The Thursday Small-For-All News Report: 08.07.08

And One to Start With…

From commenter Matt P, “WHAMMY!

Ummm

KHALI!

No wait

ADAMLE!

Even I am confused now.”

Don’t worry Matt, we are all back to normal this week. Last week, I was just a little too excited when Mike Adamle was named GM. Don’t get me wrong, it was a monumental moment in sports entertainment; one that will go down in the annuals of this great sport. But I shouldn’t have used him in the opening. Mike and I’s relationship is just not there yet (I haven’t had to worry about the Melty Man). However, I do have one relationship that’s fully developed…

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

Keep waiting…

Yes, yes…

KHALI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sponsored by Midway Games of India

While this week’s Khali update is not nearly as exciting as two week’s ago, we still have plenty to talk about. And yes, beware the Smackdown spoilers below.

NEWS FROM THE PUNJABI PALACE

On tomorrow night’s Smackdown, the Great Khali does battle with his Summerslam opponent, Triple H, in one of the most deadly angle-developing matches in the history of the WWE. A match so macabre that I expect TNA to use it at Bound For Glory (though there would be a whipping stipulation). This week, the Great Khali and Triple H square off in an Indian Broken Glass Arm Wrestling contest!!!

Yes, if you thought arm wrestling was outdated (No Holds Barred happened 19 years ago!) and wimpy, adding glass shards should take this match to the XTREME. As 411’s Resident Sadist, you should know that glass shards can lead to lacerations, loss of limbs, and nausea. In severe cases, death could happen. Don’t believe me, let me tell you a story.

There once was a prostitute named Addison. After being used by many men, a local detective arrested her (after she failed to seduce him). One day Addison mysteriously awoke in a house filled with nerve gas. During her time in the house, she realized that she could not trust anyone, especially that chick from 7th Heaven. So Addison ran away from the group and locked herself in a separate room: one that had a box full of glass shards!!! Because she was a dumb ho, Addison placed her hands in the box and proceeded to slice her wrists until she died. The moral of the story: if Addison had done a better job seducing the detective she wouldn’t have sliced her wrists to death.

As you can see in the above story, glass shards are super dangerous and should not be messed with. I’m not sure as to why the WWE is willing to risk the lives of both Triple H and the Great Khali in an angle-enhancing segment but if they must, so be it. Of course, Triple H has a severe disadvantage in this arm wrestling contest. Not only is the Great Khali much larger, he is used to arm wrestling in broken glass. Hell, the Great Khali invented broken glass arm wrestling! Suck on that Triple H. Thankfully, this can only lead to one thing…

Create yours at BlingyBlob.com!

How do you say Jobber in Punjabi?

According to Punjabnewsline.com, “Palwinder Cheema , medal winner at commonwealth and Asian games, said that if Khali will win medal at asian games or at Olympics he will respect him as great wrestler. Cheema nowadays has been preparing for Beijing Olympics. He said that Khali was a showman and befooling people by acting at WWE.”

And that’s not all. According to indiHOT, “THE LATEST to challenge The Great Khali is none other than the country’s ‘stone headed’ man – Dhananjay Shevale. Shevale, who is a constable at the Police Commissionerate in Nashik, Maharashtra, has thrown an open challenge to the internationally acclaimed strongman Dalip Rana also known as The Great Khali.
Shevale, wants the famous Khali to hit him 21 times on his head. He boasts that he can take any blow and that is the reason why he has challenged Khali. Further he added that he does respect and salute Khali as he has made India proud.

Shevale had earned the title of ‘Stone Headed man of India’ by Krishnaji Gopal Srivastav, the world champion in 2000. His feat earned him accolades from all over the country and thus he made his way in the Limca Book of Records. In a television show – Shabash India – he broke 500 tiles with his head in just 14.42 minutes.”

Can you believe these Jabronis? First off, Cheema has no right to challenge Khali to a medal acquisition. Just because Khali isn’t a real wrestler does not mean he can’t kill you. Plus, I bet Khali could eat way more chickens than Cheema anyday.

