The Thursday Small-For-All News Report: 06.05.08

And One to Start With…

From commenter yincia in the Smackdown spoilers post, “Khali is back! I can’t wait for Thursday to read what Small with write about it!”

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

Keep waiting….

Yes, yes….

WHAMMY!!!!!!!

Welcome back to the news report that’s more stubborn than Hillary Clinton, the Small-For-All News Report! In today’s edition, I apologize to the Great Khali, gossip on the latest WWE Power Couple, throw in random YouTube videos for the hell of it, and preview SlammiVersary, a PPV I had no idea was taking place until I began my usual pre-news report ritual! Seriously, with all of the recent WWE PPVs over saturating the market, TNA is really getting the brunt of it. Perhaps that’s Vinnie Mac’s secret after all!

NEWS FROM TITAN TOWERS

It’s never too late to apologize, onerepublic
Last week, I mentioned that I was giving a rest to the Khali news updates due to the lack of newsworthy reports from India. In fact, I went as far as to say “Fuck the Great Khali” which really wasn’t called for. The Punjabi Warrior did nothing wrong by returning to his homeland. The newfound fame he received in India was awesome and as Khali’s #1 American Fan, I wanted to share all the news that I could. And I did and it was excellent. Super excellent. But when I went to search for items last week and there were none, I was distraught. How can I continue the Khali-For-All without any Khali news? It didn’t make sense and left me agitated. Well who knew that the reason for a lack of Khali updates last week was because of his super-secret arrival back to the WWE?

Yes, Khali is back and he’s better than ever. This coming Friday Khali returns to Smackdown as a face. And why not? If he receives a warrior’s welcome in his homeland, surely, us Americans love him too. Considering he has a larger moveset than John Cena (who’s hot shit in the WWE), it shouldn’t be hard to get those pesky traditional WWE fans to cheer him. Plus, he’s got the backing of me and the millions of Smallophiles. Right? Right? Right?

Anyway during this past week, I decided to record a public apology in case the Great Khali returned. Good thing I did!

KHALI IS BACK BITCHES!!!!

End Report.

See No Evil Indeed

From the mainpage, “The Big Show has been diagnosed with a fracture of the sinus cavity and possibly his orbital bone. Big Show saw a specialist Wednesday in Los Angeles for further examination.”

The results from Wednesday’s meeting has not surfaced yet though we all wish that the prognosis is good. For those of you who saw One Night Stand on Sunday (and if you didn’t, I recommend the DVD) saw that the Show was busted open the hardway towards the end of the match. What looked like a minor injury became a tad more serious when Show couldn’t open his eye Monday morning.

While I have ZERO interest in a Big Show vs. Kane match (nine years ago that match did not excite me), it sucks to see the big man go down to injury. Hell, it sucks that after his epic feud with Floyd Mayweather, Show’s been given nothing to do. Originally, he was going to feud with the Undertaker but that went out the window when Vince decided to run Edge vs. the Undertaker into the ground. Even a short feud with the amazin’ Khali kinda sucked.

The Return of the RNN?

From PWInsider, “The official diagnosis on Randy Orton’s injury is a compress fracture of his left collarbone. Orton is expected to be out two to three months at this point, so he should likely be back in the ring by September.”

Show was not the only main eventer to be injured on Sunday as our beloved Randy Orton fell victim to a nasty injury. It’s quite unfortunate too seeing as Orton has busted his ass for the Raw brand since October. With that said, I’m not too upset to see Orton off of my television as he wanted time off to spend with his new wife. While I doubt he wanted to go down to injury, he did receive his wish. Fret not youngins because without Orton at the top, the WWE can now push other worthy up-and-coming superstars such as Shawn Michaels, John Cena, and JBL!

The Newest WWE Power Couple

According to PWInsider, John Cena and Mickie James are dating in real-life. It was Vince McMahon’s idea to use their romance and spin it into a WWE storyline.

