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411’s Instant Analysis 06.04.12: WWE Monday Night Raw

June 4, 2012 | Posted by Sat

Welcome to this week’s Instant Analysis of Monday Night Raw. I’m your humble reviewer, Chad Nevett and I haven’t thought much about what’s going on in the WWE much this past week. I’ve been watching some DVDs (finished off the Nitro set last Tuesday, watched a little of the Starrcade one, and the “Cheating Death, Stealing Life” Eddie Guerrero set) and generally enjoying some entertaining wrestling. And, well, the “War Games 2000” match was in there, too. It wasn’t really ‘good’ by any conventional standard, but it was amusing in its own baffling way. I’m kind of surprised the WWE hasn’t used that triple cage. Well, besides it being kind of stupid. But, when did that stop the WWE before? Though, watching that match and the first Battlebowl match on the Starrcade set, it did occur to me that the WWE does simple gimmicks very well. The Royal Rumble, the Survivor Series, Money in the Bank, Hell in a Cell… hell, the most complicated gimmick match they run usually is Elimination Chamber and it’s still very simple. It’s something they do very well and something that other promotions have had a hard time getting right. The only thing WCW had that was in the same league was the original War Games match, but that had the major drawback of eating up seats with that second ring. None of this has any bearing on what will happen on Raw tonight, I imagine, but it’s what I was thinking about when it comes to wrestling this past week. Anyway, let’s get to Raw and John Cena supposedly kicking things off…

SEGMENT ONE: The Only Thing this Story was Missing was Michael Cole in the Ring

When the Big Show turned heel and sided with John Laurinaitis, many people (including me) questioned the logic of the WWE’s storytelling. The WWE responded by making a considerable effort to gloss over the leaps in logic to give Big Show a new motivation for his actions, while downplaying the fact that he was now aligned with the man who fired him while he wept, begging to keep his job. So, what’s the next smart move? Have John Cena come out, point out the giant gaps in logic that the WWE worked hard to ignore and explain away! And, then, insert Michael Cole into this story! Can we all finally agree that, when it comes to this story, they have no idea what they’re doing? They undercut themselves, they throw in new non-wrestling participants for no real reason… I mean, I guess we all hate Laurinaitis, the Big Show, and Michael Cole, but that’s not too difficult to pull off even when making sense. I mean, I guess… I’ve yet to see the WWE really try that, honestly…

Rating: 4.0 out of 10

SEGMENT TWO: Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler
Match Result: Sheamus pinned Dolph Ziggler
Match Length: A little under nine and a half minutes

One of the most challenging things about this weekly review column is discussing the matches. TV matches offer so little variation often because of time restraints, commercial breaks, and predictable booking. In many ways, you see the participants at their cores, stripped down to basics. Here, we see Sheamus as a powerhouse and Dolph Ziggler as a good wrestler who bumps well, but was clearly never going to win. The best he could shoot for was ‘looking good in defeat.’ It’s the same Sheamus and Ziggler we usually see in TV matches. And this was a solid match. No complaints on my end about it — nor about the post-match attack by Alberto Del Rio. But, is there anything of any consequence to say? That’s how you wind up with matches that you don’t have any negatives to discuss that get 7.0 or so out of ten. Self-imposed limitations.

Rating: 7.0 out of 10

SEGMENT THREE: Sin Cara vs. Hunico
Match Result: Sin Cara pinned Hunico
Match Length: Two and a half minutes

This was a decent little showcase match. No slow parts, lots of chances for Sin Cara to show off his agility and lucha-style moveset. Hunico played his part well, making sure everything worked as smoothly as possible. Short, but very well paced and well executed. The move that stood out to me was the attempted hip toss that bounced Sin Cara off the ropes back at Hunico. Bringing back Sin Cara with some showcase matches is the smart move, but I look forward to seeing him in some longer, more involved matches.

Rating: 6.5 out of 10

SEGMENT FOUR: Ryback vs. Two Rhyming Jobbers
Match Result: Ryback pinned the jobbers
Match Length: Two minutes

Jesus! That was pure squash. Ryback destroyed these rhyming idiots. Perfectly booked squash match. Ryback did nothing but power moves, tossing the two around and running through them with ease. That double Samoan drop to finish the match was awesome. While I would have spaced out the showcase matches, the WWE made sure both were done extremely well.

