411’s WWE Smackdown Report 6.15.12

Hello, one and all! Your usual recapper is currently washing the back of Big Show and cannot make it tonight, so you’re stuck with me; the RAW and NXT guy. That’s right, I’ve got RAW, NXT and Smackdown this week, which means that you’re stuck with the same droll opinions and recaps that you can ONLY get from one Tony ASSERO!

We start the show with a recap of what went down on RAW. The glorious return of Mr. McMahon that took three hours to go downhill wasn’t all that bad, but they try and intensify the melee that happened between Show and Cena, as well as making the punch to McMahon look a bit more dastardly than it looked on RAW.

Now THIS is how you start the show! Out comes the beautiful and wonderful AJ. She is all smiles. Not the cool smile that you think is cute, but the one that says “I’m a freak, y’all.” Yeah, that smile. A recap of RAW where AJ skipped around Kane then….mounted him and kissed him is shown, much to the chagrin of your reviewer. AJ’s got the mic, and she has a beautiful grin in the middle of the ring. She wanted to say something before the show started, that’s all. There is a very simple reason for why she put the lip lock on the Big Red Machine. She did it….FOR THE ROCK! No, sorry.

She actually gets cut off by Vickie Guerrero. She has news for AJ, she is not the star tonight. No one is talking about AJ and Kane. No one is talking about Show and McMahon. Everyone is talking about the winner of the Fatal Four Way Match for the No. 1 Contendership of the World Title, Dolph Ziggler. Heeeere’s Dolphy. Two weeks ago, he says, he told the world what we already knew; that he was better than this. On Monday Night, he stole the show and proved just that. He’s about to become the next World Heavyweight Champ, and he is not about to let some 95 lb, wacked out, hairbrained, disgruntled Hot Topic employee go all non somethin or other and steal his spotlight. AJ claims that she stops listening half way through, but assumes she is supposed to be offended. She calls him delusional if he thinks that he is going to be World Champ. She calls Vickie a grandma, so Vickie smacks the shit outta her. AJ is grinning like Vickie is a penis. No, seriously, she licks her lips. Vickie tells her to get out of Dolph’s ring or she’ll throw her out. Here’s the hero!

CM Punk is here with the pipebomb to protect AJ, I presume. AJ is all smiles. Punk claims that he is no authority on the English language, but through all her screeching, he thinks he heard “excuse me.” Punk claims that just because she says it, doesn’t mean anyone has to. He doesn’t think there’s an excuse in the world to justify having to listen to her. Every week, it’s the way same thing. Vickie will come out and tout Dolph just for Dolph not to come through. Punk remembers Dolph saying he was going to beat Punk for his belt way back in January. It’s the same shit with them two. It’ll be the same deal on Sunday, and the same deal tonight. If Punk is the voice of the voiceless, Vickie is the voice of the pointless. Dolph cuts off and says he is the voice of the next World Heavyweight

Daniel Bryan is here! YES! YES! YES! Aj doesn’t look too happy. Bryan calls this priceless. Check out Punk, AJ’s knight in shining armor. Makin out with Kane on Monday, and Punk is out here savin her on Friday. He introduces Punk, the hero! Haha. AJ probably told Punk that she kissed Kane to save Punk from the monster, but that’s just not true. Punk is right around AJ’s little finger and Punk doesn’t even realize it. The great thing about learning from his mistakes is watching he and Kane make the exact same mistake for the first time, and that mistake is AJ. He points at her, and Punk is all like “get that finga outta mah face!” Bryan says that AJ’s bad luck will only help Bryan become the new WWE Champion!

Sheamus joins the party! TOO MANY MICS! He calls Bryan, Danny boy. He brings up blaming AJ and tells Bryan that he’s proven that theory wrong so many times. He says Bryan talks out of his ass quite a bit. As for Dolphy boy, he’ll admit that Monday was quite impressive, but that was just one night and now he’s talking about taking the belt. #comeonson Sheamus says he knows there’s a match later tonight, but he’s ready and Punk’s ready, so let’s get down with the get down right now. AJ says that if that’s the case, she’s got a little bit of business to take care of. She jets towards Vickie Guerrero, but Punk holds her back. OOOOHHH, AJ went straight Jerry Springer right here.