Arise Chicken. Arise.

As for the Stone Headed Man, you are not Stone Cold Steve Austin. Hell you are not the Undertaker. Stop acting like Khali’s great chop will not knock you unconscious. It will. Perhaps, it might take 12 chops to the head. Perhaps, it might take 17. Surely, by the 21st hit, even the stone head will crumble. One day, these people will learn that you do not mess with the Great Khali. Until that day…

Wait for it.

Wait for it.

WHAMMY!!!!

Sponsored By Midway Games

Welcome back to another seriously spectacular edition of the Small-For-All News Report. I’m especially giddy today seeing as how on Friday I will be making a trek to New Jersey for the Hard Justice PPV. Roommates have been assigned (yeah JP), accommodations have been paid for (thank you Midway Games), and most importantly, I get to meet Eric Young. More on this weekend’s TNA excursion below. For now, I just want to say that this week’s news report will be short as I have a ton of TNA to catch up on (I haven’t watched since Lockdown – thanks Midway!).

In today’s edition, we take a look at the possible end of Mick Foley’s announcing career, Batista’s Creed, Kennedy’s injury, and any other big news bites. So without further ado, let’s get this party started.

NEWS FROM TITAN TOWERS

The End of Foley. The Start of More.
From ProWrestling.net, “Mick Foley’s latest run with WWE could conclude at Summer Slam. His contract is set to expire soon and he’s uncertain whether he wants to move forward with his role as a Smackdown color commentator. There are some lingering bad feelings that stem from Vince McMahon coming down hard on Foley while producing him through the headsets one week back when Foley was still working with Michael Cole. Foley was so bothered by what McMahon said to him over the headsets that he called him later that night to discuss the situation.

Although the buzz is that Vince has toned things down while producing Foley since then, Mick is still bothered by the way he and other announcers have been produced. The ball is in Foley’s court in the sense that WWE wants him to re-sign, but he wants to know that he’ll have fun doing the job and won’t have to put up with Vince’s maniacal rants. Foley is expected to appear at Summer Slam in some capacity. That show is viewed as a possible end date for Foley if he chooses not to re-sign with the company.”

From reading Mick Foley’s books, we are well aware that he’s a pretty sensitive guy. In the Hardcore Diaries, he took a lot of the Terry Funk criticism to heart and in the past, there has been times where he has felt that it was better for him to walk away (case in point: Fall 2001). During his wrestling career, Foley had a lot of carte blanche with his character which led to him having an amicable relationship with Vince. Now as an announcer, Foley is being treated just the same as any Todd Grisham which is not sitting well with him.

And personally I can see that. Not all announcers should sound the same. Part of the reason why JR and Jerry the King Lawler are Hall of Famers has little to do with their announcing abilities; rather, there personalities are just as strong as many wrestlers’ (especially in the case of the King). So for Vince to try to steer Foley down a certain path can be quite upsetting to a guy who hasn’t changed his character in years (since the days of Commissioner Foley).

Like others, I would like to see Foley stay as color-commentator on Smackdown. He has good rapport with JR and continues to improve weekly. However, if he decides he wants to leave, at least we have Tazz. JR + Tazz = the shit.

Big Dick Rules
In case you have been wondering, who’s been writing your favorite WWE program,

From ProWrestling.net, “the majority of Vince McMahon’s focus is still aimed at the Monday night show. A well-placed source estimates that Vince dedicates between 75 and 85 percent of his creative energy toward Raw.

Michael Hayes and Chris DeJoseph are writing Smackdown together. Hayes serves as the lead writer, while DeJoseph maps out the show. Ed Koskey is handling the bulk of the ECW writing duties now that Hayes is back on the job. “

If Vince wants to continue being hands off both Smackdown and ECW, I’m all for it. Both Smackdown and ECW have drastically improved since the WWE Draft which has made wrestling much more enjoyable to the Smallster. Kudos to Big Dick and Mr. “I’m Blacker Than You” for making me want to smack my TV on Friday nights (in a good way). Plus, with Freddie Prinze’s arrival to Friday’s, it can only get better! As for ECW, if Koskey booked Colin Delaney’s heel turn then that man deserves a medal.