Rating: 6.9 out of 10

SEGMENT FIVE: CM Punk vs. Kane
Match Result: Kane pinned CM Punk
Match Length: 14 minutes

I rather liked the ending of this match, the way that Daniel Bryan inserting himself into things cost CM Punk the match. It wasn’t that Bryan interfered and hurt Punk, it was that Kane took advantage of Punk attacking Bryan to get the win. It illustrated how a Triple Threat match can work against the WWE Champion, which is what you want out of a match like this. It hyped up the unpredictable nature of that match and how these three men interact — Punk and Bryan hate each other, while Kane just wants to destroy them both. And, before that finish, we got some good wrestling. That bit with AJ and Kane at the end was odd… but, hey, CM Punk digs crazy chicks and that certainly showed that AJ may be completely nuts.

Rating: 8.0 out of 10

SEGMENT SIX: Kofi Kingston & R-Truth vs. Tyler Reks & Curt Hawkins
Match Result: Kofi Kingston pinned Curt Hawkins
Match Length: Around four minutes (shown)

I’m not a big fan of matches starting during the commercial break. It also seems like a bad choice and an indication that something has gone wrong with the pacing a show. There’s something about joining a match in progress that makes me tune out a little. That’s not exactly fair to the wrestlers, but it’s a fact. What we were shown of this match was okay. The random opponents that Kingston and Truth face don’t exactly make it easier to feel involved. Somehow, I enjoyed this match less than both the Sin Cara showcase and the Ryback squash.

Rating: 5.5 out of 10

SEGMENT SEVEN: John Cena vs. Tensai
Match Result: John Cena pinned Tensai
Match Length: A little over ten minutes

Well, I will say that this was the best that Tensai has looked in the ring since his return. Quicker and, surprisingly, a little more powerful. Speeding things up really helped. It’s almost a shame that he had to lose. What really stood out was the return of the old Michael Cole during this match. That over-the-top obnoxious Cole that we had all hoped was long forgotten. I mean, they had the King almost hit him because he wouldn’t sit down and call the match. That was strange. The match wasn’t too impressive; though Tensai was better, it still didn’t grab me and Cole’s commentary really detracted.

Rating: 5.5 out of 10

SEGMENT EIGHT: No Disqualification Match – John Cena vs. Michael Cole
Match Result: John Cena pinned Michael Cole
Match Length: Nine minutes

That was awful. Cole’s over-the-top obnoxious behavior made the sight of Cena physically bullying him a little easier to stomach, but… why? Why did this segment happen? Did Michael Cole piss off Vince or something? Cena didn’t look any better for it. Hell, Cole had mostly faded into the background over the past few months — still annoying at times, but not the ‘look at me, look at me!’ sort of commentator that he once was. This seemed like a reversion of his character; a devolution. So… why did we get nine minutes of noogies, BBQ sauce, forced apologies, and John Cena kind of acting like a jerk? I didn’t find it particularly entertaining; it could have been… maybe. But, it wasn’t.

Rating: 3.0 out of 10

FINAL THOUGHTS

Segment of the Night: CM Punk vs. Kane

Trash Segment of the Night: John Cena vs. Michael Cole

Final Analysis: I don’t understand the WWE. Does anyone? John Cena brings up the illogical storytelling that they’ve tried to cover up for the past two weeks. Michael Cole reverts to his old self for the sole purpose of allowing John Cena to be a bully without looking as bad as he could. Why? What’s odd is that, between the bookend segments, the WWE booked things well. Two good showcase matches, a strong mid-show main event that drove home the appeal of/idea behind the upcoming Triple Threat for the WWE Championship, and the World Heavyweight Champion getting a good win over Dolph Ziggler. For a while, the WWE has done a decent to good job of booking everything except for the Cena/Laurinaitis/Big Show stuff and this week was no exception.

Verdict: 5.0

411 RATINGS SCALE:
0 – 0.9: Torture
1 – 1.9: Extremely Horrendous
2 – 2.9: Very Bad
3 – 3.9: Bad
4 – 4.9: Poor
5 – 5.9: Not So Good
6 – 6.9: Average
7 – 7.9: Good
8 – 8.9: Very Good
9 – 9.9: Amazing
10: Virtually Perfect