than a twenty-minute interview….

We come back from commercial with the rudos still celebrating on the entrance stage and we get a nice look at the replays of the high-flying and the finish before the technicos try to steal their thunder by taking a curtain call in the ring. From there, RJ Brewer joins us for a special announcement and says that his mother told him it’s important to have strong moral values and that that is what he’s going to bring to Lucha Libre USA. He alludes to some of his fellow Luchadores being illegal immigrants and says that they’re ruining the sport he loves. He says that what they do with their masks, capes and hiding their identities is a disgrace and it’s not traditional professional wrestling. He finishes by saying that if he has to apply those moral values his mom taught him to make an impact in Lucha Libra USA, that’s exactly what he’s going to do. The guy has the delivery of a community college AV club member, but the gimmick is pure heat if he can start to look a little more comfortable on camera.

Back from another commercial and it’s time for a Mixed-tag match featuring one of the most recognizable parts of Lucha….the Minis!!

Match Two: Mixed-Tag Match
Mini Park and Mascarita Dorada vs. Pequino Halloween and Chi Chi (w/Tigressa Caliente)

Chi Chi is billed as a “She”, but rest assured that it’s just Alan Funk doing an amped-up version of the Kwee Wee gimmick from back in the day, with a cool MTV twist as he gets to use Lady Gaga as his entrance music. As for Caliente, she’s former TNA Knockout Rhaka Khan. Chi Chi blows kisses to the audience while sticking “its” ass out at everyone and things are ready to get underway with Dorada and Halloween kicking off the match. Dorada ducks under a lock-up and Halloween is pissed as the commentators tie this match into a feud Dorada and Halloween were having in Mexico in a nice touch of continuity. Halloween with a go-behind, but Dorada reverses into a headlock and a front facelock. Halloween with a reversal of his own into a standing armbar and he cranks on the shoulder before Dorada takes him down. Dorada with a headscissors takedown and an armdrag into a cross-armbar and Halloween is in trouble before he manages to lift Dorada onto his shoulder. Dorada with a rolling armdrag into the armbar and Halloween picks him up again, but the result is the same with Dorada continuing to crank on the arm. Halloween smartly reverses it into a pin attempt, but only gets two. Sunset flip attempt from Dorada, but Halloween rolls through and hits a seated dropkick. Halloween with a whip into the corner and a charge, but Dorada avoids and springs off the top rope into an armdrag before he runs to the corner and hops up to the top rope for a twisting flip senton.

Dorada charges Halloween in the corner, but Halloween backdrops him over the top rope to the apron. Dorada on his feet and he hits another springboard armdrag that sends Halloween out to the floor. Dorada gloats and then makes a tag to Mini Park as Chi Chi enters the ring. They bust out a dance-off, but Chi Chi cuts it off with a kick to the gut and a snap mare. Irish whip from Chi Chi and Park ducks under a clothesline before springboarding into an armdrag. More dancing from Park, but Chi Chi attacks from behind with a clubbing forearm before Park shows some speed and avoids various strikes in the corner. Hip toss out of the corner from Park and THERE GOES CHI CHI’S WIG!! BITCH DONE LOST HER WIG!! Dropkick from Park sends Chi Chi to the floor and Park celebrates before eating a mule kick from Halloween. Halloween with a hard chop as Chi Chi hits on a big dude in the front row and Park turns the tide with a kick to the chest as Halloween ducked down for a back-bodydrop. Clothesline from Halloween takes Park down and he whips Park into the ropes before missing a clothesline that sends him out to the floor. Park with a dropkick through the ropes and Halloween is practically in the front row. Chi Chi in the ring again and Dorada goes up top and hits a big splash!!! Dorada into the ropes and CHI CHI NEARLY DECAPITATES THE LITTLE GUY WITH A BIG BOOT!! He even sticks his ass in Dorada’s face afterwards to add insult to injury.

Chi Chi with an attempt at a vertical suplex, but Dorada slips out and turns it into a sunset flip attempt. Chi Chi fights it off and whips Dorada into the ropes…wheelbarrow into a DDT by Dorada! Dorada with a dropkick and Chi Chi is out to the floor again, but as Dorada runs the ropes for a highspot, Halloween kicks him square in the mush. Halloween with a whip into the corner and he follows, but Dorada springs up to the top for another twisting senton!! Dorada with a low kick to Halloween and an Irish whip, but Halloween reverses and DORADA HITS A BEAUTIFUL SPINNING HEADSCISSORS TO PUT HALLOWEEN TO THE FLOOR!! SPRINGBOARD MOONSAULT OFF THE TOP BY DORADA TO HALLOWEEN ON THE FLOOR!! In the ring, Chi Chi attacks Park and lays in some kicks and chops before whipping Park into the ropes. Park with a duck under into a hurrancanrana and Chi Chi is out on the floor again. Park goes up to the top, but HERE COMES TIGRESSA CALIENTE!! She catches Park up top and powerbombs him to the mat!! Chi Chi is in and looking for the pin…1….2…3….Chi Chi and Halloween steal the win!!

Winners: Chi Chi and Pequino Halloween (pinfall, Caliente powerbomb on Park) **1/2

This one wasn’t quite as good as the opener, but it still had its moments. They kept the usual mini nonsense to a minimum and instead worked the comedy that they had with Chi Chi and Park. Not much else to say about this one as it was a solid bout, if somewhat unspectacular. Gotta love the highspots though.

