411 Video Review: Starrcade ‘86: The Sky-walkers

Okay, we’ve got a first for this column. This will mark the first review of a show I have never seen before. Granted, I’ve seen a few of these matches on the Best of Starrcade tape, but I got this tape on loan from a friend, so what I write is gonna be completely fresh.

Getting excited, aren’tcha?

This show, as seemed to be the case with many a Starrcade was plagued by the Main Event being shelved due to unforeseen events. The planned big money match was the blow-off between Magnum T.A. and Ric Flair. But Magnum wrapped his car around a pole, ending his career instantly, and leaving the NWA with no major face. In a stroke of sheer brilliance (I’m being serious), it was decided that Magnum enemy Nikita Koloff would be so upset over the tragic accident, that he would dedicate his career to him. And Nikita was given the slot. Only problem was that Nikita had already been given a ton of shots against Flair already, and there wasn’t exactly a huge desire to see them wrestle again (cough, cough, Dusty).

So the shift of the show focused to the gimmick match: a scaffold match between The Road Warriors and The Midnight Express. In fact the box of this show has that match CLEARLY highlighted as THE match, while Koloff/Flair occupies a small corner off to the side.

There’s only an hour and a half of the show on this tape, and quite a few of the matches are missing. But considering how poor the undercard was on the last Starrcade show I reviewed, maybe that’s a blessing.

Actually, I took the time to dig through my boxes of crap to uncover the PWI 100th Issue that tells me the matches not included are:

-Sam Houston over Bill Dundee by DQ

-Ivan Koloff/Kruscher Krushev over Dutch Mantel/Bobby Jaggers

-Hector Guerrero/Baron Von Raschke over Shaska Whatley/Konga the Barbarian

-Tim Horner/Nelson Royal over The Kernodles (it’s like the freakin’ Crockett Cup prelims)

-Brad Armstrong drew with Jimmy Garvin

Something tells me none of those were **** classics or anything.

Match #1

Wahoo McDaniel vs. “Ravishing” Rick Rude

This is an Indian strap match, with the God awful “drag your opponent to all four corners” rule. There has, to the best of my knowledge, only two endings that all of these type of matches have. If this match DOESN’T have either of those, it gets a free * in the rating. Rude is seconded by Paul Jones, probably the worst NWA manager ever. Wahoo clotheslines and chokes Rude with the strap. Rude tries to bail, but you see, he’s tied to Wahoo, so he can’t escape. Rude with a side headlock. Rude starts punching Wahoo in the corner with the strap, and it’s 6/5 odds that Wahoo’s bleeding already. Wahoo proves me right, but delivers a rather puny Ken Shamrock bladejob rather than his usual manly one. Rude with a slam, and then he ties Wahoo’s hands together and drags him to two posts, but Wahoo kicks out before he can finish. Wahoo responds with some tomahawk chops and then starts choking Rude again. He starts whipping Rude on the back with it, and now Rude’s busted. Big tomahawk chop sends Rude flying. Wahoo gets three turnbuckles, but Rude kicks him before he gets to the fourth. He drops some elbows, and then hits a top rope fistdrop. He goes for a second one, but Wahoo yanks him off. Wahoo drags Rude to three corners, but has trouble getting to the fourth. Paul Jones panics and jumps on the apron, so Wahoo chops him off, giving Rude enough time to hit Wahoo, but the force sends him into the fourth turnbuckle for the win. That’s one of the two generic finishes, so no extra credit for this match. Rude and Jones assault Wahoo after the match to save face, and Hector Guerrero and Baron Von Raschke make the save. Decent match, nothing bad about it.

Oddly, the show starts at this point with Tony Schiavonne welcoming us to Starrcade. I’m a little confused now.