Another Adamle Original
From the Wrestling Observer, “Regarding the Mike Adamle decision, it was ultimately a Vince call. Vince said he sees traits in Adamle similar to those of Eric Bischoff as they both project smarmy. Vince also believes that Adamle has “incredible verbal abilities” but hasn’t shown it because he never learned to talk in the pro wrestling language, and that’s why he’s been frustrated. Vince enjoyed directing him as a performer, which is a far cry from going nuts on him as an announcer.

The reaction by most in the company was apparently not positive on the decision, with some thinking Vince is trying to justify a series of bad decisions related to Adamle, although others backing Vince parrot that Adamle is untapped talent. The decision was one of those secrets that nobody, including those in the ring, were aware of until Shane McMahon announced it. Like a lot of the people at home, as the show progressed, more and more people were thinking Jim Ross and most were shocked.”

As I stated above, Adamle’s first week as GM was fine by me. Of course, he had the benefits of a super-hot Tennessee crowd along with some good booking. Now if he only starts favoring Kofi Kingston more than any other Raw superstar…

Hardcore Holly On the Outs
From the Wrestling Observer, “Hardcore Holly, who has been with the company for the better part of 14 years, is on the endangered species list. He’s no longer being used, and at 45, he may not be brought back. The feeling is that someone like Undertaker would have to go to bat for him one more time. Holly has had a rep for being like a Japanese veteran, in that he works very stiff with newcomers (like the Matt Cappotelli incident on “Tough Enough”) with the old-school mentality that they have to prove they can survive in a tough profession. His role would have been to be in a tag team feuding with DiBiase & Rhodes, but the feeling was he wouldn’t get them over in the right way (he’d lose but make them look bad) and his only role would be to make the newer pushed guys look better than they are. Reportedly Holly’s promo work to further the Rhodes turn program was done, but they decided against airing it because the interviews weren’t good enough. Vince is said to be generally indifferent on Holly, in that he’s kept him around like Funaki forever, but they don’t have any plans to ever do anything with him.”

I’m glad someone figured out that Hardcore Holly has brought nothing to the table in a while and that a feud against Simply Priceless would be counterproductive. Of course, Priceless just jobbed their titles to the MegaPowers and it really wouldn’t surprise me to see Holly reappear on television with a push (usually reports like this lead to the opposite happening). And seriously Holly’s 45 years old. Man, he’s almost Slimmer’s age!

Batista’s Creed
Since it’s my duty to paste upcoming PPV posters, here’s the latest for Unforgiven:

My Sacrifice!

I’m glad to see Batista back on a PPV poster. Considering he’s ALWAYS involved in the World Title Scene, he should at least get some poster lovin’. The other thing of note here is that Unforgiven is quite early this year – September 7th, only three weeks removed from Summerslam. Which means that there will quite possibly be a few Summerslam rematches on the card. Which can hopefully lead to one thing: Triple H vs. the Great Khali: Iron Man Match!!!

Quick N Dirty News
Stolen from all of your favorite dirtsheets!

Ken Kennedy dislocated his shoulder on Monday night in a match against Shelton Benjamin.

Sources say that when Kennedy returns his new gimmick will be similar to this famous character:

Stephanie McMahon is up for the best writer category for the CableFAX awards. She is nominated along with the writers of Showtime’s “Californication,” TBS’s “Saving Grace,” ESPN’s “Consider Wimbledon,” and AMC’s “Mad Men.”

I must not be the only one who enjoyed the Hornswoggle McMahon saga.

Ric Flair has parted ways with the WWE as he wanted to focus more on lucrative outside bookings that the WWE refused to let him attend.

If only I could get Flair for JP’s bar mitzvah. But seriously, how cool would it be for Flair to appear in TNA only to turn on Sting once again!

The WWE released their Q2 results. While they did not hit their quarterly goal, the company still made a shitload of money.

