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The Gratuitous B-Movie Column: Moscow Heat
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The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Issue #604: Moscow Heat
Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the internets movie review column that has never tried to jump out of a window while firing two handguns in slow motion (or in normal everyday motion for that matter), The Gratuitous B-Movie Column, and I am your host Bryan Kristopowitz. In this issue, issue number six hundred and four, I take a look at the low budget action flick Moscow Heat, which originally debuted in Russia in late November 2004, then hit US home video in early 2005 and is now available to watch for free on Tubi.
Moscow Heat
Moscow Heat is a low budget action movie I reviewed way back in late 2005 after I saw it on the new release shelf at my local Blockbuster Video (I had two free video rental coupons and decided to use them on Moscow Heat and the Chuck Norris flick The Cutter). Unfortunately, that review has been lost to the ravages of time and the internets and whatnot. Now, with the movie available for free on Tubi, I thought it would be cool to check out Moscow Heat again and provide a fresh review of it. How does the movie play some sixteen years later after my first viewing?
Quite well, actually. Quite well indeed.
Moscow Heat, directed by Jeff Celentano, stars Michael York as Roger Chambers, a retired British diplomat that travels to Moscow alongside New York cop Rudi Souza (Robert Madrid) to track down and bring to justice the notorious international criminal and gun runner Nikolay Klimov (Richard Tyson) after Klimov kills Chambers’ cop son Andrew (Adrian Paul) in a botched undercover arms deal/SWAT team raid in “upstate New York.” After obtaining guns from a local mobster named Oleg (Sergei Gorobchenko) Chambers and Souza find Klimov in a night club and attempt to confront him. Unfortunately for Chambers and Souza, a local SWAT team led by badass cop Vlad Stepanov (Alexander Nevsky) is also in the area looking to take down Klimov, and fairly quickly all hell breaks loose. In the ensuing chaos, Klimov escapes (Klimov kills local cop Denis, played by the movie’s director Celentano, in the club’s parking lot), Souza is seriously injured, and Chambers is arrested. Stepanov interrogates Chambers about what he’s doing in Moscow, why he has a gun, etc., and Chambers lies about his true intentions the whole time. Chambers is eventually released from custody after Stepanov’s boss finds out that Chambers still has diplomatic privileges, and Stepanov tries to keep an eye on him. Stepanov knows that Chambers is lying but he needs more information before he can proceed with anything. Stepanov also interrogates Souza from his hospital room (Souza is way more cooperative than Chambers).
So Chambers manages to escape Stepanov’s watchful eye (well, Chambers outsmarts a beat cop that Stepanov left with Chambers) and heads back to see Oleg to get another gun. While all of that is happening, Stepanov enlists the help of Sasha (Joanna Pacula), who is some sort of, I think, intelligence operative, to try to translate the information he gets from Souza about what the hell is going on. He can’t put all of the pieces together, but Stepanov is sure that something big is happening/is about to happen, and Klimov is at the heart of it. Stepanov is also pissed that Klimov killed Denis and he wants revenge.
So then some stuff happens, Chambers is involved in another shootout/bloodbath that gets him arrested again, Stepanov is charged with escorting Chambers out of the country (the Russian government wants Chambers gone), Stepanov forms a bond with Chambers once he finds out the truth about why Chambers is in Moscow, and Stepanov and Chambers team up to take down Klimov and his criminal enterprise once and for all.
Now, Klimov isn’t the top bad guy. There are two other top tier bad guys in the mix here, and I don’t think it’s much of a shock or a spoiler to say that one of them is played by the great Andrew Divoff (the character is named Edward Weston and he’s some big hooha diplomat). The other big criminal is a Russian politician. With a big arms deal featuring a bevy of international terrorists about to happen, will Chambers and Stepanov be able to thwart it and gain the revenge they so desperately want?
Moscow Heat has an odd feel to it. It has all of the necessary pieces for a low budget action flick of the time (late 1990’s/early 2000’s) but it doesn’t quite play like one. It isn’t as hyper violent as you expect it to be, nor is it as grim and hopeless. There’s a playfulness to the story that makes the movie enjoyable even if you know and understand that you’ve seen this kind of story before a million times. Part of that, I think, is due to casting Michael York as the lead. While York has been in plenty of action/action-adventure movies in his career (he was the star of Logan’s Run and he was in two Musketeer movies), at that moment in time York was probably best known for being in the Austin Powers movies. You don’t expect to see Basil Exposition as the lead of an action movie in 2005. I also think that, despite the presence of an American director, an American co-screenwriter and producer, and plenty of American actors in the cast, Moscow Heat is very much a Russian/international movie that’s trying to be an “American” movie. And while trying to be an American movie it actually becomes something else. It’s a movie that you’ve seen plenty of times before and a movie that you’ve never seen before in your life. It actually somehow exists as both.
