411s NWA:TNA Xplosion Report 07.11.04

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME TNA????????

411 needs to start instituting strict policies to determine who is allowed to view this report, because I’m not certain that everyone reading this report is ready.

Mike Tenay and the man who I’ve damn near run out of puns about welcome us to the show. No time to think, though, as it’s time to head to the ring.

Rob Eckos & Damien Adams vs. “Showtime” Eric Young & “Hotshot” Johnny Devine – Eckos is one of the many indy guys out there with a chiseled body and not much else. Eric Young, who isn’t nearly as bad as he once was, starts off with Eckos. Chain wrestling and such. Contrived sequence as while he has a headlock applied on Young, Eckos hops up and boots Devine. Devine then comes in, only for Eckos to hop up again and headscissor Devine while also snapmaring Young. It was looking good until that final move, which just looked ugly. Adams comes with a top rope bodypress to both men. Young catches Adam on a corner hop, dropping him with a DVD for two. After tagging in, Devine and Young hit a double flipping clothesline. I really wish I knew the name of that. Tag back into Young. They whip Adams into the corner, both get a kick in, and then jumping punch his head from both directions. Only gets two. Choke in the corner. Crowd starts chanting “USA,” ignoring the rule that if you aren’t David Young, you’re not getting beat by no jobber on Xplosion. Overhead belly-to-back out of nowhere from Adams. Hot tag! Eckos goes to work, getting a cute jumping kick on Young, but failing to impress me with a “meh” Russian legsweep/shorterm clothesline maneuver. Young makes the save when Eckos goes for a pin. Adams runs in, but he gets dumped to the floor. Double back elbow for Eckos. In a “WTF” moment, Devine does a backwards roll over Eckos, has Young pick him up in a wheelbarrow, then Devine drops a legdrop on Eckos. Side wheelbarrow suplex (the “Young Blood Neckbreaker”) from Young. Devine then immediately comes off the top rope with what he calls the Devine Intervention (beautiful moonsault) for the win at 3:05.

Monte/y Brown’s interviews are fucking insane. PUOOOOOOOONCE! Period!

Abyss (w/Goldylocks) vs. Dows Johnson – This is the first time in quite a while that the jobber hasn’t gotten an entrance. Dows tries to overpower Abyss, but of course, that doesn’t work. Abyss distracts the referee, allowing Goldylocks to slap Dows. Dows and Goldylocks are both so inane that they can’t keep a simple hairpull going, as Goldy pulls too hard, forcing her hair to slip through Dows’ hands. Goldy then kind moves her head towards Gows, allowing him to grab it again. Abyss, of course, doesn’t allow Dows to harm her. Abyss runs into a boot. Johnson escapes a clothesline, but doesn’t escape a clothesline. Corner splash to Johnson. Jawjacker for Abyss, but WHAM BAM BLACK HOLE SLAM. That’s it at 2:10.

Congratulations to The Naturals for becoming NWA World Tag Team Champions. I miss them being on Xplosion.

If that’s Goldylocks singing over new Impact commercial, she better stop pissing off the guys in the locker room because she’s heading down the road to be a Knoxville waitress by the time she turns thirty-five.

Lengthy video on the Michael Shane/Frankie Kazarian partnership.

“The New Mr. Xplosion” Nate Webb vs. TNA X-Division Champion AJ Styles – Make no mistake about it; THIS is going to rock. Webb immediately tries to clothesline AJ, but he ducks and waistlocks Webb. Styles reverses a short arm clothesline and they trade holds on the mat. Hard shoulderblock from Styles. Bodyslam to Webb, followed by a jumping kneedrop. Styles throws Webb from turnbucke to turnbuckle. Corner splash. Jawbreaker from Webb. Styles gets thrown shoulder first into the ringpost. Webb misses a spin kick, but doesn’t miss with a simple punch to the throat. Styles fights back with chops and a fury of punches. Webb’s foot gets caught by Styles. Styles slowly backs Webb up (which didn’t look too fluid), and then flips Webb backwards to the floor! Awesome. Webb tries to stop Styles from springboarding, but Styles is able to go over Webb’s head as we get a great shot courtesy of TNA’s crane camera. Big rollup reversal thing leads to a Styles Clash. That’s it at 3:20. Sadly, this never got going.

Long video about what occurred between Ken Shamrock, Jeff Jarrett, and The Truth on Impact! last week.

TNA Cam with Ken Shamrock, who gives his usual heel promo. Ken, I loved you in Scarecrow Gone Wild.

TNA Cam with Jeff Jarrett, who promises to climb the pole and get the guitar because he is the King of the Mountain.

This Wednesday on TNA’s PPV…
In a Guitar on a Pole Match, TNA Heavyweight Champion Jeff Jarrett, Ken Shamrock, and The Elite Guard will face 3 Live Kru, Dusty Rhodes, and Larry Zbyszko.
Double Ladder Match time! TNA World Tag Team Champions The Naturals are set to defend against America’s Most Wanted. But they won’t be defending their titles. Instead, if The Naturals win, they get to keep AMW’s ring gear and will not have to grant AMW’s title shot for sometime.
X Champion AJ Styles is all set to defend against two men at different times in the night; Michael Shane and Kazarian.
The answer to Jeff Hardy’s contract situation will come.
Team Canada, who may or may not be accompanied by Soctt D’Amore, are set to face The Amazing Red, Chris Sabin, and XXX.
Sabu and Sonjay Dutt will take on Abyss and Goldylocks’ “Baby Bear,” Shelley. What role will Raven play in this match?

So I’ve done the Raw report, the Xplosion report, and now I have 411 Movies news report fill-in to finish. Yay for work ethic.

See yah next week.