Match #2

Rock ‘n’ Roll Express vs. Ole & Arn Anderson

This is old school NWA the way I remember it. Rough rugged heels against the pretty boy faces. And it’s a steel cage match. The ring announcer says, and I quote “And now, get ready to Boo-gie!!!!!!” with it pronounced Boo-gee. The females are INSANE for the Express, it’s like the Beatles at Shea Stadium. Rock ‘n’ Rolls are the champs here. These matches must be out of order, because they talk about Tully winning, when the match hasn’t happened yet, that or the commentator REALLY screwed up. Ole and Gibson start. Ole keeps missing his punches so he tags Arn and Arn does the same. Ricky comes in, but the ref stops him giving the Andersons a chance to double team. Arn tries to ram Robert into the cage, but he reverses it and smacks the back of Arn’s head into it repeatedly. He wants no part of Gibson, and he tags Ole in. Ole throws Robert towards Arn, but Robert hits Arn and attacks Ole. Ricky in with several punches. Arn back in, and he’s not too happy about it. He gets a cheapshot to the gut, but misses the facefirst attempt into the cage and backs off, remembering what Robert did to him. Robert back in, and he tries a high knee, but Arn ducks and Robert knees the cage. Arn starts throwing his leg into the cage. Ole back in and he starts kicking and stomping on the leg. Stepover toehold from Arn gets blocked and Arn hits the cage. Ole turns the tide with some more kicks to the leg. Oddly, Robert Gibson gets to play the role of his partner. Arn in and he drops elbows on the knee. Robert gets a desperate punch to Arn and makes the hot tag to Morton. Morton goes crazy on both of them, but spends too much time on Arn, so Ole grabs Morton and launches him into the cage twice. Quick cut because now Morton’s a bloody mess. Spinebuster on Morton gets two. Ole hits a top-rope kneedrop to the back of Morton’s head. Armbar on Morton, but both men hit heads on a throw-off from Morton. Arn tags back in and goes back to the arm. Ricky gets a few quick jabs in but just can’t make the tag as Ole comes back in. Ricky fights back and gets a small package but Arn breaks it up before the three. Robert attacks Arn and all four men are in. Ole picks up Ricky for a slam but Robert dropkicks him (and STILL sells the injured leg!) and Morton gets the three. The fans go berserk, as The Andersons take out their frustrations on the ref and the Rock ‘n’ Rolls who scatter to the door and leave. ***. Good old-school match and one that uses great psychology. I never much cared for the Rock ‘n’ Rolls but they had some good matches in their day.

Match #3

Big Bubba vs. Ron Garvin

This is a Louisville Street Fight. Pinfall or 10 count wins the match. And to show how dangerous a match this is, both men are in street clothes. Hands of Stone punch immediately from Garvin, but Bubba no-sells it. Two more and Bubba sells the third one. Bubba wants a test of strength, so Garvin punches him three more times, sending him out of the ring. Bubba charges Garvin and tosses him. Cornette screams “Garvin’s trying to run!” and Tommy Young audibly says “Quiet” as if that’s gonna shut him up. Bubba tosses Garvin again, and Garvin doesn’t realize there’s a table by him, and he lands awkwardly on it. Oh hell, by 10-count, they mean a freakin’ count out of the ring? Garvin grabs Tony’s beverage and throws in Bubba’s face, and he starts pounding away. The Hands of Stone punches aren’t even close, and the more he whiffs them, the more Bubba sells. Bubba almost falls out of the ring, but he realizes how close to the floor he is anyways, so he goes with it. Garvin hits a front facelock and turns it into a choke. Two kneelifts turn the tide. He hits Garvin with a roll of coins, but Garvin is up at 8. But he’s busted open. Another weird cut as both men are bleeding, and Ronnie’s drying up. Both men go to the floor. Back in and Garvin slams Bubba off the top rope. Garvin gets two but Bubba throws Garvin onto the ref. Garvin hits the worst piledriver I’ve ever seen, as he can barely get him up. Cornette whacks Garvin with the racket, and both men are down. Tommy counts 10 as he pleads “C’mon, somebody get up!” He says there must be a winner, so the first one to his feet wins. Cornette tries to pick Bubba up, and Young tosses him. Garvin gets up first, but Bubba grabs the ref so he can’t see Garvin. Cornette trips him, and Bubba gets up for the win. LAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEE.

Granted it was what I expected, but still, it’s a street fight. Do something. *.

Match #4

“Boogie Woogie Man” Jimmy Valiant vs. Paul Jones

Keep in mind these guys had the same match TWO YEARS AGO at Starrcade, and they’re STILL feuding. Some feuds SHOULD go awhile. Not a wrestler wrestling a manager. But I bitched about this feud in my Starrcade ‘84 column, so I’ll keep it to a minimum. Valiant is seconded by Big Mama and Paul Jones is seconded by Manny Fernandez who must spend the match in a cage so he won’t interfere. It’s Paul’s hair vs. Mama’s. Fernandez refuses to go in the cage, so Tim Horner, Nelson Royal, and Baron Von Raschke come out to put him in, but they can’t do it, until Wahoo chops him in. Manny lets out a very loud “F**k you” to the wrestlers as the cage gets lifted. Paul grabs the cage trying to pull it down, but to no avail. Three punches and a hiptoss send Jones flying. Valiant wrestles like he’s got Tourette’s, just constant jerking around. Of course, since it would be a crime to have a manager get any legitimate offense, Jones MUST grab a foreign object with which he clocks Valiant in the throat. Valiant blades despite the fact that the object was nowhere near his forehead. Jones punches away and gets 2. Jones misses a kneedrop, and Valiant charges, so Jones hits him with the object again for two. It’s actually a pretty funny sequence, I can’t explain why. Valiant just runs towards Jones twitching his head and Jones hits him in the face, and Valiant acts like he’s been shot. Paul gets 2. He goes for the Indian deathlock, but Valiant recovers. Jimmy “Hulks up” and starts beating the hell out of Jones. He gets the sleeper, but Jones grabs the object. Valiant somehow has the brainpower to figure out Jones has it and takes it away from him. He hits Jones with it for the three. Yes, Jimmy Valiant needed a foreign object to pin a manager. I know Paul used to wrestle, but his days were long over. Of course, so was Jimmy’s, maybe it evens out. Anyways, the fans go bonkers over the win, and Valiant wastes no time with the razor. He shaves off his hair, but by this time Fernandez has gotten out of the cage and he and Rick Rude doubleteam Valiant. They double-DDT him on a chair, and take Jones away. Valiant gets helped back. Oh, this feud is FAR from over. *1/2.