And really, if the WWE needs to reduce their expenses, I know that Hardcore Holly’s waiting to get released. Hell, I bet you could add Carlito to the list.

Nobody watched Saturday Night’s Main Event.

Duh. Clearly, the Great Khali = RATINGS! Oh wait…

NEWS FROM O-TOWN

Quick N Dirty TNA News
Let’s get down to business.

Vince Russo wants to turn Sting heel in the build to a match against Samoa Joe at Bound for Glory.

Thankfully after 20 something years, Sting has the chance to not be turned on. You would hope he does a good job at it here. But seriously, this is a stupid idea. Sting is way too popular with casual fans to even try to turn heel. Hell, I do not recall Sting being a successful heel in his career. He’s almost like a latter day Ricky Steamboat. If TNA really wants Sting/Samoa Joe to headline Bound for Glory, it would be much easier to turn Samoa Joe.

Matt Morgan, as “The Beast,” appears to be a ratings draw on American Gladiators. His appearances drew the highest quarter hour on both 7/21 and 7/28. The latter show did a 3.2 on the fast nationals, up from what the show has been doing.”

Hey more people watched Gladiators this past week than Saturday Night’s Main Event. I guess the public has decided: The Beast is a better heel than Autism is.

Mike Weber was hired as Vice President of Marketing. Weber worked for WWF and WCW in the 90s in marketing and communications and has a lot of experience working with the cable companies. He was WCW’s PPV guy at one point. After WCW folded, he went to work on the Monster Trucks tour.

Good hire for TNA here. If he could bring Gravedigger to the Impact Zone, I would totally watch TNA. Okay maybe I still won’t.

Midway, the company making TNA’s new video game, reported $34.8 million in losses for their quarter ending on June 30th, 2008. They are banking a lot on the new TNA game being successful.

I shall have an in-depth review of TNA Impact next week in the Small-For-All.

Speaking of Midway and TNA…

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT… HARD JUSTICE PPV PREVIEW

As I mentioned earlier, on Friday I will be heading down to New Jersey for the Hard Justice PPV. Thanks to JP’s connections with Midway, he and I will not only be on hand for the PPV, we also will be attending the TNA Impact Launch Party. At the Launch Party, we, along with various other media, will try out the video game and also, canoodle with various TNA wrestlers including Kurt Angle, AJ Styles, Samoa Joe, and the Motor City Machine Guns. Yes, not only am I attending the TNA PPV but I also get to pretend to be way more important than I actually am. For those of you who think that writing for 411 does not have its perks, I’m living proof that you are wrong.

As for the actual PPV, here’s the card for those in the know:

TNA World Championship Six Sides Of Steel Weapons Match
Samoa Joe © vs. Booker T

Last Man Standing Match
AJ Styles vs. Kurt Angle

TNA Tag Team Championship Match
The Latin American Xchange vs. Beer Money

New Jersey Street Fight
Christian Cage & Rhino vs. Team 3D

TNA X-Division Championship Match
Petey Williams vs. Consequences Creed

Black Tie Brawl N’ Chain Match
Jay Lethal vs. Sonjay Dutt

Outside of having to watch another Six Sides of Steel Match live (I think I saw enough at Lockdown), I am very excited to see this show. Styles/Angle should be awesome (as long as Kurt doesn’t injure his neck tomorrow throwing out the first pitch at the Phillies game) along with the New Jersey Street Fight. Nothing on paper looks bad so far (I have a feeling at least a couple more matches will be added before the show) and even overbooking won’t piss me off since I’ll be many beers deep by the time the show starts.

Stay tuned to 411 for live coverage of Sunday’s PPV.

COMING ATTRACTIONS
Tune in next week when I’ll talk all about my New Jersey experience. Will JP and Small Go to White Castle? What about a gay bar? Will Small drunk text message JT just to make fun of his really ridiculous Wrestlemania t-shirt? Not to mention D’lo Brown! All this and more next week in the Small-For-All!!!

For the Thursday Small-For-All News Report, I’m Jeff Small… and you’re not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!