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Well, hello there, Sickos! Tonight is Wednesday, and you know what that means! Not only is Dynamite on tap tonight, but it’s not just another episode of Dynamite, because tonight is…

MAXIMUM CARNAGE!

SNES opening theme plays

Spider-Man and Venom may not be here, but we do have a lot on tap tonight, starting with the AEW In-Ring return of Kenny Omega, as he the Cleaner faces the Machine, Brian Cage. The Hurt Syndicate are also in action tonight, as they take on The AEW Tag Team Champions Private Party and Mark Briscoe. We also have a Women’s Casino Gauntlet match, with Kris Statlander entering as the first competitor. We also have Jon Moxley defending the AEW World Title in his hometown against the challenger, Powerhouse Hobbs. All this and, of course, so much more.

So, how has everyone been? I’m sure we are all devastated by the wildfires in Los Angeles, and my heart goes out to those who have suffered lose, but man, it’s incredible to see so many people trying to help out, including people from Mexico and Canada. Really puts things into perspective, and no matter who you are or what you believe in, that you can come together in times of need for the common goal of the greater good. I REALLY wish some high political horses could understand this…

I also checked a bucket list item off my list Saturday Night when I saw Nonpoint for the first time in person. What a show! I’ve been a fan since they released Recoil in 2004, so this was a great moment, to say nothing less of Heartsick and Crobot, who opened up for them. Also, and I’m sure it’s completely not adjacent to that at all, but I’ve been battling a bout of sinus flare-ups and a sore throat. These times remind me of why I am antisocial.

So, stand up, and stand forward, because you don’t want to be left behind when the Dynamite goes BOOM! Or, you know, when CARNAGE shows up!

Plays stage boss fight one song from the SNES

Tonight, we are LIVE from Cincinnati, Ohio! Our power trio is back in full force tonight, as we have Excalibur, Tony Schiavone, and Taz!

Promo for what to expect tonight.

Back in the arena, and we’re not wasting anytime!

The Best Bout Machine Kenny Omega vs. The Machine Brian Cage
Don Callis has joined commentary, and Lance Archer is at ringside. KENNY chants as Cage overpowers Omega. Kenny turns the tables with punches and chops. Cage eats them, but Kenny hits drop kicks to the knee of Cage. Omega goes to pick him up but that fails. Omega off the rope, kick to the face. Omega still can’t pick up Cage, as he hits a back body drop. Cage lifts Omega like a weight and throws him over his head. FUCK DON CALLIS chants. I must mention how different the set up looks, with the commentators facing the hard cam. Cage tries a powerbomb, but Omega reverses with the Hurrincanrana. Terminator set up, but Archer gets on the apron. He boots Lance off the apron, but Cage back in, hits Omega with a lariat. Outside, Cage throws Omega into the barricade and taunts the crowd. Cage lifts Omega and press slams him onto the announce table. Archer assaults Omega, and Callis now with punches on Omega as Cage talks to the ref. PIP break.

PIP Thoughts:
-Collision is now streaming on Max, in case you haven’t been around the past month.
-Joe Schmo is Joe Blow.
-Many Tina’s for Booking.
-This Progressive guy is a real dick.
-Hello Fresh give you fresh meals when you don’t want to cook, but you still microwave it.

We’re back, as Cage brings Omega into the ring with a superplex! Cover for a two count. On the ramp now, Omega tries to fight back, but Cage cuts that off. Ripcord elbow by Omega and a kick, but Cage catches Omega on the rebound with a powerbomb back into the ring. Cover by Cage for a two count. Omega catches Cage with a kick in the corner, facepalm slam. Omega to the top, moonsault, but Cage with the knees up. Pump handle slam by Cage for a two count. Cage works over the midsection of Omega in the corner. Cage to the top, but Omega with some hands for Cage. SPRINGBOARD POWERBOMB BY OMEGA! BIG KNEE BY OMEGA! Cover a two. V-Trigger avoided. German countered by Omega. Pump kick by Omega! V-TRIGGER! ONE WINGED ANGEL! THAT’S IT!
WINNER: Kenny Omega
TIME: 11:50
THOUGHTS: It felt slow in spots, but it was a good way to get Omega back into the flow of the action in AEW. No way Cage was winning, but he provided a great foil for Omega.
RATING: ***1/4

Post-match here comes Archer and Kyle Fletcher to launch an assault on Omega. The fans want Will Ospreay and here he is! Will sends Kyle to the floor, Archer with a chokeslam, enziguri by Ospreay! Rolling elbow by Omega. Hidden Blade by Ospreay. Both men come face-to-face, but Ospreay drops Fletcher from the apron and hits a splash to the floor. Here comes Konosuke Takeshita now. He taunts Omega with his title, and they trade. Flecther back in, he attacks Kenny with a Snap German. Fletcher and Takeshita drop Omega and Ospreay in the middle of the ring as the fans, again, chant FUCK DON CALLIS.