During the commerical break, Fat Joe pimps the Lucha Libre USA show and actually does a decent enough job in getting everyone’s name right. Thankfully, he did the promo spot from his house so we don’t have to worry about him eating Mascarita Dorada.

Back from the break, we get a vignette for Lujo Esquire, International Man of Luxury as he chills out next to his pool with his bitches in tow. Esquire says that sometimes he doesn’t buy expensive things, he buys REALLY expensive things and with that we head to the back with Marco Corleone trying to get Solid into a push-up contest while Solid wants to eat sweets. Tinieblas Jr. busts in and pulls the “don’t you know who I am?” routine before saying that he’s going to show Corleone that he’s the MAN in Lucha Libre USA and that he’s going to be the champion. Corleone responds by saying that he’s going to be Tinieblas’ daddy before Tinieblas says that they’ll settle things in the ring. Solid continues to eat chocolate while Corleone looks disgusted and when we come back it’s time for our main event!!

Match Three: Lucha Libre USA Heavyweight Championship Tournament First Round
Tinieblas Jr. (w/Neutronic) vs. Marco Corleone (w/Solid)

I’d bet that the seconds are going to get involved since there’s not much reason for them to be out there otherwise. Hopefully it’s not as part of a screwy finish, but we shall see. After another commerical break, we finally get to action with both men playing to the crowd before Tinieblas kicks Corleone in the gut. Top wristlock from Tinieblas and he takes Corleone down to the mat before Corleone WAFFLES Tinieblas with a big left hand. Tinieblas with a whip into the corner, but Corleone springboards to the top and comes off the buckle with a HUGE flying clothesline!! Eat your heart out, Kane!! COVER…1….2…..Tinieblas just kicks out!! Tinieblas with a whip into the ropes and he takes Corleone down with a low dropkick before working a standing armbar. Octopus stretch from Tinieblas, but Corleone is able to fight free and reverse to an abdominal stretch before transitioning into a roll-up….1…..2….Tinieblas barely gets out the backdoor before the three-count!!

Both men trade huge blows in the middle of the ring before Corleone hits the ropes and Neutronic knocks Corleone down as Tinieblas distracts the referee. Neutronic in the ring now and he’s laying in the boots as Solid tries to waddle himself into the ring. Neutronic back out to the floor and Tinieblas takes over, choking Corleone across the top rope before Neutronic gets up on the apron for a neck snap. Tinieblas rams Corleone into the top turnbuckle and again before they fire off punches again. Big left hands from Corleone and he hits the ropes, but Tinieblas connects with a big bicycle kick!! Tinieblas plays to the crowd and talks some shit before turning his attention back to Corleone. Snap mare by Tinieblas and he follows with a seated kick to the face before dumping Corleone in the corner with a fireman’s carry slam. Tinieblas to the top and he’s going for a splash and connects!! 1….2….Corleone with the kickout!! Tinieblas argues the count with the referee and shoves Corleone into the corner, landing some big chops to the chest. Big left hand from Corleone and he misses another, allowing Tinieblas to hit the Drop of Darkness!! Cover….1….2…..CORLEONE BARELY ESCAPES!!!

Solid tries to ramp up the crowd, but it’s not working as Tinieblas connects with some chops before whipping Corleone across to the corner. Corleone counters a charge with a big boot to the face and tries to follow up, but Neutronic holds onto the ankle from the outside, in plain view of the referee! Solid comes over and takes out Neutronic while in the ring Corleone flings Tinieblas out to the floor. Tinieblas and Neutronic hold a little pow-wow on the floor and….AY DIOS MIO!!! AIR CORLEONE OVER THE TOP ROPE!!! DOWN GO THE RUDOS!! Corleone plays to the fans and throws Tinieblas back into the ring with Neutronic holding onto the ankle again. Solid attacks Neutronic again and belly-humps him against the barricade while Tinieblas whips Corleone into the ropes in the ring. Tinieblas with a charge in that misses and he bangs his head on the top turnbuckle!! Roll-up from Corleone…1….2….3!!! Tinieblas is out and Corleone moves on in the tournament!!

Winner: Marco Corleone (pinfall, roll-up) **1/2

Again, not the best match in the world as the size of Corleone and Tinieblas actually worked against them here as it made most of the Lucha stuff in the match look a bit more fake than usual. Hard work from both of them and the match was decent enough, but it just didn’t have that wow factor that I had been hoping for from the first main event. The finish out of nowhere didn’t do this one a lot of favors either.

Corleone celebrates in the ring after the match and HERE COMES LIZMARK JR.!! CRESCENT KICK TO THE FACE OF CORLEONE!! An unidentified wrestler is with him and he heads outside to attack Solid with Neutronic while Lizmark and Tinieblas lay the badmouth on Corleone! The show ends with the unidentified wrestler standing over Corleone and talking smack before the heels stand tall at the entrance stage and exchange high-fives. Tag team title tournament opening round matches next week, questions will be answered, see you all next time!!

Final Thoughts: This was a pretty good debut show and light years ahead of what the WSX shows were. LLUSA took full advantage of the hour by putting on three pretty good matches that were all a decent length. The quality went slightly downhill as the show went on and there were some pacing issues near the end with the double commercial break before the main event killing some momentum, but the positives far outweighed the negatives here. They even set up a nice little cliffhanger to get people to tune in next week to see who the new guy is and why they attacked Corleone. Very solid show from LLUSA and I’m already excited to see more.