The movie’s action sequences are mostly excellent. The opening SWAT team assault has a frenetic energy to it that amplifies the danger Andrew Chambers and Rudi Souza find themselves in. I mean, we’ve all seen police shootouts in action movies before, but the one we see at the start of Moscow Heat is terrifying. Anyone can get shot at any moment and you have no idea who is going to go down. The night club assault plays the same way but, because it’s dark inside the club, it feels even more dangerous (I wish this scene had played longer. I would have loved to see several more people fall down the stairs and smash through tables and whatnot). The sword fighting sequences are also exciting and well-staged. The only action scene that doesn’t hit the way the others do is the scene where Stepanov attacks Oleg’s boat and takes out like ten bad guys in the process. The scene goes by too quickly and we don’t get to see Stepanov as the ultimate badass character that he is (check out his camo car). The scene is okay, sure, but it could have and should have been so much more (I don’t know if this is what happened but the scene plays like the movie was running out of time, the production needed the scene, and so everyone did it as quickly as they could).
The movie also has an odd sense of humor that’s best seen in the sequence where Chambers hangs out with Stepanov’s grandfather. Chambers gets drunk, plays chess, and has a hilarious running conversation with the grandfather about the Cold War, the Queen, and the Beatles. This is a scene that you don’t expect to see in an action movie “like” Moscow Heat, but there it is and it works. It’s the heart of the movie’s playfulness.
I also want to commend the movie’s composer, Richard John Baker, for creating an opening theme that is instantly memorable. It doesn’t necessarily sound like anything new or innovative, but it’s catchy and that’s what really matters. So few low budget action movies even bother with having a theme, which is a shame. Even today so few movies do it. That just makes no sense to me.
The movie’s main performances are generally terrific throughout. Michael York is amazing as Roger Chambers. As I said earlier, you don’t expect to see him as an action hero but he’s more than up to the challenge and does a fine job with the part. It’s also cool as hell to see York wield a sword again, especially against a Highlander.
Alexander Nevsky does a great job as Stepanov. Moscow Heat is, according to imdb, Nevsky’s fourth movie and his first starring role, but he doesn’t come off as nervous or hesitant when it comes to his performance. There are times where he comes off as a little awkward, but I think that’s mostly due to the size difference between Nevsky and his co-stars (he is a massive dude and towers over everyone, which can look weird at times. But then, there’s nothing Nevsky can do about the size difference it and guys like York and Tyson are old pros so they make it all work in the end). Nevsky does have abundant charisma, though, that just jumps off the screen, and you can see that he’s going to be a big star (he just has that “it” factor). Nevsky also comes off as the most likable guy in the world, which just enhances his performance. It makes him standout even more than he would if he was just playing a big, badass cop.
Richard Tyson is sleazy as hell as Nikolay Klimov, the international criminal that all of the good guys want to destroy. You don’t like him one bit but you can’t take your eyes off of him. And you can’t wait to see what happens to him because you know that something is going to happen to him. And I can’t overstress the amount of sheer sleaze that Tyson gives off. It’s rare to see it as abundant as it is here.
Andrew Divoff is sleazy, too, as Edward Weston, the diplomat criminal. He isn’t in the movie all that long (the movie really could have used a few scenes with Divoff just chewing the scenery like only he can) but what we do get is decent and it’s always cool to see him in something anyway. I bet he wishes he didn’t get into that helicopter at the end of the movie.
Adrian Paul does a nice job in his brief part as Andrew Chambers, the undercover cop that fails to take down Klimov. His sword fighting sequence with York is a superb, and he has real chemistry with York, which makes what happens to him that much more tragic (you totally want to see more of them together as father and son).
The only real bland performance in the movie is Robert Madrid as Rudi Souza. I mean, he’s okay at the beginning of the movie, but once he’s injured and in the hospital in Moscow all he does is dispense exposition. Why isn’t he in ’he mix at the end of the movie, wielding a shotgun or something? I don’t get it.
Moscow Heat is a fun, low budget action flick. It features a top notch, unexpected performance from star Michael York, shows the world its next action star in Alexander Nevsky, and is more playful and entertaining than most similar action flicks from that time. It’s an action flick that, if you haven’t seen it you should, and if you haven’t seen it in a good, long while you should carve out some time and check it out again. I’m glad I did.
See Moscow Heat. See it, see it, see it.
So what do we have here?
Dead bodies: 20+
Explosions: Several, both big and small.
Nudity?: None.
Doobage: A nice rocking opening theme, a sort of James Bond inspired silhouette opening titles sequence, two guys fencing, a mysterious phone call, an abandoned factory in “Upstate New York,” multiple bad guys with guns, a briefcase full of money, talk of buying missiles, a police SWAT team attack, a shootout, automatic gunfire hooey, a neat “two man gun to the face” standoff, a brief martial arts brawl, rocket grenade attack, an off screen funeral, Moscow hooey, speed boat hooey, illegal gun buying, night club hooey, slow motion pole dancing, pool playing, cigar smoking, another SWAT team attack, another shootout, car key to the side of the head, attempted police interrogation, hotel room hooey, milk drinking, a mickey, more illegal gun buying, serious dinner eating, a machine gun attack, another attempted police interrogation, multiple hospital talks, suspect hiding, chess playing, a full on one man assault, a funny story about running and bodybuilding, serious vodka drinking, a brief boat chase, attempted street arrest, resignation hooey, the woods, torture, gut stabbing, fireworks hooey, a train station meeting that doesn’t go as planned, imprisonment, chains breaking, back breaker, an arms deal, neck snap, a swordfight, neck slashing, yet another SWAT team attack, exploding helicopter, and a hopeful ending.