Hurt Syndicate promo. First time in two and a half years, MVP is taking off his suit to get back into the ring. They are the Hurt Syndicate, and as Shelton Benjmain states the obvious, they hurt people!

Upcoming events are promoted before…

COMMERCIALS!

HI GUYS! It’s time for a New York Moment! On Collision it is going to be The Learning Tree and The Death Riders will be teaming up in a 12-man match.

Keith: THAT’S A DOZEN MOTHER*****

Jericho looks at Keith like he just shat on the floor LMAO! Cope is a Dope! Wheeler…is a kneeler! Harwood is no good!

Bill: Sick burn, Chris!

At Collision, they’re going to take care of business. THANKS, GUYS!

Back in the arena, Justin Roberts wants us to show some love for Psycho Professor Ricochet! Well, he didn’t say that, but the way he’s dressed, let’s just roll with it.

WHOSE HOUSE, SWERVE’S HOUSE chants before Professor Ricky can speak. He motions for the crowd to pipe down. Ricky is getting the Dirty Dom/Don Callis treatment. Taz implies that Ricky should stab one of the announcers with his scissors lol. You know what, it’s okay, that’s how it’s going to be? A picture is worth a thousand words, as he shows himself holding the head of Strickland after he stabbed him.

Swerve’s music plays, but it’s a decoy, as Prince Nana enters from behind and hits Ricky with a chair! Swerve stalks his way to the ring. He has a chain and goes to hit Ricky with it, but Ricky rolls out of the ring. Ricky trips over himself trying to run away. LOL. Ricky throws security at Strickland so he can escape the arena. Swerve back in the ring as Nana dances.

A day in the life of the CEO, Mercedes Mone! First, we make money! Then, we shop! Then, we train! Whoever is out for her titles, let’s go! Mone changes everything!

Back in the arena, the match we WERE promised up next will actually be up next lol.

The Hurt Syndicate vs. AEW Tag Team Champions Private Party and Mark Briscoe
EVERYONE FIGHTS EVERYONE TO START! MVP chants as he squares off with Briscoe in the ring. Shelton and Bobby procedure to beat the tar out of Private Part at ring side. Briscoe with Red Neck Kung-Fu and a drop kick from the middle rope for a one count. MVP with a big boot, dropping Briscoe. MVP throws Briscoe out of the ring, as Benjmain does his barricade to apron and back spot. PIP Break.

PIP Thoughts:
-Sorry, who’s they??? THEY are whoever Abyss thought they were!
-NBA doubleheader on Monday for MLK day.
-Lindt’s 70% is terrible.
-16 wings before pizza, or the pizza before wings?
-Danny Devito just offed a guy so he can eat Jersey Mikes? Legend.
-UMCG is for working adults. That is to say, how is it so different from UOP or SNHU?
-I’ll team up with Keke!
-Flight Risk looks interesting, but IDK.
-Oh, this fucking guy for Progressive again.

We’re back, as MVP is STILL holding it down for his team. Facebuster by MVP, he taunts, he hits the swish, BALLIN elbow drop! Cover for a two count! Fisherman Suplex by MVP for another two count. Briscoe ducks clotheslines and hits a flying back elbow! Tags are made, as Zay hits Benjamin with a crossbody. Pop up drop kick by Zay. He tags in Quen. Double roll through, double drop kick to MVP. One to Shelton. They hit Lashley ones, the second time it takes him off of his feet. Briscoe flies off the top rope and takes out Lashley. Private Party hit splashes on Shelton and MVP. Flatliner by Quen on Benjmain for a two count. They set up a double team move, but Benjamin shoves Quen into Lashley who hits a one handed chokeslam. Lashley with a SPEAR to Zay! MVP with the drive by on Briscoe! SUPERKICK by Benjmain for the win!
WINNER: The Hurt Syndicate
TIME: 9:30
THOUGHTS: Good showing by the hodgepodge team, but they were no match for the Hurt Syndicate. Great to see MVP back in the ring and handle most of the match for his team.
RATING: ***1/4

We get an announcement that next week, Cope (JUST COPE) will face PAC in a one-on-one match. This leads into a vignette for the history between Cope (JUST COPE) and FTR.

