Thursday Sports Entertainment News Report 03.28.13

I’m going to start being more accountable and responsible for my decisions by never clicking on your columns again. Thanks for the advice. Here’s some in turn: get over yourself and look into the concept of empathy.

-The Macho King

Wait…aren’t you dead?

“Go ahead, name another feasible match that is bigger than this one. It can’t be done.”
Rock/Brock, Cena/Taker, Brock/Taker, Taker/Rock… should I go on?

-The TradeMark Experience

Apparently you missed the following sentence where I say “Especially if I limit the pool to active, full time wrestlers.” But okay, I’ll play along. Out of the four matches you suggest, only one involves a full time performer. All of the matches have been done before, so there’s nothing “new” about them. Rock is the WWE champ – are you seriously suggesting that he continue to be champ OR drop it to Taker or Lesnar? Two guys that have been on TV less than the Rock? Sure, you suggest some big matches, but none can objectively be considered biggER than Rock/Cena.

And I’m tired of people complaining that John Cena vs. The Rock is a rematch. It’s a good rematch and they are building it well. People said the same thing about Undertaker vs. Triple H but they told a helluva story in that ring. We shouldn’t pass judgment on a long-term program until it’s over. It’s like criticizing a book when you’ve only read half of it. Let’s see how it all plays out. After all, Luke Skywalker vs. Darth Vader in Return of the Jedi was a rematch of their fight in Empire Strikes Back, but the fight was required to tell the overall story of redemption. Let’s be patient.

And what is the Trademark Experience, anyway? Sounds like something a call girl would offer for a few extra hundred.

WWE brass knows the potential of a Cena heel-turn. It’s extremely risky: on one hand, it could make a handful of uber-babyfaces and light the business on fire the way Hogan’s turn did in 1996 (yeah, i’m one of those that says nWo doesn’t succeed without Hogan’s Turn). Or, it could kill the goose that laid the golden eggs deader than Percy effing Pringle.

-No

Mr. No is exactly right about the potential of a John Cena heel turn -it’s extremely risky. He also makes a good point later on in his comment that WWE doesn’t have a significant competitor nipping at their heels, thus incentivizing them to take more chances to stay ahead.

But here’s something we all need to consider. World Wrestling Entertainment IS a risk-taking company, moreso than many other publicly traded companies. WBF and XFL were huge risks. Failures, sure, but huge risks nonetheless. They are also currently risking a lot of their money and reputation with WWE Studios and by launching the ever-delayed WWE Network. When you’re pouring that much cash into endeavors that may not pan out, do you really want to risk losing a sure money-maker? Cena is the number one generator of cash for their core product: wrestling. He’s the reason why they have the money to gamble in the film and network worlds in the first place. There’s only so much risk a company can endure, and turning Cena heel would be one of the biggest risks they’d take, especially with so much money tied up in other uncertain ventures.

Long term, turning Cena heel would absolutely be the right thing to do. After all, he’s only human and won’t be around forever. He could suffer a career ending injury tomorrow for all we know. They need the next John Cena, and what better way to make a great hero than to have him defeat a great villain. And we all know John Cena would make a great villain.

Greetings, folks, and welcome to another edition of Thursday Sports Entertainment!

WORLD (WRESTLING ENTERTAINMENT) NEWS TONIGHT

PW Torch reports that the reason WWE has been promoting Dave Bautista lately (including a story on his casting in Guardians of the Galaxy) is because he was recently at WWE headquarters to film an interview for Triple H’s upcoming DVD documentary.

The Triple H DVD is scheduled for release in September.

Here’s what I find interesting. When Undertaker faced Shawn Michaels in the Streak vs. Career match, Michaels had his retrospective DVD, My Journey, released later that year. Makes sense, as his career had just ended and what better time to release a DVD celebrating the professional career of one of WWE’s biggest superstars? But here’s the thing – those DVDs take months to complete. You have to determine the structure, schedule interviews, edit everything together, get it manufactured – you get the point. This means that WWE probably started making the DVD as soon as they found out that Michaels wanted to retire.

So here’s the interesting part. Now HHH is getting the same treatment as his old pal Shawn Michaels. He’s scheduled to fight in WrestleMania with his career on the line. He also has a documentary being put together that will be released the same year as his possible retirement. Notice a pattern? Toss in the fact that Triple H’s backstage responsibility is rapidly increasing and all signs are pointing to a WrestleMania loss. I’m not saying this definitely means that The Game will lose his bout against Lesnar, but it certainly does raise an eyebrow, doesn’t it?

Speaking of Triple H…

Triple H is making more changes behind the scenes in WWE. He has started to do away with word for word scripts, and instead is teaching the developmental talents how to work with bullet points. This allows each talent to learn how to speak as their character and rely more on their own creative ability instead of reading what someone else wrote for them. WWE used to do this with their talent, to allow the talent to build their characters as well as to allow them to grow more naturally.