Match 1: Sheamus and CM Punk vs. Daniel Bryan and Dolph Ziggler
Bryan and Sheamus to start, and Sheamus locks in a side headlock. He hits a shoulder block then hops over Bryan. Bryan tries to leap frog, but Sheamus lifts him like nothing then hits the Finlay Roll and a pin for 1…2…NO. This is around 18 seconds now, for those wondering. Tag to Punk, and he comes in with an axe handle onto the shoulder. Hammer lock into the corner and Punk seems to like the shoulder as a target. Whip to the corner, but he runs right into a boot. Bryan tags in Dolph and Dolph runs right into a drop toe hold. Elbow drop into a right hand and a tag to Sheamus. Punk whips Dolph right into a battering ram over the ropes from Dolph. Sheamus with a pin for 1. He attacks the left arm of Dolph. Tag to Punk, and Punk flips over the ropes, landing right onto Dolph. Pin for 1. Punk sets up for a suplex. He stalls it for a bit. A bit more. A bit more. Finally, he hits it. Floatover for a pin and he gets a 2 count. Tag by Sheamus, and in comes the Great White with a right to the gut. Dolph runs and tags in Bryan. Bryan comes in with an uppercut, then a whip, but Sheamus fires back with a back elbow. He hits a knee then a right. Dolph tries to hit from the apron. He misses, but causes a distraction and Bryan hits a dropkick to the back of Sheamus. He backs Sheamus into the corner. Tag from Dolph. He hits a bunch of rights into the corner, then stomps him. The ref stops him so Bryan chokes up Sheamus for a bit. Ziggler is back and hits a hair-sweat filled elbow drop. he locks the arm then tags in Bryan.

Bryan with an uppercut. He hits the ropes,but Sheamus catches him and hits a nice looking tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Tag to Punk! Springboard clothesline. Dropkick. Clothesline. Swinging neckbreaker. Pin for 1…2..NO! Punk whips Bryan to the corner. he goes for the knee, again, but Bryan flips him over on the apron. Punk with a shoulder block. Here’s Ziggler. Punk knocks him off the apron, and here’s Bryan knocking Punk off as well! Bryan on the apron, and he hits a running knee as we go to break.

We’re back with Bryan holding in a side headlock. Punk breaks out, hits the ropes, and runs right into an elevated knee. Tag to Dolph. Dolph with a stomp. He grabs the leg of Punk, locks it up, and tags in Bryan. Bryan with a YES!-assisted stomp. He gets some hard kicks to the chest of Punk then hits a great looking underhook suplex. Bryan is up top. He’s flyin for a headbutt, but Punk moves! He’s reaching for the tag to Sheamus. So, too, is Bryan. Both tag in. Sheamus in with some hard axe-handles to the bouncing Ziggler! Shoulder in the corner. High knee. Irish Curse and a pin for 1…2..NO!! Bryan in to break it up. Punk is in, sending Bryan to the outside. Bryan tries for a dropkick to the outside, but Bryan sidesteps, sending Punk into the barricade. Dolph with a kick. he goes for the Fameasser, but Sheamus lifts him up. White Noise! Instead of a pin, he knocks Bryan off the apron. Sheamus in the corner. He calls for a Spear! BROGUE! Vickie is on the apron, so AJ pushes her into the ring. Sheamus looks at her, wondering what the hell she’s doing in there. Dolph rolls up Sheamus for the 1…2…3!!!
Winner: Dolph Ziggler and Daniel Bryan (***1/2)
Fast paced, put together well, and hit every note I expected them to hit. AJ was super hot as well.