COMMERCIALS!

We’re back, as Excalibur tells us that on February 5th in Atlanta, Ricochet will face Swerve Strickland on Dynmaite!

Jeff Jarrett is here. What’s up Cincinatti? The last few weeks have been humbling for me.

Well, that was quick, as MJF makes his way out. CUT MY MUSIC, CUT MY MUSIC! MJF threw gim into the crowd. What a doll.

Humbling? You haven’t begun to learn the definition. Last week, he gave Jeff the opportunity of a lifetime.

Jarrett interrupts, saying Max was too lazy to enter the Casino Gauntlet.

MJF losses his mind, but he’s sorry. If he retired tomorrow, he would be in the Hall of a Fame because he is a legend. But Jarrett has the Schmucks fooled, so he is going to school them. Jarrett is the last thing anyone will see before their favorite company dies.

(Easy-E slam?)

Jarrett is the Grim Reaper when it comes to companies closing. When he thinks about Jarrett’s career it makes him want to drink. OH, SORRY, he forgot Jeff is a recovering alcoholic. He has an idea though, what if he does everyone a favor and sends his ass back to rehab? But make sure that sexy MILF wife of yours stays around. When he is done with her, though, he will ship Karen over to Teneessee, so he can know what a generational talent and a Gold Medalist Balls taste like.

(BURN!)

Jeff is undeterred. Everything MJF just said, he’s heard before. He knows his best days are behind him, but last year when he entered the Owen Hart Tourney, the fans woke him up again. He is going to use their passion to get the World Title. Jeff was Max before he was Max. He’s done everything that he did before him and he did it better than him. He doesn’t know if Max is a dumbass or a scumbag. But knowing where he comes from, he thinks it is both. He feels sorry for him, honestly. He had a tough upbringing, being raised by a call girl mother. His father apparently was an ambulance chasing lawyer. When his dad knocks his mom up, she still made him pay for that shit.

(WOOF).

Max’s old lady is nothing more than a Canadian call girl. When Max and Will were doing their version of 60 minutes through in the ring, his old lady was going her own version with five wrestlers. Max needs Jeff because he is drowning in his own shit. At the core, Max is a scared little kid. And like he said last week, MJF is scared of becoming a one hit wonder.

One hit wonder? SCARED? MJF is nothing like Jeff. He didn’t need his daddy to make him a top guy, he didn’t start a company to be a top guy. MJF made MJF! We’ve seen Jeff as the King of the Mountain, how about when MJF is? MJF is the one to thank for 82,000 fans in Wembley. For record breaking PPV sales and ticket sales. But MJF got screwed out of his title and drug through the mud. He doesn’t want to win the world title, he NEEDS to win the World Title so he can shove it down all of these people’s throats. But instead, he has to wait in line for Jarrett? With all due respect, no wrestling fan has ever given a single solitary shit about you. But you know what really pisses Max off, SLAPNUTS? Just because you were best friends with Owen Hart, you think you are owed a grand finale? You may have these schmucks fooled, but not MJF. He is a carny, scum sucker, riding the coattails of his dead friend. I guess you don’t like it when I talk about Owen…

But that’s too much for Jarrett, as he attacks MJF. Security is in here now; Jeff throws them off to continue the assault. Karen is here, but MJF grabs her from behind before throwing her at Jeff. He runs up the ramp and out of the arena.

We get a look at matches for this week’s Collision, and a vignette for Kazuchika Okada defending the Continental Title against BIG TOM!

Back in the arena, here comes Father of the Year, Christian Cage!

Christian Cage W/Mother Wayne vs. HOOK
HOOK attacks Cage from behind while he makes his entrance. The bell rings despite both men still outside fighting lol. Back in the ring, and HOOK chokes Cage on the middle rope. HOOK whips Cage, but he takes off up the ramp. HOOK in pursuit, they fight back down the ramp to the ring. HOOK with a back body drop sending Cage into the ring. Cage begs off, as he tells HOOK he is his father, not Taz. I don’t know man, HOOK looks like and sounds like Taz. Cage hooks HOOK. Aw. HOOK is not appreciative though, and he hits a belly-to-belly suplex. Mounted punches in the corner by HOOK. Cage to the floor as he hugs Mother Wayne. Well, now I’m jealous lol. PIP Break.