Like Cena needed another reason to be hated by most WWE fans! While neither PerezHilton nor TMZ (my favorite sources) have confirmed the above, I already believe it. Look, Mickie was getting nowhere banging Kenny Dykstra. Sure at one point, he was the leader of the Spirit Squad and appeared to be getting a push. But since the group disbanded, he’s been nothing more than a loser. Mickie was correct in calling off of their engagement to move onto better things. And who bettah than John Cena? (Well maybe Khali.)

Hey, Cena mentioned month’s ago that he’s a big fan of “Double Meat.” Who knew he was referring to roast beef?

The Sequel No One Was Waiting For!

From prowrestling.net, “Stephanie McMahon-Levesque has not been going on the road for television tapings for several weeks now due to her pregnancy. It is widely assumed that she will be taking a lengthy maternity leave once she delivers her second child. It was made clear during her last maternity leave that she would not be involved in the creative process, and she had little, if any, communication with the creative team while she was away.”

Judging by the creative team’s inability to create sensible storylines since Michael Hayes’s suspension, I do not even want to see the holding pattern once Stephanie leaves. Then again, with Steph away, perhaps Paul London could get a push… NOT!!!

Feast Your Eyes on This!

Seeing how I am your constant source of WWE PPV posters, here’s the one for the upcoming Great American Bash.

Notice how this is the first Great American Bash logo without any use of patriotic themes. Then again, it does have a Jap succumbing to defeat!

Salute Your Shorts

According to gerweck.net, “Mick Foley put all of his TV projects on hold when WWE called and offered him the color commentating position on Smackdown. A television pilot called “Hey Dude” was slated to star Foley, and believe it or not, the former WWE champion was in negotiations to be the executive producer as well. Those now being considered the for the starring role include Jon Bon Jovi, Rupert Boneham from Survivor, Dee Snyder of Twisted Sister fame, Kevin Nash, Kurt Angle, Jake Roberts and Diamond Dallas Page.”

But if Kurt Angle stars in this series, who would take up 2/3rds of all Impact segments? Personally, I am rooting for DDP here just because. If only Foley’s TV project was a remake of the original…

And if you think I only even quoted this story in order to use the Youtube video, you are damn correct!

NEWS FROM O-TOWN

Slammiversary Preview

Seeing as I was unable to find any other TNA news, here’s the lineup for their PPV on Sunday:

THE ANNUAL “KING OF THE MOUNTAIN” MATCH: FOR THE TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
Special Enforcer: Kevin Nash
Champion Samoa Joe vs. Robert Roode vs. Booker T vs. “The Instant Classic” Christian Cage vs. “The War Machine” Rhino

TNA GRUDGE MATCH
“The Phenomenal” AJ Styles vs. Olympic Gold Medalist Kurt Angle

X DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Champion “Maple Leaf Muscle” Petey Williams vs. Kaz

TNA WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Champions The Latin American Xchange vs. Team 3D

JAY LETHAL AND SOCAL VAL GET MARRIED!
Special Guests include Best Man Sonjay Dutt, American Idol Ace Young (who?), Jake Roberts, Koko B. Ware, George “The Animal” Steele and Kamala

I’m assuming a Women’s match (probably the Beautiful People vs. Gail Kim and Roxxi) and perhaps another will be added to the card. As for how the card stands now, it looks good on paper but nothing I would go out of my way to see. Styles vs. Angle and the KotM have the possibility of being very good but it will depend upon Angle’s injured neck and the booking of the main event.

Really, I am most looking forward to the wedding between Black Machismo and SoCal Val. Wrestling weddings are always fun and this one is shaping up to be a classic with the inclusion of Wedding Singer Kamala and Jake Roberts. Considering the original Macho Man/Elizabeth wedding featured interference from “the Snake”, I hope there will be a reference to this at the show. It’s unfortunate that Sonjay Dutt will be turning on Lethal at the end of the wedding seeing as how a Dutt/Lethal match will not rock anyone’s world.

Larry will have Live Coverage right here at 411Mania!!!

COMING ATTRACTIONS

I got nothing. Well except that Randle is now making petty comments about me! Funny how things change when you become the Punjabi Warrior of the News Reports.

Meehan’s in tomorrow.

For the Thursday Small-For-All News Report, I’m Jeff Small… and you’re not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!