Sheamus is PO’ed so he chases Dolph outside into the crowd. In the ring, Vickie pushes AJ. AJ smiles then attacks! Rights to Vickie on the ground, then she pummels her head. Vickie leaves the ring quickly. AJ follows. She grabs the legs of Vickie. Vickie kicks forward, sending AJ back first on the apron.

BOOM!! Kane is here! He walks down the ramp, looking at AJ the entire time. He lifts her up and takes her up the ramp. Let’s hope they don’t drive anywhere….Wait, Punk is here to attack Kane! Kane drops AJ and attacks Punk. Punk with some rights, but Kane hits an uppercut and sends Punk into the ring. Hey look, it’s Daniel Bryan, and he attacks Punk until Kane rolls in and hits a chokeslam on him. Another chokeslam, this time for Punk. AJ is at the top of the ramp. Kane looks over to her, and she stares from beyond. AJ drops to her knees….oh Lord. She looks possessed. She begins to giggle, then just falls like a puppet getting her strings cut. She looks exasperated, or like she’s sitting on a Sybian.

We’re back, and Brodus Clay is here. He wants to talk business. He claims that Johnny Ace has banned him from RAW. He also said that if Brodus gets anywhere near Big Show, he’ll be fired on the spot. He had to think about this for a minute, but he is confident that the big homie, John Cena, is going to take care of Big Show at No Way Out. Brodus will agree to all this, as long as he gets some competition. He says that Ace claimed before the night is through, Brodus is going to be on his back. So Brodus wants to know who Ace has. The music of Heath Slater hits and the crowd goes…..mild.

Match 2: Heath Slater vs. Brodus Clay
The minute Heath gets in, he gets a headbutt from Brodus. Brodus with a splash in the corner. T-Bone suplex. Big splash in the center of the ring. Pin for 1…2…3!
Winner: Brodus Clay (NR)

Right in between a phone call to Brodus’s momma, Otunga clips the back of the knee of Brodus. Otunga attacks the leg hard, slamming it on the mat, then against the apron. We are reminded that these two are meeting at No Way Out in a pre-show, and it’s quite impressive that they’d build something that won’t even be on the big one. Otunga with a leg wrench then a slam to the mat, and Brodus is selling it like a hell of a beatdown. I suppose this is what Ace meant. Otunga leaves the ring as we get a replay of what we JUST saw.

We’re back, and Layla is ringside for the next match. We are reminded that there is match between Beth and Layla at No Way Out.

Match 3: Alicia Fox vs. Beth Phoenix
Beth starts with a kick to the gut, then slams Alicia’s head into the turnbuckle. Whip to the corner, but Alicia comes back with an elbow. She flips into a leg drop, but Beth moves. Alicia with a roll up out of nowhere for 2. Beth is up, hits a backbreaker, then sets up Alicia for the Glam Slam. She turns to look at Layla, hits a Glam Slam and pins for 1…2…3!
Winner: Beth Phoenix (NR)

Back to the show after Hornswoggle talks about Muppets, and Lillian is announcing the presence of the scooter-less John Laurinaitis. He is at the top of the stage. Even though he apologized man to man to Vince, he wants to do it publicly. He says he is sorry for Vince. Considering Vince’s age, his professional advice would be to stay out of the way of The Big Show. They show the clip of McMahon getting socked. At Wrestlemania, he put his job on the line and Team Johnny was victorious. At Over the Limit, his job was in jeopardy, but he beat John Cena. And at No Way Out, his job is on the line once again…but it’s not in jeopardy, because he has the man he is here to introduce; The Big Show.