-Collision, now on Max!
-Impractical Jokers isn’t practically funny.
-Hey, get off your ARSE and drink some DEW!
-Good morning to a good gut day!
-Fresh, gourmet food, but still goes in the microwave? Okay.
-I’m glad there are commercials for Matthew Stafford since Kelly is in them. I said what I said.
-Check with Allstate before you get embarrassed in front of your university class!
-Sizzle, Pork, and HMMMMMMMMMM.
-CJ Stroud cleans up better at Lowes than he does on the field.
-Lexus = Toyota.
-WNBA 3-on-3 should be fun.

We’re back, as Cage is now in control. Cage looks at Taz as he mounts HOOK for punches. Apparently, Nick Wayne and Kip Sabian are here now as HOOK sends Cage crashing to the floor. Running elbow strike off the apron by HOOK. HOOK looks to break the hand of Cage like he did to him, but Cage sweeps out the leg. Cage to the top, hits the Frog Splash for a two count. He hits a second one. He goes up to for a third one. Another pin, two count. Cage looking for a SPEAR, but HOOK with a knee. It only slows down Cage, as he still hits a SPEAR. HOOK kicks out at one, as Cage is livid. HOOK back up, he throws Cage around the ring. Northern Lights suplex by HOOK for a two count. Cage attempts the Killswitch, but it’s reversed into a Fisherman’s Suplex for a two count. Red Rum attempt, but Cage lays out on the top rope. HOOK releases the hold, dropping Cage to the mat. LOL. HOOK with strikes, but Cage gouges the eyes of HOOK. Cage has the referee as Sabian and Wayne approach. Shibata warns them, but Cage comes out and hits Shibata with the Killswitch. Back in, another Killswitch attempt is reversed by HOOK into the Red Rum! The Patriarchy enter the ring now and that’s a DQ.
WINNER: HOOK (Via DQ)
TIME: 11:35
THOUGHTS: Fairly paint by the numbers. You knew something was going to happen with the numbers game, and we got a big return.
RATING: ***

The beatdown is on, as Wayne and Sabian grabs chairs. Taz stands up, he points,

SAMOA JOE IS HERE JOE! JOE! JOE! He kills the Patriarchy dead! Wayne splashes Sabian by accident, Joe throws him out of the ring and hits a snap power slam on Sabian! Shibata back in with the PK to Sabian!

The Casino Gauntlet match is up next!

We get a vignette, first with Switchblade Jay White, Adam Cole (BAYBAY) and Danny Garcia. Seems like we might be getting a four-person match for the TNT soon, perhaps at Grand Slam Australia?

COMMERCIALS!

We’re back, as the Remarkable Renee Paquette has Jeff Jarrett. Where does he go with MJF from here. Before he can answer, Dustin Rhodes is here. How many years have they known each other? How many miles have they driven and grinded it out for this business? He is going to dictate to Jarrett, but he is a little shit. Rhodes is behind Jarrett 110%. He knows what Jeff has already been through. He is a former 12-time champion, he is the Last Outlaw, and Outlaws never die. They are the very last of their kind.

Our AEW Women’s Champion Mariah May is here, looking amazing as always, to watch this following match from ring side.

Women’s Casino Gauntlet for a shot at the AEW Women’s Title at Grand Slam
Kris Statlander is number one, and Jamie Hayter is number two. Mariah wants to roll around with Taz. Why would he say NO. LOL! Battle of strength here, neither woman gives an inch. Kris finally shoulder tackles Jamie to the mat. Statlander with a rolling elbow, Hayter responds with a pump kick.

#3 is here, Megan Bayne is back! It’s been a New York moment since she has been in AEW. Mariah losses her mind for some reason. Bayne goes face-to-face with Kris, takes her to the corner and hits shoulders. She whips Kris and hits a splash. Kris gives as good as she gets though. Bayne cuts her off with a flying clothesline. Bayne with a Falcon Arrow on Statlander, cover, but Hayter back in to break it up.

Julia Hart is #4. They mention the recent history between Hart and Hayter, as Jamie meets her on the ramp. She hits Hart with snap suplex! Pip Break!

Sorry, gentlemen, but I have to study this match, for SCIENCE!

We’re back with Willow Nightingale as #5. Willow goes right after Bayne, but Megan isn’t having any of it and she hits a big boot to Willow. Jamie and Julia are still fighting around the ring side area. Willow and Kris hit a double suplex on Bayne, and they look at each other. Oh, no, besties again! Nope, they tee off on one another. POUNCE by Willow!

