The Name on the Marquee: Smoky Mountain Wrestling (2.5.1994)

-Originally aired February 5, 1994.

-Your hosts are Bob Caudle and Dutch Mantell. Robbie Eagle gets drawn for Beat the Champ.

MOONDOGS (with Jim Cornette) vs JASON WEST & JEFF VICTORY
-Moondogs take out the jobbers with road signs and chairs to get themselves DQed instantly. This week in “What the hell is Dutch talking about?”: Louisiana only has two races, Caucasians and Moondogs. Cornette promises that this is what the Bruise Brothers have to face at Sunday Bloody Sunday as the Moondogs continue murder-killing Jeff Victory.

-Bruise Brothers are counting the days until their suspension ends, and then the Moondogs won’t have nowhere to run.

-We go back to the ring, and the Moondogs are STILL attacking the jobbers until Jim Cornette finally calls off the assault. Funny, as a bunch of fans run away from the Moondogs, except for one guy holding a baby who stays right where he is and taunts them.

-And now words from the Funk Brothers, who are coming to “Buttcrack, USA” despite the entire town smelling like cheap wine and loose women. Terry hates every punk and puke that Bob Armstrong claims to have sired. Funk tries some topical humor, but regrettably blanks on the name “Jeff Gillooly.”

-We get words from The Bullet’s home movie camera, and the bug is out of sync for just a split second, so we end up seeing the date/time indicator at the bottom. The Bullet pledges that Bob Armstrong will be back in his spot as commissioner, and he’s going to fire the guy that Cornette buddied up to on the board of directors.

-Tammy Fytch shows off the rash that she got in Harland, KY a few weeks ago because somebody touched her. Jim Cornette, wearing a Looney Tunes tie that I totally WANT, complains about all the unemployed people taking up space in Harland because they have nowhere better to go.

BOBBY BLAZE vs BRIAN KEYES
-Darryl Van Horne sits in for commentary, so everybody unhinge your jaws.

-Blaze works the arm while Van Horne complains about only getting jobbers to wrestle because the real stars are afraid of Prince Kharis retiring them like he retired Tim Horner. Blaze is still working the arm, Suplex into a bridge by Blaze gets the win.

-Tracy Smothers denies all accusations that he’s from Pennsylvania. He uses the word “hot” like a dozen times during the promos, and then Chris Candido dumps a bucket of ice water on him and yells “This should cool you off!” With a dry cool wit like that., he could be an action hero!

DOWN AND DIRTY WITH DUTCH
-We hear pre-taped words from Mr. Ron Wright, who regrets being so heavily drugged the last time he was in SMW that he forgot to bring his old walkin’ stick so he could knock it upside Brian Lee’s head. Ron Wright announces that he’s had corrective surgery on his hip, and he’s gonna be walking tall to ringside for the Tennessee Chain Match.

-Dutch Mantell welcomes the Dirtywhite Family, and they promise that all of the trouble Brian Lee has caused, like assaulting Dirty White Girl and screwing DWB out of $20,000, ends at Sunday Bloody Sunday.

BEAT THE CHAMP TV TITLE: “Suicide Blonde” CHRIS CANDIDO (Champion) vs ROBBIE EAGLE
-Candido attacks right away with slams and second rope forearms. Legdrop gets two. Candido BADLY botches a slingshot suplex, and Dutch has a hilarious call of the action: “Look at this, Candido is gonna…well, he’s probably gonna kill Robbie Eagle.”

-Candido throws Eagle outside and meets him with a plancha. Back in Candido tries to finish with the superplex, but Smothers gets his revenge by hooking Candido’s leg, so Robbie Eagle falls on top of Candido for the three-count, and it’s the biggest upset in Smoky Mountain history as Robbie Eagle is your new TV Champion.

-Candido and Smothers brawl after the match, and Candido lays Smothers out with a piledriver, and since this is SMW, that means Smothers requires medical attention and may not make it to Sunday Bloody Sunday.

-A musical tribute to Miss Tammy Fytch. Fytch complains that it portrayed her in a bad light, and SMW is doing everything they can to demoralize her, including forcing a wrestler like Brian Lee to fight in a Chain Match, which isn’t really wrestling. Brian and Tammy have a lovers’ quarrel because Brian is still mad about the “I might get blood on my dress” line from a while back, and they leave early to talk it over.

-Furnas Brothers ain’t wearin’ no Alabama t-shirt.

-Heavenly Bodies ain’t afraid of the Rock and Roll Express. Cornette says they got a match coming up next against a couple of guys named Dave Meltzer & Wade Keller, so let’s get started.

HEAVENLY BODIES vs DAVE MELTZER & WADE KELLER
-Caudle & Mantell say they’ve never heard of the jobbers scheduled for this match. Bodies go in the ring to wait for them and out come the Rock & Roll Express, who signed the contract with fake names to get around the injunction that Cornette filed against Ricky Morton. I’m like 90% sure that any court in America would take Cornette’s side in this situation.

-Express attacks early, but Bodies take advantage of Morton with double team moves while Gibson protests to the referee. Del Ray tries to finish with a tennis racquet shot, but Morton has just too damn much heart and kicks out at two. Top rope legdrop by Del Ray; Morton forgets to get out of the way, but Del Ray sells it as a miss anyway and rolls around in pain until tagging out. Believe it or not, it actually looks dumber than it sounds.

-Prichard surfboards Morton while Dutch Mantell says he first smelled a rat when he saw the names Meltzer & Keller on a contract, because Meltzer & Keller got their wrestling licenses suspended after they got arrested for a credit card scam in Louisiana.

-Pier sixer breaks out. Cornette tries to sneak in, but Ricky Morton steals the tennis racquet and cleans house. The Express clearly does not give a shit about being DQed and just go nuts on the Bodies .

6.6

The final score: review Average

The 411

SMW revitalizes a little bit after looking stale last week. The build to Sunday Bloody Sunday is back on track and the in-ring angles were tremendous fun. Good show!