Kim Richards?: None.
Gratuitous: Two guys fencing, Michael York, Adrian Paul, Michael York and Adrian Paul fencing, Michael York saying “cheeky bastard,” “Westchester County, Upstate New York,” Robert Madrid, Richard Tyson, Richard Tyson with blonde hair, Michael York and Robert Madrid going to Moscow, three thousand dollars, Alexander Nevsky, Jeff Celentano, a lucky coin, the movie’s director getting killed by one of the main villains, talk of ordering milk from hotel room service, Michael York attempting to order a “White Russian,” a discussion in jail about cigarettes, talk of the end of the Cold War and chess, serious vodka drinking, Andrew Divoff, Michael York and Alexander Nevsky hanging out in what looks like a video store, Richard Tyson walking in the woods, Alexander Nevsky towering over everyone, a final sword fight, Alexander Nevsky asking Michael York about Ahnold Schwarzenegger, and a hopeful ending.
Best lines: “What the hell do you think you’re playing at?,” “You cheeky bastard,” “We’ll take six of each,” “I have missiles. Very, very expensive,” “Policeman, this is where you die. New Jersey,” “What is your purpose in Russia? We’re just tourists on vacation,” “Welcome to Moscow,” “It’s Rudi. From America,” “Bring me two clean guns!,” “You see that, Roger, the first day here and we’re already drinking vodka,” “I’ve got to take a piss. All right,” “My God, is he always like this?,” “Captain! I’m warming up to your country,” “Just another gun! Ha!,” “Go to this address and kill everyone there,” “You got a smoke, dude?,” “Oh, shit up!,” “Can we speak English?,” “Be careful with my Grandpa. He’s a very tough guy, okay?,” “Watch out, Oleg!,” “He had to piss?,” “To the Beatles? That’s no fair! You banned them!,” “Whatever it is, it’s happening soon,” “It’s very good to have a friend on the inside. Absolutely,” “Vlad! Be strong!,” “That’s for my son,” and “Not bad for a couple of civilians. What did he say? Not bad for a couple of civilians.”
Rating: 8.0/10.0
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–Phantom of the Movies Videoscope Magazine Winter 2022 Edition: The awesome home video and movie review magazine is back and available via subscription and at Barnes and Noble bookstores all across the United States (that’s where I picked up mine). It was unclear if the magazine would come out again after the death of “The Phantom” Joe Kane in early November 2020, but a little over a year later the magazine is once again on store shelves, which is just awesome. Kane’s wife Nancy Naglin is the main force behind the magazine’s return, and it looks like she was able to get most of the regular contributors back (the great Debbie Rochon is back, and Roy Frumkes is participating with a column of some sort). Filled with tons of reviews and interviews, it’s always worth buying and reading, especially if you still like movie magazines (I love them). So either check out your local Barnes and Noble magazine section for the latest issue (look for the amazing Kolchak, the Night Stalker cover) or head on over to the Videoscope website and get yourself a subscription (that website is here). And you should also track down Kane’s book about Night of the Living Dead, Night of the Living Dead: Behind the Scenes of the Most Terrifying Zombie Movie Ever (the physical version of the book might be difficult to find but I do know that it’s readily available via Kindle) and Kane’s excellent 2018 memoir Found Footage: How the Astro-Zombies Saved my Life and Other Tales of Movie Madness (you should be able to still get physical copies of that on Amazon and Barnes and Noble). Any other movie magazine fans out there?
–Confessions of a Puppetmaster: A Hollywood Memoir of Ghouls, Guts, and Gonzo Filmmaking by Charles Band and Adam Felber: I got this book for Christmas and while I haven’t read it yet (I’m in the middle of reading Jon Moxley’s autobiography/memoir at the moment, which is good but weirdly put together) it’s something that I’ve had my eye on since I first heard about it. Band is a modern B-movie legend, producing all sorts of B-movies over multiple decades through his companies Empire Pictures and then Full Moon Entertainment, and you have to believe that his life story is fascinating and, maybe, weird. It doesn’t appear to be a blow-by-blow of every movies he’s been involved in as a director, producer, writer, or distributor, but it’s likely chock full of interesting stories about the B-movie world. I can’t wait to read this. Who else out there is Charles Band fan?
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Moscow Heat
Michael York– Roger Chambers
Alexander Nevsky– Vlad Stepanov
Richard Tyson– Nikolay Klimov
Robert Madrid– Rudi Souza
Andrew Divoff– Edward Weston
Joanna Pacula– Sasha
Adrian Paul– Andrew Chambers
Sergey Gorobchenko– Oleg
Jeff Celentano– Denis
(check out the rest of the cast here)
Directed by Jeff Celentano
Screenplay by Alexander Nevsky and Robert Madrid, based on a story by Alexander Izotov
Distributed by Lightning Entertainment and ITN Distribution
Rated R for violence and language
Runtime– 88 minutes