Toni Storm is out at #6! Storm with a roll up on Willow trying to steal this one. TONI chants as she takes out Hart and then Hayer. Snapmare shoulder blocks for all! Bayne cuts her off, puts her on her shoulders, and throws her onto Kris on the ramp. Hart with a DDT on Hayter, but Willow hits her with a lariat. To the apron, splash by Willow onto Megan. here comes Statlander with a cross body to both Bayne and Nightingale! Hart takes Storm out of the ring, leaving Hayter and Hart to fight it out.

Harley Cameron is here at #7! Cameron with an enziguri to Hart, the cover, but Hayter breaks it up with a German Suplex. Hatebreaker by Jamie on Hart, but Cameron with a roll up Hayter for a two count. Cameron runs into a Hatebreaker. Hart back in, mist to the eyes of Cameron! STORM IN, SHE ROLLS UP HART FOR THE THREE COUNT!
WINNER: Toni Storm
TIME: 13:20
THOUGHTS: The women put themselves out there and put on a great match. Surprised to see Megan back, but she looked like a monster out there. Commentary from Mariah made this even better, and we’re getting a first time, never before seen match!
RATING: ***3/4

COMMERCIALS!

We’re back, as Powerhouse Hobbs is out here for the main event!

AEW World Championship: Jon Moxley (C) vs. Powerhouse Hobbs
Jon and Marina come in from the mean streets of Cincinnati. Jon even has a Cincy hoodie on. I didn’t think the man who didn’t give a damn had to pander to this place.

The bell rings, but here comes the Big Wheelers to circle Hobbs. Moxley takes advantage and punches away on Hobbs. Hobbs catches Moxley, throws him into the corner and hammers away. Moxley with chops, but Hobbs eats them and shoulder tackles Moxley. He goes outside the ring, and Hobbs follows. Not sure how smart this is. Back in the ring, Moxley catches Hobbs with a kick. Another one. A third one sends Hobbs to the floor. Moxley throw the ropes with a DIVE. Both men fight into the crowd now. Back in the ring, Moxley bits the forehead or Hobbs. Mounted punches in the corner, he stops to listen to the fans. Hobbs grabs him, takes him to center, smashes him into the corner. Hobbs wants to eat the earring out of the ear of Moxley. YOU SICK FUCK chants LOL. Moxley hits the floor as we go for PIP break!

-New Year, New Collision!
-If you have trouble with your weight, take Wegovy! It’ll eliminate the need to exercise or diet!
-If that woman was my dentist, I would knock my teeth out so I could keep going back lol.
-Passive Progressive? Okay, I like this better than the know-it-all guy.
-Copper Fit Ice? Frankly, I’m interested!

We’re back, as Hobbs has caused Moxley to bleed like he used to. Good times! Moxley hits a DDT on Hobbs to stop his momentum. Both men up with forearms. Hobbs gets overzealous and throws Hobbs out between the ropes. Marina kicks Hobbs in the back as Remsberg is taken by Moxley. Jon looking for the Death Rider, but Hobbs overpowers him and hits a lariat. MEAT chants as Hobbs hits a lariat. Moxley back up, so Hobbs hits another one. He’s back up, so Hobbs drives him into the corner. Moxley wiggles out, kick. Hobbs cuts him off with the World’s Most Dangerous Slam! Moxley kicks out at two! Both men to the top rope, Hobbs with a powerslam from the second rope, but Moxley holds on and locks in the cross-arm breaker! Hobbs gets to the ropes to break the hold. FIGHT FOREVER CHANTS as Hobbs is dropped onto the ramp. Here comes Wheeler Yuta, he hits the Busaiku Knee on Hobbs! Moxley pulls him back into the ring, but Hobbs with the spinebuster! The straps are down! Backbreaker is countered by a sleeper hold by Moxley. Marina hits Hobbs in the face with the briefcase! PARADIGM SHIFT BY MOXLEY, BUT HOBBS KICKS OUT AT TWO! Bulldog choke by Moxley, and Hobbs passes out.
WINNER: Jon Moxley (Still Champion)
TIME: 13:00
THOUGHTS: Hobbs looked like he could win, even though we knew he wasn’t going to, and he got down and dirty with a man who is all too well known for that kind of action. Not bad, but not great.
RATING: ***

Here comes the calvary post-match. Hobbs tries to fight them off, but Claudio with a chair to the knee of Hobbs. Moxley with a chair shot to the leg. They wrap the chair around Hobbs’ knee, Claudio with the stomp! Here comes Rated FTR, but it’s a little bit too late.

And with that, we’re done!