Thank goodness. But I think they should tailor promo styles to the individual. For example, there are some people that might thrive on scripted material but blow chunks at improvisation. Think Robert DeNiro in The Godfather vs. Robert DeNiro on Saturday Night Live.

I would suggest that all talent, both developmental and current, take a series of improv classes. It can’t hurt. In the uncertain world of live television, it would be better to have that kind of skill in your back pocket should something go awry. It might also help enhance promo skills for those that need it.

But if HHH is teaching them how to cut a promo, he should at least give them the guidelines he uses:

1) If you can make your point in one minute, take twenty
2) Put an “ah!” At the end of most words. “I am-ah The Game-ah!”
3) When you’re being extra serious, talk exra loud and make your voice extra raspy
4) To show you’re really mad at someone, go ahead and smoosh your nose right up against his. It won’t look weird at all

Follow those steps, and you’ll be wrestling all the guys who make the money in no time!

The reason The Rock has not mentioned WWE or the WWE title during his recent appearance on The Tonight Show this past week was because the interview was setup by the PR team for G.I. Joe as opposed to WWE. The PR team wanted The Rock to focus on plugging his new movie rather than WWE or WrestleMania.

Poor Rock. He’s stuck between a rock (HA!) and a hard place on this one. On one hand, he has his movie star obligations to fulfill, and that includes doing a ton of press for G.I. Joe. On the other hand, he has his devotion to pro wrestling and the obligations that come with being the WWE champion. If I’m the people marketing the movie, I would definitely want him focusing on the $185 MILLION dollar production rather than some rinky-dink wrestling sideshow.

I don’t understand why WWE wouldn’t set up their own promotional gigs for the Rock. If the idea was to get more mainstream exposure for WWE by putting the title on a movie star, why not set up some press for him? Maybe he was already overbooked with GI Joe press obligations? Remember, this G.I. Joe movie was supposed to open nine months ago, but was delayed until right before WrestleMania. This means that WWE probably had to pull an audible and hope that they could just piggy back off of the GI Joe press that the Rock was committed to. Looks like that didn’t work out. I like to believe that had GI Joe originally opened in the Summer of 2012 like it was supposed to, then his schedule would have been clear to promote WrestleMania. But alas, Man plans and God laughs.

Speaking of God…

Stephanie McMahon has revealed that she is supportive of marriage equality. She wrote on Twitter: “Editorial Board: Supreme Court must strike down #Prop8 and #DOMA http://t.co/TxtXt7rYFp People should be free to marry who they love.”

I hate it when people do this. I cannot support it. Sorry, you can call me an old fashioned, pig-headed traditionalist, but Stephanie McMahon made a BIG mistake here. She’s WRONG. Just WRONG! I cannot sit back and let such an awful statement go without correction. And I’ll tell you why!

It’s “whom,” Stephanie. “People should be free to marry WHOM they love!”

But seriously, the gay marriage debate is the stupidest thing and it infuriates me to no end. And please don’t misread that – I’m not saying gays shouldn’t be allowed to marry, I’m saying that the debate itself is maddening. Why does the government care who gets married? Why is our President devoting so much of his time to this issue? Doesn’t he realize that we are $16 TRILLION in debt, most of which is owned by China? That unemployment has been hovering near 8% for 5 years now? That crazy dictators with nuclear weapons are taking a more aggressive posture toward us?

But no, let’s use all this time to debate whether or not certain people should get married. Let them get married and be done with it! Who gives a shit? Enough with the social issues already! Yeah, they’re great for getting donations, but aren’t there more pressing matters to address? All of this is a big distraction from what the government should really be doing.

And is anyone else’s Facebook news feed getting clogged with that gay (HA!) red “equals sign?” Enough already. This is almost as annoying as seeing a million public “Happy Birthday” messages to the same damn person.

And speaking of birthdays…

The Undertaker turned forty-eight recently. He was born on March 24th, 1965 and made his professional wrestling debut in 1984.

I would have sworn that Undertaker was at least 50. But he’s been wrestling for almost 30 years, and that’ll put a lot of mileage on the body. This got me thinking about other wrestler ages, so I’ve taken the liberty of looking up a few. Here are the ages of some of your favorite WWE & TNA sports entertainers, from oldest to youngest:

Vince McMahon – 67
Ric Flair – 64
Hulk Hogan – 59
Bret Hart – 55
Sting – 54
Booker T – 48
Dixie Carter – 48
Undertaker – 48
Paul Heyman – 47
Mick Foley – 47
Shawn Michaels – 47
Kane – 45 (will be 46 in less than a month)
Kurt Angle – 44
Triple H – 43
Chris Jericho – 42
Bully Ray – 41
Big Show – 41
Stephanie McMahon – 36
Bobby Roode – 36
John Cena – 35 (will be 36 in less than a month)
Alberto Del Rio – 35
Brock Lesnar – 35
Jeff Hardy – 35
Sheamus – 35
CM Punk – 34
Randy Orton – 32
Wade Barrett – 32
Dolph Ziggler – 32
The Miz – 32
Antonio Cesaro – 32
Kofi Kingston – 31
Daniel Bryan – 31
Ryback – 31
Zack Ryder – 27

Some observations:

– Paul Heyman is only 4 years older than Triple H, and is the same age as Shawn Michaels & Mick Foley

– Bret Hart is only 4 years younger than Hulk Hogan. Anyone else think that the age difference was much more than that? Plus, Bret Hart is one year older than Sting.