Show comes down, and he keeps his skull cap on. That’s right, no kid’s gettin this one. Show joins Ace in the ring and grabs the mic. He isn’t going to lie about Punching McMahon on purpose. He has no reason to li. If he claims he did it on purpose, sure he’d get fired but he’d get paid millions of dollars (Poor Titus and Darren). He wants to tell the truth, though. In WCW, he was never allowed to outshine the faces of the company. He name drops Hogan, Sting and Flair. The crowd woos and he says whatever. The chance came when he was a free agent and everyone told him to come over to WWE. He said people told him he’d be the biggest superstar ever. He talked to Vince, and McMahon says to him, Show mimics Vince’s voice, telling him to change his name and be more of a show while people like John Cena, CM Punk, Randy Orton, they all rose to the top while he sat by the side. He’s supposed to be happy as a side show. He ran aside the ring, slapping hands and acting like John Cena. He is proud, though, that he is not John Cena. He thinks come this Steel Cage match, he’s going to make up for lost time. He’s going to show the world what he’s truly capable of. The best part is that he could care less what people think anymore. Unlike what he did to McMahon, what he does to John Cena will be extremely deliberate. It will be calculated. It will be uncomfortable (like a leather chair?). Show says this Sunday, he’s going to make John Cena suffer. For 14 years, he’s been in the WWE, but he’s lookin at this Sunday as his first match, and he guarantees a victory.

Michael Cole of all people, is on the mic. He claims that he has on good authority that John Cena has left his home in Boston, and promises to be here before the end of the show tonight. (They are in New Hampshire) Big Show heads back in the middle of the ring and says if Cena is coming tonight, looking for Show, he won’t be hard to find because he’ll be right here. Well, not like right HERE in the ring. But somewhere in the back. Probably next to catering.

Beautiful video package highlights the build to the IC Title match coming up and it makes me smile how well it’s put together and how it’s focused solely on the title.

Match 4: Christian vs. Jack Swagger
Lockup into a go behind from Christian. Swagger reverses it and lifts Christian like nothing, sending him into the corner. A couple of forearms to the back followed by a Shoulder block, then a whip to the corner. Swagger runs into the corner, but Christian flips over the ropes with a kick to the face. Swagger is up and runs, but Christian pulls the ropes down, sending him up and over. Christian follows and Vickie starts yelling at him. He yells back then turns into a clothesline from Swagger. Swagger sends Christian into the ring and pins for 2. Swagger lifts up Christian then just slams him donw beautifully. He nearly cradles him during. He hits the ropes and drops a leg on Christian, then rolls out and up and does the victory walk. He goes for another leg, but Christian moves .Christian is up with a clothesline, sending him to the ropes. Christian hops over the ropes and hits an uppercut. He rolls in the ring and gets ready for a Spear, but Swagger picks the ankle and locks in the ankle lock. Christian rolls through, sending Swagger into the corner. Swagger bounces back and Christian goes up top and hits a spinning uppercut. He calls for the Killswitch, but Swagger pushes out of it, and sends Christian to the apron. Christian goes to the turnbuckle, and Swagger runs up, trying to knock him down. Frog splash from Christian. Pin for 1….2…3!!
Winner: (***)
Another great match on Smackdown, and it’s obvious that Christian is a vital part of why Smackdown is great. It wasn’t hurt by the lack of time, but it could definitely have used more.

Two jobbers are in the ring, and they know that we think they are a joke. They are no jokes, but they know some. Knock Knock. (Who’s there?) The End of (The End of who?) The End of Ryback. Why did the Chicken cross the road? (To dominate Ryback). Two guys walk into a bar — cut off by the back of Ry. Ryback, cleverly tries to start a RY-BACK chant…you know, instead of a GOLD-BERG chant.

Match 5: Ryback vs. Ari Cohen and Mike Testa
Ryback goes boom boom boom. One dude tries to hop on his shoulders electric chair style, and pound on his head. Ryback turns him and hits a powerbomb. Ryback grabs the other guy and hits a fall away slam, sending one dude into the other. He lifts up one, then tosses him into the corner. The other guy is sent there as wel. Ryback with a splash. He hits a clothesline on one, then the other. FINISH HIM! Ryback lifts both. Does this finisher have a name yet? He marches around the ring then drops both, and pins.
Winner: Ryback (NR)
Third squash of the night. Not good. One of those jobbers didn’t protect their arm too well during the fall away slam, either.