Match #5

Dusty Rhodes vs. Tully Blanchard

First Blood rules for the TV title. You know, I was nine when this match took place and even I knew Rhodes wasn’t winning this match. As if Dusty didn’t look stupid enough anyways, he’s got the word “Tully” written over each ear. Tully’s wearing headgear so he can’t blade, but the ref says “No way” and it gets tossed. So Dillon puts Vaseline on Tully so he can’t get cut as easily, but the ref grabs a towel and wipes it off. By the way, the ref is Earl Hebner, so by law we get the “wrestler shoves Earl, Earl gets pissed and shoves back while shaking his head and pointing to his chest” routine, though I didn’t know he was doing it THIS far back. Dillon gets in Dusty’s face, so Rhodes elbows him, which Dillon sells like a gunshot wound, complete with an unnecessarily major bladejob. Dillon falls out of the ring, and it looks like he bladed two or three times, he’s bleeding all over the place. Dusty goes for a punch, but Tully covers to avoid contact. Tully gets a quick knee, but Dusty goes for another punch. Tully gets a low-blow and tries a punch which he misses giving us our second F-bomb of the night. Dusty headbutts Tully, but they both go down. Tully keeps covering, but Dusty gets the elbow anyways. Dusty goes for an elbow to the leg, followed by an elbow to the head. Tully back in and he starts pulling at Dusty’s scars, but Dusty fights it off. Tully to the turnbuckle. Tully pushes Dusty back who falls on the ref. With the ref down, Dillon throws his show in, but Dusty blocks it and suplexes Tully onto the ref by accident. Dusty grabs the shoe, but says “No, I don’t need this” and he starts punching Tully in the face. Masterful blading as Dusty’s punching Tully, Tully manages to slip a quick slice in. So Tully’s got a trickle, but the ref’s still down. So Dillon wipes off the blood and puts Vaseline on the wound. He also gives Tully a roll of quarters (I guess he and Cornette hang out together) which Tully uses to bust Dusty open for the TV title. Dusty screams “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!” but the ref says he saw Dusty first. Actually, Tully never stopped bleeding, so the ref makes sure not to look at Blanchard, he just sorta tosses the belt in that direction. First blood matches usually suck. This was no exception. *1/2. Oh, the F-bomb count goes up to three, during the post match activities.

Match #6

The Road Warriors vs. The Midnight Express

Scaffold match. You know, I just realized that every match thus far has been a gimmick match. All the crappy ones I might add. First blood, strap, hair vs. hair, and now this one, the scaffold match, a match that a) always sucks and b) never lives up to its hype of some guy flying off the scaffold. They always just sorta hang and fall about eight feet down. Also, when I was nine, I knew there was no way those big Warriors were taking the fall, which was fine with me, I never really cared for the Express. This is the Eaton/Condrey version, and I guess the last major appearance of Dennis Condrey. By the time Crockett Cup rolled along, Stan Lane was in place. A pre-match interview shows the Road Warriors throwing pumpkins off a scaffold in super-freakin’ SLOW motion. A five second drop gets stretched to 45 seconds of boredom. Tony Schiavonne announces the match from the scaffold, and he doesn’t look too comfortable being there. You know, seeing the scaffold, I take back my eight foot drop comment. They’re pretty high up there, I’d say sixteen-eighteen feet. Cornette says this match is stupid. No argument there. The Express take about three minutes to get up there, but they finally do. Hawk takes Condrey, Animal takes Eaton. Basically it’s punch, fall down, grab the scaffold, get up, repeat. The Express grab powder and blind the Warriors. Condrey pushes Hawk to the edge, but Hawk hangs on. Eaton tries to punch Animal off but he low-blows Eaton and Eaton hangs off the scaffold, grabbing the ladder to keep from falling off. Meanwhile Hawk uses his incredible eyesight strength to get past the powder and kick Condrey’s ass again. Animal rams Eaton into the scaffold for a ridiculously unnecessary blade. Good God, you’re about to fall off a freakin’ SCAFFOLD! You really think being bloody is gonna ADD anything to it? Condrey blades too. Condrey and Hawk fight on the ladder. They end up just kinda hanging there. Eaton comes down to help Dennis and Animal follows. All four men start hanging off the scaffold, so the Warriors just push the Express and there’s your match. Of course, what makes this match famous is the post-match stuff. Paul Ellering chases Jim Cornette to the top of the scaffold, but he gets cut off by Animal. So Animal pushes Cornette, who rolls to the edge, falls, and blows out his knee, an injury he has TO THIS DAY. This is a bad match, but it’s a memorable one, so I’ll avoid a negative rating on it.