– Randy Orton’s age + Dolph Ziggler’s age = Ric Flair’s age

– John Cena, Jeff Hardy, Brock Lesnar, Del Rio and Sheamus are all the same age (35). Stephanie McMahon is older than all of them (36)

– Kane is in remarkably good shape considering his age (nearly 46), size and mileage

– When you think about all that Randy Orton has accomplished given his age (32), it’s mind boggling. Especially when you consider that Ziggler, Barrett, Miz, Kofi, Cesaro, Ryback and Bryan are all around the same age

– Chris Jericho is older than the Big Show? I never knew that

– The only full time wrestler in WWE on this list over the age of 35 is Kane

Notice any other interesting, age-based facts about your favorite Sports Entertainers?

JOHN CENA: THE BORING HERO

I’m a big movie buff. I not only love watching them, but I like to understand all aspects of how they are made. I’m the guy who watches the DVD extras and listens to director commentaries. If there’s an interesting discussion to be had on filmmaking, I’m ready to listen.

One great source of movie knowledge is a podcast called ScriptNotes, “a podcast about screenwriting and things that are interesting to screenwriters.” It’s hosted by seasoned writing pros John August (Go, Big Fish) and Craig Mazin (Hangover II, Identity Thief). It’s a really good listen, and I highly recommend it to aspiring screenwriters and movie buffs in general.

In one of their podcasts, August & Mazin talked about how the best heroes undergo dramatic changes over the course of the story. By the time the end credits roll, the hero should not be the same person he was when the film began. A few examples:

Indiana Jones. In Raiders of the Lost Ark, Indy is established as a man obsessed with obtaining things, and who doesn’t believe in God. By the end of the movie, he’s more concerned with people (Marion, in particular) over things and has come to believe in God. This is evidenced by his “don’t open your eyes” stance when the ark is opened. He’s a changed man. In this case, he’s a hero who becomes an even better hero.

Darth Vader. At the beginning of A New Hope, he’s a ruthless tyrant that couldn’t possibly know love. By the end of Return of the Jedi, he sacrifices himself to save his son. He’s a changed man. In this case, Vader is a villain that ultimately changes to the point where he’s a hero.

Michael Corleone. In The Godfather, he’s the son with the highest prospects. He’s the one that walks a straighter path than the rest of his family. He could be Governor Corleone, Senator Corleone. But what happens? By the end of the film, he’s transformed into an underworld boss, with a ruthlessness unmatched by his rivals. In this case, Michael is a hero that ultimately changes to a villain.

And so on. My point here is that John Cena hasn’t undergone any significant change in years. John Cena is the same man in 2013 that he was in 2008. Being an interesting hero isn’t just about overcoming adversity, it’s about overcoming adversity and being drastically changed by it. Maybe this is why Cena is so appealing to kids. Kids thrive on routine and certainty. They like it when things stay the same, and get upset when something important to them changes. For adults, however, it’s boring as hell.

And I’m not saying that Cena needs to turn heel. But he should be walking away from each major feud a changed man. This past Monday, we saw a brief glimpse of that, and that made him immediately more interesting to me. We saw a John Cena who knew regret. Whose ego was on display for the world to see. Who was…dare I say it…angry! He was mad at himself because his cockiness got the better of him and it cost him something important. This is intriguing, and I hope the WWE explores it further, because prior to Monday, every time John Cena won or lost a feud, he’d come out smiling, shrug it off, and assure us all that he was okay. Lather, rinse, repeat. Yawn.

Now take someone like Kane. Kane is NOT the same person he was when he debuted. He’s been all over the place in terms of emotional change. He’s been a quiet monster, he’s been in love, he’s made friends, lost them, became funny, became evil again, and so on. All the while, John Cena has been the same old John Cena, and it’s incredibly boring. If John Cena’s story were a movie, he’d be a failure as a hero.

YOU’RE IN FOR A REAL TWEET

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SIGNING OFF

Thank you for making Thursday Sports Entertainment your go-to destination for Wrestling News, Opinions, etc. Tune in next week – same Sports Entertainment Time, same Sports Entertainment channel.

Hasta Jueves,

This is Sean.