Damnit! Tyson Kidd gets the jobber treatment which makes me beleive that the following match is going to be extremely short instead of worthy of our time. Such a shame, because this could have really been something adding to both Tyson AND Sandow, but instead we’re burying talent for the sake of one. Anyways, after a recap of what happened last week, he’s atop the ramp, begging our indulgence. He is here to help us, of course. Last week, on this very serial, he was compelled to resort to physical means to liberate our falsely anointed idol from the shackles of his own self-imposed inadequecies. Sadly, before he could impart his lesson, he was accosted by this ignaramous, Tyson Kidd. This said ignaramous will learn the consequences of undermining not just his enlightment, but the enlightment of each and every one of us. You are welcome.

Match 6: Tyson Kidd vs Damien Sandow
Lockup, but Sandow hits a knee, then a Russian Leg Sweep. He drops an elbow to the chest of Tyson, that he Elbow of Disdain in Latin. He pins for 1. Tyson rolls to the apron. Sandow lifts him up, but Kid hits a shoulder block then a kick to the head. Tyson goes up and hits a moonsault into a pin for 1…2..NO! Tyson looks for the sharpshooter, but Sandow sends him into the corner. Sandow with the quick, hard knees. He follows up with his finisher, then pins coyly for 1…2…3!!
Winner: Damien Sandow (*1/2)
I’m so very disappointed that they didn’t give this time, as I am really of the mind that it would impress everyone

We are back, and I just realized that the WWE Champion and the World Heavyweight Champion opened the show, while the Big Show and John Cena feud get the closing segment of Smackdown….geez. They are selling what Big Show said as the ultimate insult to John Cena, causing him to leave his home and head all the way over to the arena. Glad Cena changed to a green shirt, hat and arm bands at home before he came over. He is in the back and kicks the door down of Johnny Ace’s locker room. No one is there, so after staring at the photo of AJ on the wall, he heads out and we get to watch WWE Be A Star.

Cena claims he’s sorry he’s late, then says he’s not supposed to be here. He claims to have gotten a call from “his boy” telling him that Big Show called him out. He didn’t want to disappoint and didn’t want Show to think he was hiding. He tells Show that he’s the guy in the ring covered in green still wearing jorts after 1990. He was looking for him for a while though, and wonders how the hell he stayed hiding. Johnny Ace’s music hits, and here comes crutches. I know he’s not really injured, and he’s a man pretending to be a dude pretending to be injured, but he is seriouslyy not using the crutch…at all. Ace says that Show is not coming out here. Cena says Show claimed he’d be waiting. Ace blames Cena for McMahon’s mishap. Ace says that the board of directors claim the match at No Way Out will happen no matter what, so in order to protect that, he sent Big Show home. Cena calls it unfortunate. He didn’t come all the way up here just to talk. He knew coming here that either he was getting knocked out or Show was. Cena removes his dog tag, and in the chain of command of who gets knocked out next, Ace got the #1 spot. Ace wants to remind Cena who he is and he will fire John Cena. Cena says he can’t fire him because the board of directors claims the match at No Way Out happens no matter what. Hey, look at that…continuity within 2 minutes. Good job, WWE. Ace says he’s not afraid of Cena and he’ll embarrass him right here. Cena calls em strong words then says that Ace is embarrassing. Cena wants to know how he got a position of power. He looks at Ace and sees nothing moree than a scooter driving chain smoker who kisses a lot of ass. On Sunday, if Show loses, Ace is fired. If he’s gone then he can’t fire Cena, which means there’s nothing stopping him from knocking Ace on his ass. Ace stops him and says if he does what he’s going to do, the first thing he’ll do on Monday is fire John Cena.

Cena considers it like it’s a life decision (I suppose it is). He grabs the mic and repeats what Ace said. At No Way Out, someone is getting fired. Cena throws a right, and although it looks like a forearm, Cena sells it as a hard right. Either way, it looked better than Show’s punch to Vince.

That about does it as we head to the PPV. Thanks for joining us. Stay Classy, 411 comments section… Actually, do what you want…it’s entertaining.

-Tony Acero