Match #7

Ric Flair vs. Nikita Koloff

It’s U.S. Champion vs. World Champion. And it’s the only non-gimmick match of the show. Couldn’t they have come up with a Russian miner’s glove match or something? I expect blood here. The only ones not to are Paul Jones and The Road Warriors. The two have a staredown. They lock up, but Nikita shoves Flair away. Another lock up, same result. Test of strength that Flair sells before they’re even done locking the fingers. Flair with three chops, but Nikita no-sells. Flair bails to the crowd which I’m noticing there’s a pretty wide space between the first row and the ring. I’m guessing this show wasn’t a sellout. Back in and Flair loses another tie-up. But Flair promises a butt kicking. Flair tries a hiptoss, but Nikita’s too strong and he reverses it. At this point the match gets clipped, because the corner Flair was thrown from has become the corner that he’s backing into. Nicely subtle, and I’m serious. You can usually tell when a match is cut, it took me a minute to notice. Flair gets a side headlock which Nikita turns into a bearhug. Koloff turns the bearhug into a pin for two. Flair reaches the ropes, and Nikita blows a blind charge. Flair hits a suplex, and just then I realize that yes, it’s THAT MATCH. A wrestling legend I always thought was BS comes true as Nikita’s bits and pieces come out of his tights and referee Tommy Young rushes over to put it back. I’m NOT kidding. I always thought it was at a house show, and I kinda doubted its validity, but there you go. The view is blocked, but I think Ric caused that to happen on purpose, because Young looks a little startled before the suplex ends. Okay, and here’s the weird part. The match gets cut to later on. You’d think the producers of the video would want to delete the part where a guy’s dick is hanging out of his tights, but if anything, they went out of their way to make sure it stayed in. So now Nikita’s winded and Flair kicking him in the leg. He rakes Nikita’s eyes across the ropes, and gets some more chops in. Nikita fights back and shoves Flair down. Nikita charges Flair, so Flair tosses him to the floor. Flair rams Nikita into the scaffold from the previous match. And, yes, we have a clean sweep as Nikita blades, we’re 7 for 7. Kneedrop to Koloff for 2. Belly-to-back for two. Flair pounds away at the wound. But Nikita “Hulks up” and slams Flair. Hiptoss out of the corner, and then Nikita sends Flair over the top to the floor as only Flair can do properly. Now Flair goes into the scaffold and does his own blade. Back in, and Nikita shoves Flair shoulderfirst into the corner. Flair fights back but Nikita no-sells. Nikita shouldertackles Flair whose SUPPOSED to bump ref Tommy Young, but Young’s way out of position so the impact of Flair’s fall causes him to fly out of the ring on his own. Flair gouges Nikita, throws him into the corner, and Nikita hits the Russian sickle. He covers Flair but there’s no ref. Flair knees Nikita in the back and a second ref comes in and counts two. Both men up and Nikita goes for a second sickle and hits the new ref who bounces off the ropes and unintentionally gets a second one for his effort. Nikita chokes Flair in the corner, and the revived Tommy Young tries to break it up. He gets shoved. He comes back for more, so Nikita shoves him again. So Young calls for the bell. At least he waited to get hit three times before saying “Screw this.” He rules it a double-DQ. They keep fighting, so the lockerroom empties, trying to separate the two. Granted it was clipped, but this had a “Let’s just get this over with” feel to it. No one in their right mind really thought Nikita was winning this match. Average Flair match.

We then get highlights of what matches weren’t on the tape. As expected, I didn’t miss much.

End of tape.

Well……….

You know, initially I didn’t think this was a bad show or anything, but hell, the best match on the card was The Rock ‘n’ Rolls vs. The Andersons. The main event was NOT Starrcade material. The street fight was flat, the hair match was awful, Rhodes-Blanchard was a mess, but yet I don’t hate the show or anything. The show wasn’t that good, but it wasn’t boring, and I have to at least give it that.

Best of Starrcade has the only two matches you really should see (the Cage and the Scaffold match) so you’re better off with that route, I’d say.

Unless you have a big desire to see Nikita’s package.

Thumb in the middle going slightly down, recommended ONLY for nostalgia, C+.

-